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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27842293">1OO SPIRK SHOTS FIRED</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BisforBread/pseuds/BisforBread'>BisforBread</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AUs all around, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Pride and Prejudice Fusion, Awkward Flirting, Bad Poetry, Birthdays, Bones is so tired of Jim's bullshit, Cat!Spock, Caves, Childhood Sweethearts, Comedy, Confessions, Crying, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Drunken Confessions, Fantasy AU, Flowers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff without Plot, Halloween Costumes, High School AU, Hurt No Comfort, Idiots in Love, Insecure!Jim, James T. Kirk Loves Spock, Literal Sleeping Together, Love Triangles, M/M, Nightmares, Nyota Uhura Knows, OMS, Old Married Couple, Oneshot collection, Pirates, Poetry, Pride, Requited Unrequited Love, Roses, Sickfic, Soft!Spock, Space Husbands, Spock Loves James T. Kirk, Spock Needs a Hug (Star Trek), Spock cosplays as Sandy from Grease, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Tribbles (Star Trek), Trick or Treating, Truth Serum, Two POVs, Unrequited Love, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff, fluffy space fiction, hand kissing, jim kirk is a prince, love is blind, love is difficult and hard and it sucks and nobody asked for it but here you go anyway, nightmarefic, reheated in the microwave of evil, roommate au, smut if you squint, snowballs, spirk, spock is a pirate, they're idiots, unnecessary nudity</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:09:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>110,179</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27842293</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BisforBread/pseuds/BisforBread</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I write about gay space husbands who hurl themselves across the universe for f u n.<br/>I present: My 100 chapter Spirk oneshot collection.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James T. Kirk &amp; Leonard "Bones" McCoy, James T. Kirk/Spock, Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Montgomery "Scotty" Scott, Spock &amp; Nyota Uhura</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Counselor</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A high school AU where Jim is having trouble in school and is assigned a student counselor.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong> -----JIM KIRK-----</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was hot, scorching, I could feel my skin melting off from the molten pressure building up in this room.</p><p> </p><p>The principal was just staring at me with his sour eyes and sharp eyebrows(kinda wanted to rip them off). We'd been sitting here for 2 minutes now, and my throat felt like sandpaper.</p><p> </p><p>"Jim."</p><p> </p><p>"Principal."</p><p> </p><p>He looked so disappointed in me, just shaking his head, with his arms folded tightly.</p><p> </p><p>"We both know why you're here. Again."</p><p> </p><p>" Was it the toilet bowl thing? Or the lemons?" My voice went an octave higher trying to find what he was getting at.</p><p> </p><p>"Let's start with getting into fights." He sighed, rubbing his eyes. "You fought with a boy again because why?"</p><p> </p><p>"He was saying stuff that never should've been said," I growled bitterly, rubbing my bruised knuckles with the other hand.</p><p> </p><p>"Your father was a great man, Jim. But he wouldn't want you to be fighting and causing trouble." The man paused to clean his glasses, looking at me through their thick lenses. "Your grades are also slipping. Which is why I am assigning you a counselor."</p><p> </p><p>I stood up, almost knocking over the chair. "You can't assign me therapy! I don't need any old man telling me whether I need to find my chi or not!"</p><p> </p><p>"Not that kind of counselor. A student counselor. Who will guide you on how to live a more prosperous life here at this school." The man smiled smugly, something else under those eyes. "Report to Music Room 4 at 0700 before class. This is not for discussion," He added when I opened my mouth to protest. "Hopefully I don't see you again, James Kirk."</p><p> </p><p>The only thing I could do was grind my teeth and seethe as I left the room, the door hissing behind me.</p><p> </p><p>I saw Bones flirting clumsily with a girl. Better go talk to him. I wanted to ramble to someone.</p><p> </p><p>"Who does he think he is assigning me a life coach as if my life was a disaster or something -" I wasn't paying attention as I walked, and as I passed a corner, I smacked straight into someone, landing flat on my butt. "Hey, watch where you're goin-!"</p><p> </p><p>I started to say but lose my words.</p><p> </p><p>The first thing I noticed was his eyes, brilliant oak colored.</p><p> </p><p>They looked like they held a million secrets, hidden behind a fog that was his identity. His hair was straight across, the shade of raven feathers, smooth and almost silky in appearance. His eyebrows were knit in a constant downward 'v', his mouth thin and tight. He definitely wasn't human, with his large pointed ears. He had already stood up.</p><p> </p><p>"I am so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going," I mumble, trying to stifle a chuckle.</p><p> </p><p>"That is evident." He responded flatly, which put me off, kickstarting my bad mood again. "What are you laughing at? Is there something amusing?" He followed my gaze. "Is there something wrong with my ears?"</p><p> </p><p>"Your ears--they're so large and pointy, just unusual," I chuckled, but instantly regretted it when he turned green, chewing on his lip. <em>Oh god, what have I done?</em> "No! I mean they're different in a good way! I like pointy ears!"</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Great save, Jim. Best one yet.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He just stared at me, completely confused and even more green, but offered his arm and continued, "Do you need assistance in getting to your feet?"</p><p> </p><p>I grabbed his hand and pulled myself up, but bent down again to pick up his books and papers. "Here you are, sorry again, " I grinned, but something was wrong. Why is he green again? Is he sick? Then I looked down, and I forgot to let go of his hand.</p><p> </p><p>Yep, this is officially the worst.</p><p> </p><p>He grabbed his books and yanks his hand out of mine, but there's something off about it. It's not anger and disgust in his eyes, it's surprise and...fear? <em>What could he fear about me? I'm the most lovable guy in the galaxy!</em> And then he's gone, probably running as fast as he could away from here. I would too.</p><p> </p><p>As I thought about it, I trod over to Bones, who was failing even worse than I did, and the girl marched away, her nose in the air.</p><p> </p><p>"God, what did you do," I couldn't help but snicker.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh great, another person to squash me. What do you want, Jim?" He asked, rolling his eyes. We stared at each other until he finally gave in. "Okay, I tried asking her out, but she wanted to get the papers behind me."</p><p> </p><p>"That's rough buddy," I tried to pat him on the back, but he slapped my hand away.</p><p> </p><p>"What did the principal want?" Then I remembered our conversation and slumped my shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>"He assigned me a student counselor. I need good grades and a better record or something like that. He thinks they can keep me in check."</p><p> </p><p>"If she's cute, you're going to do your James Kirk thing, aren't you?"</p><p> </p><p>"I count on it," I said with a smirk, but then it faltered when I remembered the guy I ran into. "I bumped into a guy in the hall...he turned green when I grabbed his hand."</p><p> </p><p>"Green? Like he needed to throw up?--wait. Describe him to me."</p><p> </p><p>"Black hair in a bowl cut style, brown eyes, pointy ears, arched brows...does that help? Does he have a disorder or something?"</p><p> </p><p>Mccoy thought for a moment, his lips pursed, and then it hit him. "Are you talking about the Vulcan?"</p><p> </p><p><em>"That</em> was a Vulcan?"</p><p> </p><p>"Based on your description...<em>YES!</em> No wonder he was green! You grabbed his hand, imbecile!"</p><p> </p><p>"I didn't know!"</p><p> </p><p>"Of course you didn't know!" Bones smacked his forehead in frustration. "Holding hands in Vulcan culture is seen as an intimate romantic way of showing affection. Usually in <em>marital circumstances</em>. It's practically the equivalent of making out with someone!"</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, the weight of it all hit me. My face felt hot and the air became 10 times thinner. God, I couldn't breathe. "So he thinks-"</p><p> </p><p>"Yes," Mccoy muttered, trying not to laugh.</p><p> </p><p>"And I basically just-"</p><p> </p><p>"Yes."</p><p> </p><p>"I'M RUINED." I threw the back of my hand against my forehead dramatically and closed my eyes. "Do you think he would tell anyone?"</p><p> </p><p>"It wouldn't be logical." Bones teased.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><strong>         -----SPOCK-----   </strong>      </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I sat on my bed, making a recapitulation of what just occurred.</p><p> </p><p>I was walking down the hall when a peer of mine collided with me. I had seen him before and recognized his face, but couldn't recall his name. His eyes shimmered a radiant blue and his hair was the color of honey. Before then, I didn't have a preference for honey.</p><p> </p><p>It would be an accurate statement to assume that he had no idea the gravity of the situation. But there was a part of me that felt irregular, lost in the infinite abyss in which my peer has opened the door to. This feeling had not been identified, but it felt similar to a sickness, devouring me from the inside. Just thinking about him caused my stomach to hurt. Why me of all students, seeing as there are 2,371 of them, giving us a 0.04% chance of meeting.</p><p> </p><p>Not only did he insult me and my biological features, he assaulted me on many levels, all of which I did not particularly enjoy. Luckily for him, most were on a mental level. I should be angry, but my dominant Vulcan genes forced me to be unfeeling. I'm sure given the chance, he would apologize and claim what I predicted to be an accident fact. After finishing my work, I went straight to my quarters, but I couldn't bring myself to sleep, so I turned restlessly through the night.</p><p> </p><p>I watched the time tick by on the clock, getting no sleep. At exactly 0300, 1 minute and 37 seconds, I sat up and started dressing, giving up on the promise of sleep. I decided the most logical option would be to head to Music Room 4, a large theater-sized room holding a stage and stadium-style seating. I was to meet a student there by the name of James T. Kirk and help him in living more adequately.</p><p> </p><p>On my way to the door, I grasped my PADD and walked to the Music Hall. It was a long walk, but I took pleasure in such recreational activities. Unlike every other section of the academy, the Musical Hall contained glass windows ceiling to floor on both sides so peers could admire the sky. When I tried the door to Room 4, it was curiously locked, most likely a malfunction in the janitorial staff's routine.</p><p> </p><p>Instead of going back to my room, I sat down on the floor, my back against the window, and looked up at the stars, my head at an almost tilting 90 degrees. The stars were absolutely mesmerizing, a language and dialect the evolved race as a whole would never understand. My eyes felt heavy, and my body shut down in the need for sleep. All I saw were stars. Then nothing.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>----- JIM KIRK-----</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I couldn't sleep, that guy's look plastered into my mind.</p><p> </p><p>God, I screwed up. I turned over, looking at the time, which read 0430. Man, I'm never going to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>In one moment, I rolled out of bed, deciding that I could probably get some work done before 0700 and the room was most likely open. The halls were completely empty, no sign of life at all.</p><p> </p><p>My boots clicked against the marble, making more noise than I'd like. I turned into the Music Hall, admiring the long windows and stars that swirled in them. I realized I probably didn't brush my hair and must look like a mess, but it didn't matter. My heart swelled with the natural beauty that showed itself before dawn.</p><p> </p><p>Then I saw him.</p><p> </p><p>The guy I called unusual, made fun of his ears, and shared a rather accidental embarrassing moment with. When I got closer, I noticed that he was sleeping, and I couldn't help but smile. He looked younger and innocent, his eyebrows relaxed instead of furrowed. His mouth hung open just a tiny bit, his head resting on the glass. At least he looked peaceful. <em>What was he doing here so early?</em></p><p> </p><p>Trying not to wake him, I moved toward the music room 4 door and gripped the handle. Dammit. Locked. In the end, I sat down next to the precious Vulcan, hugging my knees, just looking up at the stars.</p><p> </p><p>When he woke up, I would apologize for the mixup. No hard feelings. Minutes passed, and I felt something on my shoulder. I looked down and couldn't help but chuckle a bit, stopping myself from waking him up. There he was, this guy sleeping on my shoulder and I didn't even mind.</p><p> </p><p>My heart fluttered, and something warm filled my gut like hot chocolate.</p><p> </p><p>And I swear he was smiling.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Death Sandwich</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim tries to make food for Spock. Unfortunately, it sucks.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jim and Spock stared at each other, both unwilling to break eye contact. Not even a pin dropped in the utter silence that had swallowed the room. Spock narrowed his eyes, very experienced in just that. Jim's eyes were watering, and turning red, but he didn't dare blink. There was nothing more important than this right now.</p><p> </p><p>Jim leaned forward and hissed, "Eat it."</p><p> </p><p>"I see no logic in doing so," Spock replied sharply.</p><p> </p><p>"Spock, eat the sandwich." Kirk pushed the plate across the counter toward him.</p><p> </p><p>"Unfortunately, I have no appetite." The Vulcan narrowed his eyes, and finally, Jim broke, groaning as he blinked and looked up at the ceiling. He threw his hands to his sides and started whining.</p><p> </p><p>"Spock, just eat the damn sandwich! I made it just for you!"</p><p> </p><p>After a moment of consideration, Spock sighed. "I will only eat it to please you, captain. Though I do not doubt I may get sick based on last week's cooking results."</p><p> </p><p>Spock picked up the floppy sandwich, examining it in concern before taking a small bite. He instantly regretted it. At this moment, he was thankful he was in control of his emotions.</p><p> </p><p>"It is..adequate.." Spock managed, trying hard to sound pleased.</p><p> </p><p>"You don't like it, do you." Kirk sighed. "I knew the salsa was too much!"</p><p> </p><p>"No, no..." Spock tried again, his stomach twisting, "It is different in a good way."</p><p> </p><p>Jim's face lit up when he grinned. He took the sandwich and bit into it. His face went pale as he leaned down and regurgitated it into the garbage can. "That was...awful."</p><p> </p><p>Spock gently spat his food into his napkin when Kirk looked away, not saying anything. But the blonde was still grinning when he straightened up. " I appreciate you trying to please me Spock, but you can just tell me if it's bad next time."</p><p> </p><p>"Understood, Sir." He nodded, wiping his face with a clean napkin. "Though if I may be honest captain-"</p><p> </p><p>"Go ahead."</p><p> </p><p>"I think your food is unequivocally and absolutely-"</p><p> </p><p>"Get to the point, Spock."</p><p> </p><p>"In simple terms, your food is the <em>worst."</em></p><p> </p><p>Kirk stared at Spock, before bursting out laughing, snorting out of his nose. Spock wiped away a bit of mucus from his face, hiding a smile.</p><p> </p><p>"You...you really...think that?" Jim asked through his laughter. he was on the floor now, holding himself up with his hand on the counter.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, Jim."</p><p> </p><p>And he fell back into laughter, squirming on the floor. "What did you not like about it?" His voice was squeaky and high-pitched from his laughing.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, the pickles were warm, the meat was too much, the lettuce soggy, the bacon undercooked, the cheese was flimsy and fake, the bread not crisp." Spock's shoulders slumped. "And why the salsa, captain? What would cause you to do that? It is <em>heresy</em> to the great sanctity of the sandwich."</p><p> </p><p>Kirk continued laughing until he was literally tearing up and wheezing. "I have never heard someone use heresy and sandwich in the same sentence," He said on the floor. Spock moved to sit down beside him, and Kirk rested his head in the Vulcan's lap. "I'm sorry about the sandwich."</p><p> </p><p>"Please, Jim do not ever prepare food again."</p><p> </p><p>Kirk closed his eyes, suddenly tired. He hadn't slept properly in days, but he was feeling very comfortable and safe here. As he drifted off he mumbled, "I'll just leave the cooking to you Ashaya..."</p><p> </p><p>"Wait, what?" Spock looked down quickly, wondering if he heard that right, but the captain was already asleep.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This idea sounded more fun in my head, but here's some semi-wholesome content for you. This short is when Spock and Kirk are still just friends and not lovers, so that's why Spock's like b r u h</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Very Personal Song</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim writes Spock a song that is a bit(okay, definitely) a love confession. (Inspired by @AngelOfTheLord_101's fic on wattpad)<br/>The song is 'Just Friends' by Ally Barron, enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <strong> -----JIM KIRK-----</strong>
  <span class="u"></span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The clock ticked endlessly, and I rushed to my quarters, making sure no one was following.</p><p> </p><p>Every day, I have been more and more awkward around Spock, because three weeks ago, I realized I was in love with my best friend.</p><p> </p><p>Things spiraled downward from there. I was clumsy and wordless around him. Then last week, I decided he was Vulcan--okay, up until then I forgot he was, but shh---and that he could never love me. But our friendship was all I needed. I assured myself of that every day.</p><p> </p><p>I looked brightly at my guitar, wrapped tightly away in my closet. This was my prize possession right now, and it was helping me get over my crush. I took it out, examining the bronze-colored coating.</p><p> </p><p>I fiddled with the tuning, making sure it was ready to play. Ironically, Spock bought me this last Christmas, calling it the 'standard human gift' or something like that.</p><p> </p><p>Once it was tuned, my fingers traced the guitar strings, and I started to play, strumming gently but a knock interrupted it.</p><p> </p><p>And there was Spock, standing in the doorway, his hands behind his back formally. "Captain, may I come in-"</p><p> </p><p>"Of course you can, Spock. Is this a matter of business?"</p><p> </p><p>"Uh, no captain," He coughed into his hand, hiding a slight green blush at the ends of his ears. Then he looked down. "I was not aware you played, captain."</p><p> </p><p>"You bought this yourself for Christmas."</p><p> </p><p>"You are correct sir," He blushed, even more, his eyes scanning the messy room. "Well, Captain I-"</p><p> </p><p>"If you call me captain one more time, I will kindly rip your bangs off." I gave him one of my cheeky smiles.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes sir, I apologize. I came here capt--Jim because I have observed you have been acting unusual lately. Especially around my person."</p><p> </p><p>Now I'm blushing. "Spock, I'm busy. Can we do this tomorrow?" I didn't mean to sound so rude. I was glad that he was even talking to me, but my heart was pounding and adrenaline made me a bit assertive.</p><p> </p><p>"I understand, sir." Instead of leaving though, he sat down next to me cross-legged.</p><p> </p><p>"What are you doing?"</p><p> </p><p>"I would like to listen to what you were playing, Jim. Through the door, it sounded...pleasing." God, I can never say no to him when he says my name like that...</p><p> </p><p>"This is a very personal song, Spock."</p><p> </p><p>"I hold no judgment toward you." He said, scooting a bit closer.</p><p> </p><p>"Alright fine, but any sound, and I'll stop."</p><p> </p><p>He just nodded eagerly. God, does he know how cute he is? Knowing that he wouldn't leave no matter what, I rested my fingers on the right strings and begin playing.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Tell me does your heart</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Beat for something it can't have</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Like its fallin' apart</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And all it needs</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Is me to put the pieces back</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I watch you watchin' me</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>While your sittin' next to her</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But I'm still gonna be the friend you need</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Even if it hurts </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But I can't help it</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>All the feelings that you put me through</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I know it's selfish</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But I'm only me when I'm with you</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>With you</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>We're just friends</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It's just not right</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I'll just wait 'til the moments right</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'Cause you're just you and I'm just me</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I'm just wishin' that we could be</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Just a little more than this</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Just a little more than just friends</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I know you feel the same</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I know it when you make me laugh</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'Cause I can see the green and it's in your cheeks</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And now I'm blushin' back"</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I glanced over to see Spock green, his oak-colored eyes lit up before I turned back to the song, knowing I was blushing too.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"But I can play it cool</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I can try and wait this out</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But even after all is said and done</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You're still the one I dream about</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But I can't help it</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>All the feelings that you put me through</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I know it's selfish</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But I'm only me when I'm with you</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>With you</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>We're just friends</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It's just not right</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I'll just wait 'til the moments right</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>'Cause you're just you and I'm just me</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I'm just wishin' that we could be</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Just a little more than this</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Just a little more than just friends."</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When I stopped, the room was silent. "That's all I have so far..."</p><p> </p><p>I looked up to see Spock wide-eyed and green. "That was...was-"</p><p> </p><p><em>Oh god</em>. I knew I shouldn't have played that song. <em>I'm such an idiot!</em></p><p> </p><p>"-enchanting."</p><p> </p><p>I raised an eyebrow. "Enchanting, Spock?"</p><p> </p><p>"Well, assuming this song is about me...yes quite."</p><p> </p><p>He took a deep breath, unconsciously looking down at my lips. "What did you come to talk to me about?" </p><p> </p><p>"I w-wanted to address the tension between us. Before, I made the conclusion that you were upset, but clearly...this is something different."</p><p> </p><p>"I understand," Taking a deep breath, I set the guitar down, "if you don't feel the same."</p><p> </p><p>"Capt--Jim, I think that I return your sentiments-"</p><p> </p><p>Before I could stop myself, I pulled him into a kiss. At first, he was surprised by the action--<em>did I miscalculate</em>--but his mouth slid open and then it was everything. I was swallowed up by the warmth and the way he pulled me closer, his fingers moving gently around my waist. I swear fireworks went off in the distance. That was just one kiss.</p><p> </p><p>"Does this mean," I pull away to breathe, "We are more than just friends?"</p><p> </p><p>"I think...so." He pressed his forehead against mine.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>God this was better than life itself. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>-----THE NEXT DAY-----</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I woke up that morning, leaping out of bed with a smile. It was still a bit early to do anything, and nobody would be awake, so I got out my guitar, knowing exactly how to finish the song. My fingers brushed the strings and I began.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"We waited long enough</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The moment's creepin' up</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Even when we touch we know its love</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Been waitin' for your lips</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And now you're leanin' in</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> We were just friends this feels just right</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It's like I've waited for my whole life</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Me and you, the perfect we</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Always wish that we could be</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>We were just friends this feels just right</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It's like I've waited for my whole life</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Me and you, the perfect we</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Always wish that we could be</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Just a little more of this</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Just a little more than just friends"</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I stopped, grinning from ear to ear. I didn't even bother putting the guitar back in its case as I stood up, running out the door to go see my boyfriend. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. A Blizzard That Almost Caused Vulcan Pneumonia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim, Spock, Bones, and some of the bridge crew get stuck in Jim's new apartment during a snowstorm. The thermostat is also off *cue chaotic Vulcan noises*</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>"I had warned you previous to the storm about the upcoming weather-" </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, <em>shut up shut up shut up</em>!"  </p><p> </p><p>"Dammit, Jim! There's no need to shout!" Another voice said from across the room. </p><p> </p><p>"Then why are <em>you </em>yelling!?" </p><p> </p><p>"YOU BOTH ARE ACTING LIKE DOOFUSES THAT'S WHY!" </p><p> </p><p>Uhura was rolling her eyes from where she sat at the counter, Chekov sipping hot cocoa with both hands next to her, and Sulu was just hyping them up. Then there was Scotty, sneaking more whiskey into his coffee and Ms. Chapel, who was trying(and failing) to make them stop fighting. </p><p> </p><p>The truth was they all came over to celebrate Jim's new apartment but instead got snowed in. </p><p> </p><p>This blizzard was worse than ever, and already there was a thick layer of snow on the ground. </p><p> </p><p>"Human logic is so irrational. You knew about the weather, you preceded to hold this assembly, and now you are angry about it?" Spock gave Jim one of his famous '<em>why u so stupid</em>' looks. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm soooooRRRY that I am not a logical piece of metal and didn't plan ahead!" </p><p> </p><p>"That is what <em>normal people </em>do." </p><p> </p><p>Jim swore Spock rolled his eyes, but maybe it was a trick of the light. </p><p> </p><p>"Ok, yeah," Mccoy waved his hand in between the bickering pair. "Still here, guys!" </p><p> </p><p>They both looked at him, one of them glaring(the other glaring less obviously). </p><p> </p><p>"<em>Thank you</em>." He paused, wishing he were anywhere but with these dorks. "What's the plan?" </p><p> </p><p>"Oh boys, will you knock it off?" Ms. Chapel nearly shouted. Even in anger, her voice was smooth and motherly, unlike the trio.</p><p> </p><p>All three men turned to her, more in surprise but were interrupted by a large banging that echoed through the whole apartment. The electricity shuttered out, as it had been for the past hour, but this time it permanently flickered off. </p><p> </p><p>"What was that?" Christine looked around wearily, as everyone was searching across the room for the problem. </p><p> </p><p>Scotty was the first to move, walking to the thermostat. he pressed a few buttons, and with each second he became visibly more agitated. "It's not working. We've lost our heat." </p><p> </p><p>Everyone murmured quietly, and thank god the lights were out because Spock grew very pale. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----1 HOUR LATER-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Scotty, how's the heat coming?" Kirk asked from one of the couches, holding a shivering figure curled into his side. </p><p> </p><p>"It's doin' somethin'" Scotty sighed as he was pulling apart the wiring of the thermostat. </p><p> </p><p>Other than the engineer, the gang had migrated to the living room, sitting close together near the fireplace. They were all fine, for the most part, just wearing their coats and seemed pretty comfortable chatting. It was still cold enough to see their breath as they talked and exhaled. </p><p> </p><p> Ms. Chapel and the doctor were snuggling together on the other couch, whispering about something and giggling. The trio(Uhura, Chekov, Sulu) were all close like penguins. The crackling fire was the only source of light in the whole apartment, and thankfully Jim was retro because it wasn't electric. </p><p> </p><p>The bundle pressed against Jim Kirk shifted under the thick white blanket until a head surfaced. Spock's nose was bright green, the tips of his ears flushed. He was trembling violently, not used to Earth's freezing temper. </p><p> </p><p>"Alright, love?" Jim chuckled, massaging his thumb against Spock's back. </p><p> </p><p>He could only nod as the blonde leaned down to kiss his forehead. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, you're freezing!" He gently pulled the Vulcan onto his lap, placing his hands on his hips to draw him closer. Jim had no problem with body heat. </p><p> </p><p>He wasn't even wearing a coat. </p><p> </p><p>Spock rested his head on the captain's shoulder, nuzzling his neck with his nose. </p><p> </p><p>Jim almost hissed feeling his boyfriend's cold nose on his steaming neck, but instead placed his head on top of the little rabbit in his lap. He took a moment to admire how Spock could seem so tiny with this gigantic furry blanket. </p><p> </p><p>Kirk didn't even mind that it felt like he was hugging an ice block. </p><p> </p><p>They hadn't had a chance to address their dating rumors or disclose their relationship. Spock didn't want the crew to get any ideas about his 'emotional availability' as he put it.</p><p> </p><p>"Vait, are you two a zing?" Chekov's voice brought him back to the dark living room. </p><p> </p><p>The captain looked up to see everyone staring at them, some with wide eyes, some with <em>'I knew</em> <em>it'</em> faces. </p><p> </p><p>"<em>That's </em>where Spock went. I thought he was in the bathroom," Sulu said, and Uhura rolled her eyes again. </p><p> </p><p>"Yes, he's been in the bathroom for <em>50 minutes</em>." </p><p> </p><p>"How long have you known?" Hikaru looked at her with narrowed eyes, even though he was grinning. </p><p> </p><p>"3 months." </p><p> </p><p>"Right," Kirk chuckled sheepishly, "We're relatively new." <em>For two years. Better not tell them. </em></p><p> </p><p>"Zat's vonderful!" Chekov smiled, his whole face lighting up. "I am so happy for you, keptin!" </p><p> </p><p>"I canae believe it!" Scotty's head poked around the corner to the living room, vanishing again. </p><p> </p><p>"Dammit, Jim!" Bones' voice came from the back of the room, even though he was smiling. "You're supposed to tell your best friend these kinds of things!" </p><p> </p><p>Jim just enjoyed the way his friends reacted, smiling. </p><p> </p><p>He couldn't ask for a better crew, let alone companions. </p><p> </p><p>"Better?" Kirk redirected his attention back to Spock, looking down and seeing the first officer's eyes fluttering closed until he was sinking into a sound sleep. He could hear the tiniest and most adorable of snores coming from the Vulcan. </p><p> </p><p>It took all of Jim's energy not to boop him. </p><p> </p><p>The urge was too strong, and he pressed his nose gently against his boyfriend's. Spock's eyes shot open and he inhaled deeply, addressing the room. </p><p> </p><p>"Is there something wrong, captain?" He whispered, and everyone giggled in response. </p><p> </p><p>Kirk leaned down, pressing his lips against one of the Vulcan's ears and whispered back, "I think it has to do with the fact that you are sleeping on my lap."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh..." Jim took pleasure in seeing a slight blush reach Spock's cheeks. Then abruptly, the first officer grabbed the blanket and pulled it over his head, soon falling asleep against Kirk's chest once again. Now it just looked like there was a fluffy white mass in his arms, with no sign of the Vulcan other than slow breathing.</p><p> </p><p>The gang ended up spending the whole night, and luckily for them, Jim had sleeping bags(because of course he did).  </p><p> </p><p>They all slept in the living room, after some argument about who would take the bed. Kirk and Spock cuddled up on one of the couches, Ms. Chapel and Mccoy on the other, Sulu, Chekov, Scotty, and Uhura in sleeping bags near the still-going fireplace. They were all asleep, leaving just the captain and the first officer. </p><p> </p><p>"Do you think they mind...us...?" Spock asked after a while. </p><p> </p><p>"It doesn't matter what they think," The blonde whispered back, tickled by Spock's hair against his nose. But that didn't seem to settle the Vulcan. "Why do you care what they think?" </p><p> </p><p>"They are my friends, I value their opinion as much as I value yours." </p><p> </p><p>"They are happy with us being happy." </p><p> </p><p>Spock sighed and nuzzled against Jim, intertwining their fingers.</p><p> </p><p>His voice was the last thing Kirk heard. "Goodnight, <em>T'hy'la</em>." </p><p> </p><p>And the captain was washed away in a sleep so warm and cozy, it could have been summer. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is just a quick idea that I had, it's really fluffy and sweet so enjoy(Also I apologize for writing Chekov's Russian badly. I obviously don't speak Russian) Do you guys want a part 2 to 'The Counselor'? I didn't want to make the chapter too long so I cut it off -- if you want to see a part 2--comment below! </p><p>Hope you enjoyed! I had so much fun writing this one, and I'm up for suggestions.  Thank you for reading!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Pride(June Special)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim takes Spock to his first Pride parade, on Earth.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>"Captain, where are we headed?" Spock stood over the captain's chair, his hands behind his back. Kirk only smiled. </p><p> </p><p>"I've decided that the crew needs a week of shore leave, Mr. Spock." </p><p> </p><p>"And where exactly are we taking this shore leave?" </p><p> </p><p>"On Earth." </p><p> </p><p>This was strange, even for Kirk. "Why are we traveling across the galaxy to visit your home planet, captain?" </p><p> </p><p>Jim turned around to face his space husband, grinning even wider than before. </p><p> </p><p>"We are going to a <em>Pride Parade</em>." </p><p> </p><p>"The fact that humans show great amounts of pride daily is common, but to actively celebrate it is astonishing, even to me." </p><p> </p><p>Kirk laughed, placing his hand on top of Spock's after the Vulcan rested it on the arm of the command chair. "It's not that kind of parade. It celebrates same-sex marriage and the battle that brought us here." </p><p> </p><p>"I was not aware that was a problem on Earth." </p><p> </p><p>"It's not..." Kirk looked away for a second, his eyes narrowed slightly and his smile dipped. "But it used to be a major struggle." Then the smile was back, and he was staring back up at Spock with those beautiful sea-misted eyes, squeezing his hand. "I'm glad it's not like that anymore.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>----------</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> Spock stood stiffly in the changing room, only separated from the store by a red curtain. </p><p> </p><p>"Captain..." He looked in the long mirror, seeing himself in such...bright colors was unusual. "I do not see the relevance in such an outfit." </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, just come out!" When he didn't move, Jim said, "I want to see my handsome T'hy'la!" </p><p> </p><p>He pulled the curtain back finally, examining the captain head to toe. The blonde had chosen a black crop top with a rainbow painted on it, 'LOVE IS LOVE' written in white words within it. Paired with that, he wore blue jeans with a few rips in them, cuffed at the bottom and little rainbow hearts were sewn in near the pockets. His shoes were plain white, but with supposed paint splattered on them. Not to mention his gold-rimmed sunglasses and multiple rainbow wrist bands. </p><p> </p><p>When Kirk saw Spock, he actually gasped, looking the blushing Vulcan up and down. Of course, Jim picked the outfit, but he never thought it would look <em>so good</em>. But then again, everything looked good on his husband. He was wearing a black turtle neck t-shirt under a thin white jacket that had a rainbow design similar to his own. To match that, he was wearing black pants and boots, that had a rainbow stripe on each shoe. </p><p> </p><p>"You look...amazing!" Kirk was breathless, and couldn't help but hug his partner, who had only agreed to shore leave to make him happy. </p><p> </p><p>"You do as well," The Vulcan whispered back, his breath tickling the blonde's ear. </p><p> </p><p>After Kirk pulled away and kissed him, he spoke again. "Now we have to get flags!" </p><p> </p><p>The flags were located near the front of the store, and Kirk was already reaching for a pink, yellow, and blue one. </p><p> </p><p>"What do you think?" The captain grinned brightly, his eyes lit up. </p><p> </p><p>"I like it if you do." </p><p> </p><p>"I think I like it, what about you?" </p><p> </p><p>"Then it is perfect." The Vulcan let the tiniest smile reach his lips, which only solidified Kirk's happiness. </p><p> </p><p>"I'M GOING TO GET IT." Then he grabbed the clothes and went to pay. "Pick yours out and meet me at the credit register." </p><p> </p><p>Spock nodded, and Jim was already off. The store was relatively big, with two stories. The building was glass from ceiling to floor, letting light in. </p><p> </p><p>The first officer focused back on the flags, which were all different colors. He could settle for what Jim called the basic pride flag, made up of the rainbow colors, black, brown, baby blue, baby pink, and white. </p><p> </p><p>No, he was drawn to(strangely enough) a simple pink, purple, and blue one. It was adequate and straightforward. </p><p> </p><p> He appreciated the colors. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>----------</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The parade was a lot to handle. </p><p> </p><p>A large quantity of noise, people, distraction. </p><p> </p><p>But there was something about the way they smiled, how they marched.</p><p> </p><p> It was pure happiness. </p><p> </p><p>Spock recognized Sulu and his husband on a parade float, dancing. Scotty, Chekov, Uhura, Dr. Mccoy, and Ms. Chapel had headed off for the bar not 4 minutes and 27 seconds ago. </p><p> </p><p>As a result of the alarming crowd and the vast number of times he was 'hit on', he stayed close to Jim, who'd intertwined their fingers and refused to let go.</p><p> </p><p>They walked across the entire city, hand in hand, Kirk got many compliments on his top, mostly from men(where Spock would glare at them sharply if he thought they were coming on too strong).</p><p> </p><p>Spock got compliments from men as well as women. </p><p> </p><p>At first, he thought the women were 'hitting on' him as well, but then Jim pointed out the rainbow paint on their cheeks and the shirts that said 'PROUD TO BE GAY'. </p><p> </p><p>Though the men were actually flirting with him. </p><p> </p><p>It wasn't until Jim grabbed his hand, tousled the Vulcan's hair, or pulled him into a gentle kiss that they would stop. </p><p> </p><p>Jealousy was an unusual color on the captain. </p><p> </p><p>They ended the day by going to the balcony of the hotel room they were staying in, which had an extremely nice view of San Francisco. </p><p> </p><p>The sun hung lowly, casting the surrounding buildings in silhouetted shadows, completely dark next to the orange citrus of the dusk. </p><p> </p><p>The two were both leaning on the railing with their elbows as Kirk turned to his husband. When their eyes met, the captain noticed the way Spock's eyes reflected the many colors of the dipping sun and the purple sky around it. </p><p> </p><p>"I think you're amazing," He broke the silence and watched the first officer's ears turn green matching the new shade in his cheeks. </p><p> </p><p>Spock smiled gently and straightened up, which Kirk soon mirrored. The Vulcan moved his hand on top of the blonde's, who looked impeccable in this sweet light.</p><p> </p><p> His eyes glistened against the golden light that highlighted the blue of his irises. "I love you, Ashaya," Spock whispered back. </p><p> </p><p>They just admired each other, until Spock let his head rest against the captain's shoulders, and Jim wrapped an arm around him. </p><p> </p><p>With the sun slipping into slumber, the world quieted and blanketed the world with its cool blues and purples to opposite the bright stars. </p><p> </p><p>Spock couldn't help but think <em>'maybe shore leave isn't so bad after all'. </em></p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The Time Kirk Messaged Spock Drunk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim is drunk. Unfortunately, Spock is not.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>riverside_iowaboy = Jim </p><p>DieYoungAndDestitute06 = Spock </p><p> </p><p>(Just in case)  xxBisfor🍞</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em><b>------riverside_iowaboy has logged on------</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>spock <em><br/></em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>spooooooock <em><br/></em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>spoooooooooooooock <em><br/></em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <b>------DieYoungAndDestitute06 has logged on ------</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06</b>: </em>Captain, you are drunk. Get some rest. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy: </b></em>how dare youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu assume im drunk on dutttyyyy</p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06:</b> </em>Captain, please get some rest. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>Wait spoNk dont leave i need to tell you something </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06</b>: </em>...</p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06</b>: </em>Well, what is it? </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06:</b> </em>What do you want captain? </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>I want you, Ashaya 😚💗</p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>I want you in the bedroom <em><br/></em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>think of all of the things I would do to you...mwAhahahAw<em><br/></em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>cheese </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Captain. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Go. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>To. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Bed. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>i love you bb </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>aint no one ever tell you you arent beautiful because you are a shining starrr😍🤩🥵🥰😚</p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>How drunk are you? </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>16 and a half 🥦🥦🥦🥦🥦</p><p> </p><p> <em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>What is with the broccoli? </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>brogle is good for the soul have some thyla </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>It is T'hy'la. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>wat i say <em><br/></em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Are you by yourself? Do you need me to come get you? </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>:</em> Noooo bones is with me <em><br/></em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>bones says hi <em><br/></em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU HAVE GREEN BLOOD <em><br/></em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>🙄</p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>ARE YOU AN ALIEN </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Please tell me you have a safe way home. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>we have uhura its fine <em><br/></em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Is she drunk, as well? </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>shes uhura <em><br/></em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Fair enough. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>spockooooo do you love me🌼</p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>I believe you make a fine captain. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>you didnt answer my question <em><br/></em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>why dont you loooove me spoock 😭😭😭😭😭<em><br/></em></p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>i just confessed my love and you send me an eclipses </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>*Ellipsis* </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Besides, you are drunk. You do not mean it. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>They say a drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>You are typing, not speaking. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>THEYRE STILL MY WORDS SPOCK AND I FRIGGIN LOVE YOU </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>IM ABSOLOODLE DOODLE IN LOOVE WITH YOU </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>I WANT TO GIVE YOU A BIG OLE HUG AND KISS YOU 👄👄👄</p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>why am i thinking of the little mermaid all of a sudden </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Jim, stop. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>You will regret this tomorrow. </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>For your sake and mine, let us forget this ever happened. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>I DONT WANT TO FORGET I WANT TO LOVE </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>YOU </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Water. And Aspirin. Good night, captain. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>please just humor me </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>this one time </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>i wont even remember tomorrow and youll find a way to wipe my phone anyway</p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Ok. Fine. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Because you are right on both of those accounts, I will allow you to ask the question you want.</p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>Spock </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>do </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>you </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>like </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>me </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Jim, I have always found you to be something fascinating among the rest of the human race, though do not let that get to your head, you are still an idiot. I think you are illogical, instinctual, and sometimes even insane for your actions. But at the end of the day, you still try with every breath to make sure the crew is thriving even if it means your downfall, which is extremely admirable. Sometimes, I wonder if I even deserve someone as absolutely exceptional as you, despite your apparent need of my skill. You are unpredictable and crazy, strip at every chance, have a million lovers, but in the end, I am speechless. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Because there is something certainly intriguing about you and I feel warm with your presence. You are completely perfect, and your flaws only enhance your good character. I love your hair and how it looks like you just rolled out of bed, because of course you did. I love your annoyingly charming grin and your finesse. I love how you wouldd fight a monster to protect the ship, even if it meant death, I love how you always figure out a solution and keep us safe. I love your cologne and your 19 ripped shirts and your bravery and kindness and the way you say <em>anything.</em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>So, to answer your question, I would have to say that, despite my Vulcan ancestry, I am unquestionably in love with every inch of you and every part of who you are. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em> <em>OH MY GAH NO WAYYYYY </em></p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈</p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ 💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍💍?</p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>(⌐■_■)</p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>(*/ω＼*)</p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>(¬_¬ )</p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>(⊙_⊙;)</p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>(⌐■_■)</p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>(┬┬﹏┬┬)</p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>( '･･)ﾉ(._.')</p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>:</em>╰(*°▽°*)╯</p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Goodnight, Jim. Please get some rest and forget all this ever happened. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>Yes sir, bb sir </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Aspirin. Water. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>love</p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Ask Dr. Mccoy, he has plenty. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>i love you spock </p><p> </p><p><em><b>DieYoungAndDestitute06: </b></em>Taluhk nash-veh tu. Goodnight. </p><p> </p><p><em><b>riverside_iowaboy</b>: </em>night night 😚</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <b>------riverside_iowaboy has logged off------</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <b>------DieYoungAndDestitute06 has logged off------</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em> <b>------riverside_iowaboy has logged on------</b> </em> <em> <b><br/></b> </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em> <b>------riverside_iowaboy has taken a screenshot------</b> </em> <em> <b><br/></b> </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em><b>------riverside_iowaboy has logged off------</b> </em> <em>  </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. The Tribble</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock kept a tribble. Oops.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kirk hadn't seen Spock in 4 hours. </p><p> </p><p>There was no problem. </p><p> </p><p>Nothing was wrong, it just felt awkward not having him on the bridge. Strange, considering he was on duty far longer than most. </p><p> </p><p>Jim pressed one of the buttons on the command chair and leaned toward it. "Kirk to Sickbay. Bones?" </p><p> </p><p>"Bones, here." A gruff voice replied over the comm. </p><p> </p><p>"Is Mr. Spock with you?"  </p><p> </p><p>"Nope. I haven't seen him. Why, is there something the matter?" </p><p> </p><p>Jim paused and rubbed his eyes. "I'm sure it's nothing. Kirk out." </p><p> </p><p>The blonde stood up and walked into the turbolift, turning one of the knobs on the wall, "Sulu, take command." </p><p> </p><p>"Yes sir!" Was the last thing he heard before he was zipped down to his destination. He saw a few crewmen on his way to Spock's quarters, but they only nodded or mumbled 'captain' before continuing on their way. </p><p> </p><p>Jim finally got to the first officer's quarters and stood in front of his door for a long time, just thinking. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He can't be in Pon Farr, right? It's too soon. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Is he sick or something? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>No, Vulcans don't get sick. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But he's half-human...</em>
</p><p> </p><p><em>ENOUGH</em>, Kirk thought to himself, <em>This is stupid</em>. </p><p> </p><p>And then with his fading courage, he knocked on the door. "Spock, are you in there?" </p><p> </p><p>There was a muffled sound, but no reply. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock?" </p><p> </p><p>Finally, a voice came back stifled. "Captain." </p><p> </p><p>"Are you...alright?" </p><p> </p><p>"I am in good health, captain." </p><p> </p><p>The door remained closed, though. Kirk knew he couldn't lie, but there was something in Spock's voice that seemed like he was hiding something. "Spock...is there anything wrong?"</p><p> </p><p>"Nothing I am aware of, captain." </p><p> </p><p>Kirk was getting impatient. There was something obviously wrong, but they were still playing these games and the door was still not open. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, will you just open the damn door?" </p><p> </p><p>There was a pause, then the door slid open. </p><p> </p><p>Out tumbled hundreds of tribbles, nearly washing the blonde away. </p><p> </p><p>Spock was clearly stuck, only his head and arms poking out from the sea of furry creatures. </p><p> </p><p>"Jesus, what have you done!" Kirk was doing his best to swim to him. </p><p> </p><p>"I saw the chance to examine a new species and so I took a specimen hoping I could tweak its reproduction cycle. After closing the vents in my room so they had no escape, they reproduced faster than I had anticipated." Spock sighed as a Tribble bounced off of his head. "Luckily, I have contacted a scientist at the station we are heading to who would like to study these creatures." </p><p> </p><p>"All of them?" </p><p> </p><p>"She said it would be her pleasure." Spock struggled to move and Kirk grabbed his arm, pulling him through the doorway onto level ground. The first officer fell against the captain because of the sheer strength of the pull, trying to balance himself. </p><p> </p><p>"I know you like these creatures, Spock. And they're cute-," The captain picked a particularly fluffy one up and looked at it with almost distaste. "-but they procreate like crazy and eat anything they can get their...paws on." </p><p> </p><p>"Understood captain." </p><p> </p><p>"How many are there?" </p><p> </p><p>"Seven hundred and sixty-three." </p><p> </p><p>"Let's just try to contain them in your quarters where they can't escape." </p><p> </p><p>They spent the next 3 hours putting all of the Tribbles into the room, and by the end, they were both huffing as they slid down the wall to a sitting position. </p><p> </p><p>"So why do you like Tribbles more than humans?" Jim turned to Spock, looking at him curiously. </p><p> </p><p>"Tribbles have the redeeming characteristic that humans lack." </p><p> </p><p>"And what's that?" </p><p> </p><p>"They do not talk too much." </p><p> </p><p>Kirk burst out laughing, wheezing into his hand, and Spock couldn't help but smile slightly, turning his head back to touch the wall. </p><p> </p><p>There was a minute of silence, and Jim just looked at Spock with those sky-colored eyes, glistening with a special kind of magic that could melt anyone to a puddle. But Spock was immune(*cough, <em>cough*). </em></p><p> </p><p>Yeah definitely... </p><p> </p><p>"Captain, please excuse my weakness toward these creatures. I find them-" </p><p> </p><p>"Fascinating, I know." </p><p> </p><p>Spock raised his eyebrows iconically, turning his head to face his captain, who was only a few inches away. </p><p> </p><p>"Do you...like <em>any </em>humans?" </p><p> </p><p>"Most of them are brilliant examples of what a sophisticated, honorable, respectable society-" </p><p> </p><p>Jim started to smile. </p><p> </p><p>"-should not do in order to succeed and continue its way of life." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh ok," The captain's shoulders slumped slightly, and he looked down at the floor. </p><p> </p><p>"I said most of them." Spock was trying to meet the eyes of the blonde man before him: handsome, charming, and braver than anyone he'd ever known.</p><p> </p><p> And then they were looking at each other once more, one with a sea of stars in the blue of his eyes, the other with irises the color of beautiful oak, or a deep chocolate Kirk definitely wanted to swim in. </p><p> </p><p>"Would you care to elaborate, Mr. Spock?" </p><p> </p><p>"I-um," The Vulcan now regretted being so bold, wishing he could take it all back. "Well, this whole crew is beyond excellent, not to mention their performance. Then there's Dr. Mccoy, who leads the medical wing and Mr. Scott with his impeccable engineering ability. Of course, you are-"</p><p> </p><p>Spock was interrupted by Kirk placing his hand on the back of the Vulcan's neck and pulling him forward into a kiss. </p><p> </p><p>At first, it was soft and questioning, but in a minute it turned passionate as Spock clutched Kirk's shirt in a balled fist and Jim tried to kiss as much of the raven-haired man as possible. </p><p> </p><p>Spock pulled away for a second to catch his breath. He was panting, but his forehead was still pressed against his captain's, their lips only centimeters apart. Kirk couldn't help but laugh at the way the Vulcan turned green, his ears hot, his heart racing(for Vulcan standards). </p><p> </p><p>"Jim," He looked his captain up and down with a soft fondness, the emotionless mask washed away, replaced with vulnerability. " Why did you...kiss me?" </p><p> </p><p>"You know why," Kirk smiled against his lips and Spock closed his eyes, listening to the sound of his best friend's breathing. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't know what kept us apart before," Is the last thing the Vulcan says before Jim brings him into another kiss. </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. And Then There Was You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An Academy AU where Spock is trying to study, but Jim has another motive.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>-----SPOCK-----</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>I never thought I would find a place of my own.</p><p> </p><p>I never really belonged on Vulcan with my human side and the humans on Earth always looked at me strangely.</p><p> </p><p>But I never minded or paid too much attention to it. My lacking ability to fit in caused me to depend on only myself for companionship. Attending Star Fleet Academy was a refreshing and productive choice, but even here I am still alone.</p><p> </p><p>It is early September and today is a particularly cold day. Though it may be an adequate temperature for humans, I am physically shivering.</p><p> </p><p>The library was overcrowded, so I relocated to a spot under a Magnolia tree, The quiet is very pleasing, but the cold factors into my studying as a distraction.</p><p> </p><p>I have a major examination in xenobiology next week as well as an essay due in logistics. The clouds are growing consistently darker, and my calculations conclude that it will thunderstorm.</p><p> </p><p>"Cold?" Someone interrupts my thought process and I look up to see a student leaning over me. His angular face looks familiar and the way his diamond-colored eyes shimmer in the autumnal light is...fascinating.</p><p> </p><p>"W-what would give you th-that idea?" I try to stop my shivering, but a breeze washes through me, making the situation even worse.</p><p> </p><p>He only chuckles, almost falling over by how far he is leaning forward. For stability, he rests his hand on the tree's trunk right next to my head. In response to the gesture, I press my back to the tree, trying to create space between me and him.</p><p> </p><p>"If you're cold, why not study indoors?"</p><p>"My nor-normal studying place is oc-ocuppied and my roommate has l-locked me out."</p><p> </p><p>"There are plenty of vacant rooms on campus."</p><p> </p><p>"I will take your advice on-on that." I finish the conversation flatly, hoping he will leave me to my study, but he does not. Instead, he just leans in closer, his nose 3.5 inches from mine. A smirk ripples across his face.</p><p> </p><p>"I haven't seen you around here before. Are you even human?" He chuckles, but his face drops when I do not join him and he blushes in embarrassment. "I'm sorry I'd didn't mean to-"</p><p> </p><p>"Your illogical be-behavior is extremely unpleasant," I state, standing up as he draws backward. "Now if you excuse me, some unfortunate and pressing matters have come to light and I must be going." It is not technically a lie, because writing a paper is unfortunate.</p><p> </p><p>"Wait, I didn't mean to offend you--hey slow down!"</p><p> </p><p>A strange sensation quivers through my whole body, and I am pulled backward, collapsing against something. Just now it decides to rain. And I am covered in mud.</p><p> </p><p>It splashes on my face and sticks to my clothes, weighing them down.</p><p> </p><p>The only thing I can manage is a groan in frustration as I try not to look him in the eyes, even though he is exactly 2.7 inches away from my face. When I try to stand up, I only fall back on top of the human due to the slippery earth.</p><p> </p><p>I fall back on top of him, my head smacking into his chest. I feel something poking me, but elect to ignore it. The blonde's chest rumbles with his low laughter, and the horror on my face when I realize we are still holding hands causes him to laugh even louder.</p><p> </p><p>Two soaking men covered in mud on top of each other engaged in certain...acts.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry, this is weird and I'm not laughing at you," The cadet smiles softly, trying to look at me, but I don't give him the satisfaction. "You have some mud on your cheek."</p><p> </p><p>I feel a warm hand gently brush mud away from my cheekbone, and a weird feeling zips through me, my whole face heats up and the place where his thumb scraped my face tingles. I cannot help but draw in a sharp breath, not realizing my mistake.</p><p> </p><p>"You're cute," The blonde smirks, and I roll off of him trying once again to stand up properly. After getting to my feet, I address my current situation.</p><p> </p><p>I am soaked through my uniform and covered in mud, and I am also currently shivering. Not to mention the blonde cadet who is staring at me strangely, after he stands up properly.</p><p> </p><p>"W-well, I would l-like to say th-this was pl-pleasant, b-but it was n-not," I try to control my shivering, but it is difficult with the water and mud mixture searing into my skin. With a pivot of my foot, I start to walk or, more accurately, trudge away.</p><p> </p><p>"Where are you going? I thought your roommate locked you out!" He is only yelling because the rain has intensified to a downpour.</p><p> </p><p>I stop but do not turn around. "Where do-do you suggest I go then, c-cadet? L-looking like-like this?"</p><p> </p><p>He only shrugs dramatically. "My roommate is out on a date with an Andorian. Why don't you come back with me and freshen up there?"</p><p> </p><p>I still don not make any attempt to move, but my head turns slightly in his direction.</p><p> </p><p>"You can't just stay out in the rain."</p><p> </p><p>"Th-thank you for-for your hosp-spitality."</p><p> </p><p>"Well, c'mon then!" His smile lights up his face, and something twitches in my heart, something warm and sweet. Of course, there is nothing logical about a twitching heart or a strange feeling.</p><p> </p><p>Especially not in a Vulcan.</p><p> </p><p>"On your l-lead, cadet."</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So I wanted to start this mini-series within the 'Spirk Shorts' basically in an AU where Spock learns what emotions are by being around Kirk at Starfleet, and that's what this chapter was but then I forgot it existed and never continued writing. Maybe I will someday? Probably not though...thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. A Nightmare of Ashes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim has a nightmare and his first officer is there to comfort him.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <b>-----JIM KIRK-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>Fire</em>. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It blazed all around me, gagging me with the black smoke it produced.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It was everywhere, reaching toward the sky and smothering it until there was just the everlasting glow of a violent reddish-orange. It was hard to breathe, the smoke burned my eyes, and I could not escape. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Suddenly, there was a silhouette in front of me, and I narrowed my eyes to get a better look. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Then it came into focus. It was Spock, his crisp blue uniform striking against the crimson shades. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He was looking around nervously for something, anything. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And there was a look in his eyes, a look of terror. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"SPOCK!" I waved up in the air, trying to get his attention, but he didn't see me. "SPOCK!" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He turned around, and finally saw me, but not really. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It's like he saw through me. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The Vulcan crumbled to the ground in a coughing fit, his face turning green. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He couldn't breathe. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He was going to die. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"SPOCK, I'M COMING!" I screamed over the deafening roar of the growing fire. But I couldn't move. My feet were stuck in place and I was... </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I was helpless. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>But I didn't give up fighting. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>There he was, my first officer and best friend. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dying and I could do nothing. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He stretched out toward me, but we were too far apart, and I knew no distance would be enough to reach him. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>And his hand dropped, as he was devoured by the flame. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"NO, SPOCK! SPOCK!" </p><p> </p><p>I woke up screaming, an uncontrollable fear washing over me like a monsoon, and sat up in bed, clutching the sheets tightly in my white knuckles. I was gasping for breath, panting as my lungs couldn't intake enough air. </p><p> </p><p>There was no fire, no noise, no red, no Spock. </p><p> </p><p>Nothing but me and my dark room. </p><p> </p><p>The door slid open and there stood a figure in the doorway, outlined by the hallway lights. I already knew who it was, based on the way his shadow dragged across my room. I didn't want him to see me like this. I couldn't let him see me like this. </p><p> </p><p>Like...a mess...</p><p> </p><p>"Captain, are you alright?" He was already across the room before I could answer properly, my tongue caught in my mouth with a million things to say but with fear of its consequences. </p><p> </p><p>I turned away from him, trying to hide my huffing and the way fresh tears bloomed, now slipping down my face endlessly. </p><p> </p><p>"Jim..." I felt his weight as he sat down on the bed with a little bit of space between us. "I heard you. And I wanted to make sure you were okay." </p><p> </p><p>"I'm...I'm fine..." I could barely manage with an unwavering voice. I wanted him to leave, but I needed him to stay. It was a weird feeling, that I couldn't quite place. I let go of a deep breath and tried to focus, but the tears were blurring my vision. </p><p> </p><p>I didn't dare turn around to look into the Vulcan's face, with his somber and deep chocolate eyes constantly thinking and analyzing something.  </p><p> </p><p>"Would you care to talk about it?" </p><p> </p><p>I could only shake my head at that point, dedicating all of my energy not to go into another panic attack.</p><p> </p><p>He sat there for a moment, trying to read my mind without actually touching me, but I refused to face him. The first officer drew back slightly. </p><p> </p><p>"I should go then, Captain." </p><p> </p><p>"No!" My voice came back and I grabbed his hand as he stood up before I could stop myself. "Please...please stay..." </p><p> </p><p> he lowered himself again in front of me with his wide eyes and I could feel him in my head, seeing what I saw, feeling what I felt. </p><p> </p><p>When it was over, I couldn't resist looking in his glassy eyes, and the pain with what he just watched stirred across them. </p><p> </p><p>He moved closer, carefully wrapping his arm around me. The gesture was almost hesitant like he was unsure of how I'd react. The Vulcan pulled me toward him until my head touched his chest, strangely warm and smelling lavender and citrus. I wanted him to fold me up and keep me in his pocket where I could be safe, away from these constant problems. </p><p> </p><p>My demeanor cracked, and I crumbled against him, tears flooding my face and I just sobbed, letting it all out. This horrible feeling that had crawled inside of me ever since that fateful mission a few weeks ago. My throat felt like sandpaper as I gasped for air. I felt my first officer's other arm wrap around me, pulling me impossibly closer to him. He brought his head to rest of my shoulder, and whispered in my ear, </p><p> </p><p>"I would have crawled through the fire just to die at your side." </p><p> </p><p>My hands clutched his shirt in a balled fist at the aggravation of this situation. Here was my first officer holding me in my bed as I cried into his chest. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>God, I'm such a mess...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I just...need it....to stop...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I felt Spock's head on my shoulder, nuzzling into my neck. I could sense his fear, his eagerness to protect me, his helplessness to fix the situation. He rocked me back and forth gently, which was strangely soothing, and I tried to take deep breaths. My heart was racing a mile a minute, and I just pressed myself deeper into Spock's chest, praying for him not to go. </p><p> </p><p>Soon my crying ceased to soft whimpers and breathing leveled out. I couldn't believe he was still there, just holding me with his long hands on my back, and his raven hair tickling my neck. The feeling I recognized was warmth, not searing and dangerous, but delicate and comforting.  </p><p> </p><p>"Captain," I heard the Vulcan clear his throat, "<em>Would </em>you like me to stay by your side?" </p><p> </p><p>"Thank you, Spock," I swallowed and sank under the sheets of my bed, pulling them up around me. The bed shifted as my first officer slid in next to me and draped his arm across my waist. A shifted slightly backward so the back of my head was against his chest and in return, he subconsciously pressed his nose into my hair. </p><p> </p><p>Soon, Spock's breathing became even and steady, signifying his dive into sleep. I could barely stay awake longer, already feeling sleep and sunshine tugging at my brain. My eyelids became heavy and I drifted away into a warm place. </p><p> </p><p>Not hot. </p><p> </p><p>Warm. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Heyo mayos, here is some quangst(IDK) Hope you enjoyed and don't forget to leave kudos!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. I Am The Chess Master</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim has been playing chess with a stranger for four years. He's gotten impatient now and wants to know who's beating him.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>-----JIM KIRK-----     </b>
</p><p> </p><p>There's this fabulous cafe that I visit every day to get the best coffee. The owner is a Cardassian, though his name is unpronounceable so I just call him 'Dave', which suits him just fine. The cafe itself is adorable. It's based on the 1970s, with red booths, a checkered floor, and a neon jukebox. It even has a little bell that rings when the door opens.</p><p> </p><p>But, San Francisco still chooses the basic coffee chain restaurants, so this place remains kind of empty. </p><p> </p><p> Like I said, I visit it every day. It's a bit of a routine. At exactly 7:15 I walk in the door, smile at the sound of the bell, greet Dave, order my caramel macchiato, and sit down at a booth. </p><p> </p><p>No, <em>the </em>booth. </p><p> </p><p>There's a booth in the corner in front of the large display window facing the city street, perfect in the morning for catching the sunlight.</p><p> </p><p> But what's special about this booth is that there is a chessboard made from dark wood and hand-carved pieces on the table. </p><p> </p><p>I sit down with my coffee, look at what has changed with the board, and make my move. Then I finish my coffee and walk out. The next day, a chess piece would be moved. </p><p> </p><p>See, I've been playing chess with a person I've never met. </p><p> </p><p>I think it started with me just seeing the chessboard and moving a pawn for fun. I came back the next day and saw a pawn from the other side had moved. </p><p> </p><p>From there, we just sort of played. </p><p> </p><p>It takes about a month and half for a game to be over, which means we've probably played about 32 games. </p><p> </p><p>Because we've been playing for about 4 years. </p><p> </p><p>And can, I just say, whoever they are, they're good, extremely good. More often than not, they win and I'm baffled before clearing the board again. We communicate through notes. Most of them are jokes or banter, but I feel like I know them.</p><p> </p><p>"Dave, why can't you just tell me who they are?" I whine, pouting with my lips and Dave just rolls his eyes. "Please, Dave?" </p><p> </p><p>He gives me a sideways look as he cleans mugs for no reason. There was only one other person in the cafe today, and she was ordering out. "I don't talk about customers with other customers." </p><p> </p><p>My shoulders slump and I take a sip of my macchiato, resting my head on my propped up hands. Dave studies me with narrowed eyes before setting down the mug in defeat. </p><p> </p><p>"He asked me to keep his identity a secret." </p><p> </p><p>"<em>He</em>?!" I stand up, almost knocking my cup off of the counter. Today I'm sitting at the bar with Dave because I've already made my chess move and came to talk to him. </p><p> </p><p>"That's all I'm saying, and nothing more." </p><p> </p><p>"I bet he's rude and spoiled anyway," As I finish, I try not to smirk at my baiting technique. People love to contradict others. </p><p> </p><p>"No, he's a lovely fellow. Keeps to himself, though. Comes only 45 minutes after you on the dot," His face turns pale at his mistake. </p><p> </p><p>"He comes here every day at 8? Wow..." The mischievous grin on my face only makes Dave more horrified. </p><p> </p><p>"No, Jim." </p><p> </p><p>"What! I'm just thinking." </p><p> </p><p>"We both know what you're thinking." </p><p> </p><p>"I'm not-" </p><p> </p><p>"Don't meet him. Don't ruin this relationship you have going." </p><p> </p><p>"I'm not!" My hands raised in surrender, "I'm not!" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----THE NEXT DAY-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>So, I lied. </p><p> </p><p>I went into the cafe to make my chess move and leave before Dave saw me. My mission is to see the Chess Master. Not to talk, or even let him know I'm his opponent. I simply just need to know what he looks like. </p><p> </p><p>So the cafe is in a gigantic square with gardens and benches, cobblestone with families that walk happily. </p><p> </p><p>I sit down on a concrete bench, tapping my foot anxiously. It's cold for an October morning, so chilly I can see my breath. </p><p> </p><p>Then someone sits next to me, a few feet apart. </p><p> </p><p>I look over and see a raven-haired guy with a beanie on and wearing a blue jacket. His nose is green and his cheeks flushed which makes me wonder if he's sick or something. But most importantly, his eyebrows are furrowed, and he's talking on the phone. </p><p> </p><p>"No, mother. I am fine here, there is no need to worry." </p><p> </p><p>There a panicked voice on the other line, but it's muffled. </p><p> </p><p>"They are not a problem." </p><p> </p><p>More muffled noises. </p><p> </p><p>"Mother, it is just one bruise." The man turns to look at something over my head and I notice a large greenish-blue bruise on his cheekbone. </p><p> </p><p>More noise. </p><p> </p><p>"I promise to be more careful. Live long and Prosper." </p><p> </p><p>He hangs up the phone and sighs before he finally notices I exist. I forget I've been staring at him and we just look at each other until my eyes dart away. </p><p> </p><p>"Why are you staring at me?" He asks suddenly, tilting his the slightest bit. </p><p> </p><p>"I...um..well..I-" My voice cracks as I try to find an excuse. "I overheard your conversation..kind of." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh," His face shades a green darker, and now he looks down. "I see." </p><p> </p><p>"I'm guessing that bruise is from some trouble you've been having?" </p><p> </p><p>"There are...some people who do not prefer A Vulcan to be taught in the same class as them." </p><p> </p><p>"You're a Vulcan?" </p><p>The stranger nods, and he slowly takes off his beanie. His ears are pointed and green on the ends(why is everything green?) and his eyes glisten as he looks at me. </p><p> </p><p>I can't help but smile because he looks so cute in the morning glow, his features accentuated by the shadows across his face. </p><p> </p><p>"I regret I must go," He says, putting his beanie back on.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, yeah, yeah of course." I can't deny the weight in my heart at hearing him leave and try to mask the disappointment in my voice. After a minute of staring at his back as he walks away, I look down at my watch and the time reads 7:30. </p><p> </p><p>Only a half-hour to go. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----SPOCK-----      </b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>I walk into the Red Rover Cafe and greet Kur'jon, asking him for a simple coffee and sit down at a corner booth. The white knight has been moved and I study the board until Kur comes with the coffee pot and I thank him with a nod. </p><p> </p><p>The temperature of the liquid would be too hot to consume, so I turn to the chessboard, sitting on the side with the darker pieces.</p><p> </p><p> My opponent plays the white, and though I have not met them, I can assume their intellect is close to mine. I have won 20 out of 32 games so far and this one marks our 33rd game. </p><p> </p><p>I cannot help but wonder who my opponent is, having no idea of their character or appearance, but I believe I would be good friends with whoever commanded the white pieces across the board. </p><p>As I reach for a piece to move, a voice pulls me from my thoughts. </p><p> </p><p>"Do you really want to move that?" </p><p> </p><p>I look up and see the man from the park bench, who commented on my bruise. His golden hair only shapes his face and deep eyes. I can feel my face heat up with his grin. </p><p> </p><p>"It is the most logical choice." </p><p> </p><p>"But then I could easily move here," He picks up the knight and knocks over my bishop. </p><p> </p><p>"But then I would simply do this," I say and move my queen to check the king. </p><p> </p><p>"Ah," The blonde sighs and puts his hands up. "You win." </p><p> </p><p>"Yes, well this is for a game I am playing with a colleague." I shift nervously in my seat before taking a sip from my coffee. </p><p> </p><p>"You ever meet him?" </p><p> </p><p>"Him?" I hear my voice soften for a second. "No, I have never met them." </p><p> </p><p>My eyes trail to the window, frosted over from the morning air. The autumn leaves blow around outside, ranging from deep crimson shades of red to golden oranges. The square is a grey-blue contrasting the warm seasonal colors and the sky above carries cirrus clouds that range in colors from dark purple to pearly white. It is so beautiful, I just want to keep taking in the sight around me. It almost compensates for the students who gave me the bruise earlier. Almost makes it worth it. </p><p> </p><p>A shallow breath escapes my mouth and I turn to see the blonde human staring at me strangely. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Why is he looking at me like that? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>My hands twitch at my sides as heat courses through my body and flushes my face.</p><p> </p><p>"What are you looking at?" I finally break the silence. </p><p> </p><p>It is like he does not know he is watching me and blinks out of his reverie, his face turning red. "Oh, nothing...you just look really cute." </p><p> </p><p>"Pardon?" </p><p> </p><p>"For such a smart person, you can be thick-headed." </p><p> </p><p>"What does the density of my cranium have to do with this?" </p><p> </p><p>He laughs, covering his mouth with his hand. There's something warm like soup deep inside of me, churning and fluttering through my system. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm your opponent." </p><p> </p><p>At that sentence, I almost spit out my coffee and put a hand to my mouth to catch the dribble in case there is some. "I apologize, what?" </p><p> </p><p>"We've been playing together for four years." </p><p> </p><p>"I...see. May I inquire your name?" </p><p> </p><p>"It's James T. Kirk," His face lights up with another one of his full smiles and he holds out his hand. When I do not take it at first, he draws it back a bit. "Oh, right, you're a Vulcan.." </p><p> </p><p>"No, it is alright," I bite my lip and shake his hand, which only causes him to glow(or at least it appears that way). "A pleasure to meet you James T. Kirk." </p><p> </p><p>"Jim."</p><p> </p><p><em>"Jim."</em> </p><p> </p><p>"Aren't you going to tell me your name?" </p><p> </p><p>"My first name is unpronounceable, but I am referred by my last name, Spock." </p><p> </p><p>"Well, do you care to play?" </p><p> </p><p>I think about how long we've really known each other, despite not even meeting and I wonder how long our chess games would've gone on before I met him. What would happen if we never meet? Would I ever see his golden hair and seafoam eyes or that smile that seemed to shine through the stars in its brightness? </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes, I think humans are not worthy of my attention. </p><p> </p><p>And there are moments like this that prove me wrong. </p><p> </p><p>"It would be an honor." </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Meet the Parents(but on Vulcan where everyone hates you)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim goes to Vulcan to meet Spock's parents in the hopes of gaining their blessing.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>"Spock, are you sure about this?" </p><p> </p><p>"Despite the fact that we are already here, I am near positive this is the right course of action in our relationship." </p><p> </p><p>"But Spawwk," Jim whined, clutching his boyfriend's arm tightly. He looked around wearily at the passing Vulcans who stared at them as they walked. </p><p> </p><p> "Captain, I assume it would be best not to...cling onto me so in public," Spock gently pushed Kirk away, who only groaned in annoyance for a response. "My parents are not as disagreeable as you may think. Assuming they respect my judgment, they will respect you." </p><p> </p><p>"<em>Assuming</em>," Jim grumbled, walking heavily with his shoulders slumped forward. "I just don't want to mess this up. What if they don't like me?" </p><p> </p><p>It looked like Spock almost rolled his eyes, but maybe it was just the sunlight. "Just relax, Jim." </p><p> </p><p>The blonde felt his chest tighten as they reached Spock's home, though he couldn't tell if it was the Vulcan climate or his own nerves. The door opened and a slender figure stood in the light, her smile surprising on a place as dry of emotion as Vulcan. </p><p> </p><p>"It's so good to finally meet you, Jim!" He felt her arms wrap around him, pulling him into a motherly hug. "My son won't stop talking about you!" </p><p> </p><p>The captain glanced back at the very green Vulcan who only coughed and looked anywhere but at them. "It's good to meet you too-" </p><p> </p><p>"Amanda," Her voice was warm, like chocolate syrup.</p><p> </p><p>The blonde had honestly forgotten that his mother was human, overwhelmed by his own fears and anxious to meet his father, the great ambassador of Earth. </p><p> </p><p>"Sarek! The boys are here! Oh, excuse me, come on in," She gestured inside and they shuffled into the living room, an open space of subdued colors and furniture. On one wall, windows stretched from ceiling to floor, allowing light in. </p><p> </p><p>Sarek strolled in, wearing maroon-colored robes, deep raspberry shades of ruby. His face didn't change at the sight of Kirk, though a vein in his temple seemed to twitch. "Hello, son. I trust you are doing well?" </p><p> </p><p>"Yes father." Spock nodded behind Jim, moving to sit opposite his mother on one of the couches. Jim sat down next to his boyfriend and Sarek eventually(and stiffly) joined them next to his wife. </p><p> </p><p>"Mother, father, this is Jim Kirk. We are currently seeing each other." </p><p> </p><p>Jim smiled sheepishly, fighting to lift his hand to shake, because Vulcans don't do that. </p><p> </p><p>"What is it that you do, Mr. Kirk?" </p><p> </p><p>"I um-I'm a Starfleet captain. Of the <em>Enterprise</em>." <em>Nice going, Jim. </em></p><p> </p><p>"The same ship my son is stationed on?" </p><p> </p><p>"Yes sir. He's my first officer." </p><p> </p><p>Spock shot Jim a searing look for just a second before turning back to his monotonous display of emotion. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"You are his superior?" </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"If you put it that way-" </p><p> </p><p>"I do not know why my son is not commanding a ship." </p><p> </p><p>"Father," Spock interjected, "I am also a science officer, which is my primary role on the <em>Enterprise</em>." </p><p> </p><p>"Well," Amanda sighed, "I think being a captain is a wonderful position, Kirk. How about dinner? I made spaghetti and salad." </p><p> </p><p>"That sounds great," Both Spock and Sarek said simultaneously and stood up at the same time. </p><p> </p><p>"Okay, you two go set the table. Jim and I will catch up in a second," Amanda's beaming smile faltered as the two walked out of the living room, leaving them alone. "He doesn't mean to be so hard on you. It's just he values his son and wants to make sure you're worthy of his affection." </p><p> </p><p>"I hope I am," Kirk sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I understand why he would want to be so protective.." </p><p> </p><p>"We humans have to stick together," Amanda winked, "Vulcans are extremely...logical, but both of them are stubborn." </p><p> </p><p>Jim snorted. "You've got that right." </p><p> </p><p>"Now let's go join our boys before they start talking about how illogical we are." </p><p> </p><p>At least Amanda liked him. </p><p> </p><p>The dinner was mostly uneventful, light conversation, though Amanda did most of the talking. Every few minutes or so Spock would glance at Jim with love in his eyes, admiration dripping from every part of his body. The spaghetti was delicious and Jim kindly had two helpings before he was full(he could've had more, but he didn't want to be rude). </p><p> </p><p>Spock and Amanda went to clean up the table while Sarek took the dishes to the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p> Jim followed him with another stack of dishes and they worked in silence until one of them spoke. </p><p> </p><p>"I did not know what to think when my son told me he was accepted into Starfleet," Sarek sighed scrubbing off one of the dishes in the sink. "But to be in a relationship with one of their higher officers was quite a shock." </p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry it came as such a shock..but I do love him. I love your son more than anything." </p><p> </p><p>Sarek turned to look at him, a sharp and searing deadly stare. "My son is fragile, though he may not show it. When he loves, he loves with every inch of himself. The last thing a father would want is to see a son torn apart by heartbreak." </p><p> </p><p>"I assure you I would never hurt him," Jim tried to focus on the dishes, but there was something winding in him. </p><p> </p><p>"As an ambassador of Earth, I find most humans in a word...<em>disappointing</em>." </p><p> </p><p>"Your son loves me! Don't you think he would choose a worthy partner?" </p><p> </p><p>"My son will accept the love he thinks he deserves," Sarek took a step forward, his voice raised just a fraction. "How can I be sure who he accepts loves him back?" </p><p> </p><p>There was silence for a moment. </p><p> </p><p> "I love your son more than the entire volume of the universe," Jim said calmly and sincerely. "If anything, <em>anything </em>were to happen to him, I would shatter because he is <em>crucial </em>to my existence<em>. </em>He is a part of me, and if he died or suffered, a part of me would die too.  There are no words for how greatly I feel for him and I wish you knew." </p><p> </p><p>He paused to take a breath, noticing the way Sarek's eyes widened slightly. </p><p> </p><p>"I know humans are reckless, and mercurial, disastrous and self-destructive but I promise you as long as I live, Spock will never be alone, he will never have to be reckless and destructive, he will never be lost or confused, and he will never <em>ever </em>be heartbroken." </p><p> </p><p>They stood there for a long time in silence before Sarek drew in a sharp breath and wiped his hands on a dishtowel. "You surprise me, Kirk. Your declaration of love is one of passion, and that is all I can hope for when it comes to my son. You may now ask for my blessing." </p><p> </p><p>Jim felt heat rise to his cheeks. "Wait, you knew I came here for your blessing?" </p><p> </p><p>Sarek nodded. "I needed to make certain of your goals." </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, the kitchen door swung open and Spock's head popped in. "Are you two alright?" </p><p> </p><p>"We will be out in a minute," Sarek looked to Jim who nodded at Spock. The younger Vulcan's head disappeared as the door closed once more. </p><p> </p><p>"I do not want harm to come to my son, and I trust he will be comfortable with you." </p><p> </p><p>Jim grinned brightly, "I won't disappoint you." </p><p> </p><p>Sarek was walking toward the door now, just a hint of pride shown in his eyes. "As your colloquial phrase goes 'do not screw this up'." </p><p> </p><p>"Is that a yes on the blessing?" But he was already gone through the door. </p><p> </p><p>The rest of the night was lovely, with Amanda giving Jim the all-knowing look and he concluded Sarek probably told her through his thoughts. They had tea and chatted, their conversation spreading throughout the stars. Kirk knew it was time to go home when he noticed Spock trying not to fall asleep on Jim's shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>After several goodbyes, they finally made it out the door, which finally closed and Spock leaned against him. Jim put an arm around his boyfriend and pressed his nose to his hair, taking in his scent. </p><p> </p><p>"I thought you didn't like Italian." </p><p> </p><p>"I do not..." Spock muttered softly into Jim's chest. </p><p> </p><p>Next stop would be home and then a secret mission with Bones to locate a <em>ring</em>. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sha-daan is a reference to little misfortune and the 'we accept the love we think we deserve' is a reference to The Perks of Being A Wallflower </p><p>Peace out, homies 🖖</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. A Soul For A Soul</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock makes a deal with Death in hopes of saving Jim.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The choice was his to make and his alone. </p><p> </p><p>The captain was dying. </p><p> </p><p>And Mccoy was knocked unconscious. </p><p> </p><p>He could barely get a transmission to the Enterprise. </p><p> </p><p>There was no winning. </p><p> </p><p>Spock clutched Kirk in his arms, feeling the darkened blood staining his hands. He was trying to stop the bleeding, having shed his blue shirt to press against the wound in the captain's side. </p><p> </p><p>"Captain...you are not going to die..." Spock choked, trying to stop the blood staining his own hands as the blonde coughed. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock...it's..it's...okay..." It seemed Jim was smiling, already accepting his ending future. Despite his paling face like that of old paper, his eyes still twinkled. Their sapphire blue pigment was fading and there was nothing his first officer could do. He shut his eyes for a second, they fluttered closed like he was falling into a dream. </p><p> </p><p>"Jim!" Spock shook him gently, "Jim, stay awake!" </p><p> </p><p>His eyes opened once more and he took in a deep breath, leaning his head against the Vulcan's chest. The first officer turned to his transmitter and flicked it open again. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock to <em>Enterprise</em>! Spock to <em>Enterprise</em>!" </p><p> </p><p>Nothing. </p><p> </p><p>"Please come in!" His voice broke in the last word and his shoulders slumped when no reply came. </p><p> </p><p>It was hopeless. </p><p> </p><p><em>"I only need to take one life today."</em> </p><p> </p><p>A voice echoed through the dark temple, a hissing slimy sort of voice that sent a shiver down his spine. Then, a cloaked figure stood, more like floated, in front of him. It was made of translucent smoke, thick and dark as the night, and it moved around the room, circling around its prey. </p><p> </p><p>It suddenly got very cold, chilly enough for Spock to see his own breath. The only warmth was coming from Kirk. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"I can save him, if that is what you desire." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Who are you?" Spock demanded, looking around for answers. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"I am the balance, the struggle.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>many fear me, but when they see my face </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I am the light at the end of the tunnel </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>only the strong stand tall </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>the others crumble </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>and so they fall</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Do not test my patience </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>for I will wait </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>and strike at your weakest moment</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Brand into you your fate." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Are you saying...you are Death?" Spock barely whispered, the happiness being sucked from him like a void. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"I can save your captain." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"How?" </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"I have powers beyond your wildest dreams. But there is a catch." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Spock looked down at the shuddering soul in his arms. "Anything and it is yours." </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"There must always be balance. A flower for a flower, a potion for a potion..." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Anything." </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"...a life for a life..." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Done." </p><p>The figure stopped across the room. <em>"Tsk, tsk, tsk. I don't want your life..not exactly." </em></p><p> </p><p>"What is it that you want then?" </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"I want to play a game. Can you do that...Spock? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The Vulcan looked down at the figure in his arms, the captain who was barely clinging onto life. The only sign that he was not dead was the slow, ragged rise of his chest. He needed to do this. The captain is always more important than the first officer. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>This is not personal...this is regulation...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>But saving his friend's life was also important. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jim is my friend, and in my place, he would do everything in his power to save my life. Will he ever know how much I care for him? Will I ever be able to speak to him or see his ocean colored eyes that drown out every one else's? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"I can do it." </p><p> </p><p>The cloaked figure chuckled and outstretched its hand. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Come with me." </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----JIM KIRK-----        </b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Something is buzzing in the distance, a low humming. The floor is like ice against my skin and everything is sideways, hanging off the earth. There's a silhouette, tall who reaches out for something...what looks like a fog, then crumbles to the ground. </p><p> </p><p>With every second, I feel my lungs filling fuller, my cheeks rounder. I can sit up. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What is happening? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Why am I alive? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I was...dead..on the ground...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>My hands push me up into a sitting position, everything blurry and getting clearer. </p><p> </p><p>As everything enhances, I see Bones in the corner, unconscious...and the figure..</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh god. Nonononononono! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>I run to the body, dropping next to him. Cradle the Vulcan with no pulse. Press his head to my heart and breathe the last of him in. </p><p> </p><p>"You weren't supposed to die...you weren't supposed to die..." I whisper, voice trembling violently. </p><p> </p><p> I don't cry, though.</p><p> </p><p> There's an ache in my soul like lightning electrocuting me. Something's torn, a gigantic hole left where he was supposed to be. </p><p>I can't cry. </p><p> </p><p>Why can't I cry? </p><p> </p><p>"Spock...Spock..." </p><p> </p><p>I feel stronger than before, but I've never felt so hollow, a carved out tree with no center, just emptiness. </p><p> </p><p>I don't remember what happens next...</p><p> </p><p>I just remember absence...</p><p> </p><p>That Spock is dead in my lap. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----LATER-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Jim." </p><p> </p><p>There is warmth. </p><p> </p><p>"Jim, wake up." </p><p> </p><p>Light. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock," My voice is low and rumbling in my throat. </p><p> </p><p>My eyes shoot open and the cold seeps back into me. Bones stands over me with a solemn look, the red rings around his eyes highlighting the absolute pain radiating from him. </p><p> </p><p>"Jim...Spock is..." His eyes trail over to the bed next to me. </p><p> </p><p><em>Spock</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Tubes run through his arms, a mask around his face and mouth. Monitors beep all around him in a sinister choir echoing endlessly through the stagnant silence. </p><p> </p><p>"Wha...is he...dead?" </p><p> </p><p>Bones shook his head softly. "We can barely keep him alive, but without these machines, he'd be..biting the dust in 2 minutes. He's..not doing well, Jim. He could...he could go any minute." </p><p> </p><p>My breath catches in my throat and I have to will myself to breathe out again. It hurts to breathe, a weight pushing against my chest like a boulder collapsed on my lung. </p><p> </p><p>"What..happened?" I pull myself off of the bed, but Mccoy stops me with his hand. </p><p> </p><p>"Jim, take it easy. You got hurt, but the aliens ran away, at least that is what I believe because I was knocked unconscious. When I woke up you were holding Spock who was close to death while you were healed. Medically, there's nothing wrong with him. He's choosing to be in this comatose state, and there's nothing we can do to pull him out of it." </p><p> </p><p>"Nothing?" My voice breaks. "Bones...I saw him take the hand of a smoky figure before he collapsed. Do you think...he traded his life for mine?" </p><p> </p><p>"I-" Bones starts to make an excuse, but only rubs his eyes, "I don't know Jim..but if the Vulcan thought it was right, then he must've had a logical reason." </p><p> </p><p>We sit in silence until Mccoy manages to move away stiffly, his eyes downcast. "I suggest you say what you need to say now..because I don't know how long the machines will keep him stable..." </p><p> </p><p>Then he leaves rigidly, looking back once like all of the dreams and hopes in the universe couldn't pull him from sinking into an ocean of loss. </p><p> </p><p>It's just me and Spock now, as I get to my feet and move toward the bed with the singing heart monitors. For a moment, I just stare at him. </p><p> </p><p>A sleeping prince, wrapped in a bleached light, deep pigmented eyes closed. He looks so calm, so tranquil in his near-death state. His raven hair contrasts the light colors around him, so dark it looks purple. </p><p> </p><p>I pull a chair and lower myself into it, allowing my elbows to rest on the side of the bed. </p><p> </p><p> "Why did you do this?" </p><p> </p><p>Naturally, he doesn't respond, but my heart falls at no sound of his voice. </p><p> </p><p>"I was ready...to die.." I take his hand gently, pressing my forehead to his soft knuckles. "Now, you're gone and we're both lost. I can't breathe...it feels like death all over again..." </p><p> </p><p>A lump forms in my throat, a tough almost painful one that I can hardly swallow. "I'm...-Spock-...I'm in love with you...and I don't know how I could live without you knowing it..." </p><p> </p><p>The buzzing of the light fixtures is the only thing that keeps out the silence as I lean forward, trying not to cry, but it's too late. The tears stream out and stain the cotton blanket. "It's only been 5 minutes and I'm already a mess...what am I going to do without you?" </p><p> </p><p>I look up at him, hoping, <em>praying </em>that he would just open his eyes and smile at me. But nothing changes. "Please...can you just do this one thing for me? I need you not to die..." </p><p> </p><p>"Because it hurts too <em>goddamn</em> <em>much</em>...and I don't want to live in a world where I couldn't tell you the truth...even if we're just friends until time...that's enough. That's enough for me. Just being you will <em>always </em>be enough for me."</p><p> </p><p>I try to wipe away the tears but they don't stop, they won't ever stop until I see him standing next to me with that confident smile that he does so it doesn't look like he's smiling. </p><p> </p><p>"You will always be enough..." My voice gives into a whimper in which I can only squeeze his hand firmly in my own. </p><p> </p><p>A gentle squeeze tugs at my hand. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Was that an illusion?  Am I dreaming? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>I glance up and Spock is looking at me, his eyes glistening. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>None of this is real...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Captain," His voice is low and soft and perfect in every single possible way. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock," I can hardly manage before I'm on top of him and cupping his face with my hands. Kissing him and feeling wonderful as he kisses me back with soft lips. </p><p> </p><p>After an all-consuming minute of this, I pull away, blushing with pride at the sight of his green lips and matched flushed cheeks. "How are you...how are you here right now? Are you even real?" </p><p> </p><p>His fingers brush away the tears on my cheeks and I lean forward, our foreheads pressed together. "Jim, I am as real as you are." </p><p> </p><p>"But how are you here?" </p><p> </p><p>"I made a deal with Death." </p><p> </p><p>The look on my face must be ridiculous because he only smiles. "Death showed up to collect you and instead offered me a deal. It promised to take my life instead of yours unless you could prove you would take my place as willingly as I took yours."</p><p> </p><p>"Spock, I love you. God, <em>I love you so much</em>." </p><p> </p><p>"I love you too, Ashayam. I love you too." </p><p> </p><p>That warm feeling floods me like the sun breaking through a storm. </p><p> </p><p>I forgot what it felt like to be so warm. </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Spock Watches Grease</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock tries to court Jim using Terran tactics.<br/>(This is a really short chapter btw sorry :D)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>-----JIM KIRK-----</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>There is a knock on the door and Spock stands in the doorway, holding a folded blanket and a bowl of popcorn.</p><p> </p><p>"Captain, I do not know why you requested these items for our movie-viewing experience."</p><p> </p><p>"They're absolutely necessary," I grin, patting the spot next to me on the couch. He stands there rigidly for a moment before slowly making his way to sit down beside me.</p><p> </p><p>"What movie are we observing tonight?"</p><p> </p><p>"An old one, extremely old and still very iconic," The smirk on my face grows as I get to my feet and head to the kitchen where two glasses sit, awaiting my arrival. The first is a glass of crimson red wine and the other a mug full of hot chocolate swirling in steam. "Here you are, Mr. Spock." I hand him the mug as soon as I sit down.</p><p> </p><p>Then I play the movie.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>-----AROUND 2 HOURS LATER-----</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Well that was a very...fascinating film," Spock yawns into my shoulder, pulling the blanket tighter around him. Both the wine glass and mug are empty, sitting in the empty popcorn bowl on the floor. "Is that the courting ritual of your people?"</p><p> </p><p>I stifle a laugh, "If someone came dressed like that I would fall on my knees and simply have to marry them."</p><p> </p><p>"Very curious, captain.." He stands up, folding the blanket and laying it on the couch. "I should return to my quarters. Goodnight, captain."</p><p> </p><p>"Good night, Spock."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>-----THE NEXT DAY-----</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Spock is later than usual. Most days, he's the first on the bridge, but the chair just swings gently, vacant of its owner.</p><p> </p><p>"Does anyone know where Mr. Spock is?"</p><p> </p><p>The doors behind me zip open, and gasps fill the room after a second of total silence.</p><p> </p><p>There stands Spock in a black t-shirt, black fitting tight pants, black boots, and sunglasses. His hair is gelled back making him look even more insanely hot than he normally does. He has a letterman sweater hung over his shoulders and a cigarette in between his index and middle fingers.</p><p> </p><p>I can barely hear over the sound of my heartbeat in my ears, face radiating heat like no tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>He puffs out one breath of smoke before dropping the cigarette and crushing it under his boot.</p><p> </p><p>Why is that so hot?</p><p> </p><p>Spock walks past me, pulling his glasses down to wink at me before going to his seat and working. The Vulcan barely notices everyone staring at him. Even Uhura is blushing like crazy, and Chekov drops all of his items in his hands. No one is immune to the charms of a Vulcan.</p><p> </p><p>"Mr. Spock," I finally find my voice, and he turns to me nonchalantly. "Dinner? Tonight."</p><p> </p><p>"I never thought you would ask."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Jim's Birthday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's the captain's birthday and Spock tries to tell Jim that he is going to transfer. The reason, despite Spock's denial, is that he is in love with him, but Jim is seeing someone else. Or at least Spock thinks he is.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>-----SPOCK-----            </b>
</p><p>
  <em>Commander Spock's Personal Log: </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Stardate 3782.4, The captain's birthday is in two days, in which the crew has decided to throw him a surprise celebration while on Shore Leave to Yorktown. I myself will be attending shortly before I make my request for transfer known publicly. The reason is more personal than I wish it to be, but my professional reason is simply that my performance has been lacking due to...a distraction. To be rid of it is simply logical, and now I must make my farewell to the crew. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Doctor, I assure you this physical is irrelevant. I can determine I am in perfect health," I sit up meeting the chief medical surgeon's eyes. </p><p> </p><p>"I have my orders, Mr. Spock. Besides it's over." </p><p> </p><p>"Your orders?" </p><p> </p><p>"The physical!" He growls and smacks his forehead, an inherited habit. "Are you going to Jim's party Thursday?" </p><p> </p><p>"Oh," The question catches me off guard. "I will...make an appearance." </p><p> </p><p>I've forgotten Dr. Mccoy is the only one who knows of my condition around the captain. Ever since his announcement of seeing Carol Marcus, something has rooted itself deep in my figurative being. Now, I can barely make eye contact with either of them, which is strange, especially for a Vulcan.</p><p> </p><p>"Did you get him a present?" </p><p> </p><p>"Naturally. Did you?" </p><p> </p><p>"Yes, something illegal," The grin on his face suggests mischief.</p><p> </p><p>I stand up, moving toward the door. "I have elected to ignore that." </p><p> </p><p>He says something else, but I don't quite catch it, almost running straight into someone. I already know who it is by the way my ears seem to be on fire. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock! I'm sorry I didn't see you there!" The blonde smirks, showing his teeth, but I can't bring myself to exchange the look. </p><p> </p><p>"Captain," My voice squirms as I find my composure and swiftly head down the hall, not having the chance to see his face fall. My boots click and echo in the emptiness of the corridor until I reach the turbolift, letting out a huge breath when the doors close, hands twitching erratically at my side. The silence is refreshing and perfect in its ordinariness. </p><p> </p><p>For the rest of the day, I work at my station trapped in my own numbness. The captain's eyes are like drills at the back of my head, making it hard to fight whirling around to see him. </p><p> </p><p>But I don't.</p><p> </p><p>I remember every detail of his face, the sharp jaw, shimmering eyes, golden hair the pigment of honey, the deep shadows highlighted under the sun...his lips gently parted, pink and round. </p><p> </p><p>And this is exactly why I am leaving. </p><p> </p><p>I want him in ways I shouldn't want him, need him more often than I should need him, and for what? </p><p> </p><p>None of this has ever left my head. </p><p> </p><p>The Doctor seems to think he knows the extent of my affection for the captain, but even he has only breached the surface of how I truly feel. </p><p> </p><p>He is in a relationship with a person I have come to hate, despite my better judgment. She is nice, to put it simply, and their relationship is blossoming so who am I to impose with my feelings? </p><p> </p><p> "Mr. Chekov," The captain's voice shatters my train of thoughts, "How long until our arrival to Yorktown?" </p><p> </p><p>"About one hour, keptin!" </p><p> </p><p>The arrival to Yorktown goes as smoothly as planned, and I find myself off the starship before anyone else, relieved to see the crowds of people populating the mountain-like grey structures swirling upward. Finally, I can relax, the tension inside of me melting slowly.</p><p> </p><p>A laugh catches my attention and I regret turning around to see Carol Marcus wrap her arms around the captain. </p><p> </p><p>Trying to look anywhere but them, I notice an Aldebaran Night Moth flittering around me. As if showing off, it dances above my head, circling. Its pearly white wings flutter and seem to glow pale blue against the light. Instinctually, I reach out to it, and it lands on my nose, spreading its wings leisurely. </p><p> </p><p>A beautiful creature, this moth, with its gentle wings and luminous glow. It is so small, yet can travel great distances with no stress, no complications of any kind, no attachments to weigh it down. </p><p> </p><p>Fascinating. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----2 DAYS LATER-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----JIM KIRK-----    </b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>As much as the crew has tried to conceal a surprise birthday party, I know what they're planning. Bones and the rest of them(but especially Bones) have been coy recently, and it's very obvious. I would say Spock has been a part of it, but I think it is something else troubling him. He seems increasingly...restive. </p><p> </p><p>Primarily around me.</p><p> </p><p> It's like we are strangers and the more I'm around him, the more I'm concerned. </p><p> </p><p>I'm going to tell him tonight that Carol and I broke up a couple of weeks ago, mutually when we both discovered we were in love with different people. It's definitely been nice here in Yorktown, so calm with no pressing matters as captain, but something is missing. A hole left where my first officer should be, right by my side as always before. </p><p> </p><p>The last time I saw the Vulcan, we just arrived at Yorktown and Carol was there to greet me with her warm smile and arms around me. </p><p> </p><p>"It's good to see you, Carol. How have you been?" I smiled, returning her hug. </p><p> </p><p>"I've been good. Patrick said yes." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, that's great!" </p><p> </p><p>"I know, right. I mean after all this time-" </p><p> </p><p>Her voice melted away as my eyes fell upon a figure across the crowd, in front of a fountain who was watching a moth fluttering around him. Spock looked almost happy, observing the creature before it landed on his nose. I wanted to die right there at the adorableness of it all and how gentle he seemed with the moth. </p><p> </p><p><em>Why did he look so insanely hot doing absolutely nothing?</em> </p><p> </p><p>These past weeks have been torture, not telling anyone we broke up yet. We wanted to keep things subtle for a while, not cause drama. </p><p> </p><p>And tonight is the night when I tell them everything. </p><p> </p><p>Looking in the mirror, I examine my outfit one last time before heading out: a white t-shirt, black jacket, and navy blue pants. Casual, but not too casual. </p><p> </p><p>The party, of course, starts out with tons of smiling, thanking, and pictures. After everyone gets settled into a comfortable groove of alcohol, gentle music, and chatting, I find myself at the bar with Bones. </p><p> </p><p>"Will you stop looking over your shoulder like destiny is going to walk through the door?" Bones takes a sip of his beer and sighs. "You know Jim, has it ever occurred to you that he's not coming?" </p><p> </p><p>"Spock wouldn't do that to me," I mumble, though something at the back of my mind agrees with him. "He's been acting strange lately though, do you know anything about that?" </p><p> </p><p>Mccoy glances away, eyebrows raised as he swigs more beer. "Must be some Vulcan thing..." </p><p> </p><p>Then I see it, a silhouette wavering in the hallway, contemplating whether to come in, before it's gone, like a candle flickering out. </p><p> </p><p>"Bones, I'll...be right back..." My voice whispers lowly, and I feel myself leave my chair, absently heading to the door. No one seems to notice, because there are a lot of people and many of them drunk. It's easy to slip out when half of the attendees are intoxicated. </p><p> </p><p>There he is, that pointy-eared bastard I want to shove up against a wall. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock!" I yell too urgently, and he pauses but doesn't turn around. One of the hallway walls is entirely glass stretching from ceiling to floor overlooking the great city at night with its millions of fireflies dancing across the buildings. The illumination casts a shadow against the Vulcan's shadow. "What are you doing here?" </p><p> </p><p>"Captain, it is your birthday." </p><p> </p><p>"Jesus christ, I know. What are you doing out here instead of in there?" </p><p> </p><p>He spins around, and I finally notice he's not in his Starfleet uniform, not even in regular Vulcan clothes. He wears dark green Vulcan robes. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Damn, he looks good. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"I am not in...the right condition to be presentable in social gatherings. But I came because I needed to give you this before I go." Even from here I can see his nervousness as he gestures to the small present in his hand, a brilliant cherry color. </p><p> </p><p>"Go...where? What are you talking about, Spock?" I move closer slowly, a silence following for a whole minute. </p><p> </p><p>"I...I am preparing to transfer. I am on a shuttle to Starfleet tomorrow to talk about my request."</p><p> </p><p>The news hits me like a bus, a roller coaster going way to fast. I feel sick, a queasy feeling washing in my insides, turning my stomach upside down. "Were you ever going to tell me?" </p><p> </p><p>By now, I am only a few feet away from him, my face burning hot like lava. </p><p> </p><p>"I..was planning to, but I realized it would be too hard to confront you in person." </p><p> </p><p> My voice is lost in the pain overwhelming every sense. "Are you going to tell me why?" </p><p> </p><p>No response. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock. Please. If you're going to crack me in half, at least give me a <em>reason</em>." </p><p> </p><p>I hear him inhale, the night getting darker with each second. "It is you." </p><p> </p><p>"What does that mean?" </p><p> </p><p>"I do not wish to elaborate any further-" </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, that's an order. Please don't make me make it an order." </p><p> </p><p>He doesn't say anything, only glances down at his feet, his hands rustling the wrapping paper of the present behind his back. </p><p> </p><p>"Please look at me," My voice is barely a whisper, now that we are barely inches apart. </p><p> </p><p>"I knew I should not have come," He murmurs, trying to back away, but I grip his arms, keeping him in place. "When...when you and Carol Marcus started...seeing each other, I recieved a very strange feeling that seems to have...corrupted me..." </p><p> </p><p>"What are you saying?" </p><p> </p><p>"I...I um-" Spock gulped, avoiding eye contact at all costs. "You are a distraction...to me.." </p><p> </p><p>"I don't understand-" </p><p> </p><p>"I am in love with you!" The words burst out of him, and the way he clasps a hand over his mouth is like it came out without his consent. "Captain, I apologize..I did not mean-" </p><p> </p><p>He goes silent as I move so we're inches apart. "You're leaving because you're in love with me?" </p><p> </p><p>"I-" His voice cracks, "Forgive me, I am not well." His ears are bright green matching his cheeks. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock..." My hand moves to caress his cheek and he subconsciously closes his eyes, leaning against my hand. Then he grabs it, eyes wide open. </p><p> </p><p>"Don't do this. You are still in a committed relationship," It comes out as more of a plead than a demand. "I have to go. It was never supposed to be like this. I was never supposed to say..those things...here," He presses the present into my hand before backing away, his hand slipping away from mine.</p><p> </p><p>"Don't leave me, don't you dare leave," I try to say, but it's weak and pathetic. "Spock, I need to tell you something-" </p><p> </p><p>"Jim, read the letter. And I wish you the best in your relationship." </p><p> </p><p>"Listen to me, Spock I'm trying to tell you something-" </p><p> </p><p>"Goodnight, Jim." And he's in the elevator, zipping down and away from me. </p><p> </p><p>I crumble to the ground, clutching the present to my chest, and just cry. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It's one thing to cry. </p><p> </p><p>It's another to cry alone in the dark helplessly like a worm. </p><p> </p><p>After a minute of trying to compose myself, I go back inside, even managing smiles. Bones is the only one who sees right through that by the way I down four shots of whiskey. </p><p> </p><p>"You alright cowboy?" </p><p> </p><p>"M' great..." </p><p> </p><p>"I noticed Spock didn't come inside. What's up with that?" </p><p> </p><p>"He's leaving...going <em>whoosh</em>!" </p><p> </p><p>"Okay buddy, I think you've had <em>enough</em>," Bones pulls away the rest of the glass shots. "What is going on?" </p><p> </p><p>I stare at the doctor with the saddest eyes, glassy and round. "He's transferring. He's transferring, Bones." </p><p> </p><p>"That green-blooded bastard," Mccoy sighs, grabbing me by the shoulders and steers me away from the party, making up excuses and thanking everyone for the splendid party. We finally make it to my apartment and when he manages to sit me down, I suddenly feel tired. </p><p> </p><p>The doctor makes a call, and then black. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----THE NEXT DAY-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p>My head is spinning, and everything echoes in my ears like drums. My heartbeat is the lowest. The light streams in blindingly when I try to open my eyes, my first mistake. </p><p> </p><p>God, what a hangover. </p><p> </p><p>I'm in bed, the covers pulled routinely around me. Truth is, I don't know exactly how I got here. My shoes are off and slouched against the chair by my bed, along with my yellow uniform, which is folded on the chair orderly. I'm wearing the rest of my clothes: black pants, socks, and a t-shirt. I don't remember most of last night at all, a hole in my memory.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Let's see: I went to the surprise party with Bones...had a few drinks...talked with Spock...went home--wait what did I talk about with Spock? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I only remember arguing about something and him walking away...oh wait the present. Spock is leaving.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Spock is leaving. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>But the reason is fuzzy in the back of my mind, twitching to fill the gaps but unable to. The present will give me answers. There it sits. Beside my boots on the floor. </p><p> </p><p>Standing up too quickly, I stumble towards the beautifully wrapped gift and tear it open. Inside the white box is a red book, an old edition of a great book. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Next the letter, written in black pen on paper. Wow, paper what a rarity. The writing is curvy in his handwriting, absolutely elegant. </p><p> </p><p>It reads: </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dear Jim, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I know you must be furious at my sudden transfer, but I have concluded it is for the best. You most likely already know that I have feelings for you I can no longer ignore, especially around your partner Carol Marcus. I cannot help hating her with every twinge in my body, not because I actually abhor her, because I abhor her with you. The Doctor claims I am suffering from 'jealousy' and 'heartache' if either of those words have meaning to you. I hope we can still be friends, despite my abrupt departure and my regard for you, though I understand if you wish not to be. I have been, and always shall be, your friend. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Spock </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Oh god. </p><p> </p><p>There is a knock on the door that shakes me from my thoughts. "Come in..." </p><p> </p><p>My voice sounds low and croaking, a whispering growl. </p><p> </p><p>"Good to see you're not dead," Bones' voice echoes as he barges in, looking around like he's on a mission. "Is it just you?" </p><p> </p><p>"Yes, who else would it be? Santa Claus?" </p><p> </p><p>"Don't be smart, Jim," The doctor walks in like he's searching for something. "Are you feeling alright?" </p><p> </p><p>"Never better," I grumble in response, combing my hands through my hair. "Was last night a dream?" </p><p> </p><p>"Nope, all of it was real, <em>especially </em>the part where you got drunk." </p><p> </p><p>"Thanks, but I think I know that." </p><p> </p><p>"Stop being a grumpy-puss and get out of bed," Bones moves to the curtains and pulls them open with one movement. "Lovely day in Yorktown isn't it?" </p><p> </p><p>A hiss comes out of my mouth following a hand raised to shield the abrupt sun from my eyes. </p><p> </p><p>"Jesus, Jim. What happened to you last night?" </p><p> </p><p>"I don't know, the last thing I remember is you taking me home!" </p><p> </p><p>Bones seems to consider this and sighs again. "Well, it's probably for the best, anyway. You have to get up. We're leaving today." </p><p> </p><p>The sadness flushes through my system at the thought of a certain Vulcan who will not be joining us. "Okay, I'll be ready in a minute." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----LATER-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Are we all accounted for, Chekov?" </p><p> </p><p>"Crewmates are still boarding, and ve are missing one commander-" </p><p> </p><p>"Scotty, let's prepare to move out. How long will it take?" I press a button on the chair and a voice replies back. </p><p> </p><p>"About an hour, captain." </p><p> </p><p>"Great, keep me in touch." I find myself looking at the empty chair where my first officer once sat. That spot looks so barren, fruitless and lonely. Why did he have to leave? I didn't even get to tell him that Carol and I aren't together. Last night is so fuzzy in my head, memories blurred together in collages I can't make out. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Something about love...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>love...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I...love...you </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>God my head hurts.<br/></em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Jim, you alright?" Bones stands next to me scanning me with one of his medical devices. </p><p> </p><p>"Why do keep asking that? I'm fine--and will you cut that out!" I swat at him and he glares at me in return. "I just can't believe after all of our time together, he doesn't even have the gall to say goodbye. He just left...does he even care about anyone but himself? And here I was thinking that we made an impression on him..." </p><p> </p><p>"He cares for you, Jim. More than you know." </p><p> </p><p>"What does that mean? Suddenly Mccoy seems nervous, glancing away for answers. "Bones, what do you know?"</p><p> </p><p>"He didn't want me to tell you this, but I called him last night." </p><p> </p><p>"You mean he was--" My voice cracks as all of the memories of last night come flooding back like a hurricane. Beautiful colors, the smell of cooked grease, lavender, and a <em>kiss</em>. "I've got to go," I jump up, sliding into the turbo lift before Bones can say another word. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----SPOCK-----</b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>I was packing up the rest of my possessions when Bones called me. </p><p> </p><p>That was a lie.</p><p> </p><p>I had packed my things, checked three times that everything was in its rightful place, and on my way to a fourth when Bones called me. </p><p> </p><p>My hands were trembling as I picked up. </p><p> </p><p>"Doctor, what is it?" </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, it's Jim. He's drunk and I have to go home to Joanna." </p><p> </p><p> "I am on my way." </p><p> </p><p>By the time I arrived, Mccoy was just out the door, nodding to me and said, "Take care of him." In which I nodded back. There he was, the beloved captain sleeping in a chair. Then his eyes shot open and he stared at me, irises glazed with alcohol. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock..." He said my name either like a curse or a blessing. </p><p> </p><p>"Get some rest captain, you are intoxicated," I whispered, gesturing to his bed, but he shook his head violently. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm hungry. Can we go out?" </p><p> </p><p>"Not in your state, how about we order in-" </p><p> </p><p>Kirk was already standing up and shuffling to the door. "I know a cute little place down the street!" </p><p> </p><p>"Captain, don't forget a coat," I sighed, grabbing his jacket hanging on a rack before following him. Even then, I knew it was going to be a long night. The place he was referring to was a family-run Italian diner with booths made of chipping red leather and very vacant expect for ourselves. </p><p> </p><p>"What are we going to order?" </p><p> </p><p>"Whatever you desire, captain." </p><p> </p><p>The waitress came around with a pearly smile and in a blue uniform. "What can I get you started with?" </p><p> </p><p>"I'd like an order of garlic fries, garlic knots, a slice of margherita pizza, and whatever else you think we need to eat," The captain slapped his menu down on the table with a grin, coursing a giggle out of the young lady. </p><p> </p><p>"Coming right up, sir." And she left, leaving us alone with only soft music in the background for comfort. </p><p> </p><p>"Do you...remember our earlier conversation?" I trod carefully, trying to appear casual. </p><p> </p><p>"What? No...I don't..." He seemed entirely concerned with the dessert menu. "Do you think we could split a chocolate cake?" </p><p> </p><p>We ate the food when it arrived, but when I mean 'we' I mean that Kirk ate most of the food and I enjoyed a few fries. I didn't notice, but he was sneaking drinks behind my back. Even after I begged him twice, he still ate two slices of chocolate cake by himself. To be truthful, I did help him with dessert. </p><p> </p><p>"Ooh, you've got chocolate on your chin!" </p><p> </p><p>"Pardon, where?" </p><p> </p><p>"Just come here," He leaned forward and brushed his thumb over my lips, wiping away the chocolate. I froze up at his touch, the way his hand was so warm, and the gesture threw me off guard. Then he leaned back, licking off the chocolate. The look on my face must've been one of horror, because he laughed, "I can't waste good chocolate!" </p><p> </p><p>"Please, captain, let's go home."  </p><p>"You're cute, Spock-o," He boops my nose, which sends a tingle down my spine. "How about a movie? I heard they're playing something down the road...it's like," He started snapping his fingers, "You know the one where the alien pretends to be a human and falls in love with another human but he's actually a woman pretending to be her dead brother?" </p><p> </p><p>"I am not aware of that-" </p><p> </p><p>"But it's all fine in the end because they get married while the mob boss gets shot in the head. Let's go see it right now!" He grabs my hand, pulling me up out of the seat and I barely manage to slap money down before he's pulling me through the exit. We make it out onto the quiet street before I bring myself to a stop. </p><p> </p><p>"No," The force of my voice makes him turn around. "You need to rest, and I am taking you home." </p><p> </p><p>"I feel fluffy...like a cloud," And he started to fall backward. Luckily, I caught him in my arms and he was warm like a towel fresh from the dryer. With one of my arms under his knees and the other under his arms, I carry him all the way home. It would have been embarrassing if I wasn't a Vulcan because of the captain singing 'Carry on Wayward Son'. Once we got into the apartment building, he started to calm down, resting his head against my chest and it took mere seconds before he was asleep. I opened the door and brought him inside, placing him on the bed. He groaned in annoyance when I did, and I moved to take off his shoes, followed by his yellow shirt, which I folded and put on the chair beside his bed. </p><p> </p><p>"Please stay..." The blonde croaked, but I shushed him, pulling the blanket up to him. </p><p> </p><p>"Goodnight, Ashaya," I whispered, planting a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Forget me." </p><p> </p><p>And I was just about to leave when I saw the small red present I wrapped on the table. In a split decision, I dropped it on top of the shirt and left after one glance back at the snoring blonde. </p><p> </p><p>I was hardly able to get sleep, so I woke up extra early and asked Mccoy to coffee and breakfast, where I told him about my transfer with much difficulty. At first, he thought it was a joke, and after several minutes of explanation, his face fell. </p><p> </p><p>"You can't be serious." </p><p> </p><p>"I am completely serious." </p><p> </p><p>"Do you know what you're doing? What you're going to do to him by leaving?" </p><p> </p><p>"I am in love with him," I just say casually, sipping on my tea. </p><p> </p><p>He nearly broke his mug. And that was how my day started. Now I sit, waiting for my flight out of Yorktown, still hours away. Every second I feel, every minute I can't help but turn around to see if he's there. It is a human fault to regret and also to <em>want</em>. </p><p> </p><p>I <em>want </em>to see Jim run after me and tell me he needs me. </p><p> </p><p>I <em>want </em>him to love me. </p><p> </p><p>But most importantly, </p><p> </p><p>I <em>want </em>to be able to let him go. </p><p> </p><p>None of those wishes are going to happen, but with every second, my 'heart falls' slightly with no sign of the captain. </p><p> </p><p>This is for the best. </p><p> </p><p>He doesn't come. </p><p> </p><p>"All boarding for Starfleet!" </p><p> </p><p>That is me. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----JIM KIRK-----           </b>
</p><p> </p><p>I'm jogging through the port, panting for breath. </p><p> </p><p>"All boarding for Starfleet! Report to Gate 41B!" A woman says over the announcements. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>God, I'm too late! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>I have to go faster, and somehow, I do. Somehow, and my feet feel like they're on fire. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gate 38B... </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gate 39B...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gate 40B...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Gate 41B!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I'm finally here...thank god..</p><p> </p><p>There's a line into the shuttle, and among them, I see a raven-headed Vulcan with pointed ears and a green tint in his skin. </p><p> </p><p>He's never looked more handsome. </p><p> </p><p>"SPOCK!" I shout louder than needed, and one head turns, a beautiful head with sparkly brown eyes that light up when they see me. </p><p> </p><p>"Jim," He breathes that word like it's the answer to all the secrets of the universe(Spoiler: The actual answer is 42) and I love the way it sounds on his lips. The Vulcan steps out of line, consciously looking at the people staring at us with weary eyes. He stops a foot away from me, looking down at his hands. "Why are you here?" </p><p> </p><p>"I'm here to get my first officer back." </p><p> </p><p>It feels so good to see a shadow of a smile appear on his face, even for just a millisecond. "Did you open my present?" </p><p> </p><p>"A Tale of Two Cities, I love it." </p><p> </p><p>"And...the letter?" </p><p> </p><p>"The letter, I love you." </p><p> </p><p>"You-" That clearly is not what he expected me to say, "You what?" </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, I'm in love with you." </p><p> </p><p>There is murmuring behind us from some women in line enjoying the show, which only makes Spock turn even more green. "What about Carol Marcus?" </p><p> </p><p>"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" I groan, despite the grin growing across my face. "We broke up <em>weeks</em> ago. Mutual, because we were both in love with other people." </p><p> </p><p>And suddenly, he grabs my face and pulls me into a kiss, earning a gasp from the crowd now watching us. The kiss is rough and hot, but turns softer with every second, filling me up like boiling tea being poured into a mug. So strange how our mouths fit together perfectly. When he breaks away, I feel the absence of his warm lips immediately, but he still stays there, our foreheads pressed against each other's. </p><p> </p><p>It's just us. </p><p> </p><p>The clapping is what pulls us out of our moment. A crowd seems to have gathered around, someone's crying in the background. </p><p> </p><p>If Spock wasn't green before, he sure is now as he tries to hide his face in my shoulder, making me laugh. </p><p> </p><p>"Jim, let us depart from this place," He whispers, his words tickling my neck. </p><p> </p><p>"I think that's for the best," I manage to say through giggles. "Bones'll have a fit when he sees us." </p><p> </p><p>And we walk out of the airport, disregarding the crowd cheering and the embarrassment, with my hand not once leaving Spock's.  </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. How 'Bout A Dance?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim asks a hot stranger to dance.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I'm a doctor, Jim, not a meat sack," Mccoy sighed rubbing his hands across his face before reaching for the beer the bartender slid to him. The blonde only smirked, taking a sip from his Saurian brandy and made googly eyes with an Orion across the club. "Why did you bring me here, I have an exam next week that I should be studying for." </p><p> </p><p>Jim gave the doctor a sideways look. "Calm down, Bones. It's just for a couple of hours." </p><p> </p><p>"What, you need a babysitter to watch you smash faces with a person you'll forget tomorrow?" </p><p> </p><p>"Oh hush, you're here to make me look good."</p><p> </p><p>"I'm a doctor, not a magician," Mccoy mumbled, tapping his glass for another drink. "Well, if it's going to be a long night, you're paying." </p><p> </p><p>"Mm, look at that girl in the corner. Isn't she a gem?" </p><p> </p><p>The brunette rolled his eyes and groaned, leaning over the counter like he was going to vomit. The noise from the DJ filled the room but couldn't mask the screaming and yelling of the drunk partiers, and the smell of alcohol seemed to fill the club like a looming thick cloud threatening to swallow everyone in its darkness. </p><p> </p><p>A good day for a hookup. </p><p> </p><p>"I'm going to go talk to that girl over there, hold this-" Kirk shoved the glass into Bones' hand and waltzed across the club to the Orion sitting alone at a table.  </p><p> </p><p>"Jim, wait! Godammit, I'm not a DRINK HOLDER-!" </p><p> </p><p>But he was already zooming away, the doctor's protests muffled by the noise. </p><p> </p><p>"Hey." </p><p> </p><p>The Orion looked sideways at Jim and smiled. "Hey." </p><p> </p><p>"I noticed you were here. Alone. Now, why would that be, a woman with your looks?" </p><p> </p><p>She took a sip of her glass, eyebrows raised curiously. "Date stood me up." </p><p> </p><p>"I can make coming here worth your while," The blonde winked, leaning onto the table with his elbows. "A woman like you deserves to have a good time." </p><p> </p><p>She opened her mouth, words came out, but no sound. Everything suddenly stopped, whirred in slow motion as Jim saw a beautiful stranger enter the club. He was tall, dark, and handsome, an outsider by his wide, analyzing eyes. He didn't belong here, so why was he? </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Curious...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Hello? Are you okay?" Time resumed and the Orion had spoken, but the words were long forgotten, replaced by his new mission to seduce the stranger of the night. </p><p> </p><p>"You know what? I just remembered I have to do something...have a good night..." He responded absently, watching the stocky figure sit down at the bar and Jim weaved through the crowd toward him. The blonde sat down right next to him, resting his head on his elbows. </p><p> </p><p>"You new?" </p><p> </p><p>The figure turned and he recognized the species from a lecture he'd attended once. A Vulcan, how interesting. What was a Vulcan doing in a club? "Pardon?" </p><p> </p><p>"Do you come here often?" </p><p> </p><p>"No, I just need to use the phone. Someone sabotaged my device." </p><p> </p><p>"Mind if I buy you a drink?" </p><p> </p><p>The Vulcan stared at him like he was dumb. "I do not drink. It is not in my culture's customs." </p><p> </p><p>"I-yes, well I suppose-" Jim just stared at him blankly, stuttering like an idiot. Usually, he had a funny and clever response, but all words dissolved on his tongue. There was something so intriguing about the raven-haired stranger that made him feel <em>electric, </em>his skin crawling with fire. Then a classical song started playing, as the crowd broke up into couples to slow dance. Kirk recognized it as the song 'Crazy Love' by Van Morrison, a celebrity in the late 20th century. He would listen to his songs on calm days, laying back in the sun while the heat warmed his skin. </p><p> </p><p>In a split decision, he stood up and outstretched his hand. "Care to dance?" </p><p> </p><p>The Vulcan looked taken aback, deep brown eyes slightly widened. "I am not opposed-" </p><p> </p><p>"Great!" Jim took his hand and pulled him onto the dance floor, and the stranger almost crashed into him when he came to a stop. </p><p> </p><p>"You did not let me finish," The Vulcan coughed, his face flushed pale green. "I do not know how to dance." </p><p> </p><p>Kirk let out a laugh and grinned ridiculously, "It's easy, just follow my lead." The blonde moved one of his hands to wrap around the stranger's waist, his smile widening when he stiffened. </p><p> </p><p>"Now, put your hand here," Jim moved the Vulcan's other hand to his own shoulder. Now they were inches apart and the blonde began to lead, moving slowly at first as his partner tried to follow. </p><p> </p><p>"So what's your name, stranger?" </p><p> </p><p>"I am called Spock." </p><p> </p><p>"I'm Jim. Oh, careful-!" Spock misstepped and tripped, falling against Jim with an 'oomph'. Kirk couldn't help but laugh at the situation, helping the Vulcan balance once more on his feet. Even the stranger seemed to smile gently. </p><p> </p><p>Something like electricity zipped through his system, absolutely sensational and exciting.  </p><p> </p><p>Jim looked back at Mccoy, who seemed to be enjoying all of this through the half-empty glass in his hand. He raised his glass at him and took a sip. </p><p> </p><p>Jim nodded back, joy overwhelming every inch of his body. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Vulcan Sneezing(And Plomeek Soup)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock is feeling a little(just a tad bit) under the weather.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spock was not feeling great, which was already an understatement. His nose felt like it was stuffed with cotton, and he was cold like ice was crawling up his back. Chills went up his spine and he finally stood up from his chair and vanished in the turbolift. </p><p> </p><p>No one seemed to notice until he came back, wearing a heavy-looking woolen black sweater over his uniform. It was still cold, so he left again and returned with a red scarf around his neck. When he decided that even then, it was still too chilly, he left and returned with fingerless mittens. It eventually became distracting when he came back on the bridge with a grey furry lap blanket.  </p><p> </p><p>"Spock," The captain finally spoke up, "Are you alright?" </p><p> </p><p>"Yes sir, just cold," Was the Vulcan's response. A minute later, there was an adorable sneeze that echoed through the room. Everyone went silent as they turned to Spock who was blowing his nose into a tissue gently. His nose was vibrant green and when he turned around they went back to their work quickly. </p><p> </p><p>Finally, the captain called him. "Spock, are you sure you're alright? Oh my god, you're sweating." </p><p> </p><p>"I am perfectly healthy," He said, but it sounded like 'Em pehfectly healthy' with his stuffed nose. </p><p> </p><p>"Okay, yeah no. Report to sickbay. Please." </p><p> </p><p>"Is that an order-" </p><p> </p><p>"Do I have to make it an order?" Kirk softened when Spock sniffed violently, "Please go." </p><p> </p><p>"Yes captain," He nodded, but a wave of nausea and dizziness came over him and if not for the captain's chair he would've collapsed to the ground. He leaned against the chair half-heartedly and Jim stood up instantly, putting Spock's arm around his own shoulders to support him. </p><p> </p><p>"Let's get to sickbay. Mr. Sulu, the con please?" </p><p> </p><p>He heard a 'yes sir' shortly before entering the turbolift. They reached sickbay soon enough, and Spock was groaning softly as his captain supported most of his weight. </p><p> </p><p>"Bones," The doctor nearly dropped what he was working on as he rushed to Spock's side.</p><p> </p><p>"What did you do this time Jim?" Mccoy huffed, helping Spock onto one of the beds.</p><p> </p><p>"I dunno! He put on forty thousand articles of clothing, sneezed, and then nearly passed out in my arms before we got down here!" </p><p> </p><p>"It looks like whatever the Vulcan version of a cold is. Most likely brought on by stress," Bones waved some medical gadget over his head and sighed. "If he was a human, I would say he has a high fever." </p><p> </p><p>"Is there anything you can give him?" </p><p> </p><p>"I could give him a hypo-injection, but I don't know what that would do to his Vulcan physiology. I can prescribe some basic pills, but I think he just needs to ride this out." </p><p> </p><p>The sound of the Vulcan groaning made both men turned their heads. "I would like to retire to my quarters please, doctor." </p><p> </p><p>He started to get up slowly, while Jim tried to help him up. Even when he finally got to his feet, he swayed dizzily. </p><p> </p><p>"No, Spock, I think you outta stay in sickbay," Bones protested, but the stubborn Vulcan only glared at him on his way out. "Take these," He handed some pills to Jim, sighing in defeat as the blonde ran after the first officer. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-----</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Okay, just lay down right here," Kirk eased Spock onto the bed, pulling the covers up around him after taking off his shoes. "I will be back every hour to check on you. Oh and here are the pills--I'm putting them on the nightstand with a glass of water--and the tissues, that's important...here," Jim handed him the tissues, trying his best not to ramble. </p><p> </p><p>"Mkay..." the tired Vulcan replied, blowing his nose on a tissue, the whole box in his grip. He was asleep before Jim left the room, extremely reluctant to abandon his friend even for just a little while.  </p><p> </p><p>Jim came back in an hour to see a lump in the bed, where a figure was buried under the comforter. "Spock, I'm here are you alright---Spock?" He peeled the blanket back gently to see a curled-up figure, looking so adorable, with his closed eyes and green pigmented nose, his round soft-looking lips, and his ruffled hair. <em>God, he's so adorable. </em>"I brought you some soup." </p><p> </p><p>Spock's eyelids fluttered and he inhaled deeply, following with a yawn. "Jim..." Was all he could manage, too weak to care about how out of control he was with his emotions. "I do not feel well." </p><p> </p><p>The blonde giggled, sitting down on the bed next to him. "I'm sorry to hear that. Do you feel <em>any </em>better?" </p><p> </p><p>The Vulcan shook his head, with the ghost of the word 'no' on his lips. </p><p> </p><p>Jim pressed his lips to his first officer's forehead, pulling away not only at the heat radiating off of it, but by the gesture itself. "Oh, I'm sorry...it's just something my mom did for me when I was sick--I didn'tmeananythingbyit-" </p><p> </p><p>"'Tis alright." The figure groaned, bright green, and masking it by trying to get more comfortable among the pillows. </p><p> </p><p>"I knew I shouldn't have left you," Jim scolded himself, getting up to get a cold rag from the bathroom. He returned as quickly as he could and pressed it to the Vulcan's forehead. "Spock, you're burning up! Have some soup. Ms. Chapel made it." </p><p> </p><p>At first, the blonde tried to spoon feed him, but Spock simply took the bowl and started to eat. "I'm not that weak-" As he said it, he almost dropped the bowl. If it weren't for Jim catching it, his hands pressed against Spock's holding the bottom, it would've spilled. </p><p> </p><p>"Let me help you," The captain purred, feeling a rush of warmth at the sight of the first officer's flushed cheeks. Even for a fever, they were a deep green. </p><p> </p><p>Spock nodded, giving him the spoon. </p><p> </p><p>After the soup was finished, Jim laid the bowl on the table, spoon clinking inside. </p><p> </p><p>"That was very pleasing indeed," Spock was the first one to break the silence, his voice raspy and quiet. </p><p> </p><p>"I'll tell Ms. Chapel that you liked it-" And he got up to leave only to be stopped by three measly, but powerful words. </p><p> </p><p>"Please do not go." </p><p> </p><p>"I'm going to take these dishes down and I'll be right back." When that doesn't seem to be enough, Jim added, "It won't take more than 10 minutes." </p><p> </p><p>"In that case, I will take a shower."  </p><p>"Are you sure-" </p><p>"I will be fine," Spock stared at him with eyes full of promise...whatever promise that was, the blonde had no idea. </p><p> </p><p>By the time Jim got back, Spock was still in the shower, but there was something different about the room. The bed comforter had been folded back and the hundreds of tissues that were once scattered across the bed were gone. He sat down on the corner and waited. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly the bathroom door opened, and there was Spock wearing a simple t-shirt and pajama pants. It seemed so casual, but the way the shirt clung to him seemed to light Jim on fire. Now he wasn't so sure who was feverish. </p><p> </p><p>He didn't realize he was staring until Spock asked "What? Is something wrong?", his face green with mild horror. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, no it's nothing!" Jim said quickly. "Just lost in thought." </p><p> </p><p>"I see," Spock responded, flopping down on the bed beside him. "I think that shower did me some good." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh really?" Jim couldn't help but grin. "I'm glad to hear it. Well if you're not sick, I should probably go-" </p><p> </p><p>"On second thought, I believe I have gotten worse," Spock sighed, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, which he hid by stuffing his face into a pillow. </p><p> </p><p>"In that case, I think I'll have to stay a little longer if that's okay with you?" </p><p> </p><p>"I would...like you to stay the night." </p><p> </p><p>"Stay...the night..with you?" </p><p> </p><p>"I-" The Vulcan was so green, he looked blue, stuttering for words as he tried to mask his concern and panic. "Nevermind, I am clearly still very sick-" </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, no no!" Jim was so caught up in his own thoughts, that he didn't realize what he said came off as reluctance. "I'd love to stay." </p><p> </p><p>"Good," The Vulcan huffed, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead in relief, eyes closed. </p><p> </p><p>Jim slowly took of his shoes and his yellow shirt, leaving only his black tee, and placed them at the foot of the bed before crawling up beside Spock. He was careful to leave space between them as pulled the covers around them. They were both facing each other now. </p><p> </p><p>"Goodnight Spock," The blonde whispered, warmth flooding him at the sight of the Vulcan's smile, a real smile so soft and genuine. There was no reply, only the sound of gentle snoring coming from the figure. </p><p> </p><p>The next morning, Jim woke up cradling his first officer, whose head was buried in his chest. Their legs were tangled together and Jim's nose was nestled into his hair, hair that smelled like lavender.</p><p> </p><p><em>This isn't real...it can't be real</em>, Jim thought, <em>But if it's not I'd like to stay here forever. </em></p><p> </p><p>And he took in everything at once, expecting it to drift away in his dreams, </p><p> </p><p>but thankfully, it didn't.  </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. The Congratulatory Ritual(AKA Hand Kissing)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim tries to give Spock a high five. Apparently, no one gave him "the talk".</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>"Good job, team! We did good, and you all performed spectacularly during the rescue mission," Jim smiled, one of those cheeky white ones that made you want to melt. Half of the bridge did, and the rest cheered. Even Spock let a tiny smile tug at the corners of his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>Then he was going around high-fiving everyone with his big dumb cheeky white smile and there was laughter and the smacking of hands, but everyone stopped when he came to Spock, who looked slightly appalled at Jim's raised hand. </p><p> </p><p>Jim <em>did </em>have training in Vulcan culture taught by Bones when they received their first officer, but the blonde spent that hour daydreaming about a certain raven-haired Spock(ironically enough). </p><p> </p><p>"Come on Spock, high five, what's the matter?" </p><p> </p><p>The Vulcan glanced at Bones across the room with blatant confusion and mild horror, before turning back to the captain. "Captain, I'm not sure you understand-" </p><p> </p><p>"What you don't high five on Vulcan? Too illogical for you?" </p><p> </p><p>"NoT in CiviLizED COmPANY, nO," Spock's said much louder than he meant to, but it was too late. He awkwardly left the bridge with a baffled look on his face. </p><p> </p><p>Bones let out a sigh and Uhura giggled in the background, covering her hand in embarrassment. Everyone went back to work quickly, but Jim sat in the captain's chair absentmindedly staring at the vacant one at the science station. </p><p> </p><p>"That was one stunt you pulled back there," Bones said behind him, pulling him from his thoughts. </p><p> </p><p>"What are you talking about?" </p><p> </p><p>"Were you even listening when I was talking about Vulcans?" </p><p> </p><p>Jim only stared wide-eyed. </p><p> </p><p>"Come with me," Bones grabbed his arm, pulling him into the turbolift and then to his office in sickbay. "Vulcans are very sensitive and telepathic, especially by touch. Holding or touching hands is regarded as an intimate gesture seen only in couples of marital status." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh," Was all the captain said, his face red as he sat down in a chair. "No wonder he was so concerned." </p><p> </p><p>"I told you all of this when Spock first came aboard. Jesus, Jim." Mccoy sighed. </p><p> </p><p>"I should probably go apologize..." </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, probably," Bones' eyes narrowed. "That poor bastard is probably glitching from the 'illogical gesture'". </p><p> </p><p>Jim got up and left, hurrying down to Spock's quarters with fast pace. Admittedly, he did have feelings for the hot Vulcan, whether they were platonic or not...but everyone liked or feared him in some sort of way. Just as Jim was about to knock, the door slid open and there he stood, eyes wide at the surprise of seeing Jim. </p><p> </p><p>"I was just on my way to find you, captain." </p><p> </p><p>"Ah...I see," The blonde stuttered, looking down at his hands nervously. "Hey, I just wanted to apologize for the high-five thing, I didn't know about the Vulcan sensitivity-" </p><p> </p><p>"It is alright, Jim. All is naturally forgiven." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh!" Jim smiled, relief flooding his system. This was easier than he thought it would be. "Great, okay then." He pivoted on his foot and started to leave, but Spock's words stopped him. </p><p> </p><p>"But...you can still 'high-five' me if you desire." </p><p> </p><p>The word 'desire' sounded so alluring on his lips, so delicious. Jim wasn't aware words could taste delicious before, let alone on another person's lips. </p><p> </p><p>"I...guess it wouldn't hurt," The captain said, turning back around to see Spock's hand up. He pressed his own against the Vulcan's as emotions rushed in all around him, not his own. But the strongest emotion was desire. Jim felt it coming from himself as well, a wonderful feeling. </p><p> </p><p>Jim leaned forward, their lips brushing before he pulled him into a kiss, rough and hot. The blonde was buzzing, electric as he ran his fingers down Spock's, earning a groan from the Vulcan. </p><p> </p><p>Spock was the first to break away, panting, his lips swollen and bruised. Jim felt a swell of pride at the sight of him. </p><p> </p><p>"As they say 'Congratulations'." Spock sighed eyes drifted down to his lips absentmindedly. "A strange ritual for humans." </p><p> </p><p>"Spock," Jim breathed, wanting him so badly, needing him right this very minute. </p><p> </p><p>"Would you like to come in?" The Vulcan whispered, practically reading his mind. "Care to show me more of these Terran rituals?" </p><p> </p><p>"Very much," Jim grinned, practically pushing Spock into the room as the door zipped behind him. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okay, so this is based off of a prompt I found searching for Star Trek art(again) and I laughed so hard I had to make a fanfiction for it. Hope you enjoyed!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. 10 Things I Hate About You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>In an attempt to woe Uhura, Jim hangs out with her boyfriend, Spock, and well-- let's just say the plan didn't go accordingly.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <b>-----NYOTA UHURA-----      </b>
</p><p> </p><p>My boyfriend has been acting strangely lately, though most people don't notice it, there's something different about him. Jim keeps flirting with me, despite my faithfulness to my partner, and most days I want to punch him. He especially enjoys it while Spock is right next to me. I don't know why, but they both seem to hate each other. I will get to the bottom of this by the end of the week. </p><p> </p><p>"Nyota?" Spock's voice rips me from my thoughts. Suddenly, I'm back in the library sitting across from my boyfriend, his hand touching my own under the table. "Is something wrong?" </p><p> </p><p>"Nothing," I smile gently, squeezing his hand gently. "I'm just tired." </p><p> </p><p>"Maybe we should conclude our study session for today." </p><p> </p><p>"No, really I'm fine. Let's continue." He glances at me with an analyzing look before finally giving in. </p><p> </p><p>"Fancy seeing you here!" Someone calls behind me and Spock's irritated expression tells me everything I need to know. </p><p> </p><p>"Jim," Is the only thing I can manage without burning a hole through his head. </p><p> </p><p>He pulls out a chair next to me and sits on the table, putting his feet on it like some kind of stool. "How've you two been?" </p><p> </p><p>"Peachy." </p><p> </p><p>"Healthy," Spock sighs, looking back down at his textbook. This has been happening every day for the last month. He's always around no matter where we go so we decided we might as well be comfortable while he's being...well, himself. </p><p> </p><p>"Well, I've been caught in a tragedy! Another girl threw herself at me and it was a whole scandal because I was with Helenia. Now I'm attending a movie this Thursday with an extra ticket!" </p><p> </p><p>"That's fantastic, Kirk." I follow Spock's example and focus back on my studying, paying no mind to the nuisance keeping me from alone time with my boyfriend. </p><p> </p><p>"I can't go alone and was wondering if one of you would accompany me." </p><p> </p><p>"A nice thought." </p><p> </p><p>"It's a rerun, a classic. <em>10 Things I Hate About You</em>?" </p><p> </p><p> "Sorry, we're a bit busy." I pretend not to notice the way Spock perks up at the movie. "Please leave <em>prince charming</em>." </p><p> </p><p>"Uhura, have you ever seen it?" </p><p> </p><p>"No." </p><p> </p><p>"Maybe you'd like to watch it with me?" </p><p> </p><p>At this, I give my best smile. "I would rather rub my skin with a cheese grater." </p><p> </p><p>"Nyota," Spock whispers sharply, "There's no need to be rude." </p><p> </p><p> Kirk grins at me maliciously and now I'm seriously considering Starfleet's penalties for punching someone. Then he has the audacity to open his mouth. </p><p> </p><p>"Please?" </p><p> </p><p>"Where's Mccoy, can't you take him?" </p><p> </p><p>In response, he shakes his head solemnly. "He is detained with studying." </p><p> </p><p>"As you should be." </p><p> </p><p>All the while, Spock isn't saying anything, only looking up occasionally to make sure no one has died. </p><p> </p><p>"I would like to take you." </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"I'm already seeing someone." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"He seems fine with it!" </p><p> </p><p>"Cadet, please leave." Spock finally interjects, glaring knives into Jim's soul. "You are interrupting our studying and have made my girlfriend uncomfortable." </p><p> </p><p>"She's not your girlfriend, you've been on 4 dates!" </p><p> </p><p>"We are still in a relationship, and despite that, you've made her uncomfortable-" </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, why don't you go?" I say, and they both turn to me with confusion. "You don't want me to go and there's definitely some drama between you two that needs to be unraveled." Then I turn to Jim. "If you want to impress me, show me you can get along with my boyfriend--or whatever you want to call it." </p><p> </p><p>Jim sighs and rolls his eyes, cheeks red as Spock only nods, though he's obviously reluctant. </p><p> </p><p>"I think this will do good for both of you," I squeeze Spock's hand once more before standing up, gathering my books, and leaving. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----JIM KIRK-----              </b>
</p><p> </p><p>For a whole month I've been trying to date Uhura...okay I've been trying to get in her pants. She's hot, smart, and definitely my kind of woman. But then she started dating Spock, and ever since that whole thing, I've been trying to break them up. When Uhura suggested Spock and I go to the movies together, something stirred like hot stew inside of me. </p><p> </p><p>Now I'm waiting outside the Starfleet Academy, scanning for a stiff, uptight Vulcan with no sense of humor. At one last look at myself, I feel confident even though there's a feeling in my stomach, eating me inside out. I'm dressed in a white t-shirt, brown leather jacket, and dark green pants, looking fabulous as always. </p><p> </p><p>And then I see a figure walking toward me. </p><p> </p><p>I have to squint to make sure it's actually the Vulcan, who looks completely different without his uniform on. He's wearing a white button-up under a black sweater and matching pants. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He looks hot. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Is he allowed to look hot? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Annoyingly hot. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Even as a straight man, I think he's hot. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Damn...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Are you alright?" He asks, and heat rises to my face. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, umm, yeah." <em>Say something nice. </em>"Going to a funeral?" <em>Close enough.</em></p><p> </p><p>The Vulcan's face twists sourly, a slight coloring in his cheeks. "I do not appreciate bright pigments. I see you have taken a different approach." His eyes rake me up and down, I feel naked against his analyzing look. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, I turn on my heel before he can inspect me further. "Let's go. I rented a vehicle." </p><p> </p><p>His face falls when he realizes the motorcycle is our ride to the movie. "Do you expect me to ride that?" </p><p> </p><p>The concern in his voice makes me laugh. "It's a PX70. I used to have one before I joined Starfleet. Don't worry, I know what I'm doing." </p><p> </p><p>He sits down after I do, still not entirely sure and I hand him the helmet, which he takes, but still squints. </p><p> </p><p>"What about your safety?" </p><p> </p><p>Heat scrapes my face again. "I'll be fine. Just, hold me."</p><p> </p><p>"Pardon?" </p><p> </p><p>"Hold onto me. So you don't fall off."<em> Good save, Jim. Good save. </em></p><p> </p><p>Spock clears his throat, still recovering from my sweet save. "I hardly think that is necessary-" </p><p> </p><p>But his words are lost in the wind, as we speed onto the street. I feel his arms grasped around my waist, and a grin spreads across my face along with lightning that shoots through my body. </p><p> </p><p>There is nothing like the wind against my skin and the world rushing past me, nothing like flying through the night. Never do I feel more alive when I'm soaring through the city, lights blurred, the cold air biting. And it's wonderful. </p><p> </p><p>I can't tell if Spock's enjoying it behind me, by the way he clings on and his head resting on my shoulder blade, I'm not sure. </p><p> </p><p>The drive to the movie theater is about 20 minutes and when we arrive, the movie still doesn't play for 15 minutes. </p><p> </p><p>Even after I kill the engine, Spock is still clinging on for dear life. It takes him a moment to realize we're not moving. </p><p> </p><p>"That," He huffs, sliding off the motorcycle. "-was fascinating." </p><p> </p><p>"I'm glad you enjoyed it," I can't help but smirk, watching him wobbly uncertainly before pulling off the helmet. "Oh my god." The words slip out. </p><p> </p><p>His hair is tousled, pushed up away from his forehead somehow making him infinitely hotter. My staring only makes him green, eyes widened in uneasiness. "What?" </p><p> </p><p>"Nothing," I murmur, trying to drag my gaze away from the sight. "Let's just go inside." </p><p> </p><p> We take our seats in the very back, the theater already dark. With only 10 minutes left to go, there can't be more than 50 people here, scattered about. There is no one else in our row, or the row in front of us, just a small sea of black chairs left empty. </p><p> </p><p>"Have you seen this movie?" I ask, trying to make conversation. </p><p> </p><p>"Yes, twice before. You?" </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, I love this movie. I'm a big fan of the dynamic duo. Heath Ledger is kind of my idol." </p><p> </p><p>It looks like a hint of a smile on the Vulcan's face bit it must be a trick of the light--or dark. "I appreciated his impressive performance in the old Batman movies." </p><p> </p><p>I'm baffled. "You? Watch Batman?" </p><p> </p><p>"Only for research purposes." He replies casually, looking down at his hands in his lap. </p><p> </p><p>"I see." </p><p> </p><p> When the movie starts, everyone grows silent and the lights dim to complete darkness. The first 15 minutes of the movie I can't help but smile but then after those are over, I find myself staring at Spock, the way the film light accentuates his features, highlighting the sharpness of his nose, the darkness silhouetting his hair, the dip in his slender neck, shaping his lips. His soft lips, their round, pink color. </p><p> </p><p>"Jim?" Spock's suddenly looking at me with wide eyes. "The movie is over." </p><p> </p><p>My head turns to the screen, confusion at the credits scrolling growing more and more intense. "What? But how's that possible?" </p><p> </p><p>I must've stared at him for an hour and 20 minutes. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>God, that's so embarrassing...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Blood rushes to my face, filling my ears and I don't even hear what he says. "What?" </p><p> </p><p>"Nevermind..." He sighs. "I suppose we should leave." </p><p> </p><p>"Right okay." </p><p> </p><p>I keep trying to tell whether he knows that I was staring at him, but his expression is unreadable. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He must hate me.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He must think I'm so weird and a creep. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> I get onto the motorcycle, gripping the handles tightly. Spock sits down behind me, and I start the engine, carefully veering onto the road. Even though we aren't going that fast, I still feel his arms loosely around my waist the whole way to the Academy. Once we arrive, I pull over and park, and he unhooks his arms from me, stepping off with still a bit of wobble in his step. </p><p> </p><p>We walk side by side saying nothing until we reach the steps to the entrance when he suddenly stops. </p><p> </p><p>"I have to admit I was concerned when Nyota asked me to accompany you-" </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Here it goes. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"And I was sure that the night would be awful in its own awkwardness-"</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>God, just say it. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"But I did actually enjoy this evening very much." </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Wait, what? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"It was very pleasant." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh...um-" </p><p> </p><p>"I am trying to say thank you." </p><p> </p><p>"You're welcome," A smile stretches across my face. </p><p> </p><p>"Goodnight, Cadet." Is the last thing I hear before he leaves me alone outside. </p><p> </p><p>"Goodnight," I reply to no one, but something warm ignites in my heart. Something new and uncharted. </p><p> </p><p>Something wonderful. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----SPOCK-----            </b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>"So," Nyota leans forward, resting her head on her hands, elbows on the table across from me. "Aren't you going to tell me what happened?" </p><p> </p><p>"Well..." I begin, taking a moment to swallow. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Well, I rode on a motorcycle for the first time, practically squeezing the life out of the cadet. He stared at me in horror for most of the night and stuttered at me for the rest of it. I am not entirely positive Kirk enjoys my company, based on his indifference and judging stares. Though I did feel strange in a way no one has ever made me feel before under his gaze. I am sure it is nothing of consequence, of course, just a reaction to his unusual behavior, seeing as he usually acts like a, as the colloquial phrase goes, 'double dumbass'. </em>
</p><p>"We went to see the film, extremely uneventful." </p><p> </p><p>"Glad I missed it then," She sighs, straightening up. "Did you guys bond?" </p><p> </p><p>"Not particularly," I say absently, chewing on the inside of my cheek. "On the contrary, the film was enjoyable." </p><p> </p><p>"Hey, guys! Talking about me?" </p><p> </p><p>Kirk appears behind Uhura, who rolls her eyes in dismay. "Jim." </p><p> </p><p>"Cadet Kirk," I nod to him in acknowledgment. </p><p> </p><p>"Come to ask me out again?" Nyota states more than asks, flipping through her textbook nonchalantly. </p><p> </p><p>"Actually, no." </p><p> </p><p>The lieutenant suddenly looks up in shock, turning her head with narrowed eyes at the blonde. <em>"What are you playing at?"</em> </p><p> </p><p>"I'm not playing at anything, Uhura." Then abruptly, he turns to me with a grin. "I was wondering if you'd like to hang out tomorrow?" </p><p> </p><p>Uhura's mouth opens slightly either in shock or in protest, staring at him like he's insane before focusing back on me. "You guys are buddies, now?" </p><p> </p><p>"Is that a yes or a no, Spock?" </p><p>"I-" Looking from Nyota to the cadet, the words come out before I can stop myself. "What time?" </p><p> </p><p><em>"What?"</em>  She says, half disgusted and half baffled. </p><p> </p><p> Kirk's face lights up, beaming from ear to ear in a way that figuratively fills me up with a strange feeling. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, are you smiling?" Nyota looks so confused about the unfolding events, but Kirk shines even brighter. </p><p> </p><p>"No," I exhale slowly, my eyes snagging on the cadet's sapphire blue ones. "What time?" </p><p> </p><p>"I'll pick you up at 1." And he just waltzes away, with no coaxing or persuasion. </p><p> </p><p>Nyota gasps, searching my eyes for answers. "What. Just happened." </p><p> </p><p>"Unclear." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p>As I walk out from Starfleet Academy, a figure waves to me in the distance, leaning against a PX70 motorcycle and wearing a white tee shirt and pants. It contrasts with my light grey sweater over a white button-up, sleeves rolled up.  His smirk is something mischievous and thrilling, not an unusual look for James Kirk. "Hello, Spock." He winked. </p><p> </p><p>"Where are you taking me?" </p><p> </p><p>"I need help with a very important issue. But you'll just have to see when we get there." </p><p> </p><p>"Alright then," I cannot help but sigh, still unsure of the situation, and mount the vehicle behind him. Like most, I'm not entirely confident in motorcycles keeping me safe, but with the cadet, it is easy to forgive the dangerous nature of the bike. We ride across the city until he stops the motorcycle, pulling beside a bookstore. </p><p>"I thought you could help me hunt down a book I need for classes," The cadet gets off first, gesturing into the little store occupied only by a woman at the counter. The store itself is much bigger at second glance, a warehouse by the sight of it.</p><p> </p><p>All for books. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Fascinating. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Cadet, may I inquire on the reason you need a book rather than downloading the digital copy onto your PADD?" </p><p> </p><p>"I'm not a fan of digital reading," His eyes linger on me for a moment before moving to another shelf. "The book we are looking for is called 'A Tale of Two Cities' by Charles Dickens." </p><p> </p><p>We break apart to scan the options more thoroughly, and I find myself catching glimpses of him through the books on the shelves. </p><p> </p><p>A flicker of his blonde hair, a flash of his blue eyes</p><p> </p><p> My hands graze the spines of each book, brushing away the dust, and a particularly interesting one grips my attention. Its maroon coloring and yellowed pages draw me in and I open it, recognizing the words and the title. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Pride and Prejudice. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>A personal favorite of mine as an adolescent. </p><p> </p><p>"Did you find something?" I jolt, closing the book with one hand to look up into those sea-stormed eyes. </p><p> </p><p>I whisper "Just curious" in response, putting the book back on the shelf and quickly walking away. </p><p> </p><p>"Well, I found the book so let's go to the counter!" His voice follows me as I find the woman at the front of the store again. </p><p> </p><p>"Good morning," The ginger takes a long moment to look me up and down, and I attempt to ignore the lustful gleam in her eyes. "I haven't seen you around before." </p><p> </p><p>"I am here on request alone." Allowing the cold to sear through my voice, her smile falters, and the cadet appears behind me to shatter the icy tension. </p><p> </p><p>"Hi, I'd like to buy this," Kirk slides the book across the counter, winking at her. The ginger's smile returns looking between the both of us. </p><p> </p><p>"Ah I see," She takes the book, scanning it, and gives it back to the blonde. "That'll be 17 credits." </p><p> </p><p>Kirk opens his mouth to speak, but I interrupt. "Charge it to-" </p><p> </p><p>"Charge it to Commander Spock, Starfleet Academy." </p><p> </p><p>"Spock I can-"</p><p> </p><p>"I insist." </p><p> </p><p>He sighs through a smile breaking across his face, surrendering in a simple shake of the head. </p><p> </p><p>"Nice boyfriend." The woman looks at Jim and chuckles, pressing on the screen. </p><p> </p><p>"I am not his boyfriend." I state flatly as he simultaneously says "Thanks", and glance at the cadet whose eyes twinkle. </p><p> </p><p>Jim and I leave the bookstore and mount the motorcycle. Before starting the engine, he turns his head to face me. "I'm starving, do you want to get lunch?" </p><p> </p><p>My stomach growls gently, and I think about what a day this has been to make me feel so ravenous, a voracious feeling growing uncontrollably in my stomach. What did he mean by his 'thanks' to the ginger woman when she claimed we were in a relationship? Despite all of this, I know one thing. Food might be the solution. "Affirmative." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----JIM KIRK-----        </b>
</p><p> </p><p>I keep finding myself staring at the Vulcan sitting across from me, chewing on a part of his salad. I watch his jaw work, his teeth grind, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallows. <em>"Damn." </em></p><p> </p><p>"Pardon?" </p><p> </p><p>"Nothing, hey I want to hang out tomorrow if that's okay. How would I get in touch with you?" </p><p> </p><p>Spock plucks a napkin from the napkin holder and pulls a pen from his pocket. </p><p> </p><p>"Do you carry around a pen with you all the time?" </p><p> </p><p>"I find it is logical to carry a writing utensil in need of important uses such as this." </p><p> </p><p>My heart skips a beat, bumping erratically. <em>He thinks staying in touch with me is important. </em></p><p> </p><p>"Here-" He hands me the napkin, written on it in curly writing is his number and room at Starfleet "-is where you can reach me if I am not in classes or studying." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh--um, great." </p><p> </p><p>After paying, we walk out of the restaurant together, just a little something I found with Bones, nothing fancy or anything. Suddenly he stops, looking at me with those brown analytical eyes wide. "Why are you doing this?" </p><p> </p><p>"What do you mean?" I try to play dumb, looking up at the sky innocently.</p><p> </p><p>"Why are you being so nice to me, so civil? It is unusual." </p><p> </p><p>"Fine," I let out a breath, crossing my arms harshly. "I thought if we could be friends, I might have a chance at impressing Uhura." </p><p> </p><p>"Is that all?" He actually sighs in relief, <em>in relief</em>. </p><p> </p><p>He's not mad at me? </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What is happening? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, that's all." </p><p> </p><p>A little voice inside my head, a minuscule one whispers, <em>'Lies'.  </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> "Bones, what in the jesus is happening to me?" I run my fingers through my hair, the other hand clutching a pillow to my chest. </p><p> </p><p>"You have a bro-crush Jim, it's normal," The doctor sighs, scribbling more notes down at the little table in our room. "Spock is hot, get over it." </p><p> </p><p>"He was relieved when I said I was after Uhura, <em>relieved!</em> And straight to his face too!" </p><p> </p><p>"That bastard is secure in his relationship, good for him." The look on my face must tell him I'm not convinced, because he says, "Look, if you want to know if he likes you, invite him over and put him to the test." After a moment, he adds, "But it won't work." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-------------------------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>(A/N: I'm listening to this as I'm writing, so listen and enjoy as it enhances the mood) </em> </b>
</p><p> <iframe></iframe></p><p> </p><p>"Cadet Kirk?" There's a knock on the dorm door. "This is Spock. You texted me saying to come immediately." </p><p> </p><p>I open the bathroom door, the steam from the shower leaking out like spilled milk. Here I am, actually taking Bones' advice, in only my boxers.</p><p> </p><p> I didn't even do my hair, and it sticks to my head, wet and sopping, as I try to dry it with the towel. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>At least I smell fantastic.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Kirk, if this is not an emergency-" </p><p> </p><p>When I open the door, his mouth hangs open for a millisecond before he spins around, facing the other way. Something warm settles in my stomach at the sight of the green heat radiating off of his face. </p><p> </p><p>"Cadet, this--what is the emergency?" He stutters, still turned away from me and I cover up my disappointment with a cough. </p><p> </p><p>He definitely doesn't have an interest in me, by the way he refuses to face me. <em>Disgusted. </em></p><p> </p><p>"Sorry, I was in the shower. I need help finding what to wear for a date tonight." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh," His figure stiffens slightly, still speaking to the wall. "Does that qualify as an emergency?" </p><p> </p><p>"I think it does. Please come in." </p><p> </p><p>I watch him press a hand to his side, right around his liver or whatever that is in Vulcan biology, and take a deep breath, mumbling something under his breath before turning around. "Alright," </p><p> </p><p>His gaze is pinned to the ceiling as he walks inside and sits rigidly in a chair. If he wasn't a Vulcan, I'd think he's nervous. </p><p> </p><p>"Okay, I'm swaying between two outfits, so I'll go put the first one on." </p><p> </p><p>"Right...understood..." </p><p> </p><p>I shuffle into the bathroom, grabbing clothes from the closet, and shove them on.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What am I doing? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He's clearly uncomfortable. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Bones said to test him and he didn't even notice me. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>MEANWHILE </b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----SPOCK-----    </b>
</p><p> </p><p>When the cadet opened the door in only his underwear, I thought I was dreaming. Either that, or feverish. My face felt hot and my train of thought dissolved on my tongue. I pressed my hand to my heart to make sure it was functioning properly. </p><p> </p><p>Words are nothing.</p><p> </p><p>Logic is useless. </p><p> </p><p>I have been compromised. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>How do I tell Jim I have been emotionally compromised without him laughing at me? </em>
</p><p>I cannot stop staring at his body, my eyes refuse to listen to my brain, keep moving downward despite my best efforts. He is clearly doing this to make me uncomfortable, this sick joke he's playing is becoming unnerving. He is trying to get into my head to get to Nyota. </p><p> </p><p>"-so I'll go put the first one on."</p><p> </p><p>"Right...understood..." I manage, still completely baffled and trying to drag my eyes from him as he walks away. </p><p> </p><p>As soon as the door closes, I let out a puff of air, gasping for a breath. </p><p> </p><p>I do not know how much longer I will be in control.</p><p> </p><p> I need to escape before he realizes what is happening. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----JIM KIRK-----    </b>
</p><p> </p><p>"Okay," I walk out of the bathroom in a button-up and black pants. "What do you think?" </p><p> </p><p>"I--very handsome..." He says breathlessly. <em>Oh my god, I gave him asthma. </em>My cheeks feel warm at the compliment. "Cadet I should really-" </p><p> </p><p>"Wait," I put up a finger to hush him. "I have one more outfit." </p><p> </p><p>I go back in the bathroom and come out wearing a basic t-shirt and pants. The t-shirt is a bit tight, but it makes my figure look good aparently. </p><p> </p><p>"What do you think? First or second?" I say with a slow spin. </p><p> </p><p>"The latter--Cadet, I really need to go-" </p><p> </p><p>"Are you sure? I just want to make sure-" </p><p> </p><p>"Jim!" I've never actually heard him say my name like that before, something tingles deep inside of me. When I turn around, he's standing hands folded in front of him. "Something has come to my attention that I must address. Excuse me." He bows his hand ever so slightly and exits the room. </p><p> </p><p><em>Dammit Jim</em>, I hear Bones' voice in my head, <em>You pushed him too far. </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I don't see Spock for two weeks, too embarrassed about what happened to talk to him. I don't even bother Uhura like I usually do. </p><p> </p><p>I can't stand to see Spock after what occurred. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>How could I be so stupid? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Even with the Cadet's Ball coming up, I still don't care about finding a date, which is the whole reason I go to that stupid party. </p><p> </p><p>Spock must hate me...</p><p> </p><p>Uhura must hate me... </p><p> </p><p>"Are you going to the ball?" Bones sighs next to me, taking a sip of his beer. "It's tonight. And you've been depressed these last weeks. Wanna talk about it?"  </p><p> </p><p>"No, Bones." I groan from where I lay on the couch. "Attraction is weird." </p><p> </p><p>"How so, kiddo?" </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I can't stop thinking about Spock. Every minute of every second. He appears in my dreams like a ghost. That raven hair and long neck, brown eyes swirling with thoughts, pink round lips. He follows me around with every movement. Everything reminds me of him. And in his absence the last few weeks, a cold winter has settled in my soul, leaving me barren and with no room for anything else. I want to get lunch with him all the time, and want to read books, go on adventures to nowhere, but only with him. I get mad when he mentions his girlfriend and I want to hold his hand and run my hands through his silk hair, feeling it's soft quality. I want to run my hands over dangerous areas of his body. I want to feel his soul and cry his name when- </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Jim?" </p><p> </p><p>"I dunno, Uhura hates me." </p><p> </p><p>"She's a tough nut. Besides, she's way out of your league." </p><p> </p><p>"Thanks, Bones." I sigh, dragging my hands down my face tiredly. </p><p> </p><p>"But," Mccoy smiles all-knowingly, "I heard she's going to the ball."</p><p> </p><p>"She is?" I jump up. Uhura never attends parties and balls. She keeps to her books and studies most often. To be fair, this isn't just any get together. This is the biggest formal gathering of the year, with food, wine, and high-ranking officers. </p><p> </p><p>And if she's there, then Spock will be too. </p><p> </p><p>"do you know where my tux is?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----NYOTA UHURA-----   </b>
</p><p> </p><p>"Spock." </p><p> </p><p>"...." </p><p> </p><p>"Spock!" </p><p> </p><p>"Hmm?" He finally looks up at me, eyes glistening like he was just in another world.</p><p> </p><p>"What is going on with you lately?" I reach for his hand. "Is everything okay?" </p><p> </p><p>His hand stiffens for a split second, before squeezing mine back gently. "Everything is fine. Are you alright?" </p><p> </p><p>"I'm fine. What's on your mind? It's like you're not really here."  </p><p> </p><p>"My thoughts are just...preoccupied." </p><p> </p><p>I don't push him further even though I want to. He clearly doesn't want to talk about it by the aggressive way he bites his lip. </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, I remember I haven't seen Jim in a few weeks. </p><p> </p><p>He hasn't bothered us for that whole time. At first, I thought Spock might've scared him off, but it seemed to be of mutual akwardness that they stayed away from each other. Of course, if Spock were human, I would've assumed he cheated on me, but he's too faithful and would've been honest with me. And more importantly, Spock isn't gay. Jim, I'm not so sure...</p><p> </p><p>"Where is that demon?" </p><p> </p><p>"Who?" </p><p> </p><p>"Jim. He hasn't been..himself lately."</p><p> </p><p>"Really.." It is a question that comes out of his mouth, but the way he says it so absently makes me wonder what in the world is going on. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I will get to the bottom of this. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----JIM KIRK-----     </b>
</p><p> </p><p>The Cadet's Ball has a bigger turnout than I originally thought, with hundreds of people dressed in white and black. Every male wears a tuxedo of some kind, and those with higher rank have medals or badges on their suit jacket. I search through the crowd for a pair of glistening brown eyes, but it's hard to see through the sea of people. </p><p> </p><p>"Bones, help me find Uhura," <em>Or more accurately, help me find Spock. </em>I nudge him with my elbow in which he glares at me. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't know, Jim. I actually have a date tonight, so go away." </p><p> </p><p>"You're no fun," I mock-whine, strolling into the crowd. </p><p> </p><p>"Good luck, kid!" Is the last thing I hear from the doctor. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Find Uhura, find Spock. Find Uhura, find Spock, Find Uhura-</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>There! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>I see the bun of Uhura's braid crown. Wow, she's looks hot, even from a distance. She's wearing a sleeveless white dress, looking absolutely amazing as always. Her dangling earrings match her dress and a smile decorates her face as she talks with what looks like an Admiral, Spock on her arm. Like always. </p><p> </p><p>Despite Uhura's absolute beauty, it is no match for the breathtaking view of her date, a tall stiff, amazing figure in a tux that I want to rip off. And then suddenly, he's looking at me all the way from there, his eyes glistening. He whispers something to Uhura, who turns to stare at me too. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Better make my way over. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"Hey guys," I wave, awkwardly smiling to the pair. "Nyota. <em>Spock</em>." I guess the way I say his name makes him green, though I don't know why. </p><p> </p><p>"Jim, where have you been? I noticed you didn't show up to our study dates as you usually do." </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, well I had other things on my mind," My voice drifts a bit as I glance up at Spock for just a second. "Can I borrow your boyfriend?" </p><p> </p><p>"Excuse me?" </p><p> </p><p>"For the next dance." </p><p> </p><p>Uhura looks from me to Spock with a confused look on her face. "I guess so. I'm going to go get a drink." And she's off to the bar, leaving just us. </p><p> </p><p>I offer my hand with a sheepish smile and a "Would you honor me with this dance?" and he takes it as I pull him onto the dance floor. The song playing is a slow one, a beautiful love song when he moves one of his hands to my shoulder and the other to my own. </p><p> </p><p><em>If it weren't for the gloves, we would be Vulcan-kissing</em>. How..as he would put it, fascinating. </p><p> </p><p>"I am surprised to see you here without a date," He's the first one to speak, looking somewhere right next to my head. </p><p> </p><p>"What makes you think I don't have a date?" </p><p> </p><p>"I observed you walk in with only your friend, Doctor Mccoy." </p><p> </p><p>I'm baffled now, completely shocked and slightly...maybe just a little bit flattered. "You've been watching me?" </p><p> </p><p>His face goes green again, "Not intentionally." </p><p> </p><p>Then we are silent for a while, both of us tripping over our words. "I'm sorry for-" I start off as he simultaneously says "I wanted to apologize-" </p><p> </p><p>And I can't help but laugh as the corners of his mouth peek up. </p><p> </p><p>"Cadet, you go first." </p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable a couple of weeks ago. I really miss hanging out with you and I know what I did was weird-" </p><p> </p><p>"All is forgiven. I should not have left so rudely." I feel his hands move to my collar. At first I think he's going to wrap his arms around my neck, but the look on his face suggests otherwise. "Your collar was flipped." He pats it in place before returning to our original positions. </p><p> </p><p>"Can we be friends again?" </p><p> </p><p>He looks at me, eyes squinted just the tiniest bit, searching for something, and then its gone. "Of course, cadet. Although I did not think we were friends." </p><p> </p><p>I feel the pulse in my heart jump. "What else would we be?" And he looks away, almost ashamed or indifferent. </p><p> </p><p>"I simply assumed you were using my company to reach Nyota." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh. Well, at first, I was. But I think we make a good team."<em> Damn, I sound like one of those friendzoning girls on those teen shows. </em></p><p> </p><p>"Indeed." The dance ends and he bows his head a little bit. "Excuse me, I must find my date." </p><p> </p><p>The absence of his warm hand on my shoulder fills me like a void, and I stand there like an idiot for a whole moment before realizing I'm back at Starfleet. I didn't notice it before, but when we danced, it was like we were entirely alone in a silent room that only carried our voices. </p><p> </p><p>I don't think I've ever felt more isolated in my life, despite the hundreds of people around me. Shuffling past people, I find myself looking for an escape. </p><p> </p><p>Just somewhere to breathe for a second. </p><p> </p><p>I could have any of these women at the ball, and yet the only person I want to be around is already dedicated to someone else.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What did I even come here to do? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Break them up? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Apologize?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>I find an empty hallway and sit down against the cold way, resting my elbows on my knees and undoing my tie and the top button of my shirt. </p><p> </p><p>Just breathing along with the beats of silence. </p><p> </p><p>I don't know how long I sit there, but a couple passes me with...shall I say fun intentions...and when I look up the time reads almost midnight. </p><p> </p><p>"Cadet Kirk," A voice snags my attention. Standing over me is the silhouetted figure of Spock, holding a fruity looking drink out to me. "I thought you would like a refreshment."</p><p> </p><p>"How...how did you find me?" </p><p> </p><p>"I asked your doctor friend and he pointed in this direction. It was only a matter of time before I located-" </p><p> </p><p>"Gotcha, Spock." I try my best to smile, but I think it only makes me look more pathetic. "Care to sit?" </p><p> </p><p>"If you do not mind," He says, holding his own drink carefully as he slides down next to me. "Why are you out here by yourself?" </p><p> </p><p>"I'm not a big formal ball fan." </p><p> </p><p>"Neither am I. I am only here for Nyota and she went to bed, unwell." </p><p> </p><p>"Wait," I turn to him, baffled. "<em>You </em>don't like galas?" </p><p> </p><p>"Not particularly. I enjoy spending time with only those close to me and with very few people." </p><p> </p><p>"Ah, I see." I take a sip of my drink, which is surprisingly good, then down it completely. "Hey, you want to get out of here?" </p><p> </p><p>"I do not see why not." I grab his hand, not realizing he took off his gloves, and pull him out the exit and out into the chilly night. </p><p> </p><p>"I drove the PX70 here. Bones and I didn't have time to fuss about who's car we were taking for the ball, and this was faster." I turn back to him with a smile, trying to explain. Once we find the motorcycle, I get on first, feeling him sliding on behind me, arms already wrapped around my waist in preparation. We zoom off into the night, stars blurred behind us. </p><p> </p><p>The wind feels great against my face, but the fabric of my shoulder moves when Spock presses his face against it. </p><p> </p><p>"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I have to shout for him to hear me. </p><p> </p><p>"THE WIND MAKES IT HARD TO SEE," He responds back. </p><p> </p><p>I just feel so good, knowing the city is my city and the world is beautiful and everything is right again. </p><p> </p><p>"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I shout into the night, making Spock jump. </p><p> </p><p>"WHAT ARE <em>YOU</em> DOING?" </p><p> </p><p>"TRY SHOUTING. IT FEELS GREAT." </p><p> </p><p>"BUT WHY?" </p><p> </p><p>"JUST TRY IT." </p><p> </p><p> "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He shouts into the night. "THAT DOES FEEL GOOD." </p><p> </p><p>"SEE? I TOLD YOU." </p><p> </p><p>"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" </p><p> </p><p> I can't help but laugh, and by the time we get to the restaurant, I'm practically crying for laughing so hard. It's the same restaurant we went after our bookstore adventure, and he recognizes it with a small smile, barely noticeable.</p><p> </p><p> I don't remember most of the conversation, though I'm sure it was mostly complaining about dumb parties and wanting to celebrate privately. I was too busy cherishing each one of Spock's 'smiling but not really smiling' smiles and his glistening eyes that held the stars, and the way his mouth moved, the way it looked, how soft his lips looked. We shared a margarita pizza and the night concluded with me walking him to his dorm and saying goodnight. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I'm sitting on my bed, hugging my pillow and clutching it for dear life. </p><p> </p><p>"What's up with you?" Bones squinted at me from his textbook. "I haven't seen you so happy since 'Legally Blonde the Musical' came back to Broadway." </p><p> </p><p>"I just had the most wonderful night." </p><p> </p><p>"What, did you finally get into Uhura's pants?" </p><p> </p><p>"Nope." </p><p> </p><p>"Wow, okay. Don't tell your best friend." </p><p> </p><p>"Fine, but you can't laugh." </p><p> </p><p>"I can't promise, but I'll try my best." </p><p> </p><p>"I'm in love." </p><p> </p><p>And he bursts out laughing, smacking his book with his open hand. "You can't be serious!" His laughing stops when my face remains the same. "Oh god, you're serious? Who's the unfortunate bastard?" </p><p> </p><p>"Spock." </p><p> </p><p>Bones' eyes widen in horror and he almost drops the glass in his hand. "This isn't funny, Jim." </p><p> </p><p>I don't say a thing, only bury my head deeper into the pillow. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, Jim. What have you done?" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----</b>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Jim Kirk" Nyota drops her books on the table, scaring the daylights out of me. "What are you doing?" </p><p> </p><p>"I'm studying." </p><p> </p><p>"I'm talking about Spock." </p><p> </p><p>The knot in my throat tightens. </p><p> </p><p>"He broke up with me this morning." </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, I'm so sorry," I try to mask my delight by looking down. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't need pity," She rolls her eyes. "He took me out to breakfast and told me in person. It was actually really sweet. But it was obvious he was infatuated with someone else." She glances at me pointedly. "Listen, I'm not here to fight you or whatever. Spock is really awesome and the fact that we don't go together is just life. I'm here because I need to make sure you are not toying with him." </p><p> </p><p>"Sorry, what?" </p><p> </p><p>"Do you like Spock?" </p><p> </p><p>My face heats up and blood rushes to my ears. "I-I...I dunno-" </p><p> </p><p>"Listen, Jim. Spock likes you." </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Spock likes me. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"And if you aren't entirely sure you like him back, don't lead him on. You both will be hurt if you don't." </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly it all makes sense, a sharp click in my mind. The looks, staring, the way he put his arms around my waist, his smiles, the uncomfortable look when I opened the door being embarrassment and...attraction. </p><p> </p><p>I suddenly stand up. "God, you're the best." I say and give her a hug before dashing off, hearing a "Your welcome I guess" behind me. I'm sprinting down the corridors, hoping and praying Spock's at his dorm. </p><p> </p><p>And finally, I'm here, out of breath and panting like a maniac, probably looking crazy, knocking on the door and trying to straighten my hair. "Spock, hey, it's me!" </p><p> </p><p>The door slides open and Spock stands there in an oversize shirt, boxers, and socks, half asleep and crazy hair. "Jim?" </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, oh my god," My face must be red, radiating heat, "Is someone else here?" </p><p> </p><p>Spock snorts, covering his hand with his mouth. "I did not get much sleep, so after breakfast, I decided to try resting again. Apologies for-" He looks down, very green, so cute. "-the attire. Would you like to come in?" </p><p> </p><p>In one moment, I gather up all of my confidence and just speak. </p><p> </p><p>"I would like to take you to dinner. Tonight." </p><p> </p><p>Spock's eyes widen in surprise. "As your...date?" </p><p> </p><p>I gulp. "Yes." </p><p> </p><p>He scans me, eyes slightly narrowed, trying to sense if I'm fooling him. </p><p> </p><p>"Look, Spock. I know I've been trying to get in Uhura's pants and have been blatant about it, but the more time I spent with you, the more I realized that I was chasing after the wrong person and that you've been right in front of me this whole time. I feel so stupid not having asked you sooner because you. Are. Awesome. I want you so badly. I love it when you hold my hand, and dance with me, the curves in your handwriting, the way you hold me while we ride, I like your vegetarian diet and the way you stare at me, I like you in a tux and spending time with you and just...everything else." </p><p> </p><p>His eyes keep lingering to my lips and he steps closer unconsciously. It feels wonderful watching him watch me. </p><p> </p><p>"Well," Spock sighs breathlessly. "I think it would be a pleasure to be your date." His words are so soft and delicate like cotton candy dissolving in my mouth. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock," I say, consumed by this dream I'm living, taking a step forward myself and cupping his face with my hand. I press my lips against his, at first met with a frozen pair and I start to doubt my instinctual choice, but then his mouth softens and the kiss is everything. His hands slide into my hair as I pull him in by the hips, feeling him shivering against my bare touch.</p><p> </p><p>"Jim," He pants, breaking away but still hovering against my lips and repeats his question. "Would you like to come in?" </p><p> </p><p>"Hell yes," I grin, and push him in, the door zipping behind us.  </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know this chapter ended the same way the last chapter ended, but I wrote this when I was tired so I'm sorry but let's just forget that okay :3, hope you enjoyed!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Bianca</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock's cousin causes some trouble with the captain.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a really bad chapter, and probably even worse after finishing the last chapter, but it gets better, I swear(the next chapter, I mean)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">JIM KIRK        </span>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>Captain's Log, stardate 9173.3</em>
</p><p>
  <em>For the past five days, we've been stationed on Tarsus VI for the crew to receive shore leave. I haven't seen much of my first officer since we arrived, and his time has been occupied by something or someone else. Though I think he's avoiding me, ever since I tried to get him to go on a double date with my girlfriend and her friend. We left early this morning on a course to Vulcan to drop off cargo. </em>
</p><p>"Scotty, where is Mr. Spock?" I glance at the empty chair to my right and sigh. </p><p>"Dunno, captain. Would you like me to send word out?" </p><p>Suddenly the turbolift doors open. "Nevermind, I think I found him." </p><p>There stands a raven-haired Vulcan in a blue uniform. </p><p>But a woman. </p><p>She walks straight up to me, brown eyes and all. "Apologies, captain. I overslept." </p><p>"Sorry, who are you?" I inspect her with narrowed eyes, trying to figure out what in jesus is going on. </p><p>She scoffs in response. "Very amusing, captain." And when she realizes I'm serious, her face falls. "I'm Spock, your first and science officer. We have been friends for years." </p><p>"You're a <em>woman</em>." </p><p>"I-" She looks down at herself in dismay. "I am a female if that is what you are stating. Is that startling to you?" </p><p>"I--no-" </p><p>"I can clarify, I have always been a female, captain." </p><p>"Oh yeah?" </p><p>"Do you recall that scar on your lower back from our visit to the Rohelian Caves of-" </p><p>"That's enough." I focus on someone other than the woman in front of me, pleading in my soul that I'm not crazy. "Sulu-"</p><p>The helmsman turns around with a smile on his face. "Spock, you're late." </p><p>And I smack my forehead.</p><p>
  <em>This has to be a dream. </em>
</p><p> Looking her up and down, she does look like Spock, even the same features, analytic eyes, sharp brows. I'm honestly too tired to care. "You know what, <em>Spock</em>, just go sit down." </p><p>"Actually," She moves closer, a faint buzz in my cheeks when she sits down sideways on my lap. "I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to dinner on Vulcan." </p><p>"Spock-" </p><p>She presses an icy finger to my lips, smirking. Can a Vulcan smirk? <em>Is that possible?</em> </p><p>
  <em>Damn this pixie queen. </em>
</p><p>Spock-not-Spock shifts on my lap intentionally. "I will not take no for an answer." </p><p>I have to swallow before I can answer properly. "I guess I have no choice then." </p><p>At this she smiles, so gently and leans in closer, whispering in my ear. "I <em>hope</em> you want to go out with me."</p><p>"I do..." I say softly, "But this is weird." Somehow I manage to break the spell and gently push her off me. "You are not Spock." </p><p>"Jim, what are you talking about?" </p><p>"I feel like I'm going crazy--YOU. ARE. A GIRL. YOU ARE A WOMAN. MY BEST FRIEND IS MALE." </p><p>The turbo lift opens, but I don't care who it is, still focused on the stranger in my lap. </p><p>"Look, if you don't want to go out to dinner, just say so."</p><p>"I do, but with ACTUAL SPOCK," I yell too quickly, as everyone on the bridge turns to me. Heat radiates from my cheeks. God, why is everyone staring?</p><p>Then I notice they're not staring at me, but something behind me. I turn around and see Spock, the real Spock exit the turbolift. But his hair is uncombed and he's not wearing the usual Starfleet outfit, but an oversize t-shirt and plaid pajama pants like he just woke up. </p><p>"What is going on here?" His voice is low and croaking as he rubs his eyes. "Can someone turn off the lights?" Spock finally sees female Spock and squints. "What are you doing here? Where am I?" </p><p>"Spock," I manage breathlessly before turning to the woman standing in front of me. "Then who are you?" </p><p>"That's Bianca, my cousin," Spock whispers, still not moving. "We met for a couple of drinks last night on Tarsus VI..." </p><p>"And I got him drunk accidentally," Bianca finishes with a shrug. "He really is a lightweight." </p><p>"Then," My voice stops for a moment as I swallow, "What are you doing here?" </p><p>"Well, Spock will tell you anything if he's drunk--and I found out about your lower back and his feelings for you and all that jazz-" </p><p>"Sorry, what?" My throat tightens at that last part, and I turn to the real Spock, who's hiding his face in his hands. If I didn't know better I would say he was too tired to care, but I know better. Especially with the green heat radiating off of him. </p><p>"You both are running around each other like hot potatoes, so I simply fixed the problem. Obviously, I paid everyone off to act like I'm a girl." </p><p>And Sulu shrugs with a 'sorry captain' look, but glancing around the room everyone else is smiling. </p><p>"So he's right there ask him," Bianca gestures to Spock with flirtatious eyes. </p><p>"Umm, Spock...dinner?"</p><p>It's like he doesn't hear me, plowing right through that. "I apologize on behalf of Bianca and the state of my attire...I have been too preoccupied to change." </p><p>"Spock?" </p><p>"Yes, captain?" </p><p>"A date?" </p><p>"Yes, captain." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Break Up(Vulcans Should Be Like Curtains)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim and Spock have a fight about a rumor that Spock is leaving Starfleet.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>JIM KIRK     </b>
  </span>
</p><p>"Are you even listening to me? Spock!" I yell, watching him shift uncomfortably. "Aren't you going to say anything?" </p><p>"What is there to say," He states flatly more than questions. "You demand an answer I do not possess." </p><p>"God, are you always this selfish? I know you have emotions, you green-blooded Vulcan! Tell me why there are rumors of you leaving Starfleet, are you really going?" </p><p>"That is not up to me." </p><p>"Then who is it up to? <em>Surak?"</em> </p><p>"Jim, if I were to leave it would be for a greater cause than Starfleet-" </p><p>"And the greater cause is? What?" I put my hands on my hips, tilting my head furiously. He just sits there, hands folded and shoulders straight. "Go on. Tell me!" </p><p>"...Repopulating New Vulcan." </p><p>"You are a <em>bitch</em>, Spock. We have been dating for three months and somehow, the entire Starfleet Student body found out before I did!" </p><p>"It was not my intention to-" </p><p>"Then how did it happen? We should've <em>talked </em>about it first, together!" </p><p>"I do not understand how that would've affected my choice to depart." </p><p>"We are in a relationship, Spock! There are people who care about you on this ship, this ship you will be saying goodbye to for forever if you go to New Vulcan! It's called common courtesy!" </p><p>"I was planning on telling you of my decision soon and was not aware that it escaped to the student body because I knew you would react this way." </p><p>"How did it get out then?" My voice is flooded with rage as I try to make eye contact with him, but he keeps his gaze to something past my shoulder.</p><p> Suddenly, I'm pacing back and forth through the living room, huffing and swimming in my own thoughts. </p><p>"I can't believe this is happening, I can't believe it...You know what? I need a break. I just need to breathe for a second." I grab my coat off of the rack and walk out the door closing behind me. </p><p>
  <em>Is this it?</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Is this the end of all that we've had together? </em>
</p><p>"Bones," I say into the phone after pressing the contact number. "I need a place to stay." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>THE NEXT MORNING-------------------------</b>
</p><p>"Why don't you go talk to him?" Bones sighs from the kitchen as he cooks eggs in a pan, sprinkling in some basil he grows in a pot by the window. His kitchen is mostly white and light blue, very bright, and simplistic in his own style. My eyes follow the gentle swaying of the blue curtains that let light shimmer in through their threads.</p><p>  <em>Why can't Vulcans be like curtains? </em></p><p>Light, flowing and full of warmth. </p><p>
  <em>God, if only my boyfriend were a curtain, that would make life so much easier...</em>
</p><p>"I'm not ready for that. It'll just be another heated argument." Running my hands through my hair, I examine the situation again. How could he possibly think transferring is a good idea? In that perfectly logical brain of his, it was probably the logical choice, but was it the right one? "I can't believe he's leaving." </p><p>"Well, it sounds like you didn't give him a chance to explain himself." </p><p>"Who's side are you on?" </p><p>The glare he gives me is dangerous. "I don't have a side. You both are my friends and I'm trying my best to help the situation without stepping into it. And my deduction is that you didn't hear what he had to say." Bones walks over with two plates of eggs with diced tomatoes and basil, still trying to read my mind. </p><p>"Maybe, I dunno. He never opposed anything I said." </p><p>"Well, I'm sure you two'll figure it out-," Mccoy says through a bite of egg and swallows "-You're Jim and Spock, the dynamic duo." </p><p>"But what if we don't? What if this is it?" </p><p>"That'll be up to you, Jim. In cases like these, it's choosing that ruins or saves a relationship, not fate. Fate can only take you half the journey." </p><p>I raise my eyebrows in surprise. "Wow, you are really full of wisdom today. Take your vitamin-c?" </p><p>His eyes narrow in his 'prepare to be roasted' way. "No, Jim--I'm just not a dumbass." </p><p>
  <b>----------------------------------</b>
</p><p>I underestimated how bad going back to the apartment was going to be. Everything was clean and orderly except for the hundreds of papers spilled on the floor. </p><p>Literal hundreds. </p><p>And in the middle sat a Vulcan who hadn't noticed my arrival because he was too busy examining the words on the pages through thin rimmed glasses. This was his 'no BS' mode, something he does when he needs to get something done and has no time for anything else. </p><p>The last time that happened, he didn't eat for three days and passed out on the couch for 16 hours once it was complete. </p><p>Not a good sign. </p><p>"Spock." He doesn't even look up. "Spock? We should talk." </p><p>Nothing. He's still sorting the papers, marking them, reaching out for more, and doing it again. </p><p>"Please?"</p><p>His hand reaches out to grab another page but stops. "I thought you and I were, in colloquial terms, 'over'." </p><p>"No, Spock. I just needed a break, that's not the same. It's like hitting the pause button." </p><p>"You would <em>want </em>to resume our argument?" </p><p>"No, but I want to talk about what we were discussing before, in a more...civilized manner." </p><p>"I behaved in a perfectly civilized manner-" </p><p>"Dammit, Spock!" I try to lower my voice from the outburst and take a deep breath, "I'm trying to apologize."</p><p> He still won't look up at me, his head turned to the documents scattered across the floor. "There is no apology needed. You were angry for very valid reasons." </p><p>That Vulcan. The green tint across his face. If we weren't fighting, I'd kiss him. I squat down in front of him, right in front of him. "Are you leaving? Because if so, you should know that I can't wait for you. And I definitely can't go with you. You would be giving up your life here for the colony." </p><p>"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few...or one." </p><p>"Is this what Ambassador Spock would've wanted?" The Vulcan finally looks up at me with a look of either confusion or realization. "Please be honest. Are you leaving?" </p><p>I feel a hand close gently around my wrist and the owner of it whispers, "I have not made a decision yet, Jim." </p><p>"You...you what?" </p><p>
  <em>What in all the land?</em>
</p><p>
  <em> He hasn't made a decision yet and all my hocus pocus was actually for nothing. </em>
</p><p>I was sure he was going to say yes because 'it's logical or whatever Vulcan bs' </p><p>"I have not made a decision. I wanted to confront you first." </p><p>"Why didn't you say so <em>YESTERDAY!?" </em>I yell but I'm smiling. "My god, you're a Vulcan pain in the ass!" </p><p>"I mean, technically-" </p><p>"Don't-" I nearly shove my finger in front of his face "-finish that sentence." </p><p>"It did not occur to me that Ambassador Spock's wish would want me to remain in Starfleet. I think I have come to a decision." </p><p>"And that is?" </p><p>"I am staying." </p><p>"Oh thank god," I wrap my arms around him and feel his face nuzzled into the spot where my shoulder and neck join. "Thank the lord."</p><p>"What does religion have to do with this?" </p><p>"Nothing, you crazy Vulcan." </p><p>"Correction," He states matter of factly, "I am <em>your </em>crazy Vulcan." </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Dream a Little Dream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim is babysitting Joanna and cannot get her to sleep, so he calls in his baby-wizard boyfriend, Spock.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Shh shh, Joanna it's okay!" Jim rocked the screaming baby, doing everything in his power to calm her. "God, nothing's working!" </p><p>They were at a house party and Bones gave her to Jim to watch so he could take a nap for 30 minutes. Her being quiet lasted 1 minute and 4 seconds after he left. Now Jim was walking around the nursery, bouncing her around and trying to keep her quiet with no avail. </p><p>"What is it? What do you want? Are you hungry?" The blonde was seriously panicking now, pulling everything out of the book, anything out of the book. What was it that Spock did to make Joanna so quiet? That's it! </p><p>"Spock!" He shouted, and soon enough, the Vulcan appeared in the doorway still holding his fruity pink drink, looking around for any danger. </p><p>"Jim," The first-officer exhaled, "Is there a reason you yelled my name?" </p><p>"Yes, it's Joanna. I can't get her to calm down." </p><p>The baby paused crying to squeal happily at the sight of her favorite alien. "Spocky!" </p><p>She was the only one who could call him that and get away still breathing. The looks he gave alone were murderous. Then she continued wailing after the moment was over.</p><p>"Spock, please. I don't know what to do. She won't stop crying." </p><p>He gave Jim a quizzical look before moving toward him and taking Joanna in his arms, who's crying lowered a level but still carried on. "Whatever happens in this room," Spock warned, <em>"Stays in this room." </em></p><p>Jim cleared his throat and mumbled a "Right, okay", slightly aroused by this dominant and assertive trait in his boyfriend. It was common knowledge that Spock could shut a baby up in three minutes, having them asleep in four and get them behaving in 5, despite apparently not 'having an interest in children' as he put it. Babies liked him. That was a fact. It was a mystery how he did it, and Jim was about to learn the secrets of the universe. </p><p>But Jim never expected his boyfriend to start singing. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Stars shining bright above you,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Night breezes seem to whisper 'I love you'<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Birds singing in the sycamore tree<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dream a little dream of me." <br/></em>
</p><p>It was so baffling that Jim didn't notice Joanna had stopped crying and instead was staring intently at the Vulcan, who continued singing. </p><p>
  <em>"Say "Night-ie night" and kiss me<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>While I'm alone and blue as can be</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dream a little dream of me"<br/></em>
</p><p> </p><p>His voice was melodic and sweet, a great warmth that anyone would lean into. Spock rocked Joanna gently in his arms as Jim slowly sat down against the wall, his eyes never leaving the singer.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Stars fading, but I linger on, dear<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Still craving your kiss<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just saying this<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you</em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>But in your dreams whatever they be<br/></em>
  <br/>
  <em>Dream a little dream of me</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Stars fading, but I linger on, dear<br/></em>
  <br/>
  <em>Still craving your kiss<br/></em>
  <br/>
  <em>I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear<br/></em>
  <br/>
  <em>Just saying this</em>
  <br/>
  <em>Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you<br/></em>
  <br/>
  <em>Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you<br/></em>
  <br/>
  <em>But in your dreams whatever they be<br/></em>
  <br/>
  <em>Dream a little dream of me" </em>
</p><p><em><br/></em><br/>Jim felt his eyelids grow heavy with every word, a beautiful ballad matching a beautiful voice that lulled him into a comfortable sleep. His head drooped as he tried to stay awake, but it was no use. <br/><br/></p><p>Spock smiled softly at his T'hy'la's eyes fluttering and looked down to see Joanna asleep against his chest. He placed her gently in her cradle and sat down next to Jim, still humming the tune. </p><p>The blonde nodded off, pressing his head against Spock's shoulder until there was nothing but the honeysuckle sound of a voice rocking him gently into a warm, deep, little dream. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. La Fleur de L'amour(And Forced Confessions)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Doctor Mccoy puts truth serum in Spock's tea. Yeah, that was DEFINITELY A GOOD IDEA.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Okay, Mr. Spock. That'll be all," Bones sighed, writing some notes down before handing him a cup of hot tea. "For your troubles." It was sarcastic and matched with an equally sarcastic smile. </p><p>"Thank you doctor," The Vulcan took the cup reluctantly, sniffing it with great suspicion. "It is not customary for you to offer tea after a physical." </p><p>"What, do you not want it?"</p><p>"I said nothing of the sort," He glared at him and took a slow sip, before his eyes widened in surprise. "This particular tea is enjoyable." </p><p>"Your welcome, you stubborn hobgoblin," Bones tried to hide a smile, knowing the syrum should take effect instantly, and when Spock downed the entire cup in one swallow just to hand it back to the doctor empty, he could barely contain himself. "Now get out of here before I give you a hypo for your health." </p><p>Spock nodded curtly before leaving the Sickbay, heading down the hall feeling strange. When he entered the turbolift, he pressed the stop button to just take a breath and focus. Then everything was fine again and the doors opened on the bridge. </p><p>Jim spun around in his chair with a cheeky smile, resting his head on his hand. "Well, well, well." </p><p>"There is no natural deep-level water source anywhere on this starship captain." </p><p>"Okay, Spock," The blonde shook his head in amused disbelief. "How was your physical?" </p><p>"Mccoy was just as irritating as ever," He blurts out. <em>"Wow, that was abnormal.</em>" Spock thought but everyone turned around to face him in confusion. <em>"Why is everyone staring at me?"</em> </p><p>Then he realized he said all of those things out loud. "Jim you've got mustard on your shirt. I can smell it from here." The Vulcan heard a laugh escape Uhura as the captain turned bright red. </p><p>Spock couldn't stop himself from saying that, usually he would simply let him know in private. There was a scent of cologne that wafted through his nose. </p><p>"Chekov, is that <em>la fleur de l'amour? </em>Sulu is a lucky man<em>-"  </em>The Vulcan slapped a hand over his mouth as horror danced across his eyes. Chekov and Sulu looked between each other in bafflement as the rest of the bridge just stared. "Oh my god," Spock gasped behind his hand. "I'm so sorry, I don't know why I said that." </p><p>"Spock..." Jim stood up. "Are you okay? What's going on?" </p><p>The Vulcan just shook his head, hand still clasped on his mouth. This was all a bit confusing because Spock never shared his thoughts as openly as that, and when he did it was in a very objective and obscure way. There was no one who knew that Sulu and Chekov were seeing each other, literally no one except themselves. Spock had only deduced it from obvious clues. </p><p>"How long have you known?" Sulu asked, more impressed than anything else. </p><p>Spock's hand ripped away from his mouth to say "2 months, 18 days, and 5 hours" before both hands were on his mouth and he added with a muffled voice, "It was not my place to disclose the status of your intimate relationship." </p><p>The turbolift doors opened and Bones stood there, so amused and chuckling. "Hey Spock. Have a <em>genuine </em>day? I'm going to be <em>honest </em>with you when I say you look very healthy." </p><p>"What have you done to me, you overgrown bridge troll?" Spock took a deep breath, and even Mccoy stepped back from the Vulcan who looked more surprised than him. "I--I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." </p><p>"You're not sorry, are you?" Bones smiled, actually smiled, but it was devilish. </p><p>"No," It just slipped out. "I think you have poisoned my tea with some type of truth-forcing composite, though I do not know how you acquired it. In fact, I am almost entirely positive your reasoning for doing so is to force a love confession out of me that will result in not only disaster but be the figurative death of all that I have ever cared about. You think a simple serum will bring me to confess my feelings for Jim because you are incorrect and inaccurate for you forgot to factor in that the dominant Vulcan side of me would never put my career in jeopardy for the sake of a lovesick crush!" He ended it yelling, and everyone was silent, staring wide-eyed until he realized what he said. </p><p>Turning in a circle, he looked at all of them with absolute horror in his eyes, before mumbling something like, "As the colloquial term goes 'I screwed up'." </p><p>And he passed Bones to the turbolift, relief flooding him like a tsunami when the doors closed. Spock just wanted to hide under the covers of his bed until this all went away like a bad dream. </p><p>The next day, no one dared talk about what happened, and there was only small talk and light chatter. </p><p>Jim counted the sentences Spock said on one hand, and he didn't even make eye contact with the captain. It was like he retreated inside himself, leaving only a robotic autopilot version to say and speak and act on his behalf.  </p><p>At the end of the day, it was just the two of them left on the bridge. </p><p>Spock and Kirk. </p><p>The blonde kept trying to meet his gaze, but he was pointedly focused on his work, turned completely away from the captain. When there was nothing else left to do, Spock awkwardly moved past Jim and said "Goodnight, sir" before rigidly walking to the turbolift. </p><p>"Spock wait-" Jim jumped up from his chair and slid into the elevator with him. "Might as well catch a ride with my best officer." </p><p>Spock stiffened at the word 'best', looking straight ahead into nothingness. There was a moment of silence before Jim opened his mouth again. </p><p>"So I wanted to talk about what happened on the bridge yesterday-" </p><p>"Captain," Spock didn't look away from the wall, but his voice was raw. "Please don't." </p><p>"I want to tell you that it's alright how you feel-" </p><p>"I would not like to discuss this topic." </p><p>Jim pressed a button on the turbolift that abruptly stopped everything and Spock's eyes finally tore away from the wall, looking at the blonde with confusion. </p><p>"Spock," Kirk turned to face him, his voice just a whisper. </p><p>"What I feel for you, I am ashamed," Was the Vulcan's response, his eyes darting around frantically as Kirk neared closer, eventually placing his hands on the sides of his shoulders. Spock stiffened at his touch, exhaling sharply. "I cannot handle their eyes on me, mocking me behind my back for long." </p><p>"They are not talking behind your back. Spock, I-" Jim's words got caught in his throat as he tried to form a sentence, and heat radiated in his face. "I did something stupid last week." </p><p>Spock just stared at him, his head ever-so-slightly tilted in response. </p><p>"At last week's party, I got drunk. Very drunk. And told everyone that I was in love with you." </p><p>"You<em> what?" </em></p><p>"You were out at the bathroom. That's why everyone was acting so weird. They knew about my feelings for you and didn't know how to say it. That's also most likely why Bones gave you that truth serum." </p><p>"You return my feelings?" </p><p>"For someone so perceptive, you can be so thick-headed." </p><p>"I don't know what the density of my cranium-" </p><p>Jim cut him off with his lips pressed against his own and wrapped his arm around him. The Vulcan's breath hitched at such a surprise, but soon was pushing back against him, moving his hands to cup his face. It was wonderful, feeling his hot lips against his own, how they fit together perfectly like a complete puzzle. When Spock broke away to catch a breath, Jim chuckled and hit the button which started the elevator again. </p><p>They both tried to compose themselves before the door opened, and there was no trace of anything that happened except for Spock's swollen lips and the little smile that was passed between them. </p><p>"Mr. Spock?" </p><p>"Yes sir." </p><p>"Care for a game of chess?" </p><p>"Yes sir." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Amanda's Funeral</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim goes to check on his first officer following the destruction of Vulcan.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">JIM KIRK           </span>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>"Your planet was just destroyed, your mother murdered, and you're not even upset." <br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I will not allow you to lecture me about the merits of emotion."<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What is it like not to feel anger or heartbreak or the need to stop at nothing to avenge the death of the woman who gave birth to you?"<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You feel nothing! It must not even compute for you! You never loved her!"<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Spock!" <br/></em>
</p><p>I jolt awake, my soaked shirt clinging to my skin. Huffing for a breath, I unclench my fists, dropping the sheets I was gripping onto. <em>God, why did I say those things? Does he know I didn't mean them? </em>These restless thoughts bury deep into my mind, drilling their way into every moment until I can't handle it anymore and throw the bed covers back, pulling on pajama pants and making my way to Spock's quarters. The bruises on my neck tingle and almost sting, their deep purple and blue pigment accented against my skin. It's barely 0200, but the urgency undermines all of that, to satisfy my heart and subdue my mind. </p><p>When I reach his door, I realize what this must look like, a sweaty pajama pants blonde with rumpled hair and bare feet standing like a psychotic mess. In a surge of courage, I press the button that alerts my arrival so there's no going back. </p><p>"Spock..." Words drift in and out like a fuzzy feed in my own brain. "It's me, Jim." </p><p>The door opens, but there is no one to greet me, so I step inside cautiously, instantly shrouded in chilling darkness. The only light comes from the floor-to-ceiling window that stretches across one wall, showing off the smeared stars lost behind us on warp speed. Spock's silhouette can be seen against its luminescence, standing there like a snagged shadow ready to be blown away in the wind. </p><p>"Captain," He croaks, not turning around to face me. </p><p>"Spock," I inch forward away from the door, moving closer to the window with every silent step. "I wanted to make sure you were okay." </p><p>"Thank you, captain. Your concern is unnecessary." The reply is deliberately flat, like conveying any emotion would tip him over. </p><p>"How are you feeling?" </p><p>The Vulcan takes a deep breath, sharp and tired. "I feel angry, and that is to put it in its simplest form. Billions of lives were unjustly stolen for a sick revenge plot that won't happen for a hundred years. All of those people...I felt all of those souls wither into ash like they were nothing." He turns to face me, his expression still shadowed by the light behind him. I can't read his intentions. "Like we were nothing." </p><p>"Spock...I am so sorry..." </p><p>"And that on top of the life of my mother. Their lives are on my shoulders now. This is all my fault." </p><p>"Hey, no don't say that-" I whisper, moving toward him, stopping only a few feet away. </p><p>"If I had fixed the problem, none of them would be dead. I failed at protecting the lives of billions of Romulans as well as billions of Vulcans." </p><p>"Spock, <em>don't </em>do this to yourself. There is no one to blame but Nero." </p><p>"Yes Nero," Something murderous coated his voice. "I wish I had done justice by killing him myself. I am s<em>o angry at everyone</em> all the time, I just want it to stop. I need this all to stop." He runs his hands through his hair like he's exasperated. "And then there was you." </p><p><em>Oh god, what've I done.</em> </p><p>"You dared to challenge me at the most vulnerable point of my existence. I see now that it was probably the right path in the end that you took command, but it still hurt." </p><p>"I know," My voice is raspy, eyes widened as he takes a step toward me, then another. "I know, and I'm so sorry." </p><p>He is less than a foot away. "I apologize for hurting you, captain. I was just <em>so</em> angry, so full of <em>rage</em>." </p><p>"Hey, it's okay," I exhale, still not believing that <em>he's </em>apologizing. "We'll get through this together." </p><p>I watch as he takes one step forward, closing the distance between us. Then I feel his lips on mine, rough and flooded with passion. At first, I just stand there, but then I let my mouth slide open and it's everything. Lightning surges through me like an untamed flame, but something cold and wet touches my cheeks. Just as soon as it started, it's over with him breaking away and stepping backward. </p><p>"I-" The Vulcan stutters "I'm sorry." The words are so quiet and whispered so hollowly, my heart twists in pain. Suppressing the urge to hug him, I finally see the true problem. </p><p>"It's okay, Spock." </p><p>I hear him take a deep breath as he tries to wipe the tears off of his face with no avail, and when the urge hits, I can't suppress it. I go to him with one hand on his shoulder and the other wiping away his tears with the end of my shirt sleeve. The most surprising thing is he allows it. </p><p>"It's going to be okay, Spock." I pull him toward me, and he buries his head into the spot where my neck and shoulder meet. His icy tears soak the top of my shirt, and I carefully wrap my arms around him. "This will get easier." </p><p>I don't know how long we just stand there as he cries into my shoulder, and despite all of this new territory, this has never felt so right. My head dips to lean into his shoulder, feeling him quiver and wanting to do everything in my power to stop it. "Do you want me to stay with you?" </p><p>Spock only manages to nod his head before stepping back to give me space. But I take his hand gently, leading him to the bed and sliding in next to him. It is heartbreaking watching one of the best if not the best officers being shattered in front of me, and all he needs is someone to lean and depend on. I feel the Vulcan move closer to me, questioning if he can come any farther. I wrap my arm around his waist for an answer, pressing my face into his hair as he presses his to my chest. His trembling doesn't stop until he's asleep against me. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>THE NEXT DAY----------------------</b>
</p><p>"Thank you for doing this Jim," The Vulcan sighs, holding a candle that blankets him in warm orange light. The shrine is absolutely divine, an array of flowers and candles all centered around an oil painting of his mother. It was the picture on Spock's desk, but now it's here. There are hundreds of tea lights surrounding the shrine, giving off a beautiful glow. </p><p>"Of course," I respond, looping an arm around his waist. </p><p>Each individual candle glows at a varying brightness, flickering unevenly, all glowing, despite it. They all bring light and warmth to an otherwise dim room, and just the death of one of them would bring the room a shade darker. They all contribute to the light and orange hue that blankets the room. With the stars whirring behind the shrine, there is nothing more extraordinary than this simple beautiful view. </p><p>I feel a head against my shoulder and another sigh, noticing how his eyes linger on the painting and its dark shadows, its depth, and highlights. He looks at it like he can feel every finger stroke and every shade of its color. "I miss her so much." </p><p>"I know," I say softly, kissing the top of his head solemnly and we stand there until every single candle flickers out. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. An Accidental Kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim watches Spock sleep on his lap.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a really short chapter, based on an OTP prompt, hope you enjoy anyway!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Jim watched Spock slowly breathe in and out evenly, a perfect balance that he could stare at forever. The first officer was asleep in his lap on the couch in a recreation room that was empty except for them. The silence was absolutely filtered out as the blonde focused on the soft snores coming from the Vulcan, whose face was tilted away from him. He was just trying to enjoy the moment, this moment that could last forever or disappear in a second. </p><p>They had gone out on a mission where Spock did not eat or sleep for four days because Sulu and Chekov got separated from the landing party on an uncharted planet. When they eventually found them, Spock looked so tired, despite his stone-like expression that when they finally got to unwind, he fell asleep on Jim's shoulder and eventually fell to sleep in his lap. </p><p>Kirk was so surprised by the action, but he didn't dare move except to put his jacket around him. For one, Spock really needed the sleep and if he woke up again, he would insist on working. And the second was that Jim wanted to stare at the sleeping, calm expression worn by the love of his life. Not a soul knew except Bones, who understood that Jim wanted to keep this a secret. It was no mystery that Spock was not interested in dating, let alone dating males. But there were small moments where Spock would look at him or grab the sleeve of his shirt "so they wouldn't be separated', when their hands would brush each other, the slight coloring in his cheeks when they talked. </p><p>No, Jim was just imagining it. There was nothing between them. Just friendship...right? The captain felt him lean over Spock, who's usual condescending or critical look relaxed into innocence and prosperity. He pressed his lips to the cold face of his first officer but felt warmth instead, and something soft. </p><p>When he pulled away, he realized he didn't kiss the Vulcan's cheek. Spock had turned toward the blonde...and he had kissed him. A real lips to lips kiss. Heat radiated from his face, a shudder running through his body. Thank god he wasn't awake to witness the embarrassment scribbled on his captain in deep crimson shades. </p><p>For a second, there was absolute silence. Then Spock's eyes shot open, wide, and almost unbelieving. <em>Oh god what have I done</em>, He panicked, scanning the first officer for any sign of disgust or annoyance. Everything was ruined. Jim felt a hand grasp the front of his shirt before he was pulled down toward the Vulcan with a feverish intensity, their lips coming together like puzzle pieces. It was much deeper and more passionate, hot, and when they broke apart, Kirk swore his lips were on fire, tingling madly. </p><p>Spock sighed, closing his eyes contently. "Spock, wait I thought-" </p><p>The Vulcan only shushed him and whispered, "I'm trying to sleep T'hy'la. Ask tomorrow." </p><p>Jim shivered at the low tone of his voice, so smooth like ice, and simply nodded,  gently running his fingers through his lover's hair. His joy consumed him, his thoughts describing something beyond any words. All words except one: <em>T'hy'la. </em></p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. I Can't Feel My Legs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An away mission goes wrong.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>JIM KIRK    </b>
  </span>
</p><p>"Spock, I think this is it..." </p><p>"Captain, let's not lose faith," The Vulcan moves his hand onto mine as we crouch in a crumbled and distorted apartment complex. Any minute a series of nuclear bombs will decimate this area, destroying us with it. The plan was to help get everyone living here out and do a routine scout to make sure no one was left behind, and the Enterprise lost our coordinates. Our communicators refuse to work and now we're going to die on this planet. "The Enterprise is doing their best to locate our current position. But in the chance we do-" </p><p>"I know, Spock. I love you too." </p><p>"Always T'hy'la," He whispers, his face drawing closer to me. "I would like to kiss you now." </p><p>I nod simply, loving the way our lips connect, and despite all of this, there is no one else I would go with. After, we break away to stare into each other's eyes, his starry night sky, and my 'rolling sea' eyes as he calls them. I pull out my communicator one last time and say, "Enterprise, this is the captain. Two to beam up immediately. Enterprise, this is the captain-" I stop myself, looking at Spock with defeat. "It's no use." </p><p>"Don't lose hope. It is all we have left except each other." He whispers, connecting our fingers together, before loosening them again. </p><p>"Enterprise," I try again just for the sake of it, "this is the captain. Please acknowledge." </p><p>There is a buzzing sound followed by a voice. "Captain, this is Scotty! Prepare to beam up!" </p><p>"Spock, we're going home-" </p><p>My voice is cut off with a glowing that swallows us, flowing around us like a million golden threads. When it fades, I'm on the Enterprise, laughing as I turn to Spock saying, "Maybe hope was the answer-" </p><p>But the spot next to me is empty. The glowing has stopped and my smile falls. </p><p>"Scotty?" I turn to him, the air in my lungs becoming tight, and he only looks back at me with mutual horror. </p><p>"I don't know what happened sir...one minute I had him...the transporter malfunctioned..." </p><p>I have to glance back at the pad a couple of times before it gets through my head. </p><p>He's not coming. </p><p>That spot is the coldest and loneliest space I've ever seen. </p><p>There is no time.</p><p>I shuffle through the transporter doors, running down the hall. Get in the turbolift. To the bridge.</p><p>As soon as the doors open again, everyone turns to me, clapping and cheering. Taunting me with the joy that corrodes away into fear in seconds. </p><p>"Captain, where's Spock?" Uhura's face falters. </p><p>
  <em>Where's Spock?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Where is he, Jim? </em>
</p><p>"I don't know," The words come out hollowly as I press a button on the chair and lean forward. "This is your captain speaking. Commander Spock is missing and it is our job to locate him on this planet. For the next 24 hours, all of our efforts will go toward his rescue. Kirk out." My hand drops from the button, but I don't move. </p><p>"Sir?" </p><p>My hands are white pressing against the arms of the chair. I just stand there for another moment and take a deep breath. "You have your orders." My feet move to the viewscreen, hands folded behind my back to keep them from shaking. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>----------------------------------</b>
</p><p>The turbolift doors open and I don't need to turn around to know who it is. "Jim. Can I talk to you?" </p><p>"Bones-" </p><p>"Now." </p><p>Mccoy puts a hand on my shoulder and pulls me to the side. "Jim, what are you doing?" </p><p>"I'm saving my first officer." </p><p>"Not even a Vulcan can survive that and you know it," He sighs, trying to meet my eyes. "He's-he's dead, Jim." </p><p>"Don't say that!" I shout, glaring at him. Bones takes a step back, squinting at me half confused and half shocked. "Spock is not...he's not-" </p><p>"How do you know? The area where you both were was dessimated!" </p><p>"I just know!" Everyone's staring at us, stunned in silence. With one glance around, I take a deep breath<em>. Focus, focus. I have to think like Spock. Emotion is illogical. </em>"I just...know." </p><p>Bones face softens and he takes a step forward, hand still on my shoulder. "I'm worried about you, Jim. Maybe you outta come down to Sickbay." </p><p>"No, no I'm fine. I'm fine. I need to work. I <em>need </em>to find him."</p><p>Then I hear it, like a million mirrors shattering, their pieces splashing into a roaring river that echoes in my ear. </p><p>I take in a deep breath like I'm surfacing out of a sea of ink, finally seeing through the endless black cloud. One word, one strong and more powerful than ever. </p><p>
  <em>Jim. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">SPOCK      </span>
  </b>
</p><p>"Spock, we're going home." </p><p>I hear the bombs right above us, right on top of us as the golden light wraps around me, but I never rematerialize on the starship. I rematerialize in the air, crashing through the floor of a building and landing on marble with a cloud of dust washing over me. Pain shoots through my body, electric and alive like a poisonous snake. I focus my mind to smother out the discomfort and get to my knees, slowly at first, any faster and I might pass out. </p><p>I must get through this. </p><p><em>What would Jim do? What would Jim do...</em> </p><p>My hands slip into my pocket and find my communicator, surprisingly not broken from the impact, simply cracked on the edges.  "Commander Spock to-" I groan through my clenched teeth, a figurative dagger twisting into my ankle "-Enterprise. Spock to Enterprise.." Nothing. </p><p>I require a signal. </p><p>On my knees, I start to crawl. Crawl toward the stairs. </p><p>I must stop the pain. </p><p>A cry escapes my lips as I slowly get to my feet, leaning against the door. </p><p>On adrenaline alone, I anticipate 17 minutes at most I will have to walk to the open and get a signal. </p><p>So I walk. Each step is a riveting pain, but I need to stay strong. Jim would stay strong. </p><p>Jim. </p><p>Our link. </p><p>All of my power suddenly focuses on him. </p><p>Then I say it. His name.</p><p>
  <em>Jim. </em>
</p><p> </p><p><span class="u"><b>JIM KIRK     </b></span> </p><p>"Hey, kid, are you alright? Kid?" </p><p>Bones is gripping both of my shoulders, shaking me when I look at him oddly, "What happened?" </p><p>"You zoned out. Did you see something?" </p><p>"Yes," I let out a breath, "I saw Spock." </p><p>Bones' eyes widen, his grip on my shoulders tightening. "Is he alive?" </p><p>"I think so. And I think I know where he is." </p><p>He doesn't get a chance to speak before I'm into the turbolift, him just barely sliding in before the doors close. "Where are you going?" </p><p>As soon as those doors open, I'm racing down the hall toward the transporter room. "I'm going to find my first officer." </p><p>"Not without me you don't-" </p><p>I whirl around to face him. "Bones, you stay here. I have a feeling he's not in the best condition so you need to be ready to receive him." </p><p>He huffs softly, rolling his eyes. "Fine, but you better know what you're doing." I start to spin around again, but he grabs my shoulder and gives me a look I've only seen twice. "Bring that green-blooded bastard home." </p><p>I give him a quick nod, before standing on the pad and fix my hair. "Okay Scotty. You know what to do." </p><p>Scotty glances at me once and says, "Beaming you to the last coordinates, captain." </p><p>The transporter room dissolves around me, replaced with an orange dusted city, or what's left of it. I need to find my love. I need to find him before it's too late. </p><p>
  <em>Spock. </em>
</p><p>Nothing. </p><p>
  <em>Spock, can you hear me? </em>
</p><p>Not a sound. </p><p>
  <em>Please. </em>
</p><p>I hear a sharp sound, like the ringing of a triangle and then a response: <em>Jim, I need you.</em> </p><p>I see it all, the buildings, walking amongst the rubble, tripping and stumbling. </p><p>There is no time to waste, and I start running, rushing through the debris and wreckage, coming to a stop and spinning around. A dark figure crawls against the golden destruction, his hand stretching to reach out to grab more debris. I have never been more excited to see pointed ears. Those perfect pointed ears. </p><p>"SPOCK! SPOCK!" I make my way over to him, nearly tripping on twisted wire and rocks. The closer I get, the more my heart falls. His hands are covered in red dust, green blood, and bruises decorating his face. "Spock, oh my god." </p><p>"T'hy'la...I can't feel my legs..." He whispers meekly, trying to stand up but collapses into my arms. </p><p>"It's okay, Spock, I'm here." </p><p>"I can't feel my legs..." </p><p>Moving my arms under his knees and swinging him up to carry him bridal style, I press my nose to his. He leans against me, wrapping his arms around my neck and I open my communicator, not taking my eyes off of the trembling Vulcan pressed against me. </p><p>"Scotty, two to beam up." </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Following a Drunk Text Conversation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yes, this is part 2 of 'The Time Kirk Messaged Spock Drunk', the sequel that nobody asked for, so if you need a recap, go back and read it! Sorry the chapter is so short btw I love you all</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  
  <iframe></iframe>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">JIM KIRK     </span>
  </b>
</p><p>My head is spinning and everything hurts. There's a sharp buzzing sound in the distance and everything is louder than it should be. <em>God, what did I drink last night? What happened?</em> Then everything comes back to me along with a sudden ringing. The Bridge gang and I went to the bar last night and got wasted. Everyone except Spock of course. </p><p>
  <b><span class="u">JIM KIRK     </span> </b>
</p><p>My head is spinning and everything hurts. There's a sharp buzzing sound in the distance and everything is louder than it should be. <em>God, what did I drink last night? What happened?</em> Then everything comes back to me along with a sudden ringing. The Bridge gang and I went to the bar last night and got wasted. Everyone except Spock of course. </p><p>
  <em>Spock.</em>
</p><p>I open my phone to messages and exhale a long breath of relief when the last text I sent him was about what pants I should wear for dinner yesterday. Thank god that whole thing was just a dream. </p><p>
  <em> ...I wonder if I even deserve someone as absolutely exceptional as you...</em>
</p><p>I get up, sliding my legs over the side of the bed and rub my eyes tiredly. </p><p>
  <em>Aspirin. Water. </em>
</p><p>Everything hurts. </p><p>Luckily, I'm not the only one suffering from a terrible hangover. When I get to the bridge, both Sulu and Chekov are wearing sunglasses, drinking coffee or some weird tea. Uhura seems fine enough, though she's rubbing her head tiredly. The entire bridge seems to be hungover, all except Spock, who's practically glowing. </p><p>
  <em>Love. </em>
</p><p>"Good morning captain. Have an enjoyable night-?" </p><p>I put out my hand to stop him and whisper, "Spock...shh. Too loud." </p><p>"I will take that as a yes." </p><p>
  <em>...You are completely perfect...</em>
</p><p>"Spock...did we talk last night? About anything?" </p><p>"We did not exchange verbal words last night captain." </p><p>"Okay..." I flop down in the chair, groaning at the light and noise. "Report?" </p><p>"We are on course to Rigel VI, in order to drop off some cargo and will arrive tomorrow if we remain at our current acceleration of warp 4." </p><p>"Thank you Mr. Spock." </p><p><em> ...I am unquestionably in love with every part of who you are.</em> </p><p>The words spin around me endlessly until I force myself up from my chair and look around, searching for something. </p><p>Whose words are those? </p><p>"Spock..." </p><p>"Yes sir," He swivels around with his perfect Vulcan hair and looks at me with his perfect Vulcan eyes. </p><p>"Nevermind, it's nothing..." </p><p>My pad vibrates next to me and I grab it, looking for the notification. </p><p>It lights up the screen. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>------Screenshots saved------ </em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Curiously, I click on a picture and it expands to full view. </p><p>Then everything comes back to me. I scroll through the pictures, not sure whether I should be more embarrassed or shocked. My brain decides both as my face burns up like a firecracker. Oh my god, I can't believe I said those things...I can't believe <em>he </em>said those things. </p><p>"Spock," My voice cracks and I clear my throat gruffly before continuing, "Spock, I need you in the turbolift." </p><p>"Yes sir." He looks slightly confused, trying to calculate my actions and see what I'm planning. He quickly walks beside me and the turbolift doors close behind us. </p><p>"Spock, did I text you last night?" </p><p>Green brushes his features lightly as his eyes dart away. "I am not certain whether you-" </p><p>"Spock." </p><p>"Yes, captain. You did." If he weren't a Vulcan, I'd think he is ashamed. </p><p>"I didn't say anything unusual to you or make you uncomfortable?" </p><p>"I do not see the relevance of the question." His hands are folded behind his back, but his eyes are fleeting, shifting his weight on his feet. </p><p>"Spock, you wrote me a love confession." </p><p>The doors decide to open and he glances at me once before marching out of the turbolift down the hall, away from me. In that one moment, I have never seen more alarm on my first officer's face in all my years of knowing him. </p><p>"Spock, wait!" I charge after him, grabbing his hand. I hear a gasp and watch him turn around to face me. I feel him tense against my touch, shoulders stiff and eyes wide. "I don't want to hurt you. I like you. I like you a lot." Somehow, I can sense his panic and anxiety, his reluctance, but also his love. It's warm and bright like a blazing fire that I want to be swallowed up in. "Let me inside that bubble you keep yourself so safely kept in. Let me love you." </p><p>He takes a step closer, focusing on our intertwined hands, and opens his mouth slightly, but words don't come out. "Did you read the messages?" </p><p>I can only nod softly and wrap an arm around his neck, pulling him only inches away. "Every single one. How many times have you deleted our drunk conversations?" </p><p>His throat moves as he gulps slowly. "Four times." </p><p>"Oh my god. Wow..."</p><p>"And? Do you like me?" He quotes my words with a gentle streak of confidence.</p><p>"Spock," A smile spreads across my face, "I love your haircut and your little smiles of approval. I love your courage and loyalty, how every decision is perfectly calculated. I think you are perfectly wonderful being just who you are, being a child of both worlds, being a person of my world. I don't know what I'd do without you, heaven forbid you disappear for 2 minutes, this whole starship would be on fire. I love just everything about you from your head to your toes and I would really like to kiss you right now-" </p><p>He lets a small smile crack across his face, eyes glistening like the secrets of the universe are locked away and he's staring at it. </p><p>"Right, I'm...I'm rambling. So. To answer your question, I would have to say that-" I take a deep breath "-despite not being worthy of you at all, I am unquestionably in love with every inch of you and every part of who you are." </p><p>"Jim I-" He's cut off by my mouth on his after I pull him down into a kiss our lips melting together like fire on fire, deep and intensely crazy. Spock pushes me against a wall and a grunt escapes me as we break away, panting like two maniacs. "Apologies, I have been compromised." </p><p>"<em>Oh what a horrible thing</em>," I can't help but grin, watching him turn green, before smashing our faces together once again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N: BAHAHAAHA THE BALLAD OF BILBO BAGGINS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I'M LAUGHING SO HARD I'M ALMOST CHOKING OMGG </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Terran Social Media(Spock's Snapchat)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock experiments with snap chat, which goes WeLL oF cOurSe.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is based on the prompt below and I hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>Spock looked down at his PADD, watching the notifications light up the screen, all from Jim and Mccoy. The captain usually sent him shirtless selfies and the doctor sent him pictures of random objects with strange captions. It was all very fascinating, studying this side of behavior on social platforms. He was not quite used to the culture that surrounded 'Snapchat', which he had originally called 'Snape-chat' only to <em>not </em>be corrected by anyone for the duration of a week. This was simply a social study of the capabilities of a human in a leisurely environment. So far, to every message, he replied like he always did: with a black screen and some text or a simple monotonous selfie of himself. </p><p>But today, he had a different idea of how to respond. Spock opened up the notifications from Bones first, just random pictures of stress balls and medical tools with corny jokes. He hesitated when opening the captain's, usually over sexualized pictures of his chest or body. On seeing the last photo, Spock almost dropped his pad. Jim was legitimately naked except for underwear slung low on his hips and a tie. </p><p>
  <em>What kind of a game is this? </em>
</p><p>Spock never reciprocated any of these messages or feelings, specifically because he knew Jim was simply messing with him, trying to make him squirm. It wasn't personal. The captain had quite a reputation with flirtatious habits, whether he indulged in them or not. Spock was just his latest receiver of this attention, however unwarranted it was. No, the Vulcan needed Jim to stop this borderline harassment and distraction tactics using his attractive physical attributes. Spock pressed the camera button and angled it carefully before taking a photo and sending it. </p><p>Just a simple experiment. </p><p>And the reaction was instantaneous. Messages burst across his screen, and he read them trying not to smile. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-----10 MESSAGES FROM---imadoctor_notanescalator</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Spock </b>
</p><p>
  <b>Spock are you alright</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Report to sickbay right now</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A demon has definitely possessed you </b>
</p><p>
  <b>you green blooded bastard</b>
</p><p>
  <b>are you drunk </b>
</p><p>
  <b>seriously are you ill</b>
</p><p>
  <b>is it that sickness whosawhatsit</b>
</p><p>
  <b>oh. Ponfarr</b>
</p><p>
  <b>you get your vulcan ass down here </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <b>-----13 MESSAGES FROM---mrsexypantsonthebridge1701 </b>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <b>SPAHK </b>
</p><p>
  <b>WHAT </b>
</p><p>
  <b>WHAT IS THAT </b>
</p><p>
  <b>WHAT ARE YOU DOING</b>
</p><p>
  <b>OMG CUTENESS OVERLOAD</b>
</p><p>
  <b>ARE YOU DRUNK </b>
</p><p>
  <b>DO YOU NEED LOVE </b>
</p><p>
  <b>OMG YOU HAVE TEETH </b>
</p><p>
  <b>SOOOOOOO CUTTEEE </b>
</p><p>
  <b>OMG OMG OMG </b>
</p><p>
  <b>IM DYING </b>
</p><p>
  <b>SPOCK GET TO THE BRIDGE RIGHT NOW </b>
</p><p>
  <b>WAIT IS THAT PIC A REPLY TO MY UNDERWEAR AND TIE </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Spock sighed contently, putting his PADD down and not replying to either of them. More messages came from Jim, and the Vulcan noted 23 more vibrations from the device but didn't glance at them. Instead, he left his PADD in his quarters and went to get lunch. </p><p>On the other side of the starship, Jim was gasping for air as he ran through the corridor to sickbay. "BONES. BONES. I need advice about Spock again!" </p><p>He only sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Why me?" </p><p> "Well, because-" </p><p>"It's called a rhetorical question, Jim." </p><p>"Right, okay. Spock sent me this picture in response to my naked photo-" </p><p>"Just stop right there." The doctor put out his hand to shush him. "You sent him a naked photo?" </p><p>"I-" Jim jerked his head to the side "Well in my underwear and a tie." </p><p>"Ew Jim." Bones cringed. "That's so gross. He sent me a photo too." He grabbed his PADD and showed the blonde, who's smile fell. </p><p>"I thought...he only sent that to me." His lips puckered into a pout, eyes full of disappointment and a pang of jealousy. "Man, I thought he liked me." </p><p>"He's a Vulcan. If he liked you, you would never know if he didn't straight up tell you." Bones groaned seeing the captain still stirring uncomfortably looking for another answer. "If it's such a big deal, tell him." </p><p>"He won't respond to my texts, like how blatant can I be?" </p><p>"Jim, he's a Vulcan. If someone was spamming you, you'd think what?" </p><p>Kirk gasped, "I would think it was a joke." </p><p>"Exactly," Bones patted his shoulder roughly, "Now go confront him like a Vulcan." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>----------------------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, Spock." </p><p>"Greetings, captain." The Vulcan didn't even look up from his PADD, scrolling through an article about acid rain. </p><p>Kirk took a deep breath, summoning up all of his confidence. "I would like to ask you to dinner." </p><p>"Is that an order?" Still not impressed, the first officer's eyes traced the screen. </p><p>"No, it's a request." </p><p>He looked up finally, confusing lacing his words. "As your first officer-" </p><p>"As my date." Jim let a smile break across his lips to show his sincerity. </p><p>"I'm not sure I understand." The blonde could see his software glitching, unable to how to respond accordingly and it was sort of endearing. Jim leaned over the Vulcan sitting at his science station, who's shoulders straightened at the shortened distance between them. "Sir?" </p><p>"I like you...a lot. I would like to take you out to dinner as my date. Not as my first officer. Not as commander to commander. Just us." Spock opened his mouth to say something, but Jim cut him off again to add, "Not as friends either. I'm serious, Spock. I think you're awesome." </p><p>"I-" Spock blinked in shock and slight amusement, "I am free tomorrow. At 1900. Don't be late." </p><p>And he stood up from his chair, trying to hide the growing grin on his face as he walked away, hands folded behind his back. His face almost broke as Jim pumped his fist up in the air and yelled 'YES' a little too loudly. Thankfully, he didn't. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Spock's Human</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A transporter malfunction splits Spock into his two primary personalities.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Captain's Log, Stardate 8365.2 </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>We have just come into standard orbit of the planet Erides III in the Rana System on a mission to collect data from the science station on said planet. At the request of the science officer and my first officer, Spock, he beamed down alone not only on terms of profession but to reunite with an old friend. He has just beamed back aboard and we are preparing for warp. </em>
</p>
<p>"Scotty, has Spock been beamed up?" I lean over the comm, listening for a certain Scottish reply. "Scotty?" </p>
<p>"Sorry sir, I was out on my coffee break. My wee lad Drew manned the operation while I was gone. He says Spock should be up right away." </p>
<p>My shoulder muscles relax hearing he's onboard. "Okay Sulu, on my order prepare to warp out." </p>
<p>The turbolift doors open and there are two identical voices speaking, one much more enthusiastic than the other.</p>
<p>"-But you have no idea how cute he was! It should be <em>illegal </em>to be that adorable, how can I keep living like this if I have to shut myself in a box that is currently on fire-" </p>
<p>"I was there, I know." </p>
<p>Two figures walk past me, everyone on the bridge turning at the sound of the voices. One of them is donned in maroon Vulcan robes, his hands folded neatly in front of him and the other is skipping along beside him, wearing an oversize purple sweater and jeans that are cuffed at the bottom. </p>
<p>"Spock?" </p>
<p>"Yes?" They say simultaneously, both turning to me. </p>
<p>I nearly fall out of my chair. They both have the same face. They both look like  my first officer. The Vulcan one looks like a Vulcan, like Spock, but with a less amused face and not as much expression in his eyes. The sweater one looks like Spock too, if Spock's hair was brown instead of raven and he doesn't have a bowl cut, it's more wavy. Also, the ears. Sweater boi doesn't have Vulcan ears and he wears round glasses. If Spock was a human, he'd look exactly like that. </p>
<p>"Oh my god," The sweater one leans toward the Vulcan one and whispers, "Why is he staring at me like that? Spock, why is he staring at me like that? Do you think he knows?" </p>
<p>"Spock," The other one whispers turning his head to face him, "I suggest you refrain from speaking in front of the captain's presence thus you should say something <em>unintended</em>." </p>
<p>"Oh," The sweater boi flushes bright red, hiding his face in his hands, which is seriously adorable like oh my god <em>smol bean</em>. "Right, yeah." </p>
<p>"Excuse me," I finally find my voice, "What is happening here?" </p>
<p>"I'm not sure I understand." The Vulcan responds, raising one eyebrow. </p>
<p>"Who are you?" </p>
<p>"Captain," The Vulcan sounds slightly offended, drawing his head back, "I'm Spock." </p>
<p>"And I-" The sweater boi pipes up, moving his hands from his face "I am also Spock." </p>
<p>"What?" Uhura stands up, voicing the confusion we all feel. </p>
<p>"I do not see the issue here." </p>
<p>"No, I think I get it." Uhura smiles, drawing nearer. "Spock's human." </p>
<p>"Sorry," I turn to face her, with her smiling self as she walks toward the 'two Spocks'. "Do you mean Spock is human or that-" I point to the sweater boi, who bites his lip deep in thought"-is Spock's human?" </p>
<p>Suddenly Scotty runs onto the bridge, resting his hands on his knees out of breath. "Captain," He wheezes, "There's been a malfunction in the transporter oh no-" He stops when his eyes fall on the two people in the middle of the room, looking at them with panic on his face. "It's too late." </p>
<p>"WHAT IS GOING ON." My voice shuts everyone up quick enough. </p>
<p>"Sir," Scotty takes a step forward and gestures to the two twins, "Spock went through the transporter beam just as the malfunction occurred. I think what happened was it spliced him in half by his two most pronounced personalities. In this case human-" He nods to the sweater boi before turning to the monotonous one "and Vulcan." </p>
<p>"That...strangely makes sense. Wait, so I'm looking at the emotional side of Spock?" I turn to look at him and his adorable round glasses and his purple sweater. </p>
<p>"I do. Wait, what are we talking about?" His face turns red, eyes widening at the sight of the smile cracked across my face. There's a snort from Uhura and an eyeroll from the Vulcan(but it was probably just the light). </p>
<p>"This is why I keep you in a box." The Vulcan sighs, "How would you survive without me?" </p>
<p>"Maybe I would survive if you didn't smother me all the time." Human Spock snaps back, shuffling away from the middle of the room to stand in front of the viewscreen. "I'm a part of him too, you know. We need to work together if we are going to live. No more frickin boxes." </p>
<p>"I cannot promise to not suppress you," The Vulcan walked over to stop at his side, "It is my job to keep you in check." </p>
<p>"Fine, but at least let me help make decisions. I am just as important as you are to him." </p>
<p>"Agreed. I'm glad we could come to an arrangement, although it was produced by a severe situation that brought us here." </p>
<p>"Scotty, how do we bring Spock back?" I speak up, clearing my throat, "Hopefully in one piece this time." </p>
<p>"I think we just need to beam him down and beam him back up to the ship. We fixed the malfunction, so it should work." </p>
<p>"Okay, Spocks" I try not to laugh as they both turn around. "Are you ready-?" </p>
<p>The turbolift doors open and out comes Bones, looking like a thunderstorm. </p>
<p>"What is all this ruckus I'm hearing about Spock--oh god. It's my worst nightmare." He turns to me with a horrified look. "What have you done?" </p>
<p>"Absolutely nothing," I give him my best smirk before focusing back on the Spocks. "Are you guys ready?" </p>
<p>The Vulcan automatically says "Affirmative" at the same time as the human says "Not quite." </p>
<p>"What do you mean not quite?" The Vulcan gives him a death stare like 'why do I have to put up with your crap'. </p>
<p>Human Spock just shrugs. "I just need to do a few things because heaven knows when I'll be able to have control like I do." He shuffles across the room to Bones and surprisingly--<em>like oh my god-</em>-gives him a hug.</p>
<p> At first the doctor just stands there, but eventually wraps his arms around sweater-wearing dork, half in confusion and half in amusement. "Okay Spock, just go...turn back into your bastard self." </p>
<p>Vulcan Spock only nods to Mccoy in that mutual respect kind of way, but there is admiration in both pairs of eyes. </p>
<p>Human Spock gives Uhura a hug before stopping in front of me, a light blush lacing his cheeks. When he gives me a hug, he whispers something to me that sets my heart aflame and my only stuttering response is "See you around Spock." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <b>----------------------------------</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The turbolift slides open and Spock stands there stoically with his hands folded behind his back. Everyone watches as he steps onto the floor and nods to me in acknowledgment. "Captain."  </p>
<p>"S-Spock," Still stumbling over my words, my face burns like hot lava. </p>
<p>The expression he gives me is one of confusion before sitting down at his station and working. No one says anything for the rest of the day, and even when I stand up to call it a night with no one else on the bridge, there is Spock at his station, working away. </p>
<p>"Spock um, can I talk to you?" </p>
<p>"Of course captain," He doesn't even hesitate or get up from his station, still leaning over his work. </p>
<p>"Do you remember what happened after you were beamed up?" </p>
<p>"I do not understand. I was beamed aboard and then I reported here to you." </p>
<p>"You don't remember the transporter splicing you into two people?" </p>
<p>"That...no sir?" </p>
<p>"There was a malfunction while you were beaming up and you came out as your two most prominent personalities. Vulcan and uh..oh Human." The last part I say with a playful smile, chuckling when he squirms uncomfortably.</p>
<p>"The doctor did inform me about the scenario you are discussing, but I chose not to believe him. How much of my...human side did you see?" </p>
<p>Avoiding that question, I walk toward the viewscreen, illuminated by the stars smeared across it like a Van Gogh painting. "I had no idea that purple was your favorite color." </p>
<p>"Other than black, I find it a very pleasing shade." His shoulder brushes mine as he moves next to me. </p>
<p>I remember back to what human Spock said to me when he hugged me. </p>
<p>
  <em>"Jim, I know it may not seem like it, but I am in love with you, madly. If you ask me out, I'm probably going to mention something about my duties to Starfleet or my Vulcan heritage. Push me, because I do want you, despite all of my protests. Have courage, because confidence is hot. Ask me somewhere quiet and intimate and don't you dare screw this up." </em>
</p>
<p>"Spock, I want to have dinner with you. I like you a lot. Nothing fancy, just us." </p>
<p>The green flush in his cheeks blooms darker with every word. "Captain, I would love to have dinner as your first officer-" </p>
<p>"I'm asking you on a date." </p>
<p>He turns to me sharply, "My position at Starfleet prohibits me from-" </p>
<p>His voice is silenced when I take a step closer, our chests almost touching. "Don't bullcrap me Spock. I know you have feelings. Don't you want me?" </p>
<p>"I-" The Vulcan's eyes linger down to my lips "I want...yes." </p>
<p>"Yes to what?" A smile lights up my face. <em>You want me? </em></p>
<p>"I would like to have dinner with you." </p>
<p>"As my date, not as friends or anything?" </p>
<p>"Yes, Jim." </p>
<p>"Oh my god, I never thought you'd say yes!" </p>
<p>And he gives me one of his looks, "There should have never been any doubt." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. The Ring(1,000+ Reader Special)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim tries to find a way to propose.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">JIM KIRK    </span>
  </b>
</p><p>I don't quite know what made me fall in love with him: his raised eyebrow, dark hair, gentle eyes, his loyalty and devotion, his soft words that sound like a hidden summer, or maybe the deep way he says his name when we spend the night together.</p><p> No, I think the thing that really did it was all of those small smiles he'd give me when he thought none one else was looking. Ever since I got Sarek's blessing, I've been planning the perfect way to propose. Bones and I went ring shopping, and he actually shed a tear saying 'my babies've grown up' over and over. We decided on a silver ring with a small diamond at the center, simple but elegant. Still expensive as hell, though. Like you want me to pay $3,000 for a <em>rock</em>? </p><p>Still, it will all be worth it when that Vulcan says yes. </p><p>We've been dating for a little more than two years, and known each other long before that. We danced around each other like tweeting birds unaware their mutual feelings. Two years of absolute perfection followed after we confessed to one another. And it has been wonderful. The smallest moments are the most enjoyable when he touches my arm or hugs me from behind. It is a blissful paradise I've been swallowed into. </p><p>"Are you alright, Ashayam?" Spock's voice brings me back to the present and I remember where I am, laying down on the bed with my head in his lap while he reads a book above me. </p><p>"Yes, I'm fine. Perfect, actually." A light crawls inside me when the smallest smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. "I love you so much." </p><p>"I love you too." He whispers back, his eyes falling on mine with a glistening warmth that makes me want to propose right now. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----------------------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p> Everything has to be absolutely perfect for tonight, everything. Nothing can go wrong, and I have the whole night planned out flawlessly. </p><p>"Jim, make sure you have the ring and oh! Don't forget to smile!" Bones pats my suit collar into place, his eyes already misty. He takes a step back to admire his work with a simple nod. "You look like a Georgia peach." </p><p>I'm dressed in a nice navy blue suit and peach tie(by Bone's suggestion). It strangely works together, and I review my plan one more time before slipping my hand into my coat pocket for the satin jewelry box. "Thanks Bones I have a date." </p><p>He gives me one last hug and whispers, "<em>You better come home engaged</em>." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----------------------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The letter I left on the bed this morning while Spock left reads: </p><p>
  <em>My love, </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There will be a car waiting outside our apartment at 17:30 today to take you to a special place. I will meet you at the end of your journey. Table 14. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>xx Yours </em>
</p><p>
  <em>PS. Dress formally!  </em>
</p><p>The restaurant I chose for tonight is pretty fancy. It's the first real date we went on after coming home from our five-year mission in space. It is also going to be the beginning of our splendid night. It's pretty high class. I had to make a reservation a month and a half ago. I wait at our table, tapping my foot under the satin tablecloth. Checking my watch for the fourth time is not helping my anxiety either. The time is 18:01 and my boyfriend is nowhere to be seen. </p><p>"More water?" A waiter is suddenly standing right in front of me, offering with a water pitcher. </p><p>"Oh um, no thank you," I gulp, trying to look past him for any sign of a Vulcan. </p><p>Then all of a sudden, a figure turns the corner, eyes searching and holding a piece of paper in his hand. My heart jumps at the sight of him, in a back suit and a lilac tie. </p><p><em>Oh my god, he came.</em> </p><p>I mentally slap myself for that. <em>Of course he came, he's completely wonderful. </em></p><p> When he sees me, his eyes light up and he walks toward me with glee in his eyes. "I would ask what all of this is, but I don't want to ruin the surprise." </p><p>"No, you don't," I can't help but wink, gaze following him as he sits down across from me.</p><p>"What are you planning on ordering?" </p><p>"The New York steak, as usual. And for you, let me guess-" I mock think and we say at the same time, "the Cygnus green salad." </p><p>"You know me very well, ashayam." His hand slides across the table to find mine, a tingling sensation zipping through me when we make contact. </p><p>"Hello," The waiter who gave me water smiles holding out what looks like a PADD to take our orders, "My name is Ian and I'll be your waiter today. Can I get you started with anything?" </p><p>"Actually I think we're ready to order." </p><p>"Okay, what can I get you." </p><p>I tilt my head to Spock with raised eyebrows like 'you wanna go first?'. </p><p>"Can I please have the Cygnus green salad?" </p><p>"And for you?" The waiter turns to me. </p><p>"I'll have the New York steak please." I smile as he nods back and walks away with our orders. </p><p>The waiter comes back with water and stands beside Spock. He's young and his hands are shaking as he holds the pitcher over the glass. The poor kid clumsily dumps the entire ice pitcher into Spock's lap. The Vulcan inhales deeply, standing up in shock as water soaks down his pants. </p><p>"Oh my god," A laugh escapes me breathlessly, watching the waiter stumble over an apology. </p><p>My boyfriend's face is bright green with every moment this goes on, but when he sees me dying of laughter, the tension in his shoulders relaxes. This is not my first disco 'with water in the lap' situation so I grab him by the arm and lead him into the bathroom. We spend at least 15 minutes drying his pants, him blushing madly everytime the door opens and me grinning wickedly fanning his crotch and watching him turn impossibly greener with every second. </p><p>"You are so adorable," I whisper, kissing his cheek softly. Once the wetness is only just a damp shadow, we go back out to the restaurant and sit down. "I don't know who was more embarrassed, you or that poor kid." </p><p>"I am not embarrassed," Spock coughs awkwardly, "I was just shocked by the temperature of the water that came into contact with my...body." </p><p>"Mmhm, <em>sure</em>. You're <em>totally </em>not embarrassed that you got ice cold water dumped on your crotch." I reach out for his hand again and he takes it without hesitation. "You're adorable when your face is all green like that." Naturally, it only makes him more flushed, and he squeezes my hand affectionately. The waiter comes back, scarlet in the face with our food, and sets down our plates in front of us. </p><p>"I'm so sorry about the water, sir. And if I caused any disturbance-" </p><p>"There is no need to apologize. It was an accident," Spock interrupts with a soothing tone he's used on people sometimes to calm them. </p><p>"Oh um..okay then. Enjoy your dinner," The waiter smiles, almost bowing with his head slightly before leaving again. </p><p>We talk and eat in comfort, without any more disasters, and by the time we finish and walk out of the restaurant, its like 20:00. It's a cold night tonight, colder than usual, even in winter. "I really enjoyed this evening, Jim. It reminded me of our first date." The corners of his mouth upturn in delight as he leans in to kiss my forehead. </p><p>We get into a cab and drive home, the city streets smudged into blue lights in the window. Our shoulders brush as we step out of the cab and get into the elevator, fingers intertwining. But instead of pressing the button to our floor, I press the roof button, and Spock glances at me with confusion, mouth open in protest. </p><p>"I'm just a fan of the moon at this hour," I interrupt him with a wink, and his mouth closes with a pop. When the doors open, I hear a gasp escape my boyfriend as his eyes sparkle with the light of a million candles. In front of us is a rooftop flooded with orange twinkling candles and the sweet sound of a violin playing a romantic ballad. Rose petals scrape the floor, vibrant red against the creme colored floor. Bouquets of roses rest against the short wall across from us, and the sky. It looks like an oil painting painted by the hand of love, beautiful and innocent. </p><p>"Jim," He sighs incredulously, turning to me with the most adoring eyes, "What is all of this?" </p><p>"Would you-" A deep breath "-Like to dance?" </p><p>I taught him how to dance. It took a surprisingly long amount of time. He takes my hand as I move my other around his waist and his to my shoulder. Then I take the first step and we dance with the honey-like sound of the music enveloping us in the night. </p><p>"Do you know what I love most about you?" </p><p>"What?" Amusement colors his voice, matching the sugary look in his eyes. </p><p>"I love your smiles, and your morning hair, the way you tie your shoes. I love when the tips of your ears go green, and when you bend over your station with that blue light, your loyalty and bravery, your kindness and your fondness of cats. I love when you run your hands through my hair and the sweet way you same my name like it's a gift. I love every inch of your body and every word that comes out of your mouth." </p><p>"You...you are too kind," He looks away bashfully, green blooming across his face. Spock presses his face into my shoulder and I kiss the place where his jaw and neck meet. </p><p>"I'm being honest. I'm in love with you," I whisper in his ear as we spin around, still swaying in the gold light. "I'm madly in love with you." </p><p>"I love you too, Ashayam. Just ask me what you have been anticipating all night." </p><p>"What?" I stop moving for a second to look at him and his eyes full of love and dreams. "You knew?" </p><p>He lets out a snort. "You went on a 'business trip' with Bones on a Saturday at 15:00. You did not suspect I would be suspicious?"</p><p>"Just let me do my thing, <em>pointy</em>." I watch him wrinkle his nose playfully at my teasing. "I'm so in love with you that I don't think I can go another day without knowing you are mine 'til death do us part. I want to grow old with you and go on adventures in the middle of the night and go to that sandwich shop down the street, be able to tell you everything with no fears and I want to go to bed seeing your face. But most importantly, I want to wake up seeing your face and know that I will see your face every day for the rest of my life." Taking a step back, I lower myself to one knee, like Bones and I practiced several times(I kept falling over) and reach for the ring in my coat pocket, feeling its fuzzy box material and pull it out. </p><p>I also practiced saying his whole name just for this moment. </p><p>"S'chn T'gai Spock, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?" </p><p>"Yes," He exhales, a grin taking over his face. "Always yes." </p><p>And just now, it starts snowing. Little white clusters, soft and cold all around us, like a shaken snowglobe. I can't help but laugh, baffled at Spock's gentle laughter joining me. "This is definitely a universal sign we need to get married." </p><p>"Naturally," He chuckles and sits down on my knee, trying to contain his joy as I slide on the silver band. </p><p>A large snowflake lands onto his nose and I snicker softly, "Oh you've got a little something-" </p><p>"Where-" </p><p>"Right there." And I pull him toward me into a kiss, feeling his arms wrap around my neck, kissing me back with a passionate intensity. I move one hand to wrap around his waist, the other to cup his face. When we break apart, we both draw in a deep breath and just gaze at each other with a new static. I take his hand and pluck a rose with the other, offering it to him. He takes it eagerly, pressing it to his nose and closing his eyes as we walk into the elevator. </p><p>"So," I start, buzzing excitedly, "Not a bad date?" </p><p>"Aside from the pitcher incident, it was perfect."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If it wasn't obvious, I originally wrote this fic on Wattpad, so even though I don't have a thousand reads on this platform, on Wattpad, I did and it was a big thing for me. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! Also, apologies for the amount of times I say 'absolutely'. It's not even a second thought to me. </p><p>xx B <br/>❤❤❤❤❤❤❤</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. PDA</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock runs annual PDA meetings and Jim is NOT impressed.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This might actually be my favorite chapter in this fic honestly, I just think it's so funny omg! Okay, Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sulu was sitting at the helm, working when his lovely boyfriend came up behind him and wrapped his arms around him, giving him a kiss on his neck and holding a rose in front of him. "Happy Walentine's Day!" </p><p>The helmsman let out a chuckle, "Chekov, it's not Valentine's-" </p><p>"It's Walentine's Day in Russia," Chekov said quickly, giving him another kiss. There was a scoff and everyone turned to face where the sound came from, but there was only a Vulcan suddenly very fixed on his work. The crew and bridge(especially the bridge) knew just how much Spock abhorred 'meaningless celebratory holidays revolving around tacky romance' and in retaliation to it all, he held PDA meetings annually, usually on Valentine's Day. That was how long he could put up with relationships. It was August and he already snapped. He couldn't even last half a year. </p><p>Spock stood up abruptly, hands behind his back as he stated, "There will be a mandatory PDA meeting at 1400 hours in the recreation room for the bridge <em>only</em>."</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----------------------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>"Hello and I thank you all for coming-" </p><p>"You forced us here," Jim whispered and there was chuckling through the room. </p><p>Spock elected to ignore that and continued, clicking into a powerpoint. "Okay, I want to start off by asking you what PDA is. Naturally, you should all know." </p><p>"Peeving Disappointed Asshats," The blonde chortled, once again causing a sea of quiet laughter. </p><p>"PDA stands for Public Displays of Affection, which is not acceptable in professional environments such as this one. There has been a recent display of behavior that is not permitted in said environments that fall under the category of PDA. Examples include kissing, groping, hugging-" </p><p>"Hugging?" </p><p>"And any other contact beyond that of a formal greeting. I have gotten several complaints on PDA and though they will be left anonymous, please know that your displays make people uncomfortable." </p><p>Jim leaned back and whispered, "And all of them are named Spock." </p><p>Spock glared at Jim with a fierce intensity that stopped all of the muffled laughter. "Without the disruption, I will proceed." </p><p>There was a pause. </p><p>"Good." He drew in a sharp breath. "I would also like to stress professionalism on the ship. Treat everyone as  a respected equal and if you are in a relationship, you may want to disclose it to Starfleet. Now I would like to show some examples of what is <em>not </em>proper conduct-" </p><p>Jim shot up his hand and flashed one of his pearliest smiles"Do you need a volunteer?" </p><p>There was a roar of laughter from the room, which went on for a few joyous seconds. </p><p>Then Spock stated with an undertone of ice, "<em>Shut up or sleep alone</em>." </p><p>The whole room went silent. Especially Jim, who was now bright red with his lips pursed tightly. After a long moment of silence, Spock nodded contently and continued, "Thank you. Alright, some conduct that is not permitted may appear as..." </p><p>
  <b>-----------------------------------</b>
</p><p>There were whispers and murmuring as they left the rec room, all huddled in groups. </p><p>"What did Spock mean by 'shut up or sleep alone'?" Sulu turned to Uhura with a confused expression. </p><p>She grinned in response. "It means the captain and the first officer are enjoying each other's company. Maybe a little too much." </p><p>"What, you think they're actually together? We're talking about <em>Spock </em>here. Mister 'I hate hand holding and humans are gross'!" </p><p>"Yes, well, I always thought Spock and Kirk were too close to be just good friends." </p><p>"Wait til' Mccoy hears about this, he'll have a fit!" </p><p>Uhura shushed him sharply, still smiling. "Be quiet, we don't want the entire starship to hear us." </p><p>Jim stayed seated as everyone left, his face still as vibrant as a tomato as it was. "Spock, you didn't need to say that." </p><p>The Vulcan was gathering up his notes, shuffling them into place. "Indeed I did. You would not have been silenced otherwise." </p><p>"Yeah, but you...you embarrassed me!" </p><p>"It would do you some good to be humbled out of your arrogant heckling tactics." </p><p>"Yeah, but I thought you wanted to keep our relationship private!" </p><p>"Let the crew speculate. It will as the colloquial phrase goes 'blow over' in a few solar days." </p><p>Kirk looked up at his boyfriend, who's eyes were closed despite organizing papers, and the corners of his lips were upturned in amusement. "Oh my god, you're enjoying this aren't you!" </p><p>"Enjoyment is a human emotion." </p><p>"Then you're still <em>half </em>enjoying this!" </p><p>"Hardly, captain. Studying your response is fascinating, though." Spock set the papers down as Jim stood up, drawing nearer to him with a mischievous grin. </p><p>"Fine, don't admit that you're enjoying watching me squirm, watching your captain blush of embarrassment, but at least let me kiss you in exchange for my agony." Jim leaned in to kiss him, but he was only met with air, because Spock had turned away, a scoff, which he tried to cover up with a cough, escaping him. The blonde groaned in frustration. "How can you be so cruel to meeeeeeee!" </p><p>"I do not wish to displease you, but we are on duty. I would look foolish if I were to break my own rules on public displays of affection." Spock gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving, trying to hide his glee as he walked out. </p><p>"Okay, Spock. I'll get you back for that." Jim already had a fabulous idea. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----------------------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Everyone swiveled around in their chairs as Spock entered the bridge and stood in front of the turbolift for a second. "I thank you all for listening to my presentation and I hope it will soon take affect." He nodded once before heading to his station but a figure stepped into his path, grinning like an idiot. "Captain," The first officer acknowledged, but he was cut off by Jim grabbing his face and pulling him into an intense kiss. </p><p>The world seemed to dissolve into warm clouds of pink, and Spock's feet felt so light. The backs of his hands tingled and every part of him wanted to scream in delight. Then he remembered where they were and his face flushed vibrantly as he pulled away. </p><p>Everyone on the bridge was clapping, which only made it even more embarrassing as his ears deepened in its green color. "So this is your revenge, Jim," Spock whispered, his breath shallow. </p><p>"Yes, in fact, I want to make it my revenge to kiss you every day," The captain giggled, "and in a <em>different spot</em>." </p><p>"The temperature in here has suddenly malfunctioned," Spock exhaled, trying hard not to lose his self-control and just take the captain away to their quarters right now. "I will speak to the engineers about this problem." </p><p>"Would you like me to accompany you?" </p><p>"Mm. Yes." </p><p>"Well okay then," Jim was grinning ear to ear as they both entered the turbolift, the sounds of the clapping dying out with the doors closing. "Are you sure it's an engineering problem and not a <em>biology </em>problem?" </p><p>The Vulcan gulped. "Most likely the temperature."</p><p>"That darn temperature," Jim smirked, pulling Spock's collar toward him into another kiss. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Lullaby For A Stormy Night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An AU where Spock and Jim snuggle with their kids on a stormy night(based on the song by Vienna Teng, go check it out!)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Light flickered through the dark curtains, followed by a roaring thunder that spread across the sky. Lightning flickered again, following by the patter of rain which quickly turned into rhythmic and rapid drumming. Another burst of thunder forced George to sit up, gasping for breath. His head was swimming with the marching sound of soldiers, ghosts, and other nightmarish things. The shadows in his room stretched out toward him like twisting hands, and when the thunder crackled above him again, a scream left his lips as he dove under the blankets. There were footsteps and he heard the door open but didn't dare peak out from his sanctuary. </p><p>"Georgie, honey are you alright?" It was his dad, voice alarmed, but still croaking, like he just woke up. "Honey?" </p><p>He felt his father sit down next to him and slowly peel back the blankets. There was an overwhelming sense of relief seeing his pop. "Dad, I'm scared," He whispered softly and Jim looked down at his son, his wavy golden hair, oak colored eyes, and round ears. </p><p>He wiped away his kid's tears with the end of his sleeve, then moved his arms to wrap around him. "Would you like to sleep with pop tonight?" </p><p>George gulped, wrapping his small arms around Jim's neck and burying his chest as Kirk picked him up and carried him to the master bedroom down the hall. His T'hy'la was sleeping on the far side of the bed, turned away with the blanket falling off of his shoulder. He was wearing Jim's 'go climb a rock' t-shirt, and Kirk usually slept only in boxers or nothing at all, but he put on a shirt before going to his son, a worn vintage thing about the 'Beastie Boys'. </p><p>Spock shifted as Jim sat down on the bed, and looked at the two blondes with a tired twinkle in his eyes. His normally perfect bowl cut was slightly tousled, and he seemed to smile at the sight of his son before turning to Jim, who moved in next to them under the blankets. "What is the matter?" </p><p>"Georgie's just not a fan of the weather." </p><p><em>"Sa'mekh,</em> I do not like lighting." The boy added. </p><p>"Naturally," Spock sighed softly, brushing a hair out of George's face, who already seemed to be sleeping. Then there was a screech from the other side of the hallway, much younger than the 5-year-old boy in the bed. The Vulcan was already up and out of bed. "Seeing as you brought George, I might as well do this." </p><p>"Love you honey," Jim whispered sleepily, blowing him a kiss. </p><p>Spock hurried along to the other room past the vacant nursery, a lilac painted room with builidng blocks and stuffed animals. There sat his daughter in her little white bed with elephant sheets. She was crying and he scooped her up in his arms, rocking her gently and kissing her soft forehead. </p><p>"Manda, darling it is okay," He cooed, bring her back to his bedroom. She was just a little thing, barely 3 years old, raven hair and sharp blue eyes, not to mention those cute pointed ears. They passed the empty nursery, painted a dark blue to mock the galaxy. Spock and Jim had painted(or flicked) white paint and made it look the universe, finishing off with light yellows, reds, purples, and pale blues, but it looked amazing. Especially with the glow in the dark white paint. They were expecting results on the next baby very soon. </p><p>Soon all four Kirks(or S'chn T'gai's depending on who you ask) were in bed, the two children sandwiched in between the adults. Both were sleeping like the little angels they were, but Spock and Jim stayed up, just admiring their children and their relaxed features. </p><p>"How did we get so lucky?" Jim whispered, eyes not moving from his kids. </p><p>"Luck is not a factor in good breeding." </p><p>The blonde chuckled in response. "I can't tell whether you were complimenting me or yourself." </p><p>"There is something biased in my opinion." </p><p>"And what is that?" </p><p>"I think they are completely perfect. The same thought I share for you." </p><p>"Awwww Babe!" Spock had to shush him for his almost outburst. "I love you too. Any news with the Genetics Lab?" </p><p>"Yes." </p><p>Jim felt electricity jolt his heart. "And?" </p><p>Spock inhaled sharply, trying not to smile with great failure. "We are receiving him in 2.41 weeks." </p><p>
  <em>"Him?" </em>
</p><p>The smile broke across the Vulcan's features, just a little smile, but still everything. </p><p>"OH MY GAW-" Spock shushed him again "gawd!" </p><p>His whisper yelling was still colored with happiness, and he reached out for his bondmate's hand. When their fingers intertwined, Spock was filled with a rush of emotions, warm and beautiful like a summer morning. They poured into every inch of him, and he sent back the same mixture of happiness, excitement, and warmth. </p><p>"When are we going to tell the kids?" </p><p>"Soon, ashayam. Let them sleep," Spock whispered in response, turning his five fingers into two to give his love a kiss before turning them back to intertwine. "You should also rest. You are fatigued." </p><p>"So are you <em>T'hy'la</em>." </p><p>Spock shivered gently. There was something amazing about the way Jim spoke in Vulcan. "Goodnight, my love." </p><p>"Night, Spock." </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. That Barista Chapter Everyone's Waiting For</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The barista AU that is NEEDED in all gay fanfictions.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Welcome to the job, it may seem like a lot to handle, but if you have any questions, ask Spock," Uhura pointed to a stiff-looking figure handing someone coffee. <em>Scary</em>. "As the manager, I'm generally here, but not on Wednesdays or Fridays. You'll work the late shift on Friday and close up at 8. Got it?" </p><p>"Yes ma'am." Jim somehow could drag his eyes away from the intriguing guy who seemed to be manning the counter pretty diligently without his help. Kirk had wanted this job forever while he was paying for college and needed the money. There was nothing 'Spock' could do to make him quit.</p><p>"Also," Uhura turned to him, grabbing his shoulders suddenly, "Spock is a bit hard to warm up to and what he says may come off as cold or rude, but it's nothing personal. He's a Vulcan." </p><p>"Got it." </p><p>"Now get to work, I have to go talk to someone about a broken espresso machine. If you have any questions, ask him." </p><p>"Okay-" When he turned, she was already gone and he was standing there like an idiot. "-then." <em>Better get to work. </em></p><p>Shuffling behind the counter, Spock didn't even notice him. </p><p>He awkwardly lifted his hand to wave. "I'm Jim, the new barista." </p><p>Spock moved right past him and handed someone a coffee with a polite smile. <em>It's like I don't even exist. </em></p><p>"Right okay then. You're Spock?" </p><p>Without looking up from the machine he stated flatly, "Why ask a question you already know the answer to. Especially when it is most clearly evident I am him." </p><p>"<em>Damn okay</em>," The words slipped out and he just glared at Jim before moving to another customer. "So it's going to be like <em>that</em>." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b><span class="u">4 AND 1/2 MONTHS LATER</span> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Today was the worst day, not only was it rush hour, a Friday, AND Spock was working today. Great. It seemed like Spock hated him with some burning passion. He was nice enough to the customers but when it came to the blonde, ice coated every single one of his words. </p><p>Jim hated him just as much back with his pointy ears and searing eyes. Sometimes he would feel his electric gaze on him, but when Jim turned, he was always preoccupied.</p><p>It was bad during rush hour, let alone on Fridays when he manned the shop himself. Unless Spock was there. </p><p>As he turned to serve a customer, he almost knocked straight into the devil himself, their shoulders brushing. At seeing his robotic face, Jim grimaced. "Move <em>pointy</em>." </p><p>"If you worked half as much as you talked, we wouldn't be in this rush hour that inclines you to be so <em>clumsy</em>." Jim's mouth opened to speak but no words came out, causing a smug expression to wash over the Vulcan. </p><p>This was the kind of bullcrap Kirk put up while working with someone like him. Somehow, Spock managed to disarm him of his usual comebacks and insults, and every time Jim just stood there like an idiot while 'bowl cut' won. The blonde felt Spock's eyes on him again and blood rushed to his face, noticing just the tiniest tinge of green radiating off of the other as he turned away. </p><p>
  <em>What was that about? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why was he staring at me like? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Probably judging me with my illogical emotions. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>4 hours later-------------------------</b>
</p><p>It was 7:45, and rush <em>hour </em>ended up being rush <em>hours</em>. If Spock wasn't there, Jim would've drowned in the overwhelming amount of demand in coffee. They worked as a team strangely enough, and it barely started to calm down. <em>Everyone </em>needed coffee today apparently. </p><p>There were still customers to serve of course, but it wasn't a fight to the death or anything. He was preparing some large frappuccino with "extra whipped creme and extra caramel" as his mind drifted. </p><p>Jim would never admit it, but he was actually grateful for Spock being there. He just wished that Vulcan wasn't so cold, actually acknowledged his existence other than stating facts or roasting him. He wanted to see that tiny smile he gave to customers. </p><p>Now that he thought about it, he wondered what it would be like running his hands through his silky raven hair, and just stare into those glistening eyes and know that everything was going to be okay. He wanted to see what his lips tasted like, and if they were as soft as they looked, tug on the bottom lip and watch the Vulcan unravel- </p><p>"Jim!" Spock gasped, and Kirk was thrust back into reality, where he'd run straight into Spock, spilling the entire drink on him. <em>Oh my god embarrassing. So embarrassing. </em></p><p>Heat burned inside him and he cleared his throat, despite the red in his cheeks, "Go into the back and I'll help you clean up, just let me finish with the customers." </p><p>"Surely I can clean up-" </p><p>"Will you <em>listen to me</em> for once in your damn life?" </p><p>Spock drew in a deep breath and nodded, apparently speechless before heading out to the backroom. No sassy remark or logical shutdown. </p><p>
  <em>Was that real? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Did I finally get the last word? </em>
</p><p>Jim served the rest of the customers in the shop and decided, looking at the time, to close 5 minutes early so he could help Spock. No one was coming in anyway. He went into the back to see the Vulcan sitting on the counter, legs swinging and all. There was creme in his hair, smeared across his uniform AND his shirt, little specks of caramel on his face. </p><p>
  <em>God, he looks adorable. </em>
</p><p>His legs stopped swaying when he saw Jim, but there seemed to be an eagerness in his eyes. Kirk wetted a cloth towel in the sink and strode to the Vulcan attentively. He moved in between Spock's legs, working to wipe off his uniform before advancing upward to the Vulcan's face. </p><p>Spock jolted from the touch but strangely didn't push him away or anything. He said nothing as Jim cupped his face with one hand while scrubbing gently with the other. </p><p>The blonde shifted his hand to cup his neck and prepared for the ears, which had some caramel AND creme. Double bingo(yeh I don't know what that means either). The cloth barely touched the tip of one of his ears before Spock flushed green and jerked his head away quickly. </p><p>A wave of anxiety washed through Jim. "What's wrong? Did I hurt you somehow?" </p><p>He gulped. "Um...no, you did not. Vulcans are very sensitive to contact with...their ears. It stimulates...pleasure." </p><p>Jim had never seen his coworker like this...nervous and uncertain. <em>Hot</em>. "I won't touch them if you don't want me to." </p><p>The Vulcan seemed to consider this for a moment. "You...may continue." </p><p>Jim moved his hand to start wiping off the caramel on one ear and watched Spock's flush go vibrant against his touch. The Vulcan seemed to have much difficulty containing his pleasure and when the blonde switched to the other ear, he buried his head into his shoulder, trembling slightly as Jim continued. There was a low groan that escaped his lips and Kirk felt it through his entire body, filled with pleasure at having caused this. </p><p>"Okay, all done." </p><p>Spock sat up straight, the color in his face lessened, but still very much there, not saying anything. </p><p>"Aren't you going to thank me for cleaning you up?" </p><p>"Seeing as you caused the mess, I do not see any reason to show gratitude." </p><p>
  <em>There he is, that old bastard.</em>
</p><p>"It's still nice to show appreciation. It shows you care." </p><p>"How can I care about someone I know little about?" </p><p>"You don't need to know someone to show gratitude. It's common sense! God, you're infuriating! Does that mean you just let random strangers rub your ears?" </p><p>"I-" The question caught him off guard, and Jim reveled in seeing him squirm. "Of course not-" </p><p>"So what is it? Am I a stranger or a friend? Does it even matter to you how you treat people? You make me feel like garbage every time we work together with your shutdowns and logic! I just wish you'd treat me like a person who exists, but instead, you only use me when you need me and throw me out when you don't! I just want to be your friend and you-" </p><p>He's cut off by a fist grabbing the front of my uniform and pulling him into a warm, hot kiss. Jim stood there in shock for a second before sliding his hands around his waist and kissing him back with a matching intensity that seems to set this room on fire. And god it was everything. Jim felt like his soul was having a party on a supernova. Every inch of him tingled as Spock moved both hands to cup his face, and they didn't break apart until both were completely breathless. </p><p>"Jim..." Spock whispered, their lips still brushing. Kirk opened his eyes just to see how flushed Spock was and he noticed his were closed like this was a dream he thought would disappear if he opened them. "I am sorry for hurting you...it was not intentional. It was an involuntary response..." </p><p>Kirk waited for him to continue, but the words were lost. "A response to what?" </p><p>"My...feelings for you." </p><p>It took all of his energy not to laugh, but inside his heart was soaring. Spock didn't hate him, it was the exact opposite and here he was confessing like a perfectly wrapped gift of <em>fabulous</em>. </p><p>Jim's hateful feelings had dissolved as soon as their mouths met, replaced by a new raw affection glowing inside of him. </p><p>"It's alright, it's okay," He purred, closing his eyes again and leaned forward to kiss him again. It was addictive like a drug. His lips tasted like caramel, it was delicious. "But, I'd like to take you to dinner." </p><p>"That sounds agreeable," The Vulcan murmured against his lips, "But at this moment, I'm preoccupied." Spock pulled him forward to kiss him again, and this time there was no breaking apart, just two boys kissing in a coffee shop after dark. </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, I wrote this when I was an innocent babe and didn't realize how kinky some of the aspects of this story are so sorry about that but I hope you liked it anyway!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Forget Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock is going to die. The least he can do is erase his essence from his beloved.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Spock, honey look at me! Babe," Jim's voice faltered as he shook the Vulcan in his arms whose eyes fluttered softly. "You need to stay awake, they'll be here any minute!" </p><p>"Jim," Spock took the blonde's hand and kissed it, more like brushed his cold lips against his knuckles. The light inside of him was faint and fading quickly, flickering like a lonely candle in the darkness. "I love you so much." </p><p>"No, we are not doing this. You are going to be just fine. You're going to be..." It sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anything. The green blood oozing out of the Vulcan's side was staining Jim's hands rapidly, too quickly to contain. "...fine." </p><p>"By the time the team reaches us, I will be-" A hollow cough escaped "-dead. There is not much time." </p><p>"We have all the time in the world! Bones'll be here any minute and you'll be good as new in a week." </p><p>"No," Spock sighed hoarsely, "I love you so much..." </p><p>"I do too, <em>god </em>I love you too," Jim pressed his forehead to his husband's, cradling his neck. His voice broke. "Don't do this to me. Don't. You'll be okay..." </p><p>Spock kissed him with what little energy he had left, but even that was weak. "I love you so much, ashayam." He moved his hand to cup the blonde's face. "Which is why I must do this." </p><p>His hand shifted into the Vulcan mind meld and the captain gasped as all of Spock's emotions poured into him. Warmth, light, love, devotion. Spock made sure to shield from him the fear and the ultimate sorrow about what he was going to do next. He whispered gently, "Forget me" and watched all of their memories dissolve, like lamps clicking off. </p><p>Everything they shared together was evaporating in Kirk's head, all of their picnics on the observation deck, the times Jim cut Spock's hair, wearing each other's clothes, waking up next to each other with the sun glowing around them, midnight feasts, reading in the rain, Jim teaching him how to dance, the time he proposed under the moonlight, their married life for the past 4 years. </p><p>All gone. </p><p>The last thing Spock wanted was for his T'hy'la to suffer and grieve. He wanted him to have a wonderful, joy-filled life, even if it wasn't with him in it. </p><p>And Spock took a deep breath, kissed his lover with the rest of his remaining energy and closed his eyes. </p><p>The light he saw was blinding. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-----------------------------------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim blinked rapidly. </p><p>His mind was overwhelmed. </p><p>He could feel the presence of feelings, and memories, but they dissolved before he could fully figure out what happened. </p><p>He looked down and saw a dead Vulcan in his arms, eyes closed peacefully. The blonde turned at the sound of yelling, several familiar voices, but his mind was still a bit scrambled. </p><p>"JIM--OH MY GOD! SPOCK!" It was the voice of Bones, followed by at least five others, yelling and crying. The captain had no idea what was happening. </p><p>Everything happened so fast. </p><p>One minute he was on the ground and the next he was in the transporter room. People rushed to the figure in his arms, carrying him away. Jim felt hands around him, swallow him up but he said nothing, numbly following where they lead him. </p><p>The rest of the day was a washed away blur. He closed his eyes for a second and the next he was asleep in a medical bed. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <b>-----------------------------------</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim woke up refreshed and ready to start the day. Sitting up and stretching, a smile naturally grew on his face. </p><p>Bones entered the med bay with a worn look and ragged eyes, sighing, "I really am sorry Jim." </p><p>"Sorry for what?" </p><p>When the doctor looked up from his PADD, he nearly dropped it seeing the grin on the blonde's face. "What do you mean? Your first officer is in intensive care, barely clinging on to life!" </p><p>Jim paused for a second. "Oh okay...who is that?" </p><p>Bones' mouth opened in horror. "This is not a joke, Jim. I'm serious. Spock could go any minute!" </p><p>"Who the hell is Spock?" Jim demanded, and at first, the doctor just stared at him, searching his eyes for any clues. </p><p>"Spock! Your hus-" Bones stopped and gasped. "No, he wouldn't do that...not to you..." </p><p>"What? Do what?" </p><p>"What do you remember?" </p><p>"The name Spock doesn't even sound familiar!" </p><p>"Oh god. That poor hobgoblin..." Bones mumbled to himself before facing Jim. "Spock is your first officer. He risked his life to save you when you both got trapped down on Tyria III. You were attacked and had no contact with the Enterprise. He was in critical condition when we came for him, one more second and he'd probably'd've been dead." Every word looked like it caused him pain. "You seem to be okay, so I won't hold you in sickbay." </p><p>"Great!" I smack the bed and launch to my feet with a spring in my step. "How long was I asleep for?" </p><p>"14 hours." </p><p><em>"14 hours?</em> Wow, what a draining mission. Well, duty calls!" </p><p>"Yeah..." </p><p>The med bay doors slid behind him as he strutted down the hall and into the turbolift. </p><p>The doors opened to the bridge which was unusually quiet. There was sniffling coming from the helm and the faces Jim saw looked miserable and ridden with grief and pain. When the blonde sat down, Uhura walked over and gave him a hug from behind. </p><p>"I'm so sorry, we are all so sorry. If you need anything at all we're here for you." </p><p>"Right...okay?" </p><p>Uhura pulled back in surprise. "What?" </p><p>The captain had the need to stand up and announce this because everyone was treating him like he was made of glass. "Okay, everyone, listen up. If you are affected by the first officer's hospitalization, you are dismissed. But<em> I</em> don't need your condolences, I hardly knew him personally." </p><p>A mug shattered. Chekov stood there with complete shock washed over his face. Everyone was staring at Jim in horror, confusion, and surprise. </p><p>"What? Did I say something wrong?" </p><p>Murmuring spread across the entire bridge. Mccoy appeared from the turbolift and cleared his throat gruffly. "Everyone, I would like to call a meeting in the rec room-" When Jim stood up, Bones glanced at him nervously and added "-everyone except the captain." </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <b>-----------------------------------</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>"What do you mean Jim doesn't remember?" Uhura asked sharply. </p><p>"Spock made him forget everything through a mind-meld. Even on death's doorstep that green-blooded bastard did something selfless. He knew he was going to die. It would take a miracle for him to wake up, and if he doesn't, he's dead in less than three days." </p><p>There was a diverse number of reactions: gasps, sighs, whimpers, murmurs, heads dropped in hands, heads pressed into chests(Chekov to Sulu). </p><p>Jim's only hope of getting his memory back was a Vulcan in a coma and on the brink of death. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <b>-----------------------------------</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The blonde stared at the ring on his finger and with his other hand, pulled it off. When he touched the silver band, he heard laughing, sweet honey-like laughter and smelled dew and rain. </p><p>He put the strange jewelry in his pocket and dismissed the sensations. There was no way he was married. If he was, that person would have to be the greatest person in the galaxy. </p><p>Probably beautiful, inside and out. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <b>-----------------------------------</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Bones lead him through the med bay to the ICU. It was separated from the rest with glass ceiling to floor. </p><p>Jim's heart fell at the sight of the Vulcan he was holding the other day. He had tubes running through his arm and chest, a mask over his nose and mouth. The top of his hospital gown was open, revealing where the tubes went in. Machines beeped on either side of him. </p><p>Jim got the tiniest flash, seeing that face, eyes closed and hair tousled, but without the tubes. The flash was sideways, and somehow he knew he was sleeping. </p><p>"I thought you outta see your first officer and pay your respects before he...bites the dust." </p><p>"Good idea, Bones." He sighed in response, scooting a chair next to the patient and plopping down into it. </p><p>"I'll leave you then," The doctor glanced at the Vulcan like he was expecting him to wake up any minute, but he didn't even stir. Then Mccoy was gone and it was just Jim and the Vulcan. There was something very familiar about his face, and he was struggling to understand why he wouldn't remember his own first officer. </p><p>"I guess I'm supposed to talk to you...Look I'm going to be honest," Jim rested his head in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair. "I have no idea who you are, and I don't know why I don't remember. I just! Everyone seems to be babying me, but I don't know why. I feel like a toddler not knowing anything...you do look familiar. Spock your name is? That's a cool name. Rhymes with some pretty scandalous words...oh my god. Look at me, I'm acting like an <em>idiot</em>." </p><p>"The point is I hope you get better so we could maybe start over? I want to get to know you. By the way the crew is acting, I'd say you're a pretty good person to be missed. I think we'd get along? You seem like the kind of guy who has an icy exterior but is an actual marshmelon on the inside." Jim paused. <em>"Marshmelon? </em>Dunno where that came from I..I meant marshmallow." </p><p>"I guess I should start us off then. Hi, I'm Jim. An illogical idiot. Yeah, I'll probably get you into trouble and be the one who gets drunk, but you're a Vulcan, so that's obvious. It's fascinating how I feel like I already know you. I don't use that word too much, but when I look at you and I think..<em>'hmm, he's fascinating'</em>." </p><p>Suddenly, the blonde was overcome with the need to grab the Vulcan's hand, and he did with both hands. Electricity shot through him and he remembered two fingers on two fingers was a Vulcan kiss, somehow he knew that it was a wonderful sensation. One of his fingers brushed a silver ring. </p><p>"Oh, you're married? What a lucky lady! Or unlucky...I guess? That's cool. What is it like to be married to a Vulcan? Do you guys only do it once every seven years? Oops, sorry," Jim felt his face grow hot in embarrassment, "That was overstepping. I dunno, you just make me want to tell you everything I'm thinking. It's a little weird, I know." From the force of the blonde withdrawing his hands, Spock's ring slid off of his finger and into his hands. He only got a quick glance before the doctor came back into the room and he slid the finger on half-panicked. Inscribed on the inside were the words 'I do - J-" </p><p>He didn't get a long enough look to read the name other than the 'J', but still he thought how cute the inscription was. It was short and adorable, simple but affectionate. </p><p>"Say your farewells?" </p><p>"I hope not," The blonde mumbled softly, glancing back at the Vulcan once more before retiring for the night in his quarters. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <b>-----------------------------------</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>His quarters felt strangely empty, despite having more stuff than usual. There were clothes in his wardrobe that weren't his, but he remembered wearing them, two pairs of slippers beside the bed, two robes in the bathroom, two toothbrushes in the bathroom and twice the amount of toiletries. The blonde picked up the cologne and sniffed it. It was a pleasant aroma, and a flicker of a memory came back to him. </p><p>
  <em>In a mall, rubbing the test sample on someone's wrist. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kissing a hand. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Spilling a bottle on the red rug. </em>
</p><p>Jim was standing on that rug now and dropped to his hands and knees, sniffing the carpet. It smelled amazing. He laid there for a long time before picking himself up and going to take a shower. After that, the blonde fell onto his bed with a huff and sighed, pulling the covers up around him. </p><p>Jim sniffed the pillow, and recalled that he never slept on the left side...for some reason...he couldn't remember. But it smelled like lavender and a summer breeze. He pressed his whole face to the pillow, comfort washing over him. That scent was so familiar and the picture in his mind that went with it was smeared and far away, out of his reach. He fell asleep with his face to that pillow and drifted into an eden far off and distant. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <b>-----------------------------------</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim woke up the next morning and reached out to the person next to him but no one was there, he reached out to the cold air. He had to drag himself out of bed and moved to his closet. Instead of choosing from his own clothes, he moved to the other side of the wardrobe and pulled out a black woolen sweater and put it on over his uniform black t-shirt. As he yanked on his pants, something silver falls out and rolled under the bed. </p><p>The blonde crouched down on the ground and reached his arm under, searching for the silver disk. His hands touched a cold metal and he pulled it toward him and stood up. </p><p>It was the ring he put into his pocket thoughtlessly earlier. It looked the same except something caught his eyes. There was an inscription on the inside of the ring and every word sends an earthquake through his soul. </p><p>
  <em>I do -Spock </em>
</p><p>Another memory ignited in his soul like blown coals shimmering to life. </p><p>
  <em>The wedding. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That beautiful wedding in the field. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bones as the officiant. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Spock walking down the aisle in those beautiful white robes lined with gold. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The cake. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The rain. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>No, the downpour.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And knowing at the end of it all that Jim would always have the Vulcan at his side, always and never touching, everything from the passionate neck kissing to the smallest press of their index and middle fingers together. </em>
</p><p>There was only one word going through his head. </p><p>
  <em>Spock. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <b>-----------------------------------</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim sprinted to the med bay, hoping it wasn't too late, praying that Spock didn't suddenly die in the middle of the night. It was unthinkable...unheard of. </p><p>The med bay doors opened and Jim rushed through to the ICU. He didn't have all of his memories, only scents and little whisps. But the wedding day was as clear to him as the crystal bottle of Saurian brandy on the shelf. He found the glass room with ease and ran inside, overcome with glee. </p><p>"Spock! I remember! Not everything, but I know who you are to me!" His eyes were tightly closed, but then he realized there was silence, not even the beeping of the machines. Jim opened his eyes and looked down at the empty bed, its sheets folded back perfectly and the machines unplugged. </p><p>
  <em>No. God no.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He can't be dead...this can't be real. </em>
</p><p>"Spock...no...oh my god no..." Jim was speechless and he crumbled beside the bed, twirling the silver ring on his finger. "Why didn't you wait for me? Why didn't you wait?" His words broke as he rested his head against the empty bed where his husband was supposed to be. How could this be happening to him? </p><p>"Jim." A voice came from behind him, he recognized it as Bones. </p><p>"I remembered our wedding...and that's it." </p><p>"Jim-" </p><p>"Nothing else, I have no other memories with him except a cologne carpet and clothes." </p><p>"Jim!" </p><p>"What Bones!?" </p><p>"Spock is alive, you corn-fed potato hugger. He's on the observation deck. He miraculously got better overnight and left a note. Even folded the bedsheets nicely." </p><p>"Spock's alive?" </p><p>"Didn't you hear me? Now get out of my sickbay," He was grinning from ear to ear. </p><p>Jim jumped up, hope flooding every part of him as he dashed out of sickbay and tumbled into the turbolift, yelling "OBSERVATION DECK" and panting because every blood cell in his system was boiling.</p><p>After a moment that seemed to last forever, the doors opened and there against the stars was a figure with his hands folded behind his back looking at the stars that lit up the room. </p><p>"SPOCK!" </p><p>The figure turned and Jim ran to him, stopping next to him like he was looking at a ghost. His perfectly logical Vulcan. "Captain." </p><p>"I remember. Our wedding. Did you hear me talking to you." </p><p>"Yes," The Vulcan mused, taking a step toward him. "It was...fascinating. Even without your memories, we were connected." </p><p>"Spock..." Jim cupped his face with both hands. </p><p>"I erased your memories because I did not want to cause you pain. It was apparent I was at the end of life." </p><p>The blonde let out a sigh and traced Spock's cheekbone with his thumb. "How are you here?" </p><p>"I did not want to die." </p><p>A mere second of silence passed before they both burst out laughing(well, Spock chuckled softly while Jim was laugh-crying). "I missed you, pointy." </p><p>"I missed you too, ashayam." </p><p>"Can you restore my memories?" </p><p>"Through a mind-meld I can."</p><p>Jim took a deep breath and felt his husband's fingers pressed against his face. The floor below him dissolved and all of the memories he lost glowed to life, roaring like a wild fire. A golden thread tugged him along, growing stronger with every moment and every memory. He gripped the thread and pulled it hard.</p><p>Suddenly, a blinding white light blanketed him, and he walked toward it without hesitation. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. They Got Spock Drunk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Parties and alcohol plus a scientific Vulcan is hardly logical.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was cause for celebration. They had just narrowly avoided total disaster and near full-on war, but like always, they found a way. They were now on their way to Yorktown, still a few days away and it was the time to get drunk. Very drunk, drop-dead drunk and do the *wiggles eyebrows* D e v i l ' s T a n g o. </p><p>Sulu and Chekov went off somewhere about an hour ago, vanishing into the dark hallways. Uhura and Scotty were playing some kind of game with shots, drinking and slamming down each of the little glasses with triumphant force, a crowd hanging around them. Then there was Bones and Kirk at the bar, wheezing like a bunch of idiots and smacking each other like cowboys. </p><p>Everyone was already tipsy if not drunk, all except for the stoic shadow standing stiffly in the corner. </p><p>"Waz his problem?" Jim waved a lazy finger in the figure's direction. </p><p>"Bastard Vulcan...can't get drunk," The doctor whispered, taking a sip from his beer. "Not normally anywho." </p><p>The captain hiccupped. "Whatcha mean not normally?" </p><p>"Vulcans get drunk with chocolate." </p><p><em>"Chocolate?"</em> He raised his eyebrows, though Kirk pronounced it 'shock-oh-latte'. </p><p>Suddenly, the blonde got an idea, and with a streak of confidence, he sauntered over to the first officer, holding a dark-colored drink. "Spahk." </p><p>"Captain." </p><p>"Spahhhk." </p><p>"Captain?" </p><p>"Spawwwwwwk!" </p><p>"What. Is it, Jim?" </p><p>"I order you to drink this." </p><p>The Vulcan took the glass and swirled it gently, raising a skeptical eyebrow. "You <em>order </em>me?" </p><p>Jim was getting impatient, and the alcohol was only contributing to his childish behavior. "Oh for god sakes just drink it." </p><p>Spock examined the drink once more before downing the whole thing, coughing as it went down. "What were the ingredients of this concoction?" </p><p>"Just some fruits, and spices-" The blonde flashed a million-dollar grin "-and of course chocolate." </p><p>The Vulcan's eyes widened. <em>"What?" </em></p><p>"You heard me." </p><p>Spock sighed and shuffled past the captain to put the glass back on the bar before surprisingly ordering another one. In his mind, he was already doomed, so at least why not have fun. </p><p>And doomed he was. </p><p>The party soon became a rave thanks to him, getting disco lights and blasting music that everyone cheered in their drunken state. There was a lot of confetti. And glitter. </p><p>Jim and Mccoy watched all of this unfold from their comfortable seats at the bar, both enjoying the show through thick alcoholic lenses. </p><p>Everything's logical when you're intoxicated. </p><p>Spock had just come back with some girls from the bathroom with one of those washable tattoos on his arm, giggling at it like a maniac. </p><p>Jim knew it was probably time to turn in before the Vulcan could embarrass himself any more than he already did, and walked up to him, looping their arms together. </p><p>"Spock, let's get you to bed, hmm?" </p><p>"okee dokee," The first officer smiled and leaned heavily against the blonde as they walked to his quarters(Spock's not Jim's). After helping him inside and placing him on the bed, Jim turned to leave, but a voice stopped him. "Stay. Please." </p><p>"Alright," The blonde muttered, taking off his shoes and slipping into the bed next to his secret crush. The alcohol was wearing off now, and he noticed the amount of glitter in Spock's hair, the tattoo on his arm, and the way his lips were stained with alcohol. Spock's not going to be happy when he wakes up. "Just don't kill me in the morning." </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is just straight-up crack, so sorry for ThAt</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. "I like green because Spock is green and I really like Spock"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim and Spock grow up together, and so does their love, through the years.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>1ST GRADE       </b>
  </span>
</p><p>It was the first day of school and all of the little kids were chattering and running around the room. All of them except one. A young Vulcan clung gently onto the loose fabric of his mother's blue robes, eying the humans with dismay. </p><p>"Mother, I do not see the relevance of attending public primary school when my education at home is sufficient." </p><p>"We moved to Earth so that your father could be more focused with his work. And it's only for a couple of years. You will continue to be taught the Vulcan way after school, but this is mostly so you can mingle with the kids here. Maybe make a friend?" She smiled softly, easing his hand off of her dress. </p><p>The Vulcan's lower lip puckered and he whimpered, "Mother please do not leave me with these...<em>savages</em>." </p><p>Amanda raised an iconic eyebrow. "Did you learn that word from your father?" </p><p>When he didn't respond, the woman only laughed. </p><p>"You'll have fun, Spock. And they're not savages. Not<em> all </em>of them anyway." </p><p>Spock sighed and nodded. "I will agree to behave respectably and attempt to make new friends." He struggled to say the last word, his teeth grinding softly. </p><p>"Good luck honey." </p><p>"I hardly see how luck factors into-" </p><p>He was cut off by a quick kiss to his temple and his mother's soothing voice. "I love you." </p><p>The teacher came up, a warm woman with skin the color of oak and wavy black hair. "You must be Spock! I have a cubby and a seat just for you!" </p><p>The Vulcan glanced at Amanda with a look that read, 'I'm literally only doing this for you' and she laughed, giving him a little wave. The teacher lead him to a little round table with three other people. One was a boy in a sky blue t-shirt and shorts, one a girl with dark hair in pigtail braids and overalls. </p><p>The last one really caught his eye though.</p><p>There was a boy with golden hair and a dark sweater. His eyes were the deepest blue Spock had ever seen, vibrant and alive like a warm sea storm. When he saw the Vulcan, his face went vibrant red. </p><p><em>Interesting</em>, Spock noted the new coloring in this fascinating human. </p><p>"Hey guys, this is Spock. He's a Vulcan." The teacher smiled. "He's from a different place, so please make him feel welcome." </p><p>Spock drew in a deep breath and held up his hand in the typical Vulcan address. "Greetings." </p><p>"Spock, this is Leonard-" the brunette waved "-Nyota-" the girl with the pigtails smiled "and Jim." </p><p>Spock took a seat next to the one called Jim and studied him. Every second that he stared, the more Jim turned red. Finally, the blonde spoke, flashing one of his million dollar smiles. "Hi, I'm Jim Kirk, future space ranger." </p><p>"Space...ranger?" </p><p>"You know? Explore the galaxy? How far is Vulcan anyway? My house is by the grocery store." </p><p>Nyota interrupted, "I know about Vulcan! It's a different planet, right? I heard your species runs on logic." </p><p>"You are correct." </p><p>"Hm, strange.." Leonard added, "Are you a reptile?" </p><p>Spock cleared his throat roughly, "No." </p><p>"Don't listen to them," Jim waved the others off. "We are going to be best friends." </p><p>"I'd like that." </p><p>At the end of class, Miss Summers, the teacher, started asking everyone "what they learned today" and Jim shot his hand up, beaming like a yellow star. </p><p>"Miss Summers, I learned that my favorite color is green." </p><p>"Oh? Why's that?" </p><p>"Because Spock is green and I really like Spock." </p><p>The Vulcan felt his face heat up, warmth puddling in his cheeks. </p><p>When Amanda came to pick him up, he could barely keep the smile off of his face. The woman was glad to see her son so happy, and despite his stone-like expression, he was practically glowing. "Have a good time?" </p><p>He glanced back at the blonde boy talking to a taller, blonder female look alike. "Mother, I think I have made a friend." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>7TH GRADE---------------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>"Jim, will you stop looking at Spock like he's a chicken sandwich," Leonard groaned, leaning against the locker next to Jim's open one. </p><p>"I am <em>not!"</em> The blonde whispered sharply, glancing around nervously to make sure no one heard that. His face was scarlet when his gaze focused back on the Vulcan chatting with one of the older students. </p><p>"You guys have been friends for years! Why don't you just tell him that you have a crush?" </p><p>"I can't. He's a Vulcan! It's not <em>logical </em>to be gay!" </p><p>"He's not entirely Vulcan, his mom's a human!" </p><p>"YEAH WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE HE ACTS LIKE IT-" </p><p>His voice was cut off by a person behind him and the melodic voice of an angel, "Greetings, fellow classmates." </p><p>"Spock, you darn cookie," Leonard sighed, "Listen Jim, I've got to get to class." Then he winked. "Leave you love birds to it." </p><p>Spock raised an eyebrow at the flushed color in Jim's face, slightly amused. "Classmate Kirk, would you like an escort to your next class, which we share?" </p><p>The Vulcan held out his arm for Jim to loop his into. </p><p>It was a long story, but basically, Jim grabbed his hand compulsively until Spock explained to him that his hand was...sensitive. Jim didn't really understand why, but he knew that Spock didn't like people touching his hand, so they came up with a system. Looped arms or he would grab the corner of the Vulcan's sleeve. </p><p>"Yes, I'd like that very much." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>12TH GRADE-------------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>They were all in a large circle, what was left of the party at Hikaru's. Everybody in the circle was high, tispy, drunk or a combination except for Spock. Even Jim was a little bit buzzed, having had one beer. The youngest in the group, a sophomore by the name of Pavel Chekov(exchange student) had started a round of truth or dare. </p><p>"Okay okay eweryone! Sulu truth or dare?" </p><p>Sulu took a long sip of his beer. "Dare." </p><p>"I dare you to kiss someone in this circle." </p><p>He only shrugged in response before scooting over to Chekov and kissing him, receiving a cheer from the rest. After it was over, he looked smug by the red on the sophomore's face. "Okay, um, Bones truth or dare." </p><p>"Truth." </p><p>"Are you and Christine dating?" </p><p>Bones' gaze shifted from Christine to Sulu a couple of times before he sighed, though a smile was on his face. "Yeah, we are." </p><p>Another round of cheers went around the group and Sulu lifted his glass, "I'll drink to that." The rest of them raised their plastic cups in unison. </p><p>"Okay, guess it's my turn," Bones scanned the room for his next pray and his eyes landed on his good old friend. "Jim, truth or dare." </p><p>"Dare," Kirk said quickly, not wanting to confess his feelings for Spock like this. He was saving it for the perfect moment, the most romantic way possible. Not some drunk teenage party. </p><p>The brunette grinned mischievously, "Okay. I dare you to spend 7 minutes in heaven with Spock." </p><p>There were some murmurs and giggles passed in the group, and Jim could barely even look at Spock, who, on the other side of the circle, was flushed lightly. Before anyone could say anything else, the pair was ushered into a pitch-black closet and the door closed behind them. Jim bumped into Spock and they almost tumbled over. Kirk turned on his phone flashlight and they were standing close to each other. </p><p>"So...this is awkward," A chuckle escaped the blonde's lips. </p><p>"Jim, I am not sure I understand the game '7 minutes in heaven'?" </p><p>"Well it's-" Kirk ran a hand through his hair "-it's a kissing game." </p><p>"And what are the rules?" </p><p>"You..." His face felt hot, "You go in a closet with someone and kiss them for 7 minutes." </p><p>"Oh...I see." He noted the green tint on his ears and flush in his cheeks.</p><p>"But we don't have to kiss or anything. We can just talk. Umm, what's your favorite color." </p><p>"I enjoy the color blue." </p><p>"Any reason?" </p><p>"They are the color of your eyes." </p><p>Jim almost dropped the phone out of embarrassment. His skin was boiling at this point. <em>No, don't take it to heart, it doesn't mean anything.</em></p><p>"May I inquire what yours is?" </p><p>"You know." </p><p>"I do?" </p><p>"It's green." </p><p>"Right, yes of course." </p><p>"If you could tell something to your younger self, what would it be?" </p><p>Spock took a moment to think about this before answering, "I would presumably tell him that it gets better." </p><p>"What does that mean?" </p><p>The Vulcan inhaled. "Before moving to Earth, I did not fit in with the children of my approximate age. I did not have friends and believed Terran youth would be the same." </p><p>"And?" </p><p>"I kept these convictions until I met you." </p><p>Something warm stirred in Jim's heart like fondue. </p><p>"What would <em>you </em>tell your younger self?" </p><p>"Probably not to screw things up with the new Vulcan." </p><p>He felt himself drift closer, and they seemed inches apart before he opened his eyes again. They were looking at each other, and if not for the light, they would be in complete darkness. </p><p>"Spock...I like you. I think you're cute and smart and funny and your laugh, though ever so rare is wonderful, and your smile is just soft and adorable." </p><p>"Yes?" The Vulcan's voice was raw and wavering. </p><p>"Do you want to go to the Senior Ball with me?" </p><p>"I...I would like that very much." </p><p>Jim suddenly raised his hand in front of his chest. "Can I ask you something personal?" </p><p>"Of course." </p><p>"What is it with Vulcan hands?" </p><p>"Vulcans are telepathic, so touch initiates the ability to read one another's thoughts. It's very personal, so touching is only between romantic couples. The contact of hands is like a kiss." Spock was now staring intently at Jim's hand. </p><p>And he raised his hand to Jim's, when their fingers connected, it was like magic, a tingling sensation that spread through his entire body. When Spock's fingers turned to two and Jim mirrored him, the sensation doubled. He could feel everything Spock felt: love, warmth, admiration, happiness. And he felt his own emotions pass to him as well. </p><p>They were leaning closer to each other, barely inches apart when the door opened. </p><p>It was Uhura, smirking. "You guys have fun?" </p><p>They both shrugged, trying to hide the little smiles on their faces. Spock went ahead of him, but Jim stopped, beaming. </p><p>"I have a date."  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Pirates of the Enterprise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is a royalty AU, and I'm not going to explain the plot(see the notes for a summary) because I just want you to enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jim stood on the balcony of his father's seaside castle, staring into the warm melting auburn colors of the sunset. It was early spring, but the grass was already a deep green, yellowed at the ends where it was long and swayed in the wind. The flowers from the great cherry blossom tree blew into the sea as the waves carried them away to places he could never travel. Spring in the kingdom of Ionia was as full of color and life as ever, yet there was a distance between the royal family and their subjects, a distance Jim could never seem to close. </p><p>The prince sighed and leaned against the railing, looking down at the seaports below and how crowded it seemed. Here he was, high up on a cliff where the great castle overlooked its finest sea capital, Riveren. His eyes found the first star in the sky, the north star and he secretly prayed to be free of this life. </p><p>Ever since the death of his father King George, his mother shut the world out and kept him inside a bubble too tightly constrained by her eagerness to keep him safe. Despite being royal, he'd never once been to the capitol city, apparently a great white marble, Deza Mona. He'd always lived in this castle, sheltered from the public and kept secret for the most part. The common folk knew about George Samuel Jr., the crown prince. But they didn't know about the second son, who Winona, as much as she refused to admit, loved dearest. She loved both of her sons, but Sam was rough and tumble, much resembling his father without the soft touch that Jim possessed.</p><p> James was adventurous too, and his heart wandered, but he wasn't as brutal or wild like his brother's temperament. He was a dreamer with the looks and mind of his father, but the heart and soul of his mother. </p><p>And Queen Winona would protect him at any cost. </p><p>But he was 22 and he didn't<em> need </em>protecting. At least. </p><p>That's what he thought. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>-----------------------------------</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Selek looked down at the cool, dark waves bobbing against the sides of his ship, a dark oaken masterpiece formed with the finest precision and created by the hands of a master. It was faster than any ship in the fleet, it's smooth keel slicing across the sea with such elegance, it made you want to cry. But there was no time for that. He was on a mission. His partner had been captured by the Guard and there was no way he was leaving her behind. She was a warrior, that one, Probably took out a dozen before she saw the iron chains around her wrists. </p><p>But the Vulcan knew something that many didn't. He knew that she had a son she cared deeply about. He knew the queen would give him anything to have him back. Even the most valuable prisoner. </p><p>It was only a matter of time before they arrived to Riveren. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>-----------------------------------</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>It was long after dark before Jim closed the glass doors to the balcony, shutting himself in his chambers. </p><p>Tonight of all nights, one door was left open just a crack. </p><p>He undressed into a loose white shirt and underwear before climbing under the thick covers of his crimson bedspread. After an exhale of air, he closed his eyes and slowly drifted into bliss. </p><p>His dream was in colors of deep purples, oranges, blues, and pinks. A figure with dark hair and glowing eyes taking his hands and kissing their backs gently, before moving closer...Jim could feel his breathing, cold and icy on his neck....to kiss him. He felt his throat tighten as he drew nearer, almost impossibly closer...</p><p>He felt something cold against his neck. Metal. </p><p>Jim's eyes shot open to see a figure standing above him, a dagger with something glistening green pressed to his neck. Well, not above him...The stranger was sitting on top of him, one arm pressed against his chest, the other with the dagger. His eyes glowed in the darkness. </p><p>"Make a sound and I will slit your throat and disappear before the guards even move from their posts." </p><p>It finally hit Jim that this was all real. There was a stranger in his room, on top of him, holding a dagger to his throat. </p><p>It was terrifying...and kind of exciting. </p><p>"How did you get-" </p><p>The dagger pressed harder, instantly shutting him up. "I will do the talking. Understood?" </p><p>Jim only nodded, trying to stay as calm as possible. No, this wasn't exciting. This was just straight up terrifying. </p><p>"Good. Now come with me or blood will be spilled on this lovely muslin rug." </p><p>The stranger stood up slowly, eyes narrowed and ready for anything. Jim got to his feet, hands in the air. </p><p>"Go out onto the balcony and climb down the rope." </p><p>Jim didn't dare tell him that he didn't know how to climb anything, so he just kind of slid down and his hands burned. When he reached the bottom, he was met by three pirates in mismatched clothes all holding daggers. They gestured to the now empty dock to a ship with gleaming white sails all except for one deep purple sail with a golden mark on it he didn't quiet recognize. </p><p>He was pushed onto it with slight force, glancing back for the black silhouette with the emerald encrusted hilt. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>-----------------------------------</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Selek watched the blonde descend before turning back to the bed. He made up the bed(slight OCD) then scribbled a quick note in his trademark silver ink. The commoners called it moonlight ink, hence his nickname--The Silver Wolf. </p><p>The note read in curly cursive: </p><p>
  <em>We have your son. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>If you wish to see him again alive, bring the Red Phoenix to Ames in one week at 0700. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Come alone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>You notify anyone and his blood will fill your seas. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b>The Pirates of The Enterprise</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>-----------------------------------</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>They sat in the harbor for a few minutes, then down came the man with the emerald dagger, but Jim couldn't quite get a good look at him from where he sat(on a barrel, tied up with rope). </p><p>Then the figure moved into the light and commanded the ship to pull out and Jim's heart lept. </p><p>Against the full moon, he could see a sharp nose, long face with prominent cheek bones and pointed ears. He was extremely young, not much older than Jim by the looks of it, but there was something respectful about him, that made you want to do as he said. The wind blew his violet hair, making him look infinitely more handsome and he had a beard matching the color of his hair. The blonde was so lost in thought that he didn't notice the Vulcan walk toward him. </p><p>"-is this?" He pointed at him, looking at the pirate who tied him up. "We do not need to tie up the crown prince, he's harmless. Besides-" Jim's cheeks heated up as the pirate leader's eyes examined him thoroughly "-we don't need a half-naked man aboard. Get him some clothes then bring him to me." </p><p>The Vulcan took out his knife and Jim prepared to get sliced open, but instead, the tight ropes fell slack against him. "Everyone! Listen up, anyone who touches the prince will feel my wrath. Touch him, and I'll <em>kill you myself</em>."  </p><p>After putting the thin dagger back in it's place on a strap on his thigh, he strutted away. </p><p>"Wait!" </p><p>The pirate leader stopped. </p><p>"Where are we going?" </p><p>He turned around, the ghost of a smile on his round lips as he leaned toward the prince barely inches from each other. "Do not worry, you are in good hands. Where we are going is simply...<em>away</em>." </p><p>"Wait...but what does that-" </p><p>He was already walking away before he could finish.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>-----------------------------------</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim was terrified on the ship, but after hearing what the captain had said, he knew he was not going to die on this trek. </p><p>They thought he was the crown prince...they were wrong but his mother would certainly pay any price to get him back. </p><p>Now that he knew he was out of danger, he could maybe enjoy himself. I mean, they were going to Ames all the way up north of the country, farther north than the capitol. </p><p>It was a little exciting. </p><p> They gave him some clothes...they weren't the nicest things but comfortable, all in black like most of the crew. </p><p>And now he stood outside the captain's cabin, the door the color of rich mahogany, hands fumbling together nervously. But he needed to calm down. The only plan he could think of was to annoy him enough to let him go. It usually worked with his caretaker when he was a kid, the only difference was that the captain was a Vulcan, a stiff-lipped emotionless creature based on his biology teacher's lessons. Though he did remember that Vulcans used to be barbarians before their revolution, and they ruled with their emotions. Maybe he had a bit of barbarianism in his blood. Then maybe this plan could work. </p><p>Balling his hand into a fist(which strangely stung a little) and knocked on the door. A voice beckoned him inside and when he walked in, there was the captain sitting back with his feet on the desk. His eyes were closed, head tilted upward. </p><p>"You wanted me?" Jim finally broke the silence, hovering in front of his desk before moving his hands behind his back. </p><p>"Yes," The Vulcan sighed, his feet dropping from the desk as he sat up. "You are much younger than I had anticipated." </p><p>"I--uh--got a new skin creme." </p><p>"It does not matter. You are the prince and we will get what we desire." </p><p>A smirk moved across Jim's lips as he placed his hands on either side of the Vulcan, on the desk and leaning over him. "And what is it you <em>desire</em>?" </p><p>"I desire my partner." Was his flat response. </p><p>"And who would that be?" The blonde's voice remained seductive, but the Vulcan did not seem impressed. </p><p>"My partner."  </p><p>"Mm sounds like a nice fellow." </p><p><em>"She </em>is." </p><p>"So are you two partners in crime or partners in bed?" </p><p>The pirate blinked, almost as if his brain couldn't process what the blonde said. "We work together. I am not interested in romantic relationships." </p><p>"So you're single?" </p><p>"And unavailable, even for a prince who thinks with his genitalia and acts like one." </p><p>Jim couldn't help but grin at that. "Did you just Vulcan-cuss me out?" </p><p>His only reply was a soft scoff as he stood up from the desk, moving along the perimeter of the room slowly. Jim responded by sitting down on the desk, his gaze following his movements. "I suppose you think you are something special then?" </p><p>"Everyone is special." </p><p>"Hardly." </p><p>The prince raised an eyebrow. "Not surprising coming from a pirate." </p><p>"A highly advanced marauder with a curiosity of the world around him." </p><p>"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." </p><p>"There is only offense where emotion is present. I was simply correcting your inaccurate statement." </p><p>As much as Jim hated to admit it, this guy was impressive. Everything from his mannerisms to the sharp gleam in his eyes showed signs of high intellect and perception. "You are fascinating...Mr. Pirate. Sorry, you didn't tell me you name?" </p><p>"It is not important." </p><p>"I think it is." </p><p>"Why are you suddenly so loquacious? In our first meeting, you nearly, as the colloquial term goes, 'pissed yourself'.</p><p>"Really," The blonde laughed. Then the Vulcan stopped walking, hands folded behind his back. "Because I remember waking up half-naked with you on top of me." </p><p>The pirate had nothing to add by the stiffening of his lips and continued to pace around the cabin. The prince lets out a scoff, "A speechless Vulcan, <em>paradoxical</em>." </p><p>He leaned back against the desk, putting his hands out behind him and forgot the fact that his hands were on fire. A hiss escaped from him as he sat up and massaged his hands instinctually.</p><p>The blonde wasn't even aware that the Vulcan had crossed the room and stood right in front of him until he cupped his hands. Jim pulled his hands away in shock, the back of his hands tingling from the pirate's touch. </p><p>"What are you-" </p><p>"Your hands are burned. Allow me to examine them in case of injury." </p><p>Annoyance surged through the prince, swelling into his lungs and filling his boiling blood. "What do you care if I'm 'injured'?" </p><p>"I cannot have our bait show up in a less than exemplary condition." </p><p>"Your bait?" </p><p>"Yes. Now, let me see your hands." </p><p>Jim slowly opened his palms, revealing dark red marks where he grabbed the rope as he slid down. The Vulcan lifted them up and clicked his tongue in disapproval before shuffling behind the desk to pull open a drawer. His hand withdrew with some gauze and ointment and he moved back in front of the prince. The blonde was utterly shocked at how gentle he was in putting on the ointment and wrapping his hands in the gauze. Even after he was finished and he took a step back, the prince just stared at his hands, eyes wide open before meeting the gaze of the pirate. </p><p>"Now how am I supposed to thank you when I don't even know your name?" </p><p>"Still complacent as ever," He sighed. "Get some rest. Your private quarters are down the hall." </p><p>"And where are yours?" </p><p>"Down the hall." </p><p>"Next to mine?" </p><p>"You have a fascinating ability to annoy a person," The Vulcan ushered him out of the cabin with a worn expression and Jim turned around to make a snappy comment, but he was met with the door instead. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>-----------------------------------</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim tossed and turned under the thin blanket, the cot he was sleeping on much thinner than his four-poster bed. It's not like the uneasy rocking of the water was helping. In fact, it was turning his stomach all oily and ready to erupt inside of him. </p><p>There was no way he was going to sleep, so he pulled the blanket back and without even getting dressed, barefeet and all, he made his way down the hall, feeling the smooth wood underneath his soles. He wobbled as he walked, grabbing the wall for support. Climbing the stairs, he didn't get a full breath of cool sea air until he reached the deck, and almost didn't notice the silhouette leaning on the edge. The moon danced behind the clouds that hung miserably in the light. If anyone were to be out here, he was the last one expected. Jim actually had to blink to make sure he was dreaming, but even when he opened his eyes, the Vulcan was still there. </p><p>"I didn't take you as the serenading type." Jim settled next to him and the pirate didn't seem to mnd. </p><p>"You've known me less than a day." </p><p>"I get a good feel for people right off the bat." </p><p>"I am not familiar with that phrase." </p><p>"Surprising for a pirate." </p><p>"Highly-advanced maraud-" </p><p>"I know, I know. My bad. But if you tell me your name-?" </p><p>"No." </p><p>"Alrighty then." </p><p>Comfortable silence passed over them as they both admired the sea. It was a dark blue glass, and if it were still, Jim would have tried to walk on it, but the waves churned and so did his stomach. Without turning to face him, the Vulcan inhaled before speaking, "Why are you out here, highness?" </p><p> "Couldn't sleep." Jim shifted his gaze onto the pirate, who's stayed focused on the ocean, and felt his heart thump. The water reflected in his deep eyes, shimmering colors of blues and whites caught against a gleaming oak color. The prince had the urge to drown in those eyes. </p><p>"Indeed." </p><p>"How do you live here? On this empty plane of water full of nothingness." </p><p>"I find-" He sucked in a breath and it seemed like the corners of his mouth upturned in an almost smile? "-that beauty lies right before you if you only close your eyes, take a breath, and <em>dive</em>." </p><p> "Very poetic." </p><p>"Yet it is true." </p><p>"Don't you get bored or lonely? Just rocking around here...like fish?" </p><p>"I have my people and no want in the world. In your terms, life is perfect." </p><p>"Yeah, well<em> I find</em> that no matter how much you have, you'll always want something, whether you know it or not." </p><p>"I will make you aware if that happens." </p><p>Jim burst out laughing, slapping the edge of the ship with his hand and instantly regretting it. "You just never give in, do you?" </p><p>The Vulcan cast him a sideways look laced with amusement. "I only submit when I'm wrong." </p><p>The prince couldn't help but bow his head, his gaze following the Vulcan who started to walk away like he always did.<em>"Of course</em>, apologies Mr. pirate." </p><p>"It's Selek." </p><p>"Sorry what?" Jim choked on the air, letting out a raspy cough. </p><p>"My name. Good evening." </p><p>The brunette vanished below deck, leaving Jim with the soft lullaby of the ocean, which now calmed down to a slow rhythmic rocking. It didn't seem so harsh anymore, and for the first time in his life, he felt like his head bobbed above the surface of his mind. Like he could finally breathe. He knew then that he found a door, a pathway straying from the crown and the blinding lights of the royal family. This could be his one chance to get away and it was all with this Vulcan pirate guy surrounded with a mysterious aura and a world of people who loved him. Jim could finally get out into the world, and hey, he was kidnapped, but it was already better than his life in the palace. The thin bed, dark clothes, and rope burn only added to the sensations he tried hard to remember because, after a stunt like this, his mother will never let him see the sun let alone go outside. </p><p>"Goodnight, Selek." </p><p>It suited him. </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Like I said, this is a royalty AU where Jim is the prince of Terra and he gets kidnapped by the notorious Pirates of The Enterprise lead by their captain, Selek, in order to force Queen Winona to release one of their shipmates. Jim's idea to hopefully let him go is to annoy/flirt with Selek to the point of letting him go. </p><p>I would like to say that I'm actually going to start an actual fic from this chapter because I want to develop this story more and I think it's a really fun idea! </p><p>Okay, hope you enjoyed!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Humans Are Strange(Change My Mind)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>PROMPT: We're neighbors in an apartment complex and I went over to your apartment to yell at you because you were blasting loud music to find you lying in a pile of pillows sobbing and listening to some love song on repeat and now I don't know what to do</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">SPOCK        </span>
  </b>
</p><p>I cannot take it anymore. </p><p>The noise is unbearable. </p><p>For a normal human, it is presumably fine, but my auditory sensitivity is far more acute than a <em>normal human</em>. I can hear the loud thrumming of the music and every single note that explodes from the speakers. To make sure I am not deranged, I press my hand to the wall we share. Vulcans are also very sensitive to contact, so if a normal human pressed their hand to the wall, they would seemingly feel nothing, at most a gentle humming, but I feel an earthquake, each note like a vibration washing across my hand. I made the mistake of selecting an apartment next to a blonde cadet because the price was discounted. I did not find out that the reason it was discounted was <em>because </em>of the blonde cadet. Unfortunately, I signed a six-month lease and this apartment is mine under contract, much to my dismay. </p><p>I do not know his name or anything other than the color of his hair, but he has been playing music for approximately 3.8 solar hours now, and I am on the verge of irritation. </p><p>It becomes so unbearable, I jump up from my meditation position and open the door to my apartment despite my being improperly dressed for company. </p><p>I am donned in white meditation robes which exposes my neck down to my clavicle in a broad 'v'. It is almost wide enough to fall off my shoulders. The robe is long and hides the fact that I am completely nude save for underwear with wide sleeve cuffs and a narrow waist. </p><p>My knuckles scrape the cold metal of the door before tapping gently, then again more forcefully when there is no reply. There is a voice behind it and the door slides open, allowing my entrance into the apartment. </p><p>It takes a great amount of strength not to gasp at the sight of the quarters. Stacks of dishes lay on the counters, dirty and ridden with food. There are several old Chinese take-out boxes and many plastic bags from the Thai restaurant down the street. But the worst of it all lies on the floor of the living room where heaps of diversely colored pillows are gathered. At the center of it, the speakers and a fluff of blonde hair I can only assume is the man I have come to reprimand. A noise seems to be emanating from the figure, like a whale mating call. More likely just wailing.</p><p>Suddenly the figure flips over so his back is resting against the surface of the pillows. He looks, to put it simply, like a mess. The red circles around his eyes are accentuated with the dark purple mark of exhaustion and his face is smeared with endless tears that roll down his face like a waterfall, not to include the mucus dripping from his nose. His clothes are ruffled as if he has been laying there for hours and his hair is pushed up away from his forehead. </p><p>Then he speaks after a large sniff of his nose, "Can I help you?" </p><p>"Yes I would like to..." Maybe now is not the best time to be complaining about overly obnoxious music. In fact, it's just one song playing over and over again. A song I recognize as 'Make Me Feel Your Love' by the classical artist Adele. "What are you doing?" </p><p>"I am mourning the loss of something precious to me," The blonde swoons dramatically back onto the pillows, eyes closed in despair. </p><p>"What would that loss be?" </p><p>"My...girlfriend dumped me." </p><p>Another stream of tears rolls down his face as he stirs miserably in the stew of heartbreak, clutching the fabric of his shirt. </p><p>"And now I have nothing left but this song and my sadness..." </p><p>A sigh escapes my lips, and I try my best to understand why he would be so upset over something so inconsequential. "If she matters so much to you, why did you let her go?" </p><p>Humans are strange to say the least. His response is, "I dunno it all happened so fast..." </p><p>The dishes are bothering me, a tick in the back of my mind I am itching to scratch, but I stay put where I am, forcing myself not to move to fix the mess. It is hard to empathize with something so foreign to me as emotions or...relationships. </p><p>Humans are strange. </p><p>"If you wish to reenter a relationship with this woman, what is stopping you?" It is more of a curious question, but he receives it as encouragement as he stands up, running a hand through his hair, inhaling mightily, and wiping his eyes and nose with the end of his sleeve. </p><p>"You're right, I have to get her back. No excuses." </p><p>"Well, I was simply stating the obviou-" </p><p>"Thanks, um whatever your name is." He rushes past me into what appears to be his bedroom and comes out wearing a new shirt with far less wrinkles and his hair is perfectly orderly, like magic if I did not know better. </p><p>Even his persona seems to feel warmer and brighter as if he suddenly decided that he doesn't want to be sad anymore, a monumental improvement from his sobbing a minute ago. His aura is infectious with its glowing red emotion that I can practically taste because it is so overpowering. </p><p>"It is unpronounceable." </p><p>"Well nice to meet you, <em>Unpronounceable</em>, I'm Kirk. Jim Kirk." </p><p>"My name is Spock." </p><p> His smile falters for just a second before it returns back to a wide show of teeth. "I thought your name was Unpronounceable-" </p><p> "Yes, my first name is, for a human. I am not sure I understand what is going on here." </p><p>"Oh! You're a Vulcan! Stuff goes over your head." </p><p>"I'm sure I would see if an object were directed over my head and properly stop-" </p><p>"Yes, right, my bad," Though he's still, curiously, smiling. "So do you live here?" </p><p>"Unfortunately," The word slips out before I can stop myself and he raises an eyebrow. </p><p>"And? How're you liking Earth?" </p><p>"It is...fascinating." </p><p>"Humans tend to be that way." I can't tell if he's sincere with his smug expression and he eyes me as he gathers up the pillows and starts to clean the apartment. The music has thankfully been ceased and now he is frantically searching for something. </p><p>"Well Mister Kirk, it seems my purpose for being here is no longer valid." </p><p>"Ooh, <em>Mister Kirk</em>. I like that," </p><p>The blonde wiggles his eyebrows in an attempt to appear attractive and much to my bewilderment, it seems to be working. Though I don't allow him to see me flush.  </p><p>"What <em>was </em>your reason?" </p><p>I can only shake my head. "It was nothing of consequence." </p><p>"Right, okay then so you live on this floor." </p><p>"I occupy the apartment to the left of this one." </p><p>Kirk's mouth gapes in surprise, eyes blown open in shock. "WHAT. YOU'RE MY NEIGHBOR?" </p><p>"Yes." </p><p>"FOR HOW LONG?" </p><p>"For 3.46 weeks approximately." </p><p>A snort escapes him. "<em>Approximately</em>?" </p><p>"You seem to possess the ability to imitate a person with almost vexatious accuracy." </p><p>"Is that your way of saying I'm annoying you?" </p><p>"I do not know what you mean," I try to hide a smile and slowly glide across the room, running my fingers across a wooden cabinet and catching dust with every inch. By the time I remove my fingers and examine the product, they are coated in a thick layer of dust, before I rub them together. </p><p>"Well Mr. Spock, it was nice meeting you. For the first time. But I have to go get my girl back. You understand?" He gives me a look that says something like 'I have to get some booty and you're a guy so you understand'. When I don't say anything, only raising an eyebrow, he cocks his head. "Right?" </p><p>I still have no words. </p><p>He groans and rolls his eyes, walking past me out of the apartment door. I follow behind him and he closes the door with his keys clinking.</p><p>"How about lunch some time?" James starts with a shrug, "Get to know each other." </p><p>"That..." I have to swallow the knot in my throat, building up for some unknown reason. "Sounds pleasing." </p><p> "Right," He slaps my chest with his hand and it takes me by surprise when I stumble backward. "See ya round, Spock." </p><p>As he walks away, I cannot help but notice the slim cut of his navy jeans and how his shirt clings to him. It is almost...intoxicating. </p><p>James is long gone before an object on the floor catches my eye. It appears to be a small blue box with wires attached to it. The wires had little round foam pieces with a band connecting them. In white print, the box was labeled 'walkman'. </p><p>I suppose he will be wanting this. </p><p>Whatever this...object is.</p><p>Humans are strange. </p><p>"See you 'around', Jim." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Pride and Prejudice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I present to you a Pride and Prejudice AU.</p><p>THIS CHAPTER IS NOT COMPLETED. DURING THE WRITING OF THIS, I GOT WRITER'S DEPRESSION AND JUST PUBLISHED THE CHAPTER INCOMPLETE. </p><p>Hope you enjoy it for what it is though!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> <b>IN THIS AU:</b> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b>- Jim and the rest of the Kirk boys cannot inherit the house for some reason and must marry to keep the house in the family<br/><br/></b> </em>
</p><p><em> <b>SO, THE CAST OF CHARACTERS IS AS FOLLOWS:</b> </em> <em>  </em></p><p><em> <b>- Elizabeth Bennet --- Jim Kirk<br/></b> </em> <em> <b>-Mr. Darcy --- S'chn T'gai Spock<br/></b> </em> <em> <b>- Charles Bingley --- Aurelan Bingley <br/></b> </em> <em> <b>- Mr. Wickam --- Carol Marcus-Wickam</b> </em></p><p><em> <b>- Jane Bennet --- Samuel Kirk <br/></b> </em> <em> <b>- Kitty Bennet --- Kit Kirk<br/></b> </em> <em> <b>- Lydia Bennet --- Lyndon Kirk <br/></b> </em> <em> <b>- Mary Bennet --- Marius Bennet <br/>- Mrs. Bennet --- Winona Kirk <br/>- Mr. Bennet --- George Kirk( he's alive if reading this as AOS) <br/></b> </em> <em> <b>- Charlotte Lucas --- Leonard Mccoy<br/>- Sir William Lucas --- David Mccoy </b> </em></p><p><em> <b>- Caroline Bingley --- Nyota Bingley <br/>- Mr. Collins --- Gaila Collins <br/>- Louisa Hurst --- Christine Hurst <br/></b> </em> <em> <b>- Lady Catherine de Bourgh --- Lady T'Pau de Bourgh<br/></b> </em></p><p><em> <b>- Georgiana Darcy --- Michael<br/></b> </em> <em> <b>- Lady Anne de Bourgh --- T'Pring de Bourgh</b> </em></p><p>
  <em> <b>APOLOGIES, I MADE SOME OF THIS STUFF UP. And this is based on both the series and the 2005 movie </b> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b>Also apologies for mistakes, I'm tired...</b> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b>OKAY. UM. THAT'S ALL. ONWARD THEN.</b> </em>
</p><p>
  <em> <b>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Aurelan Bingley was a fair woman and anyone who ever knew her would claim it true. She had sharp eyes and gentle irises, a clear complexion, and round lips. Her dark ginger curls bounced as she rode out in the field, looking very well atop her horse. But what completed the lovely figure was the warm aura and soft smiles she shared, her confidence and flair made her such an approachable person. She was definitely something to behold, and not just that, she was the heiress to over £50,000.</p><p>"It's a fair prospect," She flashed one of her smiles to the gentlemen situated next to him, who replied gravely,</p><p>"Pretty enough, I grant you."</p><p>"Oh, it's nothing to Pemberley, I know, but I must settle somewhere. Have I your approval?"</p><p>The man next to her was quite the opposite in his demeanor. His eyes were sharp and his irises were dark and deep in thought, lips pressed in a tight line. The man's eyebrows were furrowed and his persona as attractive as a cactus. But Aurelan hardly noticed this, lost in the dream of buying a manor.</p><p>"You will find the society something savage."</p><p>A burst of quiet laughter came from Aurelan. "Country manners? I think they're charming."</p><p>The man allowed an eyebrow to raise. "Then you should better take it."</p><p>James Kirk watched the two people riding from the distant hill where he'd been reading under a great oak. He knew many of the faces in riverside Meryton, but these were strangers.</p><p>With a dismissive notion, he stood up and clutched his book to his chest, making his way down the rocky path home. On his way, every flower that brushed his hand he picked until he was carrying an entire bouquet.</p><p>It was definitely a lovely morning.</p><p>He heard his darling mother squawking about something to his father, something about Netherfield park. And his brothers were all crowded around the library door, chirping like robins. "Lydee! Kit! What have I told you about listening at-" </p><p>Lydee interrupted him with a swat, "Never mind that, there's a Miss Bingley arrived from the north!" </p><p>"With more than one chaise!" Kit added. </p><p>"and £50,000-!" </p><p>Jim only turned his head to the side in curiosity. "Really?" </p><p>"And she's single!" </p><p>Suddenly Samuel appeared next to him, eyebrows narrowed. "Who's single?" </p><p>"Miss Bingley, apparently," Jim chortled and was met with a smack in the chest and a "SHHHH" from Lydee. And they all leaned toward the door. </p><p>It was the voice of their mother who drifted through the door. My dear Mr. Kirk, how can you be so tiresome! You know that she must marry one of them!" </p><p>"Oh, so that is her design in settling here?" Was Mr. Kirk's calm reply. </p><p>"Yes," Jim whispered to Samuel through a smile, "For a single person in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a spouse." </p><p>And Samuel giggled. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>That night, Jim sighed in his pajamas and fell against the bed as Samuel fixed his hair. Both children as boys had been wild and untameable but the years mellowed them down to fine gentlemen, especially Samuel who used to find joy in scorching ants and driving the chickens mad. Now he was the 'beauty of the county' and had the manners to fit it. </p><p>Jim, on the other hand, was still as firm as ever with his convictions and spoke his mind, even though it was not as direct to acquaintances as it used to be.  </p><p>"If I could love someone who would love me enough to take me for a mere <em>£50 a year</em>, I should be very well pleased." He smiled, pressing his face into the fabric. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>News spread very quickly that there was a ball to be held on Saturday and that a certain Bingley would be attending it. All of the men of Meryton prepared for a night of wonder, in anticipation for the mysterious stranger and her party. Jim did not anticipate the stranger as everyone else did and simply dressed in a light green tailcoat, grey trousers, and black boots. Samuel looked stunning in maroon, and half of the ladies' eyes were on him. Yet he had not danced one dance and stood comfortably at Jim's side. Kit and Lydee were out dancing already, as they had been the whole night. </p><p>Then suddenly the cheerful music stopped and the great doors at the end of the hall opened to a group of three people, extremely well dressed and reeking of wealth. Leonard Mccoy, dressed in a chestnut color, slid in next to them with a knowing look of mischief. Jim sighed at the sight of his oldest and best friend, his dark ruffled hair and brown eyes. "So," The blonde leaned toward him until their shoulders pressed "Which one of the painted peacocks is our Miss Bingley?" </p><p>"She is on the right," Mccoy pointed subtly to the woman with beautiful curls and an attractive face dressed in blue, "And on the left is her sister." The other woman was dressed in a deep red dress, her critical eyes, and dark, almost black silk hair. </p><p>But Jim's gaze had been snagged by another figure, "And the one with the quizzical brow?" </p><p>"That is his good friend...Mister Spock." </p><p>He was pale and rigid, eyes scanning the crowd boredly, with a straight hair cut and pointed ears. Extremely handsome, but with such a forlorn look, he appeared so uncomfortable. </p><p>"He looks miserable," Jim couldn't help but laugh quietly, "Poor soul." </p><p>His friend just shook his head. "Miserable he may be, but poor he most <em>certainly </em>is not." </p><p>They stared at each other before Jim finally grabbed his arm. "Tell me." </p><p>Mccoy took in a deep breath as if saying the number itself would take up all of the air in his lungs. "Ten. <em>Thousand</em>. A year. <em>And </em>he owns half of Derbyshire.</p><p>"The miserable half?" Which sent them both into a fit of snickering. As the wealthy trio passed, Jim couldn't help but notice how their eyes met and how Spock's lingered on him for just a moment before facing forward again like a missionary. They stationed themselves at the front of the hall, and just like that, the orchestra began playing and the dancing resumed. Samuel took Jim's hand, who was still gripping Mccoy and lead him to their mother who was with the rest of the Kirks, Sir Mccoy, and...the trio. </p><p>Sir David Mccoy was preoccupied with the Lady Bingley, a beauty, Jim noted. He also noted the slight coloring in Samuel's cheeks and contained his delight. </p><p>"My eldest you know. This is Mrs. Kirk, Mister Samuel Kirk, James, and Mister Marius Kirk." To the Kirks, he stated, "Aurelan Bingley," gesturing to the fine woman. </p><p>The lady bowed, looking absolutely marvelous in sea blue. Her eyes widened as they fell on Samuel and she stayed transfixed as she said, "Delighted. To make your acquaintance." </p><p>Sir Mccoy bumbled on without an idea of the electricity that passed between the two with just that look. "And may I introduce Mister Spock of Pemberley in Derbyshire!" </p><p>The man bowed stiffly and curtly and when Jim smiled, he only remained stone-faced. He stayed that way even when the group was broken up into just him, Samuel, Lady Bingley, Caroline Bingley, and the missionary. Just a miserable soul. Jim almost felt bad for him. Almost. </p><p>"How do you like it here in Hertfordshire, Miss Bingley?" </p><p>"Very much," The woman nodded, her eyes bright with a bashful nature.  </p><p>"I've heard the library at Netherfield is one of the finest in the country," Jim chimed in, excitement filling him at the mere prospect of a whole room just for books. </p><p>"Yes. It fills me with guilt," The lady sighed, "Not a good reader, you see. I prefer being out of doors. I mean, I can read, of course, and, and I'm not suggesting you can't read outdoors - of course..." </p><p>"I wish I read more," Samuel added, "but there always seems so many other things to do." </p><p>"Yes," Bingley let out a breath of air and beamed up at him gratefully, "That's exactly what I meant." </p><p>A beat passed as both of them just gazed at each other before Samuel found his voice. "May I have the honor? Of the next dance?" </p><p>She nodded and they both went off to the dance floor and Jim noticed Spock eying his family(specifically his brothers Lydee and Kit dancing and shrieking about the arriving regiment) with an analytic and condescending expression. In an attempt to distract him, Jim opened his mouth, "Do you dance Mr. Spock?" </p><p>The pale figure turned to him like he didn't realize he existed until that exact moment and stated, "Not if I can help it" in the flattest tone. </p><p>Jim took a step back, shocked at the absolute nerve of this man. He just stood there for a second before gathering himself and weaving into the crowd. He eventually found his way back with Leonard behind the wooden bleachers talking where they could actually hear each other. </p><p>Jim hardly noticed Mr. Spock hovering in front of them in front of the bleachers until Lady Bingley came up to him, her eyes a light with the stars. </p><p>"Upon. My. Word," She gasped, "I've never seen so many handsome people in my life." </p><p>Spock was not amused. "You are dancing with the only handsome person in the room." </p><p>"Oh, he is the most amazing creature I have ever laid eyes on! But his brother, James is very agreeable." </p><p>Jim felt a nudge from Bones and a smile crept across his face. </p><p>"Perfectly tolerable, I daresay," The man sighed in response, "But not handsome enough to tempt me."  </p><p>Whatever warm feelings were fluttering in Jim's heart instantly grew cold. </p><p>Yet Spock, still continued, "You had better return to your partner and enjoy his smiles. You are wasting your time with me." </p><p>After a second, Bingley retreated still as bright as ever to her partner. </p><p>Leonard could feel Jim slump and patted his shoulder reassuringly, "Count your blessings, Jim. If he liked you, you'd have to talk to him." </p><p>"Precisely." The blonde felt a swell of pride in him and drew in a deep, bothered breath. "As it is, I would not dance with him for <em>all</em> of Derbyshire, let alone the miserable half." </p><p>A few more dances past before Jim found himself once again in a conversing circle with Samuel, his mother, Bingley, and Mr. Spock. </p><p>"Jim," Aurelan's voice brought him to the present, "Your friend Mister Mccoy is a most amusing gentleman." </p><p>"Yes," Jim took a moment to clear his throat roughly. "I adore him." </p><p>Mrs. Kirk only shook her head. "It's a pity he's not more handsome." </p><p>"Mother!" </p><p>"But Jim will never admit he's plain. Of course, it's my Samuel who is considered the apple's eye of the county." </p><p>Samuel reddened, glancing toward Bingley in apology. "Mother, please." </p><p>"When he was only fifteen years old," Winona continued, plowing through both of her sons' protests, "there was a lady so much in love with him that I was sure they'd be married by spring. However, she <em>did </em>write him some very pretty verses." </p><p>"Yes and that put paid to it," Jim finished impatiently, "I wonder who first discovered the power of poetry in driving away love..." </p><p>"I thought that poetry was the food of love." It took Jim a minute to realize who spoke, the deep calm voice of no other than Mr. Spock. </p><p>"Of a fine, stout love it may. But if it is only a vague inclination, I am convinced that one poor sonnet will kill it stone dead." </p><p>There was an unrecognizable glimmer in Spock's eyes at that sentence. "So what do you recommend, to encourage affection? </p><p>"Dancing." Jim took a step forward, looking right into his eyes. "Even if one's partner is barely tolerable." </p><p>And he gave him a brilliant smile before walking out, not even stopping to see the bewildered look on his face or the ever so slight blush on his cheekbones. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Sam climbed under the blankets next to Jim, trying to contain his glee. "Miss Bingley is just what a young woman out to be: sensible, good humored-" </p><p>"Handsome." Jim nodded "Conveniently rich." </p><p>"You know perfectly well I don't believe marriage should be driven by thoughts of money." </p><p>"I agree entirely, only the deepest love will persuade me into matrimony. So," Jim crushed his face against the pillow, "I shall end an old bachelor and teach your ten children to embroider cushions and play their instruments <em>very </em>ill." </p><p>A low rumble of laughter erupted from Samuel and it took several minutes for them both to calm down. </p><p>"Do you really believe she liked me, Jim?" </p><p>"Please, she danced with you most of the night and stared at you for the rest of it. But I give you leave to like her. You've liked many a stupider person." </p><p>"Jim!" Samuel laughed, pushing him gently. </p><p>"You're a great deal too apt to like people in general, you know. All the world is good and agreeable in your eyes." </p><p>"Not his friend. I still <em>cannot</em> believe what he said about you." </p><p>"Mr. Spock," The blonde let out a scoff, "I could more easily forgive his vanity had he not wounded mine! But no matter...I doubt we'll ever speak again."</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>There was another gathering at Mccoy Lodge since the first time Jim met Mr. Spock. It was a slighter smaller number of people, and the events that followed were very peculiar. He found quite a lot after Leonard pointed it out that "Mr. Spock stared at him a great deal". On his way to stop his brothers from dancing like fools with the new soldiers, Sir Mccoy stopped him and said, </p><p>"Ah, Mister Jim! Why are you not dancing? Mr. Spock, allow me to present this young gentleman to you as a very desirable partner. You cannot refuse to dance, I'm sure, when so much beauty is before you." </p><p>And there he was, Mister Spock, still as ominous as ever with his hands folded behind his back and Jim tried not to wince. "Indeed sir. I have not the least intention of dancing. Please don't suppose that I moved this way in order to beg for a partner." </p><p>Spock spoke next, "I would be very happy if you would do me the honor of dancing with me, Mister Kirk." </p><p>"Thank you," Jim tried not to look shocked. "But excuse me, I...I am not inclined to dance." </p><p>Sir Mccoy wouldn't hear of it. "Come, come, why not? When you see Mister Spock has no objection, although he dislikes the amusement so much in general. </p><p><em>Exactly</em>, Jim thought,<em> so why dance with anyone let alone someone as intolerable as me</em>, but his simple reply was, "Mister Spock is all politeness." </p><p>"And why should he not be, considering the inducement? For who could object to such a partner?" </p><p>"I beg you would excuse me," Kirk bowed quickly and left them standing there. </p><p>Spock stood there for a moment, even when Sir Mccoy left his side. Miss Nyota Bingley came up behind him with her usual 'disgust for peasants' written on her face. "I believe I can guess your thoughts at this moment." </p><p>Spock turned his head the slightest bit, his gaze still primarily focused on Mister Kirk on the other side of the room. "I should imagine not." </p><p>"You are thinking how <em>insupportable </em>it would be to spend many evenings in such <em>tedious </em>company." </p><p>"No," The gentleman sighed, "My mind was more agreeably engaged. I have been meditating on the very great pleasure, which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a handsome being can bestow." </p><p>Nyota blushed, flattered, her eyebrows more arched than ever. "And may one <em>dare </em>ask whose are the eyes that inspired these reflections?" </p><p>"A Mister James Kirk's." </p><p><em>"Mister James Kirk,"</em> She chuckled, her voice almost malicious, before realizing he was serious. "I am all astonishment." And she left him to gaze at the handsome figure who was now chatting with an officer and laughing quietly. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>"-And my kind friends will not hear of me returning home until I am better. But do not be alarmed excepting a sore throat, a fever, and a headache there is nothing wrong with me. This is ridiculous!" Jim stopped reading the letter to glare at his mother. "I hope you're satisfied."</p><p>Mr. Kirk was the next to speak, glancing up from his newspaper. "Well my dear, if your son dies, it will be a comfort to know it was all in pursuit of Miss Bingley. </p><p>"People do not die of colds!" She protested. But Jim would not hear of it. </p><p>"I must go to Netherfield at once." He concluded with finality. </p><p>"Go to Netherfield?" Winona snorted, "No, there is no call for that. Samuel is very well where he is. And you know there is nothing for you in Netherfield. You had much better go to Meryton with your brothers and meet the officers." </p><p>"Yes, Jim, for there are more than enough to go around!" Lydee agreed.</p><p>"I know that Sam would wish me to be with him." </p><p>Mr. Kirk shrugged and put down the newspaper. "I suppose that's a hint for me to send for the carriage." </p><p>"Oh no father, I'd much rather walk. It's barely three miles to Netherfield and I'll be back for dinner." </p><p>"THREE. MILES! In all that dirt?" Winona nearly screamed. "You'll not be fit to be seen!" </p><p>"I shall be fit to see <em>Sam</em>, which is all I want. I am quite determined, mother." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim walked in the crisp morning air, the leaves caught on his boots. It was a beautiful day, the world still an orange-salmon hue with the sun just hanging above the rolling green hills in the distance. He climbed over a fence and realized he landing in a big area of mud just a little too late, shrugged it off, and continued. By the time Netherfield was in view, his boots were completely covered in mud save an inch below the top, hair blown away from his face in a wild way and cheeks flushed from the chilly morning. </p><p>As he turned around a large oak, he nearly ran into a person. It was the last person he would've ever imagined. </p><p>"Mister Kirk," The smooth voice of Mr. Spock pulled him back into the moment. </p><p>"Mister Spock," Jim bowed after the gentleman did. "I have come to inquire after my brother." </p><p>Spock looked at him incredulously, "On foot?" </p><p>"As you see." Jim ran a hand through his hair awkwardly. "Would you be so kind as to take me to him?" </p><p>The expression on the gentleman's face was strange, if Jim didn't know better, he'd say it was amusement. And he had to catch up to walk beside him as Spock lead him to the house. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>"Well, we must allow him to be an excellent walker, I suppose. But his appearance this morning – he really looked almost wild!" Mrs. Christine Hurst gawked at her sister who agreed from across the dining room table. </p><p> "I could hardly keep my countenance! What does he mean by scampering about the country because his brother has a cold?" Nyota chuckled, "His hair, Christine!" </p><p>Christine turned to Aurelan who was sitting at the head of the table. "Well, his boots! I hope you saw his boots, sister.<em> Six inches</em> deep in mud, I'm absolutely certain!" </p><p>"I must confess," Aurelan chewed through a sausage, "It quite escaped my notice. I thought she looked remarkably well." </p><p>"You observed it, I'm sure, Mister Spock!" Nyota looked at the figure standing in front of the window. </p><p>"I did." </p><p>"I'm inclined to think you wouldn't wish <em>your </em>sibling to make such an exhibition." </p><p>"Certainly not." </p><p>"It seems to me to show an abominable sort of conceited independence, hm?" </p><p>Christine nodded in agreement as she buttered her bread. </p><p>Aurelan huffed. "It shows an affection to his brother that is <em>very </em>pleasing." </p><p>"I'm afraid," Nyota trudged on, "Mister Spock, that this escapade may have affected your admiration for his<em> fine eyes</em>." The woman smirked even before getting an answer, entirely confident in her powers. </p><p>"Not at all. They were brightened by the exercise." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>At the end of breakfast, a door opened and Jim entered. Aurelan beamed at the sight of him. "Mister Kirk, how does your brother do? Is he any better?" </p><p>"I am afraid that she is quite unwell, Miss Bingley. </p><p>Bingley put down her silverware and stood up, "Let me send for Mister Jones. You must stay until your brother is recovered." </p><p>"Oh, I would not wish to inconvenience you-" </p><p>"I wouldn't hear of anything else!" The kind lady smiled. " I'll send to Longbourn for your clothes directly." </p><p>"You're very kind ma'am." Jim felt warm at the thought of having Miss Bingley as a sister, but the exchanged looks of irritation passed between her sisters did not escape his notice. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>"There," Jim looked at his attire once more in the mirror. "Shall I disgrace you, do you think?" </p><p>"You look very handsome, Jim." Came his brother's voice from the bed. "As you are already aware." </p><p>"Sam," The blonde moved to his brother's bedside. "I'd much rather stay here with you. The superior sisters wish me <em>miles </em>away. Only your Miss Bingley is civil and attentive." </p><p>"She's not <em>my </em>Miss Bingley, Jim." </p><p>"Oh, I think she is," He smiled knowingly, "Or she very soon will be." </p><p> </p><p> <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b></p><p> </p><p>Jim sat in the corner in an armchair reading a book while the Bingleys and Hursts played cards at the table nearby. Mr. Spock was preoccupied with writing a letter. Jim caught his gaze but a few times but it was nothing more than the stone-faced stare. Miss Nyota was trying hard to catch Spock's attention. </p><p>"Oh Mr. Spock! Come and advise me for Mr. Hurst carries all before him!" </p><p>But Spock continued writing his letter without a second thought. Jim was so lost in his book that he almost didn't hear his question. </p><p>"-I inquire after your brother, Mister Kirk?" </p><p>"I thank you," Jim closed the book, looking up to see everyone staring at him. "I believe she is a little better." </p><p>"I am glad to hear it." </p><p>"Will you join us, Mister Kirk?" Mrs. Hurst asked from the table. </p><p>"I thank you, no." </p><p>"You prefer reading to cards, do you? Singular." Mr. Hurst sighed in delight as he laid down another good hand. </p><p>"Mister Kirk despise cards. He's a great reader and has no pleasure in anything else." </p><p>"Well, I deserve no such praise, nor censure. I am <em>not </em>a great reader, and take pleasure in many things." Jim was starting to become uncomfortable under the critical eyes of Miss Nyota Bingley. He exhaled a breath of relief when her eyes fixed upon Spock again and Jim opened his book and began reading once more. </p><p>"And what do you do so secretly sir?" </p><p>"It is no secret," Spock stated. "I am writing to my sister." </p><p>"Oh dear Michael! Oh how I long to see her, please tell her so." </p><p>"I have already told her once, per your request." </p><p>"Is she much grown since the spring? Is she as tall as me?" </p><p>"She is now about Mister James Kirk's height." </p><p>Jim felt the heat rise in his features as everyone turned once again to him. </p><p>"And so accomplished," Miss Nyota continued. "Her performance on the pianoforte is exquisite. Do you play, Mister Kirk?" </p><p>"Yes," Jim coughed, "But very ill." </p><p>"But all young folk are so accomplished! They sing, draw, dance, speak French and German, cover screens, and I know not what." Aurelan smiled behind her cards despite her sister's glare. </p><p>"There are not half a dozen who would satisfy my notion of an accomplished person." </p><p>"Oh certainly," Nyota quickly agreed. "No person can be really deemed accomplished who does not also possess-" She waved her hand in the air "-a certain something in their air or manner of walking, in the tone of their voice. her address and expressions." </p><p>"And to all this, she must add something more substantial in the improvement of her mind by extensive reading." </p><p>Jim closed his book suddenly, then looked at Spock with astonishment. "I am no longer surprised at you knowing only six accomplished people, Mister Spock. I rather wonder you knowing any at all." At this, the gentleman put down his pen to look at him, and there was a second that passed between them before Mrs. Hurst spoke. </p><p>"You are very severe on your people, Mister Kirk." </p><p>"I speak as I find." </p><p>" Perhaps you have not had the advantage, Miss Bennet, of moving in society enough." Nyota yawned and turned back to the cards she was dealt with. "There are many very accomplished young ladies amongst our acquaintance." </p><p>A little while passed before Nyota stood up and paced around the room for a moment before stopping in front of Jim. "Mister Kirk, let us take a turn about the room." </p><p>She offered her arm and after a moment, Jim took it and they walked the perimeter of the room. </p><p>"Refreshing, is it not, after sitting so long in that chair?" </p><p>"It's a small kind of accomplishment, I suppose ." Jim caught Spock's eyes on him briefly, before he turned back to his letters. </p><p>"Mister Spock, will you join us?" </p><p>The gentleman only shook his head. "You can only have two motives, Nyota, and I would interfere either." </p><p>Nyota chuckled, "What can he mean?" </p><p>"I think we would do better not to inquire." Jim started, but Nyota only sighed with a grin on her face. </p><p>"We insist on knowing your meaning sir!" </p><p>"Either you are in each other's confidence and have secret affairs to discuss, or you are conscious that your figures appear to the greatest advantage by walking. If the first, I should get in your way. If the second, I can admire you much better from here." He responded without missing a beat. </p><p>Nyota gasped and tightened her link with Jim's arm in excitement. "Oh shocking! How shall we punish him for such a speech?" </p><p>"Nothing so easy. Tease him. Laugh at him." </p><p>Nyota stopped them in front of Mr. Spock with another chuckle, "Laugh at Mr. Spock? Impossible. He is a man without fault." </p><p>"Mm, is he indeed?" Jim raised his eyebrows at Spock in challenge. "A man without fault?" </p><p>"That is not possible for anyone," Spock declared. "But it has been my study to avoid those weaknesses, which expose a strong understanding to ridicule." </p><p>"Such as...vanity, perhaps, hmm, and pride?" Jim was clearly enjoying this far too much, but this man made it too easy. </p><p>"Yes," He seemed off guard, "Vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride...where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will always be under good regulation." </p><p>Jim stayed quiet, hardly containing the smug expression on his face in his triumph. </p><p>"I have faults enough, Mister Kirk, but I hope they are not of understanding. My temper I cannot vouch for. It might be called resentful. My good opinion once lost, is lost forever." </p><p>"Oh dear, I cannot tease you about that," Jim sighed, "What a shame, for I dearly love to laugh." </p><p>"I believe every disposition has a tendency to some particular evil." </p><p>"Your defect is a propensity to hate everyone." </p><p>"And yours is to willfully misunderstand them." </p><p>"Music?" Nyota asked suddenly, unhooking her arm from Jim's to go to the piano. Spock and Jim did not break eye contact until the blonde turned away back to his reading spot. </p><p> </p><p><b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b> <b><br/></b></p><p> </p><p>The next day, Jim took an early morning walk around Netherfield, let the chilly dew of the long field grass touch his outstretched hand. Mister Spock emerged from the other side of the path on a horse and they stood frozen before he galloped on, and Jim shivered, suddenly uncomfortable with the cold.</p><p> </p><p><b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ </b> <b><br/></b></p><p> </p><p>The footman opened the door to the drawing-room. "A Mrs. Kirk, a Mister Kirk, a Mister Kirk, and-" He paused to clear his throat "-a Mister Kirk, ma'am. </p><p>"Good Heavens," Nyota groaned, "Are we to receive every Kirk in the country?" </p><p>Jim thought it best to continue reading, especially when his mother began blabbering about the rooms and 'furnishings'. It was just like this, Lyndon in his best suit, Kit copying him, and Marius, already bored with life, wore boring grey. <em>It was embarrassing. </em></p><p>"Miss Bingley," Lyndon smiled, "Is it true you have promised to hold a ball here at Netherfield?" </p><p> </p><p><b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b> <b><br/></b></p><p> </p><p>Jim was so glad to be leaving, he could hardly contain his joy. Thankfully, Mister Spock's stone face always made him frown, and it seemed to contain it all just fine. They all get into the carriage, Jim being the last after his brother Samuel, who spent most of his not-being-in-bed talking to Miss Aurelan Bingley. </p><p>Mr. Spock bowed to him in farewell. </p><p>"Mr. Spock." </p><p>"Mr. Kirk." </p><p>Is all they exchanged before Jim stepped into the carriage, noticing how Spock gave his hand, and blushed. They took off down the road and many moments passed before he found his voice to talk to Samuel. </p><p>"Sam," He sighed, "I'm sorry to say it, but notwithstanding your excellent Miss Bingley, I've never been so happy to leave a place in my life." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim was laughing with his brother Samuel when he met the wonderful Miss Wickam in her blonde beauty. He had accidentally dropped his handkerchief and the woman had picked it up. </p><p>"Yours, I believe?"</p><p>Jim stood speechless before nodding and taking it. Lyndon and Kit ran up behind them, nearly running into the older boys. </p><p>"Oh how perfect you are, Miss Wickam!" Lydee sighed, more like swooned. </p><p>"She picked up my glove, too!" Kit smiled waving it around. "Did you drop yours on purpose, Jim?" </p><p>"Miss Wickam's a lieutenant!" Lydee was still spouting.</p><p>"An enchanted lieutenant," Wickam smiled. </p><p>Samuel narrowed his eyes at Lyndon. " What are you up to?" </p><p>But his brother only shrugged, feigning innocence. "We just happened to be looking for some ribbon. And Kit added, "White! For the ball!" </p><p>"Shall we," Miss Wickam cleared her throat, "Look for some ribbon together?" </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The Netherfield Ball was something to behold indeed. Jim was forced to dance with his idiot cousin Gaila Collins not once but twice and now and if he was forced to do it again, he was sure he would die. </p><p>Miss Wickam was nowhere to be seen despite having made it very clear she would be. Samuel had pulled him aside earlier and told him it was likely because of the presence of a certain gentleman and Jim scoffed. Now he was walking around with Leonard on his arm as they giggled about Miss Collins' horrifying dance skills. As they weaved through the crowd, they almost bumped into the last person Jim wanted to see. </p><p>"Mister Kirk," Spock folded his hands behind his back. "May I have the next dance?" </p><p>"You may," Jim said before he could think properly, and before he could take it back, Spock was already gone. In horrible realize, he clutched Leonard's arm tighter. " Did I just agree to dance with Mister Spock?" </p><p>"I dare say you will find him very amiable, Jim." Mccoy teased. </p><p>"Which would be most inconvenient since I have sworn to loathe him for all eternity." </p><p>A few minutes later, Jim found himself about to dance with his worst enemy. He was busy trying to find something to say in this awkwardness. Anything. </p><p>"I love a Sarabande." </p><p>"Indeed. Most invigorating." </p><p>Then silence again. Jim dreaded it, especially with a man such as Spock. </p><p>"It is your turn to say something, Mr. Spock. I talked about the dance, now you ought to remark on the size of the room or the number of couples." </p><p>"I am perfectly happy to oblige, please advise me of what you would like most to hear." </p><p>"That reply will do for the present. Perhaps by and bye I may observe that private balls are much pleasanter than public ones. But for now we may be silent." </p><p>"Do you talk as a rule while dancing?" </p><p>"No," Jim almost snapped, slightly irritated, "No. I prefer to be unsociable and taciturn. That makes it all so much more enjoyable, don't you think?" </p><p>Spock's thoughts seemed to churn on this for a few moments before he spoke, "Tell me, do you and your sisters very often walk to Meryton?" </p><p>But the dance parted them as Jim was whisked away by an elderly woman and Spock by another. He was still staring when Jim turned to face his partner. "Very mild weather we've been having." </p><p>"I prefer them soft-boiled," The woman replied, probably as deaf as a post. </p><p>They were spinning around the room when he was once again dancing with Mister Spock. </p><p>"Yes, we often walk to Meryton it is a great opportunity to meet new people. In fact, when you met us we had just had the pleasure of forming a new acquaintance." </p><p>Spock's features twisted slightly at the mention. "Miss Wickham is blessed with such happy manners she is sure of making friends - whether she is capable of retaining them is less certain." </p><p>"She has been so unlucky as to lose your friendship. And I dare say that is an irreversible event?"</p><p>"It is." Spock looked at Jim almost sourly. "Why do you ask such a question?" </p><p>"To make out your character, Mister Spock." </p><p>"And what have you discovered?" </p><p>"Very little." </p><p>And just like that, the dance ended and they both bowed. Jim walked away before any rage of his boiled to the surface, and he felt Spock's eyes on him for every second. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim was glad to receive a letter from Leonard after that terrifying day when he found out his best friend was to marry one of the stupidest people in all of England. It was a letter inviting him to Hunsford and he wrote him back saying he'd be so delighted to visit. </p><p> They had been graciously invited to dine at Rosings, and Jim had to put on his serene expression, sitting calmly and listening to an old bat coo about music when she'd never learned to play a single instrument. Two figures entered the room, a stranger and a familiar person who Jim had not expected at all. Neither did he, apparently, by the way he froze in the doorway. </p><p>"Mister Spock!" Jim declared with a look of complete shock. "What are you doing here?" </p><p>Miss Collins stood up to greet him with a "Mr. Darcy, I had no idea we'd have the honor..." But his words are lost as Spock moved into the room. </p><p>"Mister Kirk...I am a guest here." </p><p>Lady T'Pau clicked her tongue. "You know my nephew?" Disapproval laced her voice. </p><p>"Yes madam, I had the pleasure-" Jim paused to swallow "-of meeting him Hertfordshire." </p><p>The man next to him smiled and bowed. "Colonel Pike, how do you do?" </p><p>The company decided to move toward the dining room and on their way, Miss Collins whispered, "You know Mr. Spock is as good as engaged to Miss de Bourg?" </p><p>"Really?" Jim sighed, "Nyota will be disappointed to hear that." Then he turned to Leonard who was walking on his right, "What a miserable thing! Yes, she'll do just fine as his wife." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim played on the piano very poorly as he recalled, blundering through the complex movements and working very slowly as he did. Suddenly Mister Spock situated himself at the side of the piano. </p><p>"You mean to frighten me, Mr. Spock, by coming here in all your state to hear me but," Jim took a deep breath and focused back on the ivory keys. "I won't be alarmed even though your sister does play so well." </p><p>"I am well enough acquainted with you, Mister Kirk, to know I cannot alarm you even should I wish it." </p><p>If not for Colonel Pike, they would have continued their staring contest until the candle wax had melted and the room had gone cold. It was refreshing to have a warm personality to lighten the conversation. "What was my friend like in Hertfordshire?" </p><p>Jim stopped playing to look up at him. "You really care to know?  Prepare yourself for something very dreadful. The first time I saw him, at the Assembly, he danced with nobody at all - even though gentlemen were scarce and there was more than one person who was sitting down in want of a partner." </p><p>He observed the slight green tint in the man's cheeks. "I knew nobody beyond my own party." </p><p>"And nobody can be introduced in a ballroom?" </p><p>Lady T'Pau called Pike away and just like that, they were in their awkward silence again. Jim, to save them both, started playing again. </p><p>"I do not have the talent-" Jim stopped playing "-of conversing easily with people I have never met before." </p><p>"Perhaps you should take your aunt's advice and practice." The blonde couldn't help but smile as he went back to playing, and Spock watched him without another word. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>It was a Sunday morning and half of the church was asleep listening to Miss Collins delivering her sermon. </p><p>Jim sat a little way in the back with Colonel Pike, whispering through the poor stumbling woman. The only person who seemed truly awake was Leonard, and that was on obligation. </p><p>"How long do you plan on staying in Kent, Colonel?" Jim made sure to whisper, not that it truly mattered. <br/> <br/>"As long as Spock chooses. I am at his disposal." </p><p>"Everyone appears to be at his disposal. I wonder he does not marry and secure a lasting convenience of that kind." <br/><br/>Pike glanced at Jim curiously. "She would be a lucky woman." <br/><br/>The blonde raised an eyebrow comically "Really?" <br/><br/> "Spock is a most loyal companion. From what I heard, he recently came to the rescue of one of his friends just in time." </p><p>"What happened?" </p><p>"He saved the lady from an impulsive marriage." </p><p>"Wh-who was the woman?" </p><p>"His closest friend. Aurelan Bingley." <br/><br/>A cold silence washed over them.<br/><br/>Jim's heart twisted horribly into itself. His voice broke as he tried to form words. "Did Mr. Spock give you his reasons for this interference?"</p><p>"There were supposedly definite objections to the gentleman." </p><p> "What kind of objections? His lack of fortune?"</p><p>"I think it was his family that was considered unsuitable."</p><p>"...So he separated them?"</p><p>"I believe so. That's all I know." <br/><br/>Jm grew very pale, his lungs seemed to be collapsing in on him. He couldn't breathe, not in this crowded church.</p><p> After finding the will to walk, he stood up and left, not even minding the downpour from above as he found shelter under a marble pavilion. </p><p>He was panting, just trying to breathe. The sound of footsteps made his head turn and he gasped, almost falling backward. </p><p>"Mister Kirk," Spock's voice was fumbling, his guard completely brought down. His hair was soaked and uneven, but Jim imagined he didn't look much better. "I have struggled in vain but I can bear it no longer... The past months have been a torment..."<br/><br/>The man paused, struggling with the simplest of words and Jim had no idea what was happening. <br/><br/>"I came to Rosings with the single object of seeing you...l had to see you." <br/> <br/>"Me?" Jim croaked.</p><p>"I have fought against my better judgment, my family's expectation...The inferiority of your birth...my rank and circumstance...all those things...but I am willing to put them aside...and ask you to end my agony..." </p><p>"...I don't understand..."</p><p>"I love you!" Spock exhaled. "<em>Most ardently</em>."<br/><br/>Jim was speechless, an unusual occurrence with someone who always had convictions even about the most inconsequential things. <br/><br/>"Please do me the honor of accepting my hand." <br/><br/>The blonde couldn't breathe. He couldn't tell if he was trembling from the cold or fear. "Sir, I appreciate the struggle you have been through, and I am very sorry to have caused you pain. Believe me, it was unconsciously done."</p><p>Spock stared at him blankly as he gathered himself up and wrapped his hands around himself. </p><p> "Is this your reply?"</p><p>" Yes, sir."</p><p>"Are you laughing at me?"</p><p>"No!"</p><p>"Are you rejecting me?"</p><p> "I'm sure that the feelings which, as you've told me, have hindered your regard, will help you in overcoming it." </p><p>A terrible silence, passed between them as Spock fully realized what he said. The gentleman grew very pale. <br/><br/> "Might I ask why, with so little endeavor at civility, I am thus repulsed?"</p><p>"I might as well enquire why, with so evident a design of insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your better judgement. If I was uncivil, that was some excuse-" </p><p>"Believe me, I didn't mean-" </p><p>"But I have other reasons, you know I have!" Anger flushed him suddenly, twisting his thoughts. </p><p>"What reasons?" </p><p>"Do you think that <em>anything </em>might tempt me to accept the man who has ruined, perhaps forever, the happiness of a most beloved brother?" <br/><br/>Spock just stood there, shocked and eyes wide open. <br/><br/>"Do you deny it, Mr. Spock? That you've separated a young couple who <em>loved each other</em>, exposing your friend to the censure of the world for caprice, and my brother to its derision for disappointed hopes, and involving them both in misery of the acutest kind?" </p><p> "I...do not deny it."</p><p> "Then how could you do it?" Jim yelled, and took a step back, flustered by his own burst of rage. </p><p>"Because I believed your brother indifferent to her."</p><p>
  <em>"Indifferent?"</em>
</p><p> "I watched them most carefully, and realized her attachment was much deeper than his."</p><p>"That's because he's shy!" </p><p>"Bingley too is modest, and was persuaded that he didn't feel strongly for her."</p><p>"Because you suggested it!" </p><p> "I did it for his own good." </p><p> "My brother hardly shows his true feelings to me!" Jim caught himself and took a deep breath, trying to keep calm. "I suppose you suspect that his fortune had same bearing on the matter?"</p><p>"No! I wouldn't do your sister the dishonor! Though it was suggested..."</p><p>"<em>What </em>was?" </p><p> "It was made perfectly clear that...an advantageous marriage-" </p><p>"Did my <em>brother </em>give that impression?" </p><p> "No!" <br/><br/>An awkward pause passed before Spock continued. <br/><br/>"There was, however, I have to admit... the matter of your family." </p><p>"Our want of connection? Miss Bingley didn't vex herself about that!" </p><p>"No, it was more than that." </p><p> "<em>How</em>, sir?</p><p>"It pains me to say this, but it was the lack of propriety shown by your mother, your three younger sisters - even, on occasion, your father-" </p><p>Jim blushed, knowing that he had hit the problem right on the mark, a particularly painful knot in his life. </p><p>"Forgive me."</p><p>Spock paced up and down fervently, trying to assess the situation in his compromised state. <br/><br/>"You and your sister - I must exclude from this..."<br/><br/> Jim crossed his arms tightly, his voice layered with ice. "And what about. Miss Wickham?"</p><p>Spock blinked, almost cringing at the name. <em>"Miss Wickham?"</em></p><p>"What excuse can you give for your behavior to her?"</p><p>"You take an eager interest in that woman's concerns!" </p><p> "She told me of her misfortunes." </p><p>Spock took a step forward "Oh yes, <em>her misfortunes have been very great indeed!"</em></p><p>"You have ruined her chances, and yet treat her with sarcasm?" </p><p>"So this is your opinion of me! Thank you for explaining so fully. Perhaps these offenses might have been overlooked if your pride had not been hurt-" </p><p><em>"My</em> pride?" </p><p> "-by my honesty in admitting scruples about our relationship. Could you expect me to <em>rejoice </em>in the inferiority of your circumstances?" </p><p>"And those are the words of a gentleman? From the first moment I met you, your arrogance and conceit, your <em>selfish disdain</em> for the feelings of others, made me realize that you were the<em> last man in the world I could ever be prevailed upon to marry!" </em><br/><br/>Spock took several stunned steps back like he'd been slapped. His eyes were wide and Jim had never seen more emotion on his face. He came close to the blonde, leaning forward next to his ear, and Jim closed his eyes. <br/><br/>"Forgive me, sir, for taking up so much of your time."<br/><br/>And Jim blinked, but the man was already gone, walking off into the distance through the pouring rain. </p><p>Jim could do nothing but watch, and when he was finally gone, he fell against a marble poll to steady himself, gasping for breath. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Many days passed by in a blue blur rushing in front of Jim, and he could scarcely tell whether the sun was rising or setting. A low fog settled throughout the Collins' household, and though the blond seemed to be lost in it, Leonard and Gaila hardly noticed. They were aware something was wrong, but they decided to leave him alone for the most part. </p><p>"Jim, are you sure you're okay?" Leonard raised an eyebrow, but he only shook his head. </p><p>"No, I'm fine, it's just a headache, something I'm sure will blow over by tomorrow." </p><p>"Alright..." </p><p>"Send Lady T'Pau De Bourgh my best." </p><p>Jim shifted back to his seat in the window, wrapping the blanket around him. He heard a door close like an echo rattling in the back of his skull. The horizon line was blurred between the green of the fields and the tangerine sea of skies, barely supporting the weight of an orange ball that spilled its color on the surface of the world. He heard the door open and some quiet conversation, but he didn't turn around. The door to the study opened along with the clicking of boots. </p><p>A soft voice said, "I came to leave you this. I shall not renew the sentiments which were so disgusting to you...but if I may, I will address the two offenses you have laid against me." </p><p>The blonde turned around, but he was already gone, and through the window, Jim could see a black stallion and its rider disappearing along the edge of the horizon where the tangerine sun meets the golden-green fields. </p><p>What the gentleman left on the table was a letter with a crimson wax stamp. It took Jim a moment to pull himself up from his chair and pluck the letter off of the wooden table. He forced himself to open it, slicing the letter open with intense ferocity. The curly black writing read:</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>                    Miss Wickham is the daughter of a very respectable man who had the management of our family estates, and my own father was fond of her and held her in high esteem. We played together as children.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After her father's early death, my father supported her at school, and afterward, at Cambridge and hoped she would make the church her profession. But, by then, Carol Wickham's habits were as dissolute as her manners were engaging. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Upon my own excellent father's death, however, Miss Wickham told me that she had no intention of taking orders and would I recompense her to the tune of 3000 pounds so she could go to town and study the law. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>This I did, though by now I had some doubts about her character. These were confirmed by reports that she had sunk into a life of idleness, gambling, and dissipation. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The money was soon used up, whereupon she wrote demanding more money which I refused, after which she severed all acquaintance.  But last summer she unwillingly obtruded on my notice when she connived a relationship with my sister whom she attempted to persuade to elope with her. Her objective was her inheritance of thirty thousand pounds. Michael was only fifteen.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> You may imagine what I felt, and how I acted. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As to the other matter, that of your brother and Miss Bingley. Though the motives which governed me may to you appear insufficient, they were in the service of a friend. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>This, Monsieur, is a faithful narrative of all my dealings with Miss Wickham. And for its truth, I can appeal to the testimony of Colonel Fitzwilliam, who knows every particular of these transactions. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know not under what form of falsehood Miss Wickham imposed herself on you, but I hope you will acquit me of cruelty towards her.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim felt his breath rattle in his throat with every word. A part of him was completely shocked and confused, but a part of him knew that a story with that amount of detail must be true, a part of him knew that Mr. Spock spoke the truth. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. The Wedding(2,000+ Reader Special)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>On the day of their wedding, Jim starts to get cold feet.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>SPOCK    </b>
  </span>
</p><p>I can tell there is something wrong.</p><p>I have found there is always something wrong when involving James Kirk.</p><p>That is not my opinion, that is a fact.</p><p>Nothing more can be said.</p><p>I must admit, I am not much of a party-planner, though I've tried to help in any way I can. Most of the wedding planning went like this actually:</p><p>"How about we do this super crazy over the top thing?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"What about elephants-"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"How about white horses-"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"A limousine?"</p><p>"...fine."</p><p>The product seems to be a clash of our personalities, a white wedding in an outdoor venue-type forest with twinkling string lights overhead, a Starfleet cake with our uniforms sculpted on top. At first, we wanted a small wedding, but the number of people kept adding up until our guest list reached 250.</p><p>I'm currently sitting on a bench, breathing in the late summer air. It is that perfect time between the two seasons that leaves the earth warm with a crisp breeze and reddening trees.</p><p>My premonitions are confirmed when the doctor runs around the corner with a bewildered look on his face. He is, of course, the maid of honor, dressed in a tux with a teal tie. Next to him is the best man, Michael in her matching teal dress.</p><p>"Spock!" The doctor huffs, leaning on his knees for a breath. "It's Jim."</p><p>"What about him?" I stand up immediately. "Is there an emergency?"</p><p>"No, he's not dead or hurt," Mccoy groans, "You just...you have to see."</p><p>I turn my attention to Michael, who looks fairly restive with her eyes wide open. From this reaction, I can conclude there is something truly wrong with Jim. "Spock, you need to come quickly."</p><p>In a note of finality, I nod and say, "Take me to him."</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>JIM KIRK   </b>
  </span>
</p><p>When I got engaged 8 months ago, I knew it was going to be very nerve-wracking going through with the wedding instead of just running away and eloping. I knew that I would be there to calm him down and everything would be fine.</p><p>Who would've thought that it was the exact opposite? That I would be panting like a dog, trying to get ready for a wedding with hundreds of people waiting for me. When Spock walks into the room as chill as an iceblock and just as handsome as the Eiffel tower, I only panic more. He looks so handsome with his hair gelled back and in a black suit, absolutely magnificent.</p><p>"Spock, you're not supposed to see me! It's bad luck!"</p><p>He lets out a little chuckle, something he only does with me. "You really believe in a century-old superstition?"</p><p>"I believe in trying to make this day perfect! But this is your job, why aren't you freaking out?"</p><p>"I see no logic in 'freaking out'."</p><p>"And why not? It's only natural to be nervous about getting married--I mean, did you see how many people showed up?"</p><p>"It is the exact amount of people we invited."</p><p>"I just can't breathe. Why <em>did </em>we invite <em>so many</em> people?"</p><p>"They are our friends and wish to witness us elope."</p><p>"How are you sooooo calm, I don't understand, I'm the chill one, you overanalyze everything!"</p><p>"Jim," Spock puts a hand on my arm, sending electricity through my system. "There is no need to panic." And he kneels down in front of me, with his other hand cupping my face.</p><p>"But how are you-"</p><p>"As you are well aware, Jim, we are technically already married under Vulcan law. There is no need to worry about something that we know has happened already."</p><p>"But we're still having a wedding..."</p><p>"We are having a wedding so I can include the law into our oaths and be recognized as married with silver rings for--some strange reason--rather than having to explain that we are mentally connected."</p><p>"But so many things have gone wrong today, like they got salmon instead of chicken, the napkins are creme instead of ivory and we have no idea where the ice sculptures came from! Aren't you with your 'logic can fix everything' supposed to be the one all anxious?"</p><p>"My only goal," He sighs and looks at me with that look 'I see the universe in you' and smiles, a real smile. "Is to marry you today. It does not matter if it pours, or every tree in the forest suddenly dies, if the flowers wilt, if we have salmon instead of chicken or creme colored napkins instead of ivory, I will marry you."</p><p>He's robbed me of words, so the only thing I can think of doing is pulling him into a hug. I just want to kiss his face and god he is adorable and I just can't believe I got lucky enough to have him. This perfect little marshmelon.</p><p>"I love you so much."</p><p>"I love you too, ashayam." He kisses my cheek softly, running his thumb over my jaw. "Are there any more complications?"</p><p>"No, I'm okay now." Just looking up into his dark ocean eyes is everything. "I'm just glad I get to marry you."</p><p>"I am too," Spock smiles, before standing up and turning his back to me. "You said it was bad luck to see the groom before the wedding. I might as well oblige in your strange Terran customs."</p><p>"Are you nervous?"</p><p>"As much as a Vulcan can be," He shrugs and opens the door. "I will see you very soon, Jim."</p><p>"Yes, I think so."</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>SPOCK    </b>
  </span>
</p><p>It is strange, I did expect to be the worrying one, but the more Jim showed his anxiety, the calmer I felt. Now I wait at the alter, Michael at my side as we wait for the bridal party to appear at the end of the white carpet. A 'lump in my throat' grows in my throat in anticipation. But I know I must remain calm, because who would be there for my Jim?</p><p>Suddenly, Joana comes bouncing down the carpet, with the wedding music playing. She carries a basket full of rose petals, and in her little fists, she lets them go to swirl in the wind. The petals, the color of spilled wine drift down and finally land with a flounce as she walks down, followed by the other bridesmaids. Nyota looks fashionable in blue and Mccoy is the only one of them in a tuxedo. Apparently being the maid of honor was not going to stop him from wearing a suit.</p><p>And then there he is.</p><p>My prince.</p><p>My jewel.</p><p>My love.</p><p>My Jim.</p><p>He looks absolutely amazing in his suit and how it fits him perfectly. His cheeks are flushed as the people stand up and he looks around with anxiety lacing his expression. But then his eyes land on me and it all melts away.</p><p>It's just us as he walks down the aisle toward me. His blue eyes are vibrant and electric, the sharp blonde of his hair gleaming in the sun. I contemplate the reasons for not marrying him sooner. There are none.</p><p>I can't hear or breathe, all I see is him, my other half and I know I will be content, no, happy with him for an eternity. For most of the ceremony, I cannot take my eyes off of him as he cannot take his off mine, but I recall the warm voice of the officiate like an echo as I admire my love caught in the sun like a blooming daisy. Then it is time for the vows, which I have spent a great deal of time preparing.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>JIM KIRK    </b>
  </span>
</p><p>"Jim," Spock takes my hands. We're somewhere on an island, a pearly white beach with a glass blue sea that foams when it reaches the sand. "I am not one to feel emotion. It is not my culture or my tradition or in my blood to be emotional. I had no grasp of anything warm and real, that was, until I met you.</p><p>"You were like a brilliant star lighting up the room, and flooding it with your warm personality. It was overwhelming because I had never encountered any sensation even close to this. I am not one to admit that your Terran cultural standards of romance, especially the ideal 'love at first sight' concept, are somewhat true in nature, but I must say.</p><p>The first moment our eyes met, I knew that there was something about you that was like a mystery needing to be solved. I do not believe you are aware how much depth your eyes alone truly carry. It baffled me, completely baffled me.</p><p>You have always seen the best in me, even when I believed there was nothing there. You accepted me for who I was, which, ironically enough, shaped me into a better person and now I see the world through your sea-colored lenses.</p><p>But most importantly, I see you.</p><p>I see you, and everything you are, all of the good inside of you, even when you cannot see it, I do.</p><p>That is my mission. For the rest of our lives, I will remind you of what I see.</p><p>A wonderful, intelligent, creative, persevering dreamer who happened to want to marry me."</p><p>I have to remember to breathe, and tears swim in my eyes.</p><p>Oh my god, I need that on a shirt. Oh my god, my almost-husband is the best person ever. Oh my god, I think I'm in love-</p><p>"And James?" The officiate's voice brings me back to the wedding, where I'm standing, and the realization that almost 300 people are watching me and it's not just me and Spock sends a shiver down my spine.</p><p>"Right umm," I clear my throat roughly. "Spock, I'm going to be very honest. I don't have some tear-jerking adorable speech up my sleeve so this is probably going to suck-" A quiet laugh from the audience "-but I might as well try. Spock.</p><p>"A couple months ago, you asked me why I hold your hand so much.</p><p>"I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic. My mom said that I would come home love-stricken with grief every day after school with a new one-sided crush. All the way up through highschool I fell in and out of 'love' if you can call it that, but not one of them tainted my idea of a 'soulmate'. I remember the day I met you, and the blue light that filtered the bridge. I remember when you turned to me and my heart had an aneurysm.</p><p>"That night(And I don't think I've ever told you this) I slid into my bed and wrapped the blankets around me, utterly depressed. I can't really explain the depth of my depression, but let's just say it felt like a flat rock had been laid on my chest and all of the happiness had been sucked out of every joyous thing. Now, I'm not saying you gave me depression, but my point is that I have been rejected all my life and went on without blinking, having not changed my outlook on love ever. I've done some crazy things for love: stood outside in the rain for hours, spent thousands of credits, sold countless lunches and traded too many lollipops, even holding a boombox over my head outside the person's house!</p><p>"But just one look from you crushed my soul because I knew I'd fall, and I knew there was no way in hell a Vulcan would date me.</p><p>"Ever.</p><p>"That simple look you gave me shifted my entire world. That simple look had more meaning to me then all of my previous love endeavors combined. The reason I got so depressed was because I knew you had pulled me under love's spell, yet there was no chance of ever seeing a resolution. It's a miracle you even like me, let alone about to become my husband!</p><p>I'm so worried that this is all a dream and I'm going to wake up any second and it'll all be gone. You'll be gone. In those moments, I close my eyes and take your hand, so in case it is all a dream, at least I'll remember our fingers intertwining and remember what it was like when you were mine. That's why I take your hand so often because I'm scared this is all a dream and I can't let you go. Spock, I don't know what would happen to me if you were gone. I think a part of me would die with you and no one needs half of a Jim. After today though, they'll never have to worry about that ever again. Because I'll always be a whole Jim with you at my side."</p><p>I can see the glassy filter over his eyes, and the small smile that tugs at the corners of his mouth and I know he feels the same. The officiate speaks for a little while longer before we put on the rings, just a simple silver band with the words 'I do' chiseled on the inside.</p><p>He says with a note of finality, "You may kiss the groom."</p><p>And our world comes colliding. There is no one else but us again and I can't--can't!--believe I have the privilege of loving him for the rest of my life.</p><p>The crowd roaring is only a distant whisper compared to our beating heart.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As with the 1,000+ Reader Special, I published this on a different platform where I did get 2,000 reads and obviously, I don't have that kind of fan base here so thank you to the two people who actually read my work! Lots of love,</p><p>B</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Out of Darkness(And Into the Light)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Following the events of Star Trek: Into Darkness, Jim wakes up to see his first officer waiting for him, there as he always has been and always will.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jim's eyes fluttered open and he was instantly blanketed in blinding light where darkness had previously been. After a deep inhale, he had to blink a couple of times to make sure this wasn't a strange dream and that this was real and he wasn't dead. </p><p>It all felt like a few moments from the time he saw light behind Spock's eyes behind the glass and followed it. It was a warm light that blanketed every inch of him. Then suddenly the floor had melted under him and he was falling into an infinite void that shrouded him in darkness so black it felt like he was drowning in black ink. He would've kept falling if not for the baritone voice of his first officer. </p><p>
  <em>"You saved the crew. You are my friend." </em>
</p><p>And Jim especially remembered his first officer's fingers pressed against the glass. How cold the glass was against Jim's hand, especially without the warmth of contact. His last memory was looking into those opal eyes and just <em>knowing</em>. </p><p>It was that voice and those eyes that pulled him up from the darkness and thrust him into the now blinding light that brought him back to the hospital room. </p><p>And then Bones was hovering over him with a glowing device and rolling his eyes. "Oh, don't be so melodramatic. You were barely dead, it was the transfusion that really took its toll. You were out cold for <em>two weeks</em>." </p><p><em>Two weeks?</em> </p><p>"Transfusion?" God, his voice was rough and croaking. </p><p>"Your cells were heavily irradiated. We had no choice." </p><p>"Khan?" </p><p>"Once we caught him, I synthesized a serum from his super blood." Bones stopped and looked at Jim with a mocking expression. "Tell me, are you feeling homicidal? Power-mad? Despotic?"</p><p>Jim sighed. "No more than usual. How'd you catch him?" </p><p>"I didn't." Something smug washed across the doctor's face as he moved to the other side of the hospital bed, revealing another figure in the room who Jim recognized instantly. Spock took a few steps forward so he was at his side and the blonde smiled. </p><p>"You saved my life," He said incredulously. </p><p>"Uhura and I had something to do with it, too, you know..." Bones muttered. </p><p>Spock began his usual response, "You saved my life, captain, and the lives of-" </p><p>"Spock just-" Jim let out another sigh despite his grin, "Thank you." </p><p>"You are...welcome, Jim." </p><p>The two continued to look at each other until Bones was finished with his work and huffed, "Are you two lovebirds just going to stare at each other all day or what?" And with that, he left them in the room alone. </p><p>Spock glanced at the door for a second before moving closer to Jim with a ghost of a smile on his lips. His hand fell from being tightly folded behind his back to brush against Jim's who took it gently. </p><p>"I think that's the first time you've said my name like that," Jim chuckled and watched as Spock brought his hand up to his mouth and gently kissed his knuckles. Sparks zipped up his arm from the touch. The blonde shifted to one side of the bed to make way for the Vulcan, who sat down slowly at his side. "Do you know why I went back for you, Spock?" </p><p>"I...believe I did before the events of two weeks ago, but since that time-" He paused to inhale "-I have come to realize the reason is much different. Its roots are much deeper than I had first perceived." </p><p>"And? Do you know now?" Jim's heart was beating rapidly, despite already knowing the answer. If not for the glass, they would've performed a Vulcan kiss two weeks ago. <em>And the look in his eyes</em>, Jim had actually caused Spock to feel real, raw emotion. </p><p>"I do." </p><p>"Don't be coy, Spock. Just tell me how you feel." </p><p>"I think..." The Vulcan trailed off as he leaned closer, and Jim felt his heart leap into his throat at the closing distance between them. "It would be easier to show you..." </p><p>Spock's lips were soft and warm and the love that was just a small seed in Jim bloomed into something else entirely. A beautiful flower with vibrant petals just reaching for the sunlight. Jim moved his hands into the Vulcan's hair and was pleasantly surprised by knowing it was even <em>more </em>silky than it looked. He felt Spock's hands cup his face and it was everything he'd ever imagined. The Vulcan's lips tasted like a mixture of Vulcan spices and also(strangely enough) rain. It was addictive and fabulous.  They both pulled away to catch their breath, despite their noses and foreheads still touching as if they were afraid losing contact would wash away this dream. Spocks finger softly traced Jim's cheekbone before he stood up. </p><p>"Captain, I regret I must go. You require rest-" But he was stopped by Jim's hand on his forearm. </p><p>"I've been<em> 'resting'</em> for two weeks. Please stay."  </p><p>"Sir, I-" </p><p>"I would <em>like </em>you to stay." </p><p>Spock considered this for just a second, "I suppose I can be spared for <em>one </em>night."</p><p>Though he remained stone-faced, his eyes twinkled with amusement. Jim patted the space next to him smugly, though his thoughts were overflowed with love for his first officer. Spock took off his boots and laid down on the bed next to Jim with his face toward the ceiling. The blonde moved so his cheek was pressed against his chest, feeling Spock's arm around him to pull him closer. </p><p>Jim nuzzled his face into the uniform of his first officer and smiled to himself. </p><p> </p><p>        </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <b>A/N: You're never going to watch this scene the same way again, thank you very much. </b>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. The Professor and the Cadet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim is trying to teach the class. Spock has other plans.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">
    <b>JIM KIRK   </b>
  </span>
</p><p>I am about to start my lecture on military battle strategy when a student walks in, clutching several books. </p><p>"Mister Spock I presume," I begin, starting my 'you're late' speech, but when I turn around, words dissolve on my tongue. The Vulcan is flushed, his hair slightly tousled and his books almost falling out of his arms. It takes me a moment to gather myself before the words form again. "You're late." </p><p>"I am aware sir, and I apologize. There was a...miscommunication in my schedule." </p><p>"Alright, just...don't do it again." His eyes are round and wide as he shuffles to take a seat. Very strange, very peculiar.  </p><p>"Okay--um--class. Let's get started on today's lesson which centers around an important question and involves discussion..." </p><p>Throughout the entire lecture, I find myself drawn toward the strange Vulcan student, occasionally stumbling over my words when our eyes meet. There's a definite flush in his cheeks and his eyes are wide, brown eyes just so round and large. An hour passes like sand slipping through my fingers and before I know it, the bell rings and all of my students are rising from their seats. </p><p>"Don't forget to read chapters 2 and 3 in your textbook about aerial flight attacks which we discuss tomorrow!" </p><p>It takes me a moment to realize that everyone has left except for the Vulcan cadet, who's just barely rising from his seat. I try my best to ignore him as I clean off my board and get ready for the next class, simply because I can't look at him without blushing. I know I used to be a flirt when I was at the academy, but he's a cadet(granted, we look about the same age). BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. I CAN'T FLIRT WITH A STUDENT. </p><p>When I turn around, he's right there across my desk, fiddling with a piece of paper(somehow without a single crease). </p><p>"Mister Spock...can I help you?" </p><p>"Yes." He looks down almost bashfully at his paper. "I am unaware of the location of my next classroom session." </p><p>"That <em>would </em>be a problem," I can't help but joke, despite his nonresponsive expression. "Which class is it?" </p><p>"It is...advanced geochemistry." </p><p>A chortle escapes me. "That class isn't for another two hours." </p><p>The paper slips a little from his fingers. "What am I supposed to do until that time?" </p><p>"Your time is yours." </p><p>"Do you have a class soon?" </p><p>"Nope, not for an hour." I yawn and unlock my PADD. The last thing I expect him to do is sit down in the front row and set down his books. "What...what are you doing?" I try and hide the bafflement in my voice with little success. </p><p>"I am using my time." Is his simple response. </p><p>"Alrighty then." </p><p>And for the next hour, he just works on his studies, only a few feet away from me and yet, even in the silence I'm strangely more comfortable then I've been around most people. He doesn't seem to mind and to be honest I don't mind it either. It's a peaceful silence that doesn't bother either of us. In fact, when the hour's over and he gets up, cordially saying goodbye, the absence of his presence consumes me, and the five minutes that pass between him leaving and my next class starting feel like an eternity. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-----------------------------------</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>A week has passed since I met the Vulcan, and since that time, he's spent every free hour(as long as I am free that hour) sitting in my classroom. It's not like he's talking to me either. He'll say something really cordial then have a seat like he always does, working on homework and studying. Then when my class is about to start, he thanks me for 'allowing him the quiet space to work' in my classroom then leaves. This would be downright strange if I didn't find it amusing. </p><p>"Professor Kirk, may I speak to you?" Then silence. At first, I think it's just in my head, but then he speaks again. "Professor Kirk?" </p><p>"Cadet Spock..." I inhale deeply, putting down <em>'A Tale of Two Cities'  </em>before looking up at him. </p><p>"I would like to speak with you if that is alright." </p><p>"Why would you need to ask for that sort of thing?" I chuckle lightly, but when he just tilts his head ever so slightly in confusion. "Yeah, of course, Spock, you can ask me anything." </p><p>His eyebrows raise at the implication but just continues after clearing his throat. "Do you have plans for 1900 this Thursday?" </p><p>"Um..." My brain flickers at such an absurd, out of the blue question. "Yes? I'm not sure. <em>Why</em>?" </p><p>"Are you or are you not busy?" </p><p>"I...guess not. Why again are you asking about this? Do you need help in my class because there is definitely enough time to ask in the day especially when-" </p><p>"I was informed that the evening is an ideal setting for a date." </p><p>"Oh right okay," I nod, like '<em>yeah that makes sense'.</em> Then suddenly it clicks and it feels like being hit by a bus. "What a date with <em>me</em>?" </p><p>"I am clearly asking you-" Spock pauses to think about it. "I <em>am </em>making it clear I wish to court you, yes?" </p><p>A scoff bubbles in my throat. <em>"Court me?" </em></p><p>
  <em>What is this, 1962?</em>
</p><p>"Yes, court you." </p><p>It takes a moment for me to realize he's serious. "Look, cadet-" </p><p>
  <em>"Spock." </em>
</p><p><em>"Spock</em>, I am flattered, <em>truly</em>, by you wanting to take me out, but I'm your superior. It's not ethical and some...well some may take it as favoritism." </p><p>"I see no regulation in Starfleet Academy handbook that claims that we cannot be in a relationship. They only strongly disapprove of it, and if we do enter a relationship, we must document it in legal forms." </p><p>"But...I--" The way he's looking at me melts my heart like a marshmallow on fire dripping into the firepit. <em>Deep breaths, Jim. He's only interested in you for your position.</em> <em>"Fine</em>. You may take me on <em>one </em>date and we will see how things go." </p><p>"Really?" He's practically glowing, and then he neutralizes it, barely hiding his emotions. "That is very delightful news. I will not disappoint you, Jim." </p><p>The way he says my name shoots a tingle up my spine. I mean, it's normal for students to have crushes on professors, and it's not like we're ages apart. He can't be more than two years younger than me. Besides, I've never felt this way before...all tingly. </p><p>One date and that's it. Then he'll get over it and life will go on. </p><p>Yeah. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. (Spocktober Part 1)-- The SPEEider</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There's a spider on the bridge. Naturally, Spock befriends it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"SPOCK! Get the flame thrower! Set phaser TO KILL! WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE?!" </p><p>The Vulcan glanced at his captain with a skeptical look on his face, two seconds away from rolling his eyes. The blonde was standing on his captain's chair, clutching on to the chair like it was his only protection from the little black creature that scurried around the bridge. Both Chekov and Sulu were on their chairs as well and Uhura was the only one who continued working. </p><p>Spock held the tiny jar in his hands and placed it over the creature before flipping it over and screwing on the lid. He was called from the science lab with for an 'emergency' which of course, he was prepared for, like always, to save the day. </p><p>"Interesting specimen," He noted and the tiny spider looked up at him with its big sparkling blue eyes. </p><p>"Kind of cute," The Vulcan mumbled, mesmerized at the intellect swimming in its irises. His own eyes were wide in awe, despite his face being completely stone-like. The whole bridge went silent and Kirk rubbed his ear thinking he heard his first officer wrong. </p><p>"Mister Spock? What are you...doing?" </p><p>"This spider-" He cleared his throat roughly, getting to his feet with the jar in his hand. "Is a very intelligent creature. I am taking it to the lab to study it." </p><p>And with a final note, he walked out of the bridge, staring into the soul of that spider-like it was a diamond in the rough.  </p><p>"What the hell just happened," Kirk looked around the room for answers, but was only met with astonished faces. It was a curious thing indeed, seeing your first officer so enraptured by the sight of something so...insignificant. That Vulcan took interest in such curious things, or as he put it, 'fascinating specimens'. </p><p>When Spock got to the lab, he set the spider in the jar on a table and rested his head on the table so he was eye-level with the spider. It looked back at him with an intensity he had never seen before except when his captain looked at him. </p><p>Very strange indeed...</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-------------------------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>It was a new day. </p><p>Jim was feeling pretty good, pretty confident. Since yesterday, he'd only ripped one shirt which was a HUGE accomplishment on his part. The bridge was stable, everyone was just vibing and even he didn't have much to do except sit there. Spock was later than usual and no one even noticed him until he set down a jar beside at his station beside where he was working. The jar had one long diagonal stick in it, several breathing holes, and an intricate web that muddled the contents of the jar. There were little black dots on the web(flies). </p><p>Jim squeaked when he saw the black spider crawl around the jar, nearly falling out of his chair. "SPAWK. What is THAT doing here?" </p><p>Spock shot the blond a look so sharp, it almost cut him. <em>"She </em>is part of a study I am conducting." </p><p>"Oh really. What study." </p><p>"I am studying her reaction to being in captivity. So far, it is going extremely well." </p><p>Now that Jim got a closer look at it, the jar had writing on it. What was written in curly writing said 'Ara'.</p><p>"I didn't know you liked naming bugs," Jim gently put his hand on his commander's shoulder. "I would've got you a centipede or something for our anniversary." </p><p>"The gesture is sweet, but I didn't choose the name. She did." Spock moved his head until he was just a few inches away from the jar. "You did," He smiled a tiny bit as his finger touched the jar gently. The spider met the other side of the jar in front of Spock's finger as if wanting to give him a finger-five. "The name is short for Arachne, the weaver who challenged the goddess Athena in Greek mythology." </p><p>"Yeah, yeah. And the Athena changed her into a spider. Hence arachnids." The spider moved across the glass and Jim jumped backward, half convinced that spider would eat his brain somehow. "Ewwww....well have fun...I guess." </p><p>For the next couple of weeks, Spock brought that spider everywhere he went, including the rec room, his quarters, and especially the bridge. They were maybe apart a few minutes in a day. Jim was getting annoyed, and for the stupidest reasons. The poor guy was jealous of a spider. He couldn't be around his boyfriend when that spider was around, which was all the time, so he never got to be around Spock. Not to mention Spock didn't even mind, being so fascinated with the inner workings of this so-called 'genius spider'. The Vulcan was acting like the female protagonist in a vampire novel. </p><p><em>'You just don't understand him like I do'</em> </p><p>or in this case </p><p>
  <em>'You have no evidence that suggests her intellect is not as advanced as mine'. </em>
</p><p>Honestly, Jim was seriously going to smash that jar. </p><p>"Spock," The captain marched onto the bridge, preparing what he was going to say. "That spee-Ider needs to go. And I'm not the only one who thinks this--oh." </p><p>Spock was sitting at his station, working like usual, but there was no jar next to him. In fact, Spock wasn't wearing his normal uniform. He was donned in all black like some sad goth girl.</p><p>"Spock, where's that little guy?" </p><p>"Ara died this morning at around 0048." </p><p>"Oh honey, I'm so sorry," I lean down to give him a hug, and even though he doesn't hug me back I know he's sad. "Do you want to hold a funeral?" </p><p>There's a pause and I feel him rest his head on my shoulder. "Yes."  </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>-------------------------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>The funeral was so campy, that Jim tried not to laugh through most of it(he didn't because he wanted to support his babe through these <em>difficult </em>times). The entire bridge helped out and the rec room looked like some sad morgue(I don't know a <em>happy </em>morgue, but that's not the point).</p><p>Uhura found spider streamers from last Halloween and Sulu and Chekov put fake webbing up to honor the dead. It was just a little something-something, but Spock appreciated it deeply. He knew very well how crazy this looked, but he couldn't help but smile at the thought of Ara laughing along with him (on the inside of course). </p><p>RIP Ara the spider. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. (Spocktober Part 2)-- The Creepy Neighbor Down The Street</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>An AU where the bridge crew goes trick-or-treating as kids</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  
  <iframe></iframe>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim looked at Spock with a twinkle in his eye before turning to his crew. Yes, tonight was the night for the most important mission known to man. Everyone from this day on would look at them as the pride of the world, no the whole galaxy! But it was a higher risk than they had ever known and the consequences if they lost meant death, but if they won, they would be rewarded enough to live a thousand lifetimes. </p><p>"Do you understand the importance of our mission, guys?" Jim inhaled, looking at the other eight-year-olds in their costumes, nodding at each of them with dignity. Their mission: get as much candy from the neighborhood as possible before 8-o-clock(their bedtime). His crew consisted of:</p><p> -Pavel Chekov, a brave soldier dressed as a taco(he was six unlike the others)</p><p>-Hikaru Sulu, the bravest and most capable navigator in all the world and dressed as Bob Ross(famous painter from the retro-classical period)</p><p>-Montgomery Scott(y), a fine engineer in the works(he fixed the swing set all by himself) who was dressed as a zombie</p><p>-Nyota Uhura, Jim was convinced she was an actual goddess, who was a steampunk plague doctor(mask, outfit, lamp, and everything)</p><p>- Leonard 'Bones' Mccoy who was dressed as a skeleton despite wanting to go as a doctor(he brought band-aids and lollipops in his trick or treat bag) </p><p>-And S'chn T'gai Spock, the smartest person Jim ever knew who just moved in down the street, who was dressed as a pirate</p><p>They were all gathered around him, which he was dressed as a Starfleet officer, just like his dad. It was 5-o-clock and the neighborhood was just about to start trick-or-treating. They were all in front of Jim's house, and they were about to leave to go, but the blonde was pulling out a map to the fastest roots down through the neighborhood. </p><p>"Can you guys hurry up? I've got a party to go to," Sybok sighed from where he was leaning against the lamp post. He was not wearing a costume, but yet he was still scary enough to scare even the most dangerous people away. Oh yeah, and there was Sybok. The kids were not old enough to go about the neighborhood without a chaperone, so the adults chose Sybok because he was scary with or without the costume. </p><p>"Okay, if we hit these houses first, we can get the best candy and the first picks. We need to go this way to get to the 'whole candy bar' house, but we have to be careful to avoid the Mccoys. They give out raisins--" </p><p>"Hey!" Bones gentle smacked the blonde's shoulder then mumbled, "True though." </p><p>"We meet back at our house if we get separated or--" He gestured to the communicator on his hip "--we have walkie talkies to communicate. Is everyone clear on the plan?" </p><p>It was the Vulcan who spoke next. When he looked into Jim's eyes, the blonde felt a blush creep up his face. It was common knowledge Jim was completely crushing on the poor(oblivious) Vulcan. "Jim, what about the Pike house?" </p><p>Everyone froze in half shock, half fear. Ah yes, the infamous Pike house, the dark, crippled estate on the end of the neighborhood, nearly covered in overgrown dead thistle, and the windows were boarded. It was the stuff of nightmares. Every child feared it, but Jim was drawn to it, with a strange curiosity. The man who lived there was rumored to be a vampire, only being seen walking the neighborhood at night. They say he's a ghost, a ghoul, a werewolf, a wizard. </p><p>"We'll avoid the Pike house at all costs. If you find yourself there, <em>run</em>." Jim replied shakily. They all nodded in subtle agreement before he continued. "Alright then, let's head on our way. To the adventure!" </p><p>They all replied with something different at the same time: </p><p>Chekov: "To the magical!"</p><p>Sulu: "To the mystical!"</p><p>Scotty: "To the challenge!" </p><p>Uhura: "To the triumph!" </p><p>Spock: "To the unknown." (he never shouted anything)</p><p>Bones: "To my grave." (which he somehow managed to groan and mumble at the same time). </p><p>For the next 2 hours, they scavenged every house for candy and were not disappointed. Every house had something new to offer, and the adults were all overwhelmed by the adorableness pooling from the group of small children. But that was part of the game. The cuter you were, the more candy you would receive. </p><p>It was 7:15 when their pillowcases(instead of bags because pillowcases hold more candy) were completely full and they started the trek home, Sybok following them somewhat at a distance. </p><p>Then suddenly Sulu stopped, with a gasp and the rest followed his lead, looking where he was looking. </p><p>"Oh no..." Jim croaked. </p><p>"We're really going to die.." Bones sighed, all-knowing as he was. </p><p>They had somehow ended up in front of the Pike house, and it was even spookier at night with its long shadows and dark-framed windows. The wood on the front porch was cracking from age and fog seemed to rest only in that yard and no one else's. </p><p>"I'll give you 2 bucks if you go up there and ring the doorbell," Sulu said to Jim and everyone gasped(again) in fear. </p><p>"Jim, don't do it," Uhura warned. "You could die." </p><p>She was right of course(at least to an eight-year-old). </p><p>He inhaled and straightened his shoulders. "For two bucks? Easy. You guys watch." </p><p>Before he could move though, he felt a hand on his shoulder, Spock's hand. </p><p>"Wait. If you are going to do it, I will accompany you." The look on his face was determined and Jim felt a blush across his face again. He could only nod and, slowly they started walking up to the house. When the boys looked back at their friends, they were already across the street, watching from a safe distance in case the devil tore through the rotting boards and took them. </p><p>Jim nervously wrapped his hand around Spock's, just clutching on to something so he wouldn't be scared. Now it was the Vulcan's turn to blush, but he didn't pull away. When they climbed the steps to the porch, they creaked under their weight, like ghosts' howls lost in the wind. Jim jumped but Spock only flinched, yet both were determined to move on. </p><p>The door was a scratched dark blue color, the numbers faded and the doorknob rusted. </p><p>Jim gulped, looking back once more time at his crew, then at his Spock before raising his hand and brushing it against the wood. He pulled back and knocked three times. The knocks seemed to ring out across the universe because everything got really quiet. </p><p>Then nothing happened and Jim turned back to his crew with an arrogant smirk. "HAH. See? Nothing happened-" </p><p>But he was cut off by the sound of the door opening, and the looming figure of a demon silhouette over him. Jim swore he could've wet himself. There was a millisecond where he was just frozen in terror before he screamed and ran as fast as he could. </p><p>He ran off the porch and tumbled after his friends, who were also running. They ran all the way down the block in a cold sweat, and they didn't stop to calm down until they were safe in the Kirk living room, huffing for breath. </p><p>It was then that Jim realized two very important things. </p><p>"Dagnabit! I must've left my pillowcase with candy on the porch when I ran!" A pause. "Wait a minute, where's Spock?" </p><p>They all got very quiet when they realized the Vulcan was not with them. And then another round of screaming ensued along with 'MURDER' shouted several times. Jim knew he could never leave his best alien out there to the demon. </p><p>"What's the time?" </p><p>"It's 7:30," Uhura answered matter-of-factly. </p><p>"I'm going back to get him." </p><p>They all gasped at this of course, Chekov nearly fainted(poor baby) but after several minutes of discussion, they reluctantly understood. Jim stood up and his glow lightsaber from his room. </p><p>"I'm ready for everything now." </p><p>"Jim, wait," Scotty spoke up, "We're coming with you." </p><p>It was a daring little trek to the spooky house. And they all stayed huddled together in a tightly-knit circle as they neared the front gate. It was complete silence as they walked slowly, Jim wielding his lightsaber, Scotty holding his bag of candy like a weapon, Uhura ready to beat someone with her boot, Sulu with his stabby paintbrush, and Chekov...well Chekov was a taco. Nothing really scary about a taco, especially when it's Pavel we're talking about here. </p><p>Jim knocked on the door again, and everyone braced for a great battle, but the last thing they would expect at the door was the Vulcan himself...ALIVE? </p><p>"Spock, you're alive? Thank gawwwd," Jim hugged him so hard, you could hear him wheeze. </p><p>"Yes, Jim, I'm fine," He replied like that was obvious. </p><p>But soon enough, the demon shadow appeared again behind him, and everyone screamed(except the Vulcan). </p><p>But it wasn't a demon shadow. </p><p>The figure was a scruffy old man(old may be a bit harsh, he was like 40, but that's old to fourth graders) who looked tired and was wearing just normal colored clothes, not an ounce of murder in his eyes. </p><p>"Jim," Spock broke the silence. "This is Mister Christopher Pike. He lives here." </p><p>A lot of 'oh my god's and 'what the heck's were murmured behind the blonde, but Jim simply held out his hand, knowing that if Spock trusted him, he was worth something. </p><p>"Jim Kirk, nice to meet ya sir!" He beamed and in turn, the man let a tired smile cross his lips. </p><p>"It's not to meet you too, Jim." </p><p>He invited them in for hot cocoa and told them the story of how his son died and the house was just very old indeed. It was actually quite sad, this poor man living alone in such a dreary house. He told them he wanted to fix it, he just never had the time. When it was time to go, they all said goodbyes and made promises to come back again, because they all had things to say. Scotty was definitely interested in helping fix the house, for Bones it was more of a 'health hazard' thing as he put it. </p><p>As they walked home, Jim and Spock fell slightly behind the other group, walking side by side in a comfortable silence that felt warm and good(might've been the cocoa though). </p><p>"He was nice," Jim finally said. "A lot different than we thought. Why didn't you run?" </p><p>"I was not afraid of him once I saw him. He called my parents shortly after and told them where I was before offering me some warm milk. He knew you guys would be coming by soon anyway so we just talked and I promised to help fix his stove, which refuses to work." </p><p>"Yeah," The blonde let out a sigh, "it's a shame though because I forgot my candy bag..." </p><p>"You mean this?" Spock smiled(without <em>really </em>smiling), holding up the pillowcase. Jim didn't know how he missed it, Spock must've been carrying it the whole time as well as his own bag. </p><p>"Spock! Thank you!" Jim was beaming as he took the bag, a lot more cheery now. Spock felt his face heat up and his heart skip a beat at the way he looked but didn't say anything. "Hey, wanna trade your chocolates for skittles when we get home?" </p><p>Jim took Spock's hand again(with the one he wasn't using to hold his candy) and Spock nodded dutifully. </p><p>"Yes, I would like that."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you enjoyed! Sorry if there are mistakes, I had to type this really fast! I love you all and hope you enjoyed...also this is an AU obviously and probably one of my better ones but you deserve it after hanging in so long </p><p>Just a thought: but imagine if Bones, Spock, and Jim dressed up as the ghostbusters. I was just thinking that would be the funniest thing ever. Imagine Spock actually makes really blasting guns and Bones is just like 'this is a safety hazard' while Jim unleashes it on the neighbor's blow up ghost on their front yard? </p><p>Haha anyway, goodnight ya'll :D</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. (Spocktober Part 3)-- Noir</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>'We're married to other people' AU and it's kind of(kind of) set in the 1930s, that kind of vibe </p><p>WARNING: MENTIONS OF ABUSE(please skip if you're uncomfortable with that)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">JIM KIRK          </span>
  </b>
</p><p>The waves crash against the golden sand, brushing against every inch of it before retreating back into the ocean, the last of it still bubbling white from where they came into contact. The sand waits for every rolling blue moment, waiting for the ocean to come back to it and wash over the shore, completely submerging it in a cool, beautiful, underwater world the sand has never seen before. Only for the waves to retreat again and the sand to long for it. </p><p>"Jim?" </p><p>The world around me melts away, and I'm back in my office, a relatively big space with wooden paneling and large windows revealing the rest of the office. The blinds on the windows are all closed tightly and I stand up from my leather desk chair and walk over, pushing open a part of the blinds to look out and see a man in a dark suit talking with someone else.</p><p>"How about lunch then?" </p><p>Carol is standing across the office, her arms folded tightly on her chest. I don't remember her coming in. </p><p>"I have a meeting at lunch," I say quickly, not even scrounging up the courage to look at her. </p><p>"Dinner...then?" </p><p>"Dinner sounds great," I force a smile, which she can hardly return before she comes over to me and kisses me on the cheek. </p><p>"See you tonight, then." She whispers, her fingers lingering on my neck just a little too long. And just like that, the blonde's gone, her sharp black high heels clicking as she closes the door behind her. </p><p>I let out a breath, relieved to not have her muggy perfume rousing my allergies or her menacing presence subduing my own. My body aches from exhaustion, because I got no sleep last night, and I rest against the desk, sitting down and unbuttoning the cuff of my right sleeve and pulling it up my arm to reveal a massive purple bruise, surrounded by some deep scratches that've started to bleed. </p><p>There is also a dark bruise on my collar bone, and I check on it by unbuttoning my shirt. </p><p>Last night my wife and I had a fight, a very bad one, worse than the ones before, except one. She threw 2 vases, a glass, and a blow dryer at me(some of them missed, others didn't). It scares me how one minute she can be full of hatred and murderous rage and the next she's kissing my cheek and asking me out to dinner. </p><p>
  <em>That night...</em>
</p><p>I try to push that night a few weeks ago out of my head. It was a disaster...a mistake. <em>But was it?</em></p><p>As I examine my bruises, there's a knock on the door and before I have the chance to say anything, it opens. The person walks in and closes it again quickly, making sure no one was watching him. </p><p>When he turns around, my heart leaps in my throat.  </p><p>"Jim," The man in the dark suit whispers in relief, but his eyebrows furrow in concern when he sees my arm. I try to twist and hide the wounds, but it's too late, he's already seen them. </p><p>He walks over slowly, stopping reluctantly as if to ask, 'Can I touch you?' </p><p>After a moment, I nod, and without another word, he fetches the first aid kit from the cabinet across the room. He's by my side just like that, using the gentlest touch as he carefully cleans the scratches on my arm and wraps them up. </p><p>"These are new." </p><p>"Spock..." I whisper as he works. "I know what you're thinking...it's not like that..." </p><p>The man lets out a scoff. " I am thinking that if you had not asked me not to, I would teach her a lesson. <em>This</em>," He gestures to the marks, "Is not okay." </p><p>His hand moves to caress my cheek, and I can't help but lean into the warmth, nuzzling against his palm. </p><p>"No..." I break from the spell, moving my face away. "We shouldn't do this...we're both married..."</p><p>"Do you regret it?" He croaks, his hand faltering just a little bit.</p><p>"I regret doing it while we were both married...but I-" I want to say that I regret all of it, that this should never happen again, but I can't. Because I liked it...and I want it to happen again. <em>The cold rain that poured down in buckets, the shivering emptiness the preceded a man in a dark suit holding an umbrella over me. The warm that blanketed me with a shower, and the hot soup that filled my belly. The sleek black cat, the kiss, falling backward into an endless sea of sheets, being loved like I've never been loved before. </em>"I don't regret us." I take his hands in mine and bring them to my lips, gently kissing each knuckle. </p><p>"Why do you stay with her when she treats you like this?" </p><p>"You know I would leave if I could," I whisper back, before looking up at him. "Your hands are so cold. What does T'Pring think?" </p><p>"She does not care, other than being happy that I found someone." </p><p>"You found me," The words echo from my lips, but I can hardly hear them over the sound of my blood sloshing in my ears. His breath tingles against my lips as he moves only inches away. His hand finds the ridge between my jaw and my neck, his thumb gently scraping my ear. In a moment of desperation, I grab a fistful of his shirt and pull him towards me into a kiss. His mouth is hot and tastes like mint tea and lavender. Spock's hands wrap around my waist, and I love the way we seem to fit perfectly together. Things clatter as I climb back onto the desk, not once losing contact with him. His hands are undoing the buttons of my shirt, and in moments when his icy fingers graze my skin, I let out small moans. To muffle them, I put a hand over my mouth, biting into the sleeve as his lips start moving downward. </p><p>All of this is interrupted by the sound of a knock on the door. </p><p>"Mr. Kirk? Can I come in?" It's my secretary Jessica, and thank god she knocks because if she were any other person we would've been discovered right then and there. "Mr. Kirk?" </p><p>"One moment, please!" I practically squeak, my voice as raw as it can possibly be. We both scramble to fix ourselves: he does up my buttons, as I fix his hair and straighten his shirt. </p><p>This all happens in a minute, as he grabs an old folder off of my desk and opens the door, walking past Jessica with his cheeks radiating the greenest color. He mumbles something like, "Good morning Jessica." </p><p>"Morning Mister...Spock." </p><p>If I didn't know better, I would say she figured us out, but chances are she's so intimidated by him, she didn't notice the flustered look on his face. To be honest, I think most of the building wouldn't notice if he walked in half-naked because his presence is so commanding, no one ever challenges him. Half of the office is in love with him, the other half at least respects him. To be fair, he deserves such high praise. </p><p>"Jessica," I let out a breath. "What is it?" </p><p>"Your schedule sir. Also, your wife asked me to schedule a reservation at the <em>Albireo</em>." </p><p>"Right, okay thank you..." I pinch my nose, just trying to calm my heart rate. </p><p>"Oops, looks like you dropped something," She chuckles, picking up a few trinkets that fell off of my desk. "How'd that happen?" </p><p>"Oh..." The heat comes back to my face. "Clumsy me." </p><p>"Well, sir, everything's clear, here's your schedule." </p><p>"Thanks, Jessica." </p><p>She looks around the room one last time with suspicion written on her face before slowly closing the door behind her. That girl knows something. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>1 AM, THE NEXT DAY------------- </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">SPOCK          </span>
  </b>
</p><p>It's late, early technically, but I cannot sleep. </p><p>There is something telling me I cannot. So instead, I am enjoying a nice cup of mint tea, sitting on my sofa in a blue robe, white t-shirt, and plaid pajama pants. The city is so far from me, even when I am right in the middle of it. All of its sleek grey buildings are just part of a painting I can never enter, a place I can never truly be a part of. </p><p>My family knew from the beginning who I was, and yet they married me off to a woman, who thank god was as disgusted with the marriage as I was. We came to an agreement in which both we and our parents benefitted. </p><p>I do not think my parents actually mind me being attracted to men, but I think they were more concerned about me not being able...to have opportunities like other men would, so they married me off to a wealthy, beautiful, intelligent woman who was just as attracted to females as I wasn't and now I'm living my best life. But a part of me aches to be held out in the open, to be loved as I think I should be loved without having to hide it. </p><p>I'm halfway done with me tea and exhausted out of my mind, but I still cannot get up and go to bed, something has rooted me here, like the universe slapping me with a sign telling me not to go to bed. </p><p>There's a knock on my door, which startles me because I'm expecting no company, let alone at an hour like this. I pull myself up from my seat and place the mug on a coaster on the glass coffee table, fixing my robe before I open the door. </p><p>The last person I expect to see is there. </p><p>"Jim," I exhale, taking in the sight of my beloved. He looks amazing in a suit, but then my expression twists. He's pale and breathing heavily, the stitches that hold together the sleeve and the shoulder of his jacket are ripped and he has a black eye and a bruise forming on his cheekbone. </p><p>Before I can say another word, he bursts into tears. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. (Not Spocktober)-- Noir II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A continuation of Noir </p><p>WARNING: MENTIONS OF ABUSE, MORE EXPLICIT THAN LAST CHAPTER, PLEASE PLEASE DON'T READ IF THIS IS AN UNCOMFORTABLE TOPIC FOR YOU</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Previously......</b>
</p><p>"Jim," I exhale, taking in the sight of my beloved. He looks amazing in a suit, but then my expression twists. He's pale and breathing heavily, the stitches that hold together the sleeve and the shoulder of his jacket are ripped and he has a black eye and a bruise forming on his cheekbone.</p><p>Before I can say another word, he bursts into tears. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>THREE WEEKS AGO---------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>It is pouring.</p><p>The unusual, awful kind of rain that comes down in waves and torrents, endlessly banging against roofs and windows, pattering against the streets almost angrily. I am pushed out onto the street, my knees scraped against the sidewalk, and I can feel blood through my jeans.</p><p>"Don't you ever fucking come back, you goddamn piece of shit!" Carol slurs, slamming the door before I can even stand up.</p><p>The rain drenches me instantly, and I am so thankful there is almost no one outside to watch this. I have warned Carol about the booze, but some days she would just...just drink and get very angry. But it has never gotten as bad as today. When she is angry, she likes to throw things at me. Dishes and hairdryers are the usual things, but basically anything she can throw is fair game. I don't even remember what we were fighting about, something stupid, like all others. But she's never thrown me out before.</p><p>I am cold, alone, with no money, no phone, and nowhere to go. The next hour passes by in a blur, and somehow I find myself sitting on a park bench, hugging my knees in the rain. I probably would've moved to a laundromat or someplace that would accept a sopping wet person into their store.</p><p>The rain suddenly stops, replaced by the sound of something beating over my head and I turn to see a person sitting next to me, holding an umbrella over me. He's staring straight ahead, and doesn't say anything for a moment, then inhales. "I am sorry for intruding, but you look a little cold."</p><p>I involuntarily let out a raspy laugh and uncurl myself from my position to look at him and his familiar face. "Yeah, maybe. Do I know you?"</p><p>"Do I look familiar?" He asks, turning to me, his eyes reflecting the stars and the whole of the universe. I feel my face flush with heat, which feels strange because I'm about two seconds away from shivering.</p><p>"I...yes...you do." I take a moment to really look at his features, his pale skin and dark eyes, his sharp nose and high cheekbones. He allows me to look, just staring back at me with an intrigued expression. "You're that new Senior Consultant, hired a couple of months ago at StarTech<b><em>[Ik it sucks leeaavee meee allooone]</em></b>.</p><p>
  <em>Spock.</em>
</p><p>The tiniest little smile moves across his lips and he nods. "And you are the famous James Kirk, Senior Projects Manager. I have heard a lot about you."</p><p>"Yeah," I let a scoff slip from my lips. "What an impression I've made. Sitting here. In the rain. Like an <em>imbecile</em>."</p><p>"I have quite a few words in my mind to describe you, but imbecile is not one of them."</p><p>"Huh, like what?"</p><p>"You must be pretty brave to be out in this kind of weather without an umbrella."</p><p>A sad laugh echoes from my mouth.</p><p>"Speaking of which, do you have a place to stay?"</p><p>"What makes you say that?"</p><p>"I imagine not many people enjoy being in the rain. And you look miserable."</p><p>Another laugh. <em>Why is he so funny? Am I sick?</em></p><p>"No, I don't have a place to stay."</p><p>"Why don't you come home with me? My wife is out with her girlfriend."</p><p>"Okay, thanks. Wait <em>what</em>?"</p><p>He stands up, gesturing to follow him unless I want to get wet again. But I stay put, still trying to process what he just said.</p><p>"You are bound to get sick in those clothes. Besides, I make a <em>delicious </em>tomato soup and grilled cheese." He is obviously joking, but my stomach rumbles and maybe he i<em>sn't </em>joking. Without another complaint I follow him, walking beside him as we stroll down several streets. Eventually, he stops and opens the door to a fine-looking apartment complex for me.</p><p>I can't remember the last time someone held the door open for me.</p><p>We make our way to the 16th floor, and when he opens the door to his apartment, I gasp out loud. It is sleek and simplistic(far too advanced for the time period). The windows facing the city span the whole room. This guy is rich...extremely rich, though he doesn't rub it in my face.</p><p>"Okay, I should warn you I have a black cat by the name Min, so if you see her, she is friendly. The shower is up the stairs on the left, and there are fresh towels and anything toiletries you need in the bathroom closet."</p><p>"But-"</p><p>"I will take your clothes and hang them up to dry. Then you can sit down and have some soup which I will make promptly."</p><p>"What about clothes?"</p><p>"Hm," He stops instantly as if it didn't occur to him that I would need to strip to give him my clothes. "Right, yes, then I guess you will have to wear mine."</p><p>"Wha-what?" My face heats up as I follow him going up the stairs. I'm pretty sure at this point my face is scarlet.</p><p>"Are you alright with sweaters?" He skims through his closet, pulling out a fluffy-looking yellow sweater.</p><p>"Ye-yes," I stutter, trying to wrap my head around the idea of a man giving me his clothes. <em>Why am I so red?</em></p><p>"And sweatpants?"</p><p>"Yeah, that's fine. Thank you."</p><p>He hands me the clothes in a nice folded stack before directing me to the bathroom and closing the door. After a moment of silence, I gather the courage to look myself in the mirror.</p><p>I look thin and pale, exhausted and helpless. I am a wounded dog at this point. My golden hair is flat against my face like a mop. After peeling my clothes off, I don't look in the mirror, but when the hot water touches my knees, electricity bursts through my system and I take as quick a shower as possible and step out, drying myself with a towel and getting dressed. As I slide the warm, fresh clothes on, I can't help but breathe in the deep smell of mahogany teakwood that clung onto it. It smells amazing.</p><p>I finally step out of the bathroom, feeling considerably warmer and from the top of the silver stairs, I can see him cooking a grilled cheese sandwich, and the bowl on the counter next to him is full of tomato soup. He <em>wasn't </em>joking!</p><p>My stomach growls even more at the sight of food, and before it can give me away, I shuffle down the stairs with a smile.</p><p>"Your soup is done," He slides me the bowl, without spilling a drop, across the counter where I took a seat. I bring the silver spoon to my mouth and sip it. To my shock, it is fabulous. I am starving, but even I know when good food is good. When I am halfway done, he plops two halves of a grilled cheese sandwich on a plate and places it next to my soup.</p><p>"Thank you," Is all I can manage, spooning as much soup into my mouth as possible.</p><p>"Well, it is not every day I get to cook for someone other than myself," He notes, leaning on the counter across from me.</p><p>"You said you have a wife?" I knew I'm crossing a line, but my curiosity corrupts me.</p><p>"Mmm yes."</p><p>"And.." I tread carefully, "She has a girlfriend?"</p><p>"Yes." After a moment of reading my mildly confused face, he sighs. "My wife and I were arranged to be married. Luckily, for both of us, we came to an arrangement of our own."</p><p>"I-I see," I don't know why I am blushing again. "Do you see other people then?"</p><p>"For formal engagements and gatherings, we are together, but otherwise, we see other people. She has found a match, I think. But I..am quite married to my work."</p><p>"Ah," Before I can embarrass myself any more, I continue to eat and finish up my food with a full stomach that deeply appreciates the warm meal.</p><p>"Here are my wet clothes," I point to the sopping stack I carried downstairs, wrapped in a towel and he takes them, hanging them up in what can only be the laundry room on a standing hanger thing. When he strides back into the room, my smile falls.</p><p>"Jim, are you bleeding?"</p><p>"What-" I gape, trying to figure out how he would know that. <em>Shit! My jeans!</em> "I-I don't know what you're-"</p><p>The look on his face silences me as he moves to the first aid kit in one of the counters, before kneeling down in front of me.</p><p>"May I examine your knees?"</p><p>"This is ridiculous, I'm not a child-"</p><p>"Your knees." He states again, still not touching me. I let out a breath and sigh, nodding my head in surrender. The brunette slowly rolls up my sweatpants, and my breath hitches as the cold air touches my knees It's worse than I thought. They're both bruised purple, with deep red scratches that are bleeding. He doesn't say anything, just works gently on wrapping up my knees.</p><p>"There," He breaks the silence and stands up.</p><p>I let out a huff. "Thanks."</p><p>"If you don't mind me asking, how did this happen?" </p><p>"I um fell," A cough rattles my throat. It's technically not a lie. I did fall, even if it was Carol who pushed me. His eyes linger on me like he doesn't believe me, and I feel my face heat up. </p><p>"I should show you to your sleeping quarters," He cleans up the first aid kit and puts it back before gesturing me to follow him back up the stairs, stopping at the door next to his. He pushes the door open to a simplistic looking room with a beautiful view of the city. </p><p>"Wow this is..." I have to take a deep breath to find the right words, "This is amazing. How do you live here?" </p><p>"I don't know," He gives a small smile. </p><p>Something black stirs on the bed, scaring the daylights out of me and I grip onto the nearest thing to me, which unfortunately for both of us, is Spock. We both tumble to the floor, me landing on top of him in the least graceful way, <em>areas </em>pressed against each other. </p><p>"That," His eyes point to the small creature on the bed, "Is Min, my cat." </p><p>"Min?" I huff breathlessly. </p><p>"It is short for Midnight, which reminded me of her fur color."</p><p>"Ah," I finally get up, and try to pull him up with me with no avail. Eventually, we both get to our feet. "Thank you for the--for the--" </p><p>I feel a sneeze coming on, and Spock looks at me with confusion. My head cocks back and I sneeze into my arm. </p><p>"Are you--" The gentleman tries to get a word in but my nose interrupts him. </p><p>"AChoo!" </p><p>"I assume that-" </p><p>"ACHOO--ACHOO---ACHOOO!" </p><p>He waits several moments while I wipe my nose with fifty thousand tissues. </p><p>"Do you..." He pauses in case I have to sneeze,  "have an allergy to felines?" </p><p>"I um might..." I sniff into the tissues. "It's mild though." </p><p>"Then you must sleep in my room," He states without a second thought, ushering me into his room. </p><p>"But what about you?" </p><p>"I will sleep on the couch. Do not worry about me." And Spock turns around to leave, but I can't let him go. Before I can stop myself, I grab his arm, pulling him toward me. </p><p>"Wait! We can surely share a bed...it's a king-size mattress." </p><p>"You are my guest," He insists, and despite my expectations, he doesn't pull away from my hand.</p><p>"It's a king-size mattress, Spock. There's no need to sleep downstairs." </p><p>"I don't want to intrude-" </p><p>The words are interrupted by my mouth on his, the intensity of it like a boiling volcano on the verge of eruption. His hands find my shoulders as he breaks away, the expression on his face colored with confusion and surprise. "What are you doing?" </p><p>"I-...I have no idea," I whisper, my breath hoarse. "I'm sorry...for um kissing you-" </p><p>Now I'm cut off by his mouth on mine as his hands move to cup my face and I wrap my arms around his neck, overwhelmed by the heat of his lips and how smooth they are. I can't believe this is happening, why is this happening? The more I kiss him, the more I want him. A fire burns bright inside of me as we fumble onto his bed, discarding clothes and stripping off our phony exteriors. And then there is only us, two people wrapped up together in a world hidden beneath the midnight stars, lost together, then found. </p><p>My world before that night was a series of whites, blacks, and greys that blurred together constantly, but the morning, I woke up and saw the brightest orange I had ever seen, the sun defined by the crisp blue sky, and the brownest eyes I had ever known fluttered open to look at me like everything in his world had been righted too. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. SPOTLIGHT: Black Cat on the Bridge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock wishes on a star.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spock was observing everyone from the corner of the bar. They were all half-drunk, having completed an extremely difficult mission, and now celebrating. He was not in a celebratory mood, not to mention it was only 1400(in solar hours). </p><p> No, his thoughts were stewing about something else entirely. Even his captain was drunk at this point, his slurs becoming more prominent with every sip of his cocktail. Most of the bridge crew was at the bar counter talking about wishing on stars. <em>Very peculiar</em>, Spock thought. It reminded him of something his mother said to him when he was little. When he was about four (solar)years old, Amanda brought home a present from her trip to Earth. It was a big green book that he could barely hold in his hands, no he couldn't even do that. To read it, he had to prop it up against something or rest it in his lap. It was a storybook containing 'fairy tales', its pages were thick, the drawings hand-painted and the words were in small print, some of them which he did not know, words like pulchritudinous(beautiful) and lateritious(brick red in color). He read that book cover to cover, seeing as he only had a few books that were made of paper(all of the rest were digital.</p><p> Just remembering his library stirred warm coals inside of him. It consisted of eight books other than the fairy tale book:<em> Being and Nothingness</em> by Jean-Paul Sartre, <em>The Ethics of Ambiguity</em> by Simone de Beauvoir, <em>The World We Cannot See </em>by Y'uri H'jn Kyrok, <em>Utopia </em>by Thomas More, <em>The Cogs of the Terran Mind</em> by Jiriki San-McHui, <em>The Complete Works of Shakespeare</em> by William Shakespeare <em>Understanding the Universe</em> by Takir Amori and <em>Flowers For Algernon</em> by Daniel Keyes. </p><p>When people asked what his favorite book was, he would say he couldn't choose or one of his favorite books was blah blah blah. But his all-time favorite book was <em>Flowers For Algernon </em>and it always would be. It was poetic and symbolic and just wonderful as a whole. His copy at home was worn down and the cover was so faded you could hardly make out the title. Despite having kept it in as best a condition as possible, he read it so often it was left in a worse-off condition. He had two separate copies in his quarters on the Enterprise, one, a hard-cover that sat on his shelf of few books and was never touched. The other was currently situated under his pillow. It was a softcover, the pages dog-tagged as he had read that copy a million times. </p><p>"Hey, Spock!" His thoughts were interrupted by the voice of his beloved captain who was smiling at him from across the room, waving him over. Spock stood up, making a note to himself that he should retreat early to read the next section of <em>Flowers For Algernon</em>. </p><p>"Yes, captain?" He sat down on the stool next to Jim with an elegance not known to man. Of course, everything looked elegant to a drunk blonde in love with him. </p><p>"You believe in wishing on stars, right?" </p><p>Spock took a moment to consider this. "I do not see the purpose of 'wishing on stars', captain." </p><p>"If you wish on a star, your wish will come true!" </p><p>"That is nonsensical and illogical," Spock sighed, almost rolling his eyes as the rest of the people at the bar(Uhura, Scotty, Sulu, Chekov, Bones, M'Benga and others) laughed. "Is that all, captain?" </p><p>In truth, Jim and Spock had been seeing each other for the past few weeks. In order to keep up appearances, the Vulcan has been adding in 'captain' every other sentence. </p><p>"That's all Spock." </p><p>"I regret I must retire and get some rest in order to restore my energy for my late shift tonight." </p><p>"Alrighty Spock, nighty night!" The rest of them waved in slurs as well, and Spock nodded in acknowledgment, whispering under his breath as he left, "Actually captain it is the afternoon." </p><p>As he walked down the hallway, he stopped to stare at the stars whirring by. The stars were 'moving' slower than usual because they were only traveling at warp 1. One of his favorite stories was the one with a frog...what was it called? </p><p>Ah, yes. <em>The Frog Prince.</em> </p><p>It reminded him of what Jim said. Did wishing on stars really do anything? </p><p>He checked to make sure the hallway was clear. Of course, it was, everyone was celebrating(excluding the few people who were working to keep the ship running) </p><p>Spock thought about a simple wish he could make, something insignificant and simple, something so bizarre it would never come true. </p><p>He closed his eyes, pressing his hands to the center of his chest. </p><p>"Please, please, please, please, please," He felt like a child, someone who depended on stars to make his dreams come true. But then again, this was a scientific exhibition. At least that's what he told himself. </p><p>After a minute, he opened his eyes. </p><p>Spock was still just as he was, and a part of him shuddered in disappointment. Well, it was just a children's tale after all. He retreated to his quarters, but he didn't feel tired so he read <em>Flowers For Algernon. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <b>--------------------------------- </b>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim regretted having five cocktails, especially when he and Spock were working the same shift(They were all working the same shift, they're just idiots). He was eventually sobered up by his doctor with a lot of smacking and 'magical juice' that tasted like goat feet. He was just as level-headed as ever when he stepped out of the turbolift onto the bridge. Everyone else on the bridge looked sobered up as well, given the 'Bones Treatment', and looked relatively well. Uhura, Sulu, and Chekov greeted him with smiles and whatever, despite twelve hours earlier being drunk as skunks(more or less Uhura, she's never really been drunk--her alcohol tolerance is higher than the moon). There was one seat that was unusually vacant. </p><p>Spock's. </p><p>He was the type to show up 30 minutes early to a shift and be 30 minutes late to leave it. to once had he ever missed a shift. Not once. </p><p>Jim took a moment to just stare at the void growing in that place before pressing a button on his chair. "Captain Kirk to med bay." </p><p>"What Jim?" Bones' grumpy voice filters in through the comm. </p><p>"Is Spock with you?" </p><p>"No, but I contained him to his quarters. He was walking through the hall like a zombie, practically fainted on me." </p><p>"Is he alright?" </p><p>"Just a cold, I think. It's been an exhausting week, even he needs a break." </p><p>"Okay, I'll make sure to check on him. Kirk out," Jim sighed, before releasing the button. He stood up and headed to the turbolift after saying, "Mister Sulu, you have the conn." </p><p>It was a long walk to the first officer's quarters, a lonesome winding road with blinking lights and the distant sound of buzzing electricity. When he finally reached Spock's quarters, he was out of breath. So he pushed the button to signal his arrival, but the door didn't open. </p><p>"Spock, it's me, I just wanted to check to see how you were doing." </p><p>Nothing. </p><p>"Spock?" </p><p>Another minute passed before Jim finally bypassed Spock's key(as a captain, he had a skeleton key). </p><p>The room was empty, things were knocked over, a lamp was broken. </p><p>"Spock?" Jim tried again, walking through the room, although his voice was shaky, he was getting nervous. </p><p>There was a small lump in the bed, and when Jim pulled the covers back, it was just a black cat. </p><p>"Hey boy, how'd you get here?" Jim wasn't surprised about the cat, Spock was totally a cat person. </p><p>The cat stretched and looked at Jim with its big brown eyes, eyes which looked so familiar to him. </p><p>"Do you know where Spock is?" The blonde sat down on the bed next to the cat, who pressed against his side. "Me neither." </p><p>The cat continued to look at him with fixed eyes before nuzzling his shirt gently. </p><p>"Look at me. Talking to a cat." </p><p>The cat purred softly and Jim gently stroked its fur.</p><p>"You are pretty cute though, I can see why my boyfriend likes you so much." </p><p>After a moment, he scooped up the creature in his arms. "You know what? I'm going to take you with me. We can look for Spock together." </p><p>When he arrived back on the bridge, it took the crew a minute to notice he had arrived with a friend. Although Spock was still 'missing', there was a strange euphoric feeling having this cat around, like everything was going to be alright. It was as if Spock was right here. </p><p>The next hours passed as the cat rested on his lap, curled up like it was just meant to be there. Jim was not a fan of cats, they were always jerks...but this cat hardly stirred, purring softly as it watched the bridge work from the captain's lap. There was about an hour where the cat just vanished after someone going into the turbolift, coming back on later with someone else. <em>Probably exploring the ship, </em>Jim thought. </p><p>Jim felt like some super villain, gently stroking a black cat in his spinny chair. Soon enough, he was the last on the bridge. Usually, it would be just Spock and him. Before they started dating, Jim would just stare at him whenever Spock wasn't looking. It took months of pining before Spock even got the hint. The blonde chuckled just thinking about it. </p><p>"We do have two things in common. You and I both love Spock. I feel bad basically stealing his cat when he could be anywhere on the ship. It's not like him to not show up to a shift, don't ya think?" The cat blinked, leaning against Jim's chest tiredly. </p><p>"Well," Jim picked the cat up under his two front legs, standing up himself. "I have to look for my first officer. I can't even survive 30 minutes without him."</p><p>He kissed the top of the black cat's head and he was about to put the cat down when the cat started to glow. </p><p>"What the heck-" </p><p>There was a burst of light and then he fell backward onto the floor, a weight much heavier than a cat on top of him. </p><p>When Jim finally opened his eyes, there he saw the face of his Spock only inches from his face. </p><p>"I thank you, Jim." The Vulcan whispered. </p><p>The blonde's breath was taken away(not only from the weight on his stomach) as he looked Spock up and down. His first officer was donned in a black button up shirt with the two top buttons open and the sleeves rolled up, black pants, and black boots. He looked amazingly--astoundingly handsome. </p><p>"What. Just happened," Jim huffed. </p><p>"I may or may not have been a cat for the last twelve hours," Spock sighed, sitting up so he was almost straddling the blonde. Jim straightened up as well so now Spock was actually straddling his waist. </p><p>"How did <em>that </em>happen?" Jim was completely baffled. </p><p>"I wished on a star," Spock smiled his Vulcan-not smiling but smiling smile. </p><p>Jim couldn't stop laughing for a week. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. The Nude Artist</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Another crackfic. Jim requires a semi-naked model to draw. Spock willingly volunteers.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jim stood at his canvas, his face beet red and sweat forming on his forehead. Thoughts were running through his head at a million miles per second. </p><p>
  <em>What am I doing? What am I doing? </em>
</p><p>Yesterday, the captain went up to his first officer and asked him to be the subject of his artwork, a particularly revealing piece that required a certain...appeal. That's how Jim phrased it anyway. The Vulcan was now changing in the bathroom, not wanting to walk around the Enterprise underdressed(to say the least). Jim had no idea why he was so nervous. He had been pining after his officer for months and nothing seemed to do the trick. You'd think someone with a caliber of intellect like Spock's would recognize patterns of flirtation and attraction, but he was completely blind to it. </p><p>But then there were the arts. Jim was doodling one day when Spock looked over his shoulder. It was just a regular sketch of a lone fence on the edge of a field that met a dirt road with some pine trees in the background. Yet somehow, Spock was impressed. He watched Jim smudge the lines and darken the colors even though it was just a pencil. Each of his fingertips were grey before his officer finally spoke. </p><p>"That is very fascinating, Jim." </p><p>His voice actually scared Jim because it had been silent for at least 10 minutes before that. </p><p>"Oh, this? This is just, well this is just-" </p><p>"It is art." </p><p>And from then on, whenever Jim was drawing, Spock would be there, watching. His expression showed nothing but vague adoration, it wasn't cynical or judging, not condescending, just observing. Over the course of three weeks, this happened and most of Jim's recreational time was spent drawing, Spock nearby. There was one time where Spock actually fell asleep on his shoulder watching him draw. Jim stayed there for at least 3 hours, never having been more comfortable in his life than in that moment. The blonde had actually gotten really good at drawing, and he'd been taking painting classes. </p><p>So when he asked Spock to model for an artistic piece requiring a little bit of <em>seduction</em>, he had never in his right mind thought the Vulcan would say yes. </p><p>The sound of the bathroom door sliding open brought Jim back into his room, standing in front of a blank canvas, holding the brush and palette. He almost dropped both of them when his eyes laid on his first officer.</p><p>Spock was standing there, wearing nothing but boxer shorts and an oversize white button-up that was not buttoned up at all, except for the button on the very bottom. The sleeves were too long, going down to the start of his fingers. The bottom of his shirt just barely covered his butt, almost completely hiding his boxer shorts. </p><p>After a moment of staring, a green blush formed on his cheeks and colored the tips of his ears. "What?" </p><p>"N-nothing," Jim stumbled, looking for the words to describe what could only be described in fantasies. He wasn't sure if this was even real. "Just...wow." </p><p>This only made Spock flush more. "Is this attire acceptable?" </p><p>"Yeah, it's great. Perfect. Actually." Jim mentally punched himself for being so choppy with his sentences. </p><p>Spock nodded and took a seat on the stool in front of the canvas, blanketed in light from Jim's artificial wall that looked like a summer day. When he sat down, he rested one leg on one of the rungs on the stool, so one knee was bent. </p><p>Jim started to draw the outline of Spock, trying not to drool as he worked. Then, Spock's shirt slipped down, revealing his bare shoulder which looked so delicate, so soft, which is a weird thing to think, that someone's shoulder looked soft, but it did. </p><p>"Hey Spock can you turn your head a little...bit-no no...like-" Before Jim realized what he was doing, he was gently positioning Spock's head with his two fingers under his chin. The flush that formed across his first officer's face made him turn beet red. "I'm sorry that was um-" </p><p>He didn't finish, because the first officer's hands wrapped around his waist and pulled him down so Jim was sitting on Spock's lap, basically straddling him. The blonde's heart was racing a million miles per minute, blood sloshing in his ears. Jim slowly wrapped his arms around his neck. They were only a few inches apart now, the blonde could feel Spock's icy breath against his lips, making him shiver. </p><p>And then they were kissing, pulling at each other, trying to get as close as they could get, hands skidded across skin, searching and seeking, their eyes full of desire. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>[ENTER EXTREME NSFW]  </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry guys, smut isn't my strong suit!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Vulcan Eye Taboo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Based on the prompt below :D</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">JIM KIRK     </span>
  </b>
</p><p>I was enjoying my lunch like I always did when I noticed something. It was a weird feeling while watching my first officer from across the rec room. He was talking to Uhura...well she was going on about something, Probably a new dialect of Berellian, and he was nodding occasionally in acknowledgment. There was something off about the way he was looking at her though, something not quite right but I couldn't place it, so for the next forty-five minutes, I stared at him, not even caring that some of the crew was starting to notice. </p><p>My plate was empty, but I still sat there, despite looking like a complete creep. There were moments when Spock glanced at me and I had to pretend I was doing something, chewing non-existent food or going through my PADD like one does when they're trying not to look like a stalker. </p><p>Eventually, they got up and left, Uhura still talking and Spock walking stoically at her side. I felt his eyes on the back of my head, probably passive-aggressively glaring daggers into my soul like any normal Vulcan would do. Lately, Spock has been very far away from me, out of my reach, slipping through my fingers. </p><p>We used to be close, but it was after the mission that almost got us both killed that he drew the curtains and locked the door to his feelings. I hardly saw him anymore, we hardly had time to even chat other than in the elevator or on shift. We used to have nightly games of chess, but he'd been very busy as of late. We hadn't played in weeks.</p><p> It's not like Bones helped either. He just said that Vulcans were like this, emotionless and cordial. But with Spock...there was a time when I thought I made him feel something. </p><p>But I guess I was wrong. </p><p>I wouldn't be so worried if he treated everyone else like this. I mean, he does, but there's always an undertone of amusement in his voice if he likes you. I hear it when he talks to Sulu and Chekov and especially Uhura. But when he talks to me...it's like I can taste the ice in his words. </p><p>So this is what I resorted to, staring at him in the rec room, watching him when I think he's not looking, just trying to figure out what happened between us. </p><p>At least, when I thought there <em>was </em>an us. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-----------------------------------</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>"Spock, can you sign this for me quick?" I gestured the PADD to The Vulcan leaning over his station. He moved stiffly to take it from me, deliberately taking the device from the opposite side of where my hand was. </p><p>"Of course sir," He grated out, 100% focused on the PADD. When he handed it back to me, his eyes were still locked on the floor. <em>What did I do to piss off The Vulcan? </em>"Anything else, captain?" </p><p>"Yes, umm-" <em>Quick, do something, anything!</em> "-Would you like to accompany me to Engineering? I just need to, uh, do a quick check." </p><p>"Ah," He coughed and I could tell he didn't believe my lie. "It would be my pleasure." </p><p>And I <em>definitely </em>don't believe <em>his </em>lie.</p><p>Despite my thoughts, I could still hear his steady steps behind me as we walked into the turbo lift. The ride down was so quiet, I swear I could hear a mouse fart. The only comforting sound was the electric whirring of the lift as it brought as down, its slow humming almost making up for the lack of conversation. </p><p>"So Mister Spock, what do you say to a game of chess tonight? Surely Sulu doesn't need to document the plants in the biology lab again," It's, of course, a joke, but he didn't laugh, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. </p><p>"I am afraid I am busy."</p><p>My heart crashed against my ribs before being sucked down into an endless abyss of disappointment. The words didn't form on my lips, but luckily he continued. </p><p>"Mister Chekov has requested I help him study for upcoming exams." </p><p>"I...I see," A cough rattled in my throat. Thank god the doors opened because I didn't think I could take a minute more of that tension. </p><p>Scotty was there to greet us with smiles and a warm aura that was so refreshing compared to the arctic tundra that is my first officer. He gave us a tour of Engineering, talking about the new installments and what was going to be replaced in the next few weeks. </p><p>Spock always stayed two steps behind both of us, hands behind his back. It didn't mean to be rude, there was just something else clearly on his mind. Besides, who wouldn't want to stay away from this blonde idiot.</p><p> The tour ended too abruptly and Spock and I got back into the turbolift, but this time, there was no conversation. He just clutched his PADD tightly and looked straight ahead. I didn't even bother to fill the endless gap between us. Clearly, I did something to upset him and I don't know what. The only logical conclusion(ironically enough) is that I have done something irreversibly wrong and I don't know what. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-----------------------------------</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>I passed the rec room to see Chekov playing ping pong with Sulu and skidded to a stop. <em>Wasn't Spock supposed to help him study? </em></p><p>"Hey Chekov, Sulu what's up?" </p><p>"Ello keptin, I am currently kicking <em>ass</em>!" Chekov beamed at me as Sulu scoffed in frustration. </p><p>"Who knew he was so good at ping pong?" </p><p>I smiled at Sulu as well, who was getting seriously whipped. "How're exams going?" </p><p>"Going vell captain! Commander Spock promised to help me study next week!" </p><p>
  <em>Next...week...</em>
</p><p>"Ah okay well you too enjoy your game," I put on a fake smile and waved before walking out of the rec room. <em>He lied to me. </em></p><p>
  <em>Spock actually lied to me...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-----------------------------------</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>"I dunno Bones I just," I couldn't help but click my tongue, "Don't know what happened between us. Do you know if I...did something?" </p><p>"Probably, Jim," The doctor didn't even look up from his PADD, feet up on his desk. "I'm a doctor, not a counselor." </p><p>My expression twisted. <em>"Probably?" </em></p><p>"Well no offense, but you're <em>you </em>kiddo. Surprise," he threw his hands in the air unenthusiastically. </p><p>"What's that supposed to mean?" My shoulders slumped and I leaned back on the sickbed. </p><p>"It means you tend to offend a lot of people." Mccoy finally looked up and his face soured instantly. "Hey, that bed is for patients!" </p><p>"I am very sick! Besides the whole med bay is empty!" </p><p>He grumbled something under his breath before reluctantly focusing back on his work. "What I'm saying, Jim, is that if the <em>Vulcan hobgoblin</em> is offended, you probably did something wrong. I mean, he put up with your shenanigans for <em>3 years,</em> and now suddenly he's not talking? Doesn't really add up, buddy." </p><p>"I know, I know, but I have no idea what I've done!" </p><p>"Why do you care so much, Jim? Not everyone needs to be your friend. He can just be your first officer, not another fling that you have under your belt." </p><p>"This isn't a fling..." I whispered, sighing into my sleeve. </p><p>"It's not like you're in love with him or anything," Bones laughed, but it died short when I didn't smile. "Oh god. <em>You. Idiot</em>." </p><p>He opened a drawer in his desk and started pummeling me with stress balls. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-----------------------------------</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>That night, I kept thinking about what Bones said. The only thing that happened was that mission. That mission.</p><p> My quarters were just a spacious room with a bathroom, but the view, in my opinion, is what made it all worth it. One entire wall was a window, viewing space whirring past us at warp speed and it was beautiful. </p><p>I flopped down on my bed, cogs in my head turning as the memories came flooding back to me. What happened was a cave in. We were trapped for more than 24 hours, no food, water, heat. So in the end, I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him toward me in an attempt to keep us both warm. He didn't deny my touch, in fact, I thought I felt his hand find mine but it must have been the hunger. </p><p>Apparently, the search party found us both asleep and we spent the next few days in med bay, recovering from the 'trauma' of it all as Bones put it. </p><p>After that, it was different. </p><p>There's no other way to explain it. </p><p>Just...different. </p><p>My eyes flicked to the lonely chess set sitting on the shelf. </p><p>It's started to gather dust. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-----------------------------------</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>I sat up in the middle of the night, breathless and just rising from a bad dream that left a bad taste in my mouth. My clock read 00:48 and I reached out blindly for my glasses(I wear contacts but who has the time for that especially when it's just a quick trip to the bathroom to pee). </p><p>After adjusting to standing up, I wobbled over to the bathroom and the door slid open. </p><p>Much to my surprise, I saw the last person I thought I would see. </p><p>"Spock," I breathed, and he stiffened immediately at seeing me. (Quick side note, there is one perk/disadvantage of having the captain's quarters. You share the bathroom with your first officer. Our rooms are separated by the bathroom, with two doors for each of us.) "I'm sorry..I didn't know you were in here." </p><p>He was wearing an oversize t-shirt and some long plaid pajama pants, his hair tousled and his eyes were still riddled with sleep. I felt suddenly very bare standing in my 'Beastie Boys' tee and boxer shorts, and heat crawled across my face. </p><p>"It is my fault. I did not lock the door," Was his soft answer as he finishes drying his hands, and I moved to the sink next to him, pretending I was just washing my face. </p><p>"Spock-" </p><p>"Yes?" </p><p>I turned to look at him, so surprised by the raw emotion in his voice, but when I did, he was looking at the floor again. "I um...try to get some rest." </p><p>He nodded once followed with a quiet, "I will." </p><p>And then he was gone. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-----------------------------------</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Now I was completely confused. </p><p>
  <em>Did he like me or not? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why didn't he like me? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Was it the fact that I pulled him close? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't understand! </em>
</p><p>"But I want too," I whispered involuntarily, rubbing my chin. Some of the crew turned to look at me in confusion. </p><p>Sulu was the one to speak, "Sir, are you alright?" </p><p>"I'm uh-" I glanced at Spock for just a second who was still focused on his work. "I'm fine." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-----------------------------------</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>My mind was spinning endlessly in contradicting thoughts and I was so puzzled about what Spock could possibly be mad about. In truth, I think I knew exactly what it was. I practically spooned him for 6 hours, and whether or not we held hands, that's probably crossing breaking Vulcan taboo. </p><p>A couple of days have passed and I'm so lost. So confused. I just wanted my friend back, I want to play chess and talk about the rhythm of the ship, philosophy, astronomy, anything that was on our minds. </p><p>But now there was just a hole where he ripped apart from me, a hole where our friendship should be. </p><p>Every time I tried to talk to him or get him alone, he was suddenly preoccupied or fixated on his work, or the mechanical structure of the ship, or whatever he was reading, or the ceiling, or the floor. The point is talking to him without making the situation awkward was impossible. </p><p>So now it was back to longingly staring at him from across the rec room as he talks to Uhura. I bet they're talking about me, whispering about all of the bad things I did, how I screwed up our friendship. Uhura looked over at me and Spock flushed slightly as he glanced in my direction as well and heat bloomed across my face. I was probably crimson by the fourth look Uhura threw my way. She actually looked a cross between amusement and excitement, probably laughing at me with Spock in their own Vulcan way. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-----------------------------------</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>I was swimming in my own thoughts, trying to decide whether I should talk to him about the mission and how I didn't mean anything by it other than friendship but maybe I did I mean we have been friends for 3 years it's natural to have feelings for people who make you happy and bring out the best in you but I guess I'm okay with being friends because I'm sure there's some Vulcan rule keeping him away from me but maybe there isn't and he just doesn't like me, I mean what if he's not gay-</p><p>Suddenly I'm on the ground, I must've gotten knocked over by someone because I was too consumed with my own thoughts. </p><p>"I'm sorry-" I started as a voice simultaneously says "Apologies-" before we both realized who it was. The blush crept back on my face and I couldn't help but noticed a glow on his. Probably embarrassment. </p><p>We helped each other up, brushing ourselves off. I noticed my PADD is on the floor so I reached down to grab it and he did too. </p><p>Our hands brushed as we both grab the PADD, and I couldn't help but look into his eyes for embarrassment. </p><p>But then he was looking into mine. </p><p>He was looking into my eyes.</p><p>Really looking. </p><p>This whole time I thought we were making eye contact...but this was different. </p><p><em>That's </em>what was off. </p><p>It takes me a moment to realize he's never really made eye contact with <em>anyone</em>. </p><p>All at once, I saw the Vulcan sands, glowing in the moonlight, what feels like a hundred memories flashing before me, memories not my own of a little boy with pointed ears, a loving mother, soup, the Vulcan Ta'al, I-Chaya. I see flashes of my own memories, the music, the rolling wheat fields, tasting the dew from the Iowa grass that I miss so much...all at once. </p><p>In a second, it was over. </p><p>I looked into the ocean of chocolate eyes that held a million secrets. Spock's eyes were blown wide open and he exhaled a shallow breath before pulling away and marching past me down the hall. I couldn't even move, my body froze from the sensation. </p><p> What. Just. <em>Happened?</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-----------------------------------</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">SPOCK       </span>
  </b>
</p><p>4.27 weeks ago Jim and I were exploring a radioactive cavern on Renus VI, a wall collapsed, leaving us trapped on the wrong side of the rubble. The only solution to keeping at adequate body temperature was to huddle closely. In my state, I was extremely vulnerable and out of control, so I reached out to Jim and he did not deny my affections. </p><p>In truth, I have been intrigued by the captain from the beginning of our unique relationship. I did not know how to describe him before this moment. But in simple terms, he glowed. </p><p>His light was infectious and intoxicating, which is why I kept in close proximity to him before that mission. Shortly after that mission, I made a discovery: that I had fallen in too deep. So from that day on, I kept my respectful distance, trying to force the boundaries of acquaintances and associates onto our relationship with little avail. </p><p>There is a known rule among Vulcans but hardly known to anyone who is not directly involved. The art of eye contact is only found among life partners with no exceptions and I have committed the worst act I could ever hope to commit. By looking at Jim, no looking <em>into </em>Jim, I have done myself the misfortune of falling in love with him. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-----------------------------------</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">JIM KIRK     </span>
  </b>
</p><p>"BONES!" I came crashing through the med bay, scaring the daylights out of the sleeping doctor. </p><p>"What in your cornfed mind do you want, Jim?" He growled. </p><p>"The weirdest thing just happened to me, Spock made eye contact and I don't think he's ever made eye contact with anyone else before and now I'm suuuppper confused because the way I felt when looking at him makes me think I was feeling his feeling instead of feeling my feelings-" </p><p>"Jim. Calm down," Bones sighed. "I don't know about any Vulcan eye taboo, but if anyone were to know, it'd be Uhura." </p><p>"Why?" </p><p>"Because she's Spock's best friend and also she's Uhura." </p><p>"Fair enough," I dashed off again, hearing Mccoy yell behind me, "NO RUNNING IN MY SICK BAY!" </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>-----------------------------------</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>"Uhura, I need your help!" I sat down in the seat across from her, resting my elbows on the table. She didn't even flinch, continuing to chew on her salad. </p><p>"What can I help you with, Jim?" </p><p>"I need to know about Vulcan eye contact." </p><p>Now her eyes really look into mine, widened and glazed with surprise. "Why?" </p><p>"Spock looked at me." </p><p>"Are you sure he didn't look...I don't know, at your nose or something?" </p><p>"No, he really looked at me, looked into my SOUL!" The sentence earned a few curious glances from nearby tables, but Uhura's glare shuts them down immediately. </p><p>"Are you positive?" </p><p>"Absolutely positive." </p><p>"Jim," Her hand touched mine gently. "Making eye contact with a Vulcan is seen as an extremely intimate gesture." </p><p>"Like touching hands?" </p><p>"It's even more taboo than that." </p><p>A blush burst across my face the longer I thought about it. "How do you know?" </p><p>A smirk pressed at the corners of her lips. "I just know these things." She paused for a moment, thinking about something, then opened her mouth, "You know it suddenly makes sense why he's always talking about you. I only figured out he had a major thing for you a couple of days ago." </p><p>The heat in the room multiplied by a thousand and I was one straw away from sweating up a storm. "What, when you two were <em>staring at me?"</em> </p><p>She scoffed. "Yeah, what did you think we were talking about? Besides, his clear affection is as obvious as the <em>bright side of the moon</em>, right?" Her smile died when she saw my expression. <em>"Right?" </em></p><p>I couldn't even open my mouth. </p><p>"JIM." </p><p>"I didn't know!" </p><p>"The whole <em>galaxy </em>knows!" </p><p>
  <em>"But I didn't know!" </em>
</p><p>"Well, why are you dancing around me, then? Go get your Vulcan!" </p><p>I didn't even say another word, just stood up and bolted out of the rec room, sprinting down to Spock's quarters. It took forever and a half to get there, what felt like millions of rolling white hallways that never ended but when I got there I rang twice.</p><p>"Spock are you in there? I think we should talk about what happened the other day!" I was still panting and out of breath, so tired that I rested my hands on my knees to try to get some airflow. "Spock, I really need to talk to you." </p><p>A minute of silence passed with no answer. </p><p>Maybe he's in the observatory, he practically lives there already. </p><p>Much to the misfortune of my lungs I start sprinting again, winding down the white tunnels and I wasn't paying much attention, only having one goal in my mind and that was to reach Spock. I should have been paying more attention, because the next thing I knew, I was on the ground again, knocked over by someone once again. </p><p>I opened my mouth to say, "Sorry bout that-" and I heard a similar voice state simultaneously, "Apologies-" </p><p>Warmth swelled in my chest at knowing who I ran into, but my voice was lost and my words were breathless. "Sp...Spock. I've been looking for you." </p><p>"Indeed," He nodded, helping me up. This time his eyes remained glued to the floor as if he couldn't trust himself to even kind of look at me. "Uhura sent me a transmission while I was in the observatory. She claimed you had something...important to discuss with me." </p><p>"Yes, I did..I do." Normally I wasn't this bad at getting words out, but with Spock, it was different. I genuinely wanted to impress, not that I didn't want to impress my other relationships, I just, I <em>really </em>wanted to impress him. "Spock, I like you a lot." </p><p>"I understand, captain. It is good for associates to be, as your Terran word states, 'in cahoots'." </p><p>"Yes, but I don't want to be associates." </p><p>"No?" There was a slight stutter in his voice. He was either confused or nervous or both, which made two of us. </p><p>"No. I...I want...I would like to take you to dinner." <em>Smooth, Jim. Real smooth. </em></p><p>"As ranking officers?" </p><p>"As a couple." </p><p>"A couple of ranking officers?" </p><p>I let out a groan. "No...Spock. As more than that." </p><p>"As friends?" </p><p>"No." </p><p>My hand found his and our fingers grazed, sending sparks across my entire arm. He moved his hand closer and I took it gently before looking up at him. He was still staring at our intertwined fingers incredulously, and with my other hand, I slowly lifted his chin so his eyes were looking back into mine. That wonderful feeling filled me up, flooding my systems as I truly took a moment to absorb the crystal chocolate color that I loved so much. </p><p>I drew nearer and he let me. </p><p>Our foreheads touched, then our noses. </p><p>I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against his, taking in the warmth that captured me with every moment.  </p><p>I saw everything that I'd seen before, and so much. I felt the cold Vulcan night wind blow through me, tasted the salty Iowa rain, my hands brushed sehlat fur. I heard laughter, smelled cinnamon, lavender, oak. A thousand memories entered my mind at once and I knew this was true happiness. </p><p>To put it simply, it was like sinking into an ocean of warm chocolate. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. (Not Spocktober)-- Noir III</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The conclusion to the Noir chapters. </p><p>WARNING: THIS CONTAINS EXPLICIT DEPICTIONS/MENTIONS OF ABUSE AS WELL AS DEALING WITH TOPICS THAT MAY BE HARMFUL TO READERS. </p><p>PLEASE STOP READING IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE TO THESE TOPICS, THE LAST THING I WANT IS FOR YOU TO BE UNHAPPY/UNCOMOFORTABLE. </p><p>I will put warnings(////) when the explicit content appears if you want to read without experiencing those topics. <br/>Love you all and stay safe!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Previously......</b>
</p><p>"Jim," I exhale, taking in the sight of my beloved. He looks amazing in a suit, but then my expression twists. He's pale and breathing heavily, the stitches that hold together the sleeve and the shoulder of his jacket are ripped and he has a black eye and a bruise forming on his cheekbone.</p><p>Before I can say another word, he bursts into tears. </p><p>
  <b>--------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">JIM KIRK          </span>
  </b>
</p><p>I never wanted this. I never wanted to be struck down and torn from all that I loved, forcefully pushed off of the cliff, and sent tumbling into the roaring icy ocean that overcame me. Carol and I were like two storms colliding, fire and ice, howling wind against the unrelenting mountains. It's not as if it was bad all the time. No, there were some moments where we were fine, little touches or words that made me think things were going up for us, but by the end of the night, it was fighting and anguish. She made a point never to argue in public. She didn't 'want her name tainted' as she put it, so in the newspapers, we were a star couple. It wouldn't take long for a person to see the jarring and obvious cracks in our relationship. Not to mention she was hardly ever home, the opposite side of the bed left cold and vacant, but I had been informed that she was sleeping around, which is only a bad thing when<em> you're married and your husband is waiting for you at home. </em></p><p>Tonight was worse though, tonight at dinner, she was blatantly rude and already drunk by the start of the meal. It was awkward to say the least, as she threw several backhanded comments that I tried desperately to ignore. But the real torrent began when we got home. </p><p>We were hardly through the door before she was yelling about something. I don't know what it was about, only that it was just a level below screaming. Her voice echoed through the halls, rattling my eardrums. The next 30 minutes were a blur of trying to reason with someone completely drunk, narrowly avoiding(and sometimes not at all) empty beer glasses. This night was worse than ever. One of the items she threw at me was a toaster that knocked me off of my feet and pulled the air from my lungs. My breathing was shallow and I had no fight in me as she slapped me over again, shouting slurs and accusing me of things we both knew weren't true. </p><p>The world was lost as my senses fried and I couldn't seem to get enough oxygen. </p><p>I woke up on the floor, any sign of Carol was gone. </p><p>The blood from my nose had spilled from my nose down the side of my cheek in one thin crimson line. One of my eyes I could barely open and something was pressing against my side. My hand reached down but there was nothing there but some bruising and I winced in pain. It could've been seconds, minutes, or hours before I finally got the strength to get to my feet. I don't even bother with my phone, wallet or even a coat. I stumbled out onto the city streets with no destination, no plans, no motivation. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>//////////WARNING//////////</b>
</p><p>
  <em>Is this my life? </em>
</p><p>I found myself at one of the great city bridges, which was mostly vacant and I drew nearer to the edge. </p><p>
  <em>Around and around I go with nothing but a woman who tortures me and a monotonous job with no payoff. </em>
</p><p>I leaned forward, gripping the rails tightly as I looked down at the rolling sea below me, wondering what it would be like to crash against them. </p><p>
  <em>I don't know how much longer I can do this. This...this charade, wearing a mask and pretending that everything is okay and it isn't. </em>
</p><p>The railing was icy against my skin and I took in a deep, shaky breath, glancing around for anyone in sight. There was no one.  </p><p>
  <em>What would it be like...to fly? I wonder...</em>
</p><p>My shoes hooked onto the bottom rungs of the railing, boosting myself up. </p><p>
  <em>Would anyone even care if I jumped? </em>
</p><p>I lifted one of my feet up to swing it over, but then a cold realization washed over me. </p><p>
  <em>Spock. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>My beloved Spock. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He would care.</em>
</p><p>I clutched onto the railing so tightly, my knuckles turned white and I gasped for breath. </p><p>
  <em>I don't want him to be sad because of me. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It would ache to watch him in pain. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And after all he's done for me. </em>
</p><p>I stepped down from the railing and back onto the ground, overwhelmed. My mind was racing, but every time, I came back to one word.</p><p>
  <em>Spock. </em>
</p><p>I blinked once and then I was standing in front of his door. </p><p>As soon as it opened and I saw his face, sadness flooded me like a tidal wave. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>///////////////////////////</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">SPOCK          </span>
  </b>
</p><p>My instant reaction is to pull him toward me, wrapping my arms around him. There's an overwhelming urge to protect him, wrap him up, and keep him safe from the rest of the world, something deeply rooted inside me. We just stand there in the doorway as his tears stain my shirt. </p><p>"Let's get inside," I whisper, slowly walking backward and closing the door behind him. I lead him to the couch, not letting go of his hand and when he sits next to me, I pull him onto my lap, cradling his quivering body against mine. Eventually, he calms down, his sobs dissolving into sniffles and muffled whimpers. The only thing I felt I can do is be there for him, rubbing his back and pressing my lips against his forehead.  </p><p>He falls asleep against me and I carry him to the bed, pulling the covers up to his shoulders. My decision is that I will sleep on the couch, giving him space and much-needed rest. I still have no idea what the true cause of his agony is, but a part of me is telling me that it revolves around one, Carol Marcus. But before as I stand up, Jim reaches out blindly for me, so I retire at his side on the bed, keeping him close in a primitive need to protect everything he is. </p><p> </p><p><b><span class="u">JIM KIRK          </span></b> </p><p>I wake up in Spock's bed, letting out a sigh of relief knowing that it wasn't a dream. That I'm actually here with him, his arm wrapped loosely around my waist. He took off my shoes and my ripped suit jacket, laying it on a chair nearby. Spock is still asleep, based on his slow even breathing, so I press my back ever so slightly against his chest, savoring the slight pressure of our bodies against each other. </p><p>"Did you sleep well?" Spock's deep voice tickles my hair. </p><p>"I did, crying is exhausting," I chuckle softly, trying to lighten the mood, but we can't forget the events of last night. I should tell him what happened...last night on the bridge. </p><p>"Spock.." I turn so we're facing each other, only separated by a fold in the sheets. "I...last...night-" I take a deep breath as if I was about to choke without it, "-I went to the North East bridge and well...There was a moment where I thought I might..might um-" He seems to understand as he pulls me toward him, burying his head into the junction where my neck and shoulder meet. </p><p>"I am just glad you are alright," He whispers, holding me like he can't let me go. "I am glad you are here with me." </p><p>"I want to be," I sigh back, nuzzling the fabric of his shirt with my nose. We don't get up for work for another hour. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>--------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>By the time I get to the office, the sun is already waving at me from high in the sky. Yesterday just seems like a distant nightmare, but today is a new day. I practically soar into the office and even Jessica seems impressed by my uplifting mood. </p><p>"Can I get you anything, sir?" </p><p>"Coffee, two sugars, please," I beam. "What's the day look like?" </p><p>"Um, no meetings. Your wife reserved lunch at the Di'Amrogio-" </p><p>My attitude sours at the phrase 'my wife'. There was once a time when I felt butterflies at hearing those two words. For the first couple of years of our marriage, everything was golden and perfect, and nothing could go wrong. There was a time when I felt happy with Carol, but those days have dissolved into some poisonous void that fills my every waking moment. Though I never felt about Carol how I feel about Spock. The world seems to glow around him and warmth follows him wholeheartedly. There's confidence and bravery in his demeanor and comfort and stability in his embrace. The universe could be brought down to its knees from one of his bad looks, and one of his smiles could light up an entire city. Carol was a safe choice(at least in the beginning) and Spock...well, Spock is the right one. </p><p> "Cancel it." </p><p>Jessica looks taken aback. "What, sir?" </p><p>"Cancel it, if you don't mind." I start to walk away, a flush of confidence swirling in my soul. "Oh, and if she comes, tell her I'm very, <em>very </em>busy." It is hard not to smile through the next hour just thinking of Jessica turning down Carol. </p><p>An hour or so passes before there is a gentle knock on the door, followed by someone coming in and closing it quickly behind them. </p><p>"Mister Spock," I can hardly keep the grin off of my face, seeing my love with what looks like a brown bag. Whatever was in there smelled delicious. </p><p>"I was inquiring on whether you would like to spend lunch with me. I have brought all the required items for a floor picnic," And he gestures to the picnic blanket under his arm. </p><p>"That sounds amazing." </p><p>So we sit down on the floor like any business person would do and enjoy lunch together(which is chips and sandwiches from my favorite deli), just talking as one does. And I forgot everything, all was lost except us. There's a part of me that wishes this could last forever. </p><p>"Do you think..do you ever wish-" He doesn't know where this is going and obviously neither do I, but I continue anyway, "-that this was our life, that we could um be together without, any complications?" </p><p>Spock sighs softly and closes his eyes. "Always." And he pauses, pondering something before placing his hand on top of mine. "But I am just glad I have even a few moments with you rather than none." </p><p>"Aww!" I can't help but gasp, a grin moving across my lips as I intertwine our fingers. "I'm happy to have these moments with you too. I don't know what I'd do without you, Spock." </p><p>And then, he smiles for what feels like the first time ever. </p><p>"What, what did I say?" I can't help but chuckle a little bit, moving closer so I'm leaning against him, head resting where his shoulder and neck meet. </p><p>He kisses my head softly, and his words tickle my hair. "I am just positively reacting to you saying my name with that expression on your face." </p><p>"Spock, Spock, Spo-" </p><p>I'm cut off by his two fingers under my chin tugging my face upward into a kiss. A wonderful, warm feeling floods me as my hands slide into his hair, his finding my hips and tugging my shirt out of my pants. I gasp out loud when his cool hands touch my skin, and a small moan is ripped from my throat as they glide up my chest, searching and exploring my body, leaving sparks behind. His lips are on my neck and I work to undo his shirt as he pulls at the buttons on mine. I lay back against the blanket, pulling him on top of me in a less than graceful way, but he recovers quickly, finishing undoing the buttons and I slip out of my shirt. </p><p>His shirt is still on, even though the top four buttons are undone, revealing a chest of curly black hair that makes him look absolutely(somehow) even more beautiful. Spock goes back to kissing me, and he makes his way from my neck down my chest, eliciting moans that I try to muffle with my sleeve. With every kiss, my face burns brighter and I'm probably as red as a tomato. Occasionally he stops to suck on a particular spot, leaving his mark on me in several places, causing me to let out more audible moans. He smiles softly, running his splayed fingers across my bare chest. </p><p>"Jim, maybe we shouldn't do this-" Spock starts to pull away, but we're both about to be driven over the edge. </p><p>I grab him by the collar and yank him down so our bare chests are touching, and he offers little reluctance. <em>"I think we both know that is the wrong answer." </em></p><p>And once again we're kissing. Hot, messy kisses full of desire and passion. An embrace of two lovers forbidden by the world to be together, but here we are. Together. Inseparable in every manner, and my heart pounds in my chest, telling me this is more than just pheromones and adrenaline. </p><p>My blood runs cold when there's a knock, followed by someone opening the door. Spock and I barely have time to react before the door closes again and there stands a woman with her arms crossed. </p><p>My heart is racing, and the wide-eyed expression on Spock mirrors exactly how I'm feeling. </p><p>"Jessica-" I croak, sitting up, but she cuts me off. </p><p>"Well, well, well. Kirk. <em>Mister Spock</em>." She quirks an eyebrow, seemingly not surprised which is...surprising. </p><p>"Please understand, we-" </p><p>"I don't need to understand," Jessica sighs, the ghost of a smile on her lips. "Your relationship is your relationship, though I wouldn't recommend doing <em>that</em>-" She gestures to the fact that Spock is basically straddling me and we(Spock and I) both blush "-in a professional environment." </p><p>"You are not shocked or dismayed?" Spock's head cocks slightly, just as surprised at her reaction as I am. </p><p>She just shrugs. "Who am I to judge other people and their love lives?" Jessica pauses, in thought, and then smiles again. "For the next thirty minutes, I'm going to be at my desk outside and tell people you're on lunch." </p><p>God, I forgot how much I love that girl. "Th-thanks, Jessica." </p><p>And she gives a little nod, and just as she's about to close the door shut she turns to Spock. "You know, I've been Jim's secretary for four years. Not one of those years have I seen him smile with Carol the way he smiles at you. Besides, that bitch is super needy(no offense), I'm glad you've found someone else, Kirk." </p><p>And then she's gone, and I can't help feeling a swell of pride for my secretary. </p><p>"So where were we?" I smirk, laying back down slowly. </p><p>Spock growls, "Right about here." </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>--------------------</b>
</p><p> </p><p>"I'm going to be right here." </p><p>"I know," I answer absently, my hand on the car door, looking at the apartment building that Carol and I picked together. </p><p>"Do you want me to come up with you?" </p><p>"No," I inhale sharply, my blood boiling with anxiety. "I think it'd be best if you stay here." </p><p>"Alright, I'll be here if you need anything at all," Spock squeezes my hand gently. </p><p>"I love you," I smile, squeezing his hand back and give him a quick kiss on the temple before getting out and heading into the apartment building. </p><p><em>Deep breaths, Jim.</em> You can do this. </p><p>I took my keys out of my pocket and shakily pressed them into the lock and turn them, so the door opens. </p><p>"Hi babeeey," The voice of Carol fills the room. By those two words, I can tell she's wasted, and the beer bottles on the side of the couch where she's laying confirm it. </p><p>I ignore her and go and pack my things, everything that is mine I take and put it in my two largest suitcases. She doesn't seem to notice because her swimming program is on. Once I do a double check to make sure I have everything, I head to the door, but her voice stops me. </p><p>"Where are you going?" </p><p>
  <em>Deep breaths, Jim. </em>
</p><p>"Carol, I'm leaving you." </p><p>That gets her attention. She gets up from the couch after turning her program off. </p><p>
  <em>"What?" </em>
</p><p>"I'm leaving you. Our relationship is over." </p><p>"You don't know what you're talking about-" </p><p>"I know exactly what I'm talking about Carol. This has been coming for months." </p><p>"We can work this out, baby. I'm sure whatever is going on can be resolved!" </p><p>She reaches out to touch me, and I recoil and slap her hand away on instinct. Anger boils inside of me and all that I've been feeling, all of these emotions I've been feeling toward her explode. </p><p>"You know what, Carol? I've been putting up with your shit for a year and a half now and I am done! You don't own me, I am not your property, and I will never belong to you! You are crazy and abusive and you need help, just not from me. I'm done with you and I'm done with this." </p><p>She tries to reach out again, but I step back and she falls to her knees pathetically. "Don't-don't leave me." </p><p>"You need help, Carol," I manage as indifferently as possible, and she looks at me like she's been slapped. Before I go, I slip the ring off of my finger and drop it on the ground. And with that, I take my bags and close the door, heading down the hall and stepping into the elevator. As soon as the doors close, I let out a breath of relief, overwhelmed by how greatly that situation went in my favor. </p><p>Once I get into the car, Spock gives me a quick kiss. </p><p>"How did it go?" </p><p>"It..." A smile moves across my lips "It was amazing." </p><p>"Yes? That is good," He smiles too, pulling off of the curb and driving. "So where should we go, Jim?" </p><p>"Anywhere, as long as it's with you," I rest my head on his shoulder, intertwining our fingers as we drive off into the sunset, a golden glow of light shining upon my once dark world. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am so sorry about the computer situation, it came back a couple of days ago and I have just been having some trouble writing this chapter for some reason. I hope the length/content of this chapter makes up for it though. Also, I'm still a swine, obviously. I know some of you are probably disappointed that I cut off what would be a "smut scene" in this, but I am learning and actively getting better at writing the smexier side of romance. <br/> </p><p>Okay, that's all! Love you and stay safe! </p><p>xxB </p><p>(Happy holidays y'all 🐱👤)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. SPOTLIGHT: A Nightmare Of Snow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock has a nightmare, Jim tries to help.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <span class="u">SPOCK          </span>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>"...Spock, that you have achieved so much, despite your disadvantage..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am walking down an empty hall, stumbling to find my way in the darkness. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"...your human mother..."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There is light ahead, so bright I shield my eyes with my hand. The silhouette of a woman stands in front of me, as black as ink against the white background. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mother," I whisper, reaching out to her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>...YOUR FATHER WAS A TRAITOR...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suddenly, I am covered in blood, red and green alike, staining my clothes, choking me, but the shadow that is my mother just stares at me, unwavering. The blood is overwhelming, flooding my senses and coating me, filling me. My ears, my nose, my eyes. I cannot breathe. I cannot breathe. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mother..." I gasp, trying to reach her, "help...me..!" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But she does not answer, she cannot answer. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>....YOUR MOTHER WAS A WHORE...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The ground opens up underneath her as she's swallowed by the earth. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Mother!" I try, fight to free myself from the pool of blood, but hands force me against the floor. If I could just reach her... "Mother!" </em>
</p><p>I sit up, gasping for breath, the blankets bunched up in my fists. The dream is still as vivid in my mind as if I were still there, and I have to tell myself it was not real, though I can hardly believe it. </p><p>It takes me a second to realize I am not alone. Jim is asleep next to me, facing me on his side. I hold my breath, hoping and praying I did not wake him with my outburst of emotion. </p><p>A slight snore escapes his lips, signaling he is still unconscious, and I let out the breath quietly, and slowly lay back down, keeping my eyes on him. <em>I must not wake my boyfriend up and trouble him with some foolish dream</em>, I tell myself as I turn on my side away from him. The images of the dream are burned into my brain, and each time I blink, I see her, my mother, and the earth swallowing her. I see the blood taking control of me, the hands taking the control from me. </p><p>
  <em>My mother...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>if only I had been quicker...</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I could have saved you...</em>
</p><p> A small, almost unnoticeable sound rips from my throat, something close to a whimper. </p><p>And then there is something cold and wet sliding down my cheeks, against my will. I try to stop it, but it refuses, so I just sit there, eyes wide, hoping this will just pass or that the sun will be rising soon. The last thing I need is for Jim to wake up and worry. </p><p>There is a slight shift in the bed as Jim adjusts and I focus on breathing, just in case he is awake. In and out. Slowly. Repeat. I do this several times, but then Jim groans softly. <em>It is just an unconscious sound</em>, I tell myself. In and out. Repeat. </p><p>"Spock?" His baritone voice breaks the silence, and I have to repress a shiver. </p><p>But no, I keep breathing, trying to even it out as much as possible, trying to convince him as well as myself that I am sleeping. </p><p>There is a moment of silence where I cannot help but think that it worked. </p><p>"Spock, I know you're awake." </p><p>I am officially discovered. This is terrible. My whole body freezes in place as a last resort, stiff and unmoveable. </p><p>"You okay honey?" He asks when I am still frozen, turned deliberately away from him. He must have sensed something through the bond. </p><p>The tears, yes that is what they are called, refuse to stop falling down my face and I could not control them if I tried. Waking up from your own mind makes it especially hard to control your emotions because you cannot lie to yourself. No, you cannot. </p><p>"F-fine," I manage through tight lips, trying to sound as tired as possible as if I just woke up. I close my eyes in an attempt to stop the tears from rushing down my face, but it doesn't work, the tears simply need to be let out. </p><p>There's a moment of silence as Jim seems to consider my flat response. Is he convinced? I pray that he's convinced. </p><p>"Are...you sure?" He is absolutely not convinced. How does one get out of this situation without being embarrassed by one's emotions? There is no way, that is how. </p><p>This time, I can barely make an audible affirmation, just a simple, "Mmhm." </p><p>Any actual words and he might hear the tremble in my voice, the uncertain, raw emotion that is rarely present in Vulcans, if ever. But I am not entirely Vulcan. </p><p>
  <em>your disadvantage...your human mother...</em>
</p><p>Those flashes from the dream come back to me with as much power and pain as when I was dreaming, sending another wave of tears to slip down my face. But this time it is all overwhelming, and against my will, a tiny wet sniff emits from me. </p><p>"Spock..." Jim knows there is something wrong now, I don't need to be a telepath to hear the concern in his voice. "Honey, look at me." Then, he adds a gentle, "please." </p><p>That word is what makes me turn. Jim would not judge me for my apparent emotionally compromised state, right? I turn to face him slowly, taking my time and trying one last time to stop the tears. They do not cease. As I turn, I see my beloved and his soft blue eyes that look like the rolling sea, how clear they are as they widen in disbelief, his hair is tousled and adorable, just the way I like it, but he is fixed on something else entirely. </p><p>"Oh...honey, hey it's alright," He whispers, pulling me toward him instantly, wrapping his warm arms around me and I cannot help but crack, because only he can do that to me. </p><p>Only he can coax out this emotional side of me. I press my face against his chest, breathing in the smell of pine, oak, and other autumn scents that belong to my love, as the tears come rolling down my face at an even faster rate. </p><p>"Do you want to talk about it?" </p><p>"It...it was just a night-nightmare," I attempt to speak without impediments, but fortune is not in my favor today. </p><p>"Oh, I'm sorry Spock," He whispers into my hair, "But it's over now. No one can hurt you because I've got you. I'll keep you safe." </p><p>Jim's hands massage my hair, and he kisses my forehead with enough tenderness to make me melt. "It's okay, Spock. It's okay, honey. I've got you," He cooes softly into my ear. "I love you so much." </p><p>"I-" </p><p>"I know." </p><p>He knows I cannot really say it back, though I do love him, the words--out loud-- would sound forced thus making things awkward. </p><p>I press my lips against his chest, giving a soft kiss as the tears continue to fall down my face, and I know I will love him for an eternity if he can accept my weaker half. </p><p>"Just so we're clear," Jim brings my face up to his so he can give me a proper kiss. "I like-" another kiss "-all of you" and yet another "every single part." </p><p>A blush moves across my face. </p><p>Touch telepathy. I should have known. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So, this is an AOS story, where it's a year after the events of Vulcan(and its destruction) and Jim and Spock are dating.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. Baby, It's Cold Outside(Winter Special)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim and Spock are in Academy/highschool and Jim is a part of the school choir, Treble Threat, and he gets picked to sing in The upcoming Christmas parade and needs to practice. One of the other Treble members tells him there's someone he can practice with in order to prepare: Spock. </p><p>YES, this is based on the Glee clip up below, because the gays are HERE.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
  <iframe></iframe>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim couldn't believe it when the choir president said his name out loud. His name of all names and not for being late this time. He was chosen to sing in the San Francisco Mall Christmas Spectacular, he of all 37 people in the choir. Everyone else seemed to be surprised at him winning and congratulated him with smiles and pats on the back. It was a good moment. But then that moment passed when he realized he would be singing in front of 400 people and he needed to practice. Unfortunately, everyone in choir was busy for the rest of the week, studying, having other plans, parties, anything that kept them too busy to help Jim out. In a last attempt, he turned to the only person who could save him. </p><p>"Uhura please, I need your help," The blond clutched onto her arm. </p><p>"Go bother someone else," Uhura sighed, although she was grinning, partially amused and partially insincere. </p><p>"BUT UHURA I NEED TO BE READY TO SING-" </p><p>Several students from nearby tables shushed them and both Jim and Nyota mouthed 'sorry'. They were in the library, sitting across from each other at a smooth wooden table, books in between them as Nyota was studying when Jim interrupted her. </p><p>"I need your help, Nyota," Jim leaned forward, his eyes glistening like a lost puppy, an irresistible expression that most women would die for. Most women. </p><p>Nyota just glared back and Jim whimpered. </p><p>"Uhura." </p><p>"Jim." </p><p>"U h u r a." </p><p>"Jim." </p><p>"Nyyyyyooooootttttaaaa." </p><p>She sighed the longest sigh and rolled her eyes so far back into her head, Jim thought she would go blind. </p><p>"Fine, but you'd better leave me alone to study after this, deal?" </p><p>Jim nodded eagerly. "Deal. So are you going to help me practice singing?" </p><p>"No." </p><p>The blonde drew back slightly, his eyes narrowing in confusion. "What are you-" </p><p>"I know a guy. He's helped most if not all of the choir practice their singing." </p><p>"Why isn't he in choir?" </p><p>"His father thinks it's not essential to his education." </p><p>Now Jim rolled his eyes and blew some air through his teeth. "God, that...sucks." </p><p>"Anyway, he's in music room 3 where he always studies." </p><p>"Alrighty then-" Jim stood up but Uhura grabbed his arm. </p><p>"Listen here, Jimmy. You have to promise me--<em> promise me, Jim</em>-- that you will not hit on-- don't give me that look-- this guy. Don't do it, <em>you'll regret it.</em>" </p><p>"Okay, okay, I promise," He said quickly, barely listening and completely focused on how tight her hand was on his arm. "Whatever you say just. Let go of my arm!" </p><p>"Also, you have to mention my name or he'll charge you 50 bucks." </p><p>"He charges 50 dollars just for singing practice?"</p><p>She smirked, "To everyone except me." </p><p>"And what's your name again?" Jim smiled but instantly regretted it when Nyota whacked him with a book. </p><p>"Now get out of here before I change my mind." </p><p>"Okay, I'm going!" Jim rushed out of the library, waving to Uhura who only sighed. It was only too late that Jim realized that not only did he not know this guy's name, he didn't even know what he looked like. </p><p>This couldn't be one of Uhura's tricks, right? Because Jim really really needed to practice and with someone who was a good singer and who could stay on pitch. He walked through the music hall, buzzing with energy and slightly nervous because he was really hoping this wasn't a trick of some kind. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~Music room 1~ </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Okay, Jim, Uhura is your friend(kinda?) so if she says she knows someone who can help, she knows someone...</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~Music room 2~ </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Let's just hope this someone is as good as she says he is. Also, what's with charging 50 dollars per singing practice? That's a side hustle if I've ever seen one.  At least I don't have to pay... </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>~Music room 3~</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Jim stopped and looked at the door for a long while. It wasn't like the other music rooms, because Music Room 1 was for the gaming club and all of those roleplaying games. It was by far the biggest room and clearly the best for taking on those kinds of games. Music Room 2 was for the smokers and stoners. The place was more yellow than the sun, and let's not even talk about the air quality. No, this Music room, well...</p><p>to be honest, Jim didn't even know there was a third music room until five minutes ago. He joined the choir as an extra-credit thing and it was miraculous he was actually a good singer, based on being picked to sing in front of hundreds of people. He pushed open the door and saw emptiness. </p><p>He didn't know what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't this. </p><p>The room was quite large, with towers of chairs against two of the walls. There was a vast amount of furniture, most draped in white sheets, but some of the furniture was uncovered: a long maroon sofa and a slighter smaller matching chair as well as a large glass coffee table. It was shockingly clean with not a spot of dust anywhere to be found. Jim almost missed the guy who he came in here in the first place for. He was slouched in the chair, textbooks and handwritten notes sprawled across the glass table. But the guy was fast asleep, his legs curled up around him, eyes closed. </p><p>Jim didn't know what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't him. </p><p>He was a brunette with bowl-cut that he somehow made work, and his lashes were long and dark, mouth round and lips pink. Jim couldn't help but smile at the picture, overwhelmed with relief that he wouldn't have to guess who he was going to practice singing with, especially knowing nothing about him other than that he was male. </p><p>"Um, excuse me," Jim started awkwardly, but the figure didn't stir. "Hello, hey--hi."</p><p>The figure jumped, eyes wide for just a split second before going back to unreadable. He uncurled slowly. "How may I help you, fellow peer?" </p><p>Fellow peer? Who is this guy? "Sorry for waking you-" </p><p>"I was not sleeping," The brunette removed two earbuds from his ears, which were pointed by the way, in a non-human way. <em> He must be that prestigious Vulcan student everyone's talking about</em>. "I was merely meditating on my thoughts."</p><p>"Oh okay then-" </p><p>"How may I be of service? Are you lost?" </p><p>Jim chuckled awkwardly. "Actually, I'm looking for someone. Are you the guy who helps practice with the choir?" </p><p>"I am," He nodded once.  </p><p>"Okay, great. I was hoping you could help me practice sing-" </p><p>"It will cost 50 dollars." </p><p>Jim was slightly terrified. This guy had a cool icy tone, and although his face was stone-like, his eyes seemed to flicker with fire. The blonde suddenly knew where Uhura gets her flare from. <em>Uhura</em>. "Uhura sent me." </p><p>The Vulcan raised an eyebrow curiously. "I see. Well, do you have the song with you?" </p><p>"I have my PADD." </p><p>"Alright, it can plug into the stereo over there. What is the song?" Jim waltzed to the other side of the room, where a stereo had gone unnoticed by him and connected his </p><p>"Baby, It's Cold Outside." And the brunette raised an eyebrow again, the corners of his mouth twitching. "You know it?" </p><p>The Vulcan nodded. "It is a personal favorite of mine." </p><p>Jim couldn't help but smile, before pressing play on the song. </p><p>"I really can't stay-" The blonde nearly gasped at the voice that came out of the Vulcan. It was beautiful and harmonious, so enchanting that Jim almost forgot to sing. </p><p>"Baby it's cold outside." </p><p>"I've got to go away-" </p><p>"Baby it's cold outside." </p><p>"This evening has been-" The Vulcan rose to his feet, moving across the room and Jim trailed him, pleasantly astounded by his voice. </p><p>"Been hoping that you'd dropped in." </p><p>"-So very nice." </p><p>"I'll hold your hands they're just like ice-" Jim went to jokingly grab his hands and The Vulcan flushed a faint green, twirling around and scrunching his nose as he continued to sing. <br/><br/>"My mother will start to worry-"</p><p>It took Jim a minute to notice he was smiling. Of course, the blonde smiled all the time, but this felt different. He couldn't wipe the million-dollar grin off of his face if he wanted to. "Beautiful what's your hurry?" </p><p>"My father will be pacing the floor-" The Vulcan shuffled across the floor, his hand tracing the top of the sofa. </p><p>"Listen to the fireplace roar!"</p><p>"So really I'd better scurry-"</p><p>"Beautiful please don't hurry!"</p><p>"Well maybe just a half a drink more-"</p><p>"I'll put some records on while I pour."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <b><br/>------------------------------</b>
</p><p><br/><br/>Jim and The Vulcan practiced together every day for the next week, for about an hour and a half each day, and more often than not, the blonde found himself lost in the music and the words that spilled from the Vulcan's mouth in beautiful, perfect tones. He found himself looking forward to when the bell would ring and he'd race to the music room, his heart thumping when he saw that perfect head of hair. Jim hummed the tune in between classes, and there was not a moment when his mind was lost and dreaming about a certain classmate. </p><p>But the week passed all too quickly, and the day finally came when he sang with a girl in the Christmas parade. The audience loved it, and though Jim thought the performance would've been much better if his Vulcan friend had been singing with him instead of this girl who was just a fraction off-key, he kept it to himself. </p><p>From that day, he never saw his friend again. Many weeks passed and he went to the music room every day only to find it completely empty, and his heart was flooded with disappointment. There was a sort of warmth that surrounded his Vulcan friend that Jim never felt with anyone else and he sorely missed it. Every day that he went without him, he became less and less hopeful. What was the worst thing of all was that Jim didn't even know the Vulcan's name.</p><p>"He was like a ghost," Jim sighed, staring at the ceiling as he laid on the couch, hands folded on his chest. "There and then...not. Gone with the wind-" He made a whooshing sound. </p><p>"Dammit Jim," Bones broke the lead in his pencil again, trying to concentrate on his work and failing miserably. "There are only a couple thousand students in the school. And he's one Vulcan." </p><p>"A ghost Vulcan..."</p><p>"Look, I'm trying to study. If you really want to find him, stop wallowing and search the school database. OR! Better yet!" His face dead-panned, <em>"Go ask Uhura." </em></p><p>Jim jumped up from the couch, his mouth gaping open. "BONES! You're a genius!" </p><p>"Jim don't go right now, it's like 10 pm-" </p><p>But the blonde was gone, rushing out of the dorm to the library, where he had a feeling she would be. </p><p>Bones sighed and cursed under his breath. "What. An. Idiot." </p><p>Jim rushed down the halls, knowing if he was seen by a professor, he would surely get in trouble. But that didn't matter right now. What mattered was finding that adorable Vulcan again. It didn't matter if he got a million detentions, he just needed to know that his Vulcan friend was alive and real and not some figment of his imagination, and he didn't care if he had to bug Uhura all night- </p><p>"Jim?" </p><p>The blonde turned at hearing his name, spoken by a voice he thought he'd never hear again. </p><p>It can't be. </p><p>Is it..? No...</p><p>There in the corner of the library, there was a Vulcan sitting at a table, his face illuminated by the low glow of a lamp. </p><p>"You!" Jim nearly yelled before covering his mouth. They both froze in case there were any adults nearby, and when the minute passed, Jim moved to sit down across from the Vulcan. "I've been looking for you forever!" </p><p>"I have been quite busy." </p><p>"I haven't seen you in weeks!" Jim was absolutely flabbergasted how The Vulcan was so calm. </p><p>He didn't even miss a beat. "In fact, you saw me yesterday." </p><p>"You haven't been in the music room--what?" </p><p>"I guess the more accurate statement would be that<em> I</em> saw <em>you </em>yesterday." </p><p>Jim was completely lost. The last weeks had been entirely consumed with thoughts about the Vulcan, and yet here he was saying they'd seen each other a day ago. It was unbelievable. </p><p>"What...when? How?" His thoughts came out in choppy, half sentences, still shocked with this news. </p><p>"We take three classes together. All of which you sit one row in front of me." When Jim said nothing, he continued. "I had hoped you would recognize me enough to know that we share a similar schedule, and was under the impression you knew who I was. So when you did not make any attempts to conversate with me after your Christmas parade, I assumed that you wished to terminate any contact with me. As for why I am not in the music room anymore is because I have been working as a stage manager to the upcoming musical classic, 'Wicked'." </p><p>"Oh my," Jim struggled to find the words to get across his point, so he just opened his mouth. "I don't even know your name. I...I've been deep in thought during class. I hardly notice anything around me. Because of you. My thoughts are about you. Like a plague." </p><p>The Vulcan's expression twisted in the most unnoticeable way, but Jim recognized it and winced. </p><p>"I meant a nice plague. Uhh, I'm not usually this horrible with words," The blonde buried his face into his hands, blushing madly, when he heard a tiny snort. "Wha-" Jim looked up and saw the Vulcan's eyes glittering as he suppressed a tiny smile. </p><p>"It is refreshing to hear you did not wish to terminate our friendship. I am curiously drawn to you in a way I cannot explain." There was a faint coloring on the Vulcan's cheeks and Jim beamed once more. </p><p>Swelling with confidence, he took a deep breath, "Do you want to get dinner with me? Sometime?" </p><p>"That..." The words trailed off the Vulcan's lips as he tried to find the correct answer. "I am free this Thursday." </p><p>Jim slammed his hand on the table not so quietly. "Perfect! Great! I...I can't wait." And he stood up to leave, practically skipping down the library. </p><p>"Jim!" </p><p>The blonde turned suddenly, staring back at the adorable Vulcan who was standing from pushing his seat from the table. </p><p>"My name."</p><p>"Yes!" Jim wanted to mentally smack himself. "Yes, of course. Your name." </p><p>"It is Spock." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. "You don't know me."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim confesses his unrequited love for Spock.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So, it is true." </p><p> </p><p>Here he was, standing in front of him, beautiful as always, radiating starlight and Jim felt a pull in his heart, a heart that yearned to touch and feel, a heart that wanted the world. Spock could've been two feet away or 2,000 galaxies away, distance didn't matter, Jim could never reach him. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>They could both pretend that Jim's eyes didn't linger on his first officer for too long, that the highlight of the captain's days were lost in those brown irises that glowed when they played chess. They could pretend that Jim didn't cherish every second they were together, or that he melted at the Vulcan's innocuous touches, counted the seconds that passed between their conversations. Jim didn't even know how it happened. There was once a time when they were on opposite sides, with different opinions, dreams, hopes. But their missions as captain and first officer forced them together, to form a bond beyond words, and when it was tested, Jim found Spock was constantly surprising him. No matter the obstacle, whether it was a hostile civilization or a doomed planet, Spock found a way to save him. There were countless times when Jim was sure his death was carved in stone, but his first officer proved him wrong, even if it meant breaking the stone with his bare hands. Whatever the cost, Spock did not hesitate. Even if it was his own logic in question. Even if it was his own life in question. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And Jim tried to repay that with every chance he got. One night that would change all nights following, Jim asked if Spock minded a game of chess, and from then on, an hour or two every day was dedicated to playing chess. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>As they played, Jim watched as his first officer would slowly unwind, his fingers working to play, his lips tightening when he was about to lose or the corners of his mouth upturning when he was about to win. Kirk found himself waiting for those almost unnoticeable signs that Spock only showed when they were alone together. He craved the narrowing and raising of his eyebrows, those looks that made him erupt with laughter, the way his nose wrinkled when he was thinking, really thinking. Months of this, and Jim remembered the way his heart jumped when his door would jingle, and how it fell when Spock left after their match was finished. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There were several occasions where he rescheduled or canceled meetings and prior engagements to play chess with Spock, no matter the cost. His mind was overwhelmed by thoughts of his first officer, ranging from romantic to lustful. He was distracted on the bridge when Spock leaned over his scanner, and Jim couldn't but think of all the things he could bend Spock over. Every waking hour was dedicated to the owner of that silky mop of hair that Jim longed to run his hands through, and even his dreams were filled with his greatest fantasies of him and Spock. What was the absolute worst was that after several months of this, Spock would unknowingly do things that set him on fire: his fingers would brush his sleeve or his hand would graze his arm, sometimes he stood so close, so so close that Jim wanted to reach out and wrap his arms around him. And each time something like this happened, Kirk's breath hitched or his heart skipped a beat. He tried to relish in these small moments, latching onto almost anything that counted as affection because Spock didn't want him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>How could anyone as great as Spock even want to be friends with someone like him? Jim counted himself lucky for such a miracle. But at the same time, it was torturous, this desire that choked out all other thoughts and possessed him, it flooded every cell in his body until he had to run away, escape the evil thoughts to take Spock to his quarters and have his way with him. It helped(and also very much hurt) to picture the horror on Spock's face, the disgust. It helped him calm down, especially when he was on bridge duty and couldn't relieve himself of the aching pressure in his trousers. But, nothing could be as painful as Spock and Uhura, their relationship that seemed to bloom and bloom. Their little smiles and gestures were all part of a secret language they shared, something he and Jim used to have together. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>It physically hurt him to see them happy together and when they kissed...when they kissed...a part of Jim's heart cracked. He could feel it, really feel it cracking and twisting under the pressure of what felt like a knife. The days that followed him witnessing their intimacy, he found himself curled in his bed, face pressed into a pillow as he cried, hoping Spock couldn't hear him through their shared wall. He was so lonely and so terribly alone even in a room full of people and the days began to blur together. The world was one massive black and white watercolor painting that whirled around him as he stood still. And he was the worst kind of person, the utter scum of the galaxy for doing the things he did when his mind was on Spock. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>All of his nightly pleasures were centered around delusions of his first officer, and Jim's mind wandered to the far reaches, of all the things Spock could do to him, where his fingers could travel, how hard his mouth could work. And after it was over, Jim felt so disgusting, absolutely filthy and horrible for allowing his first officer, his friend to be the center of his sexual fantasies. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But the next night, it would be the same until he found himself falling into the same cycle of pleasure and pain, the feeling of worthlessness becoming ever present. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Of course, he smiled and strutted around and talked as if he hadn't a care in the world, but the emptiness inside of him was growing like a plague, consuming him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He told himself to worship what he had while he had it, knowing that as soon as Spock found out, Jim would be disregarded, tossed into the garbage, disgraced by all just for loving someone who could never love him back. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He'd accepted this fate long ago, because what else was there? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Without Spock, there was nothing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just darkness that pulled him under the ocean of harbored feelings he never told anyone by the pieces that remained of his shattered heart. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Spock pulled away from the mind-meld, his eyes wide as he took a step back in shock. Jim had played this moment over in his head a million times, but he didn't know the true anguish of his first officer's expression: wide-eyed, mouth slightly parted-- something he did when he was speechless. The look in his eyes tore Jim in half. </p><p>Spock was looking at him like he was a stranger, someone unrecognizable. "Jim-" </p><p>"Don't, Spock," Kirk was surprised at how broken he sounded, and tears were slipping down his face shamelessly. "Don't you dare say it." </p><p>
  <em>That you feel sorry for me, that you wish you could do something. But there's nothing you can do. Nothing you could say that can ever fix what I've clearly ruined with my illogical feelings. </em>
</p><p>Spock took a step back as if he'd been slapped, closing his mouth and swallowing painfully.</p><p>"You..." Jim couldn't breathe. He tried to stay as calm as possible, but he was failing, failing miserably. "You don't know me." </p><p>And he walked out, his legs shaking beneath him, his breathing shallow. His chest felt like it'd been hollowed out and there was nothing inside of him anymore. Several crewmen who passed him stopped and asked him if he was okay, but he could hardly hear anything but a sharp buzzing sound and the blood sloshing in his ears. </p><p>When he reached his quarters, which was as dark as the shadowed side of the moon, he collapsed on the bed, with not even the strength to cry. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0053"><h2>53. Near-Death Snuggles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Jim almost dies on a diplomatic mission, Spock sleeps in his room.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was really tired when I wrote this chapter, so I'm sorry for any grammatical errors or anything like that, hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jim didn't know how it started, or really why it started. But there was one mission that went entirely wrong, and it was especially jarring because it was supposed to be a diplomatic mission. Then again, they were talking about Jim, and it seemed absolutely nothing could go right when it involved the reckless blond captain. It was the same old schtick the Enterprise crew always did, but this one was worse. </p><p>As Jim crawled out from under the rubble of the building's destruction, he actually believed he would die, actually believed that the rebels who decimated the skyscraper would find him and kill him. He was scared, truly scared. A feeling so cold, it was white with heat, and it overwhelmed him. He never said goodbye to his crew...to Bones...to Spock...the first officer he was completely and desperately in love with. Spock would never know how deeply he was loved by his captain. </p><p>But the worst thing of all was that he was utterly alone. Pressed between the wall and a tipped-over cabinet that was leaning against it, he was shaking, just waiting out his fate. His leg was broken, there was nowhere to run. And he was pretty sure he'd broken a few ribs and there was bleeding coming from the side of his head and his lip. His heart jumped when he heard footsteps down the hall. </p><p>He closed his eyes and waited to be revealed, waited to be found. </p><p>But that never came. </p><p>Instead, gold threads wrapped around him and he was filled with light, reappearing in the transporter room. </p><p>Jim collapsed, but never felt the cold ground because warm arms wrapped around him, one moving under his legs to carry him. </p><p>He heard voices, little whispers that seemed so far away that he could barely grasp them. </p><p>"...the ambassadors have all been beamed up..." </p><p>"...everyone safe...minor injuries..." </p><p>And he heard Spock's voice clear as day whispering his name. </p><p>
  <em>Jim. You are safe. Jim...</em>
</p><p>The captain sat up in the biobed, blinded by the clean, white light. His muscles ached and he looked around for his first officer, but the Vulcan was nowhere to be found, there was only Bones standing at the side of his bed. </p><p>Jim screeched when Mccoy jabbed him in the neck with a hypo and glared. </p><p>"You're behind on two vaccines, that hypo is well deserved. You've been out for eight days with many ranging injuries which have healed by now even though you'll feel sore for the next week or two. No one died, thankfully, and because of you. The ambassadors are fine and all that jazz. You know, Jim, I have half the mind to break your neck myself after the stunt you pulled, scaring us all to death! You collapsed in Spock's arms for heaven's sake-!"</p><p>"Spock?" Jim's voice sounded surprisingly baritone and croaky, and he almost scared himself at the unfamiliar sounding voice. </p><p>"Yeah, yeah," Mccoy clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. "Spock came to visit you a dozen times and I've had to kick him out of my medbay twice that much because of how reluctant he is to leave your side. You just missed him, actually. He was here about an hour ago." </p><p>Jim didn't know how he weaseled out of staying another night in the med bay, but he did remember it took an exhausting amount of coaxing, whining, and even some fake tears, but he coerced Mccoy to allow him to sleep in his own bed. </p><p>Jim, still in the medical provided pyjamas(because his clothes were ripped and covered in blood), stumbled to his quarters, positively exhausted, his heart raced at the thought that Spock spent a whole week by his side and actually carried him to med bay. His face was heating up just at the thought of it. </p><p>Jim had been working up the courage of confessing his undying love to Spock, but there just wasn't a right time or a right place. Life seemed to get between them more often than not. </p><p>When the captain opened the door to his quarters, the last thing he was expecting was to see someone curled up over the covers of his bed, face pressed into the pillow. Jim froze, completely unsure of what to do next, just stood there for the longest time, watching the chest of the person slowly rise and fall, signaling their deep sleep. </p><p>Finally, Jim found his voice and his common sense. "Computer," He stuttered, "Lights on." </p><p>It was even more surprising when the lights did come on and the figure jolted to life. </p><p>Jim couldn't believe his eyes. </p><p>Spock sat up, blinking and squinting until his eyes found Jim's. The Vulcan's eyes widened in horror and disbelief. </p><p>"Cap-captain. You are awake," He was just barely trying to hide the utter mortification flooding his voice. Spock rose to his feet immediately, stiff and indifferent. </p><p>There were several moments of silence before they both spoke at the same time. </p><p>"Spock, it's no big deal-" </p><p>"Jim, I must apologize-" </p><p>They both looked down sheepishly, and when it was apparent Spock would not speak, Jim opened his mouth again. </p><p>"You don't have to explain anything if you don't want to. I'm not...I'm not angry or upset with you but it would be helpful if you tell me what's going on..." </p><p>Spock sighed. He at least owed Jim that. "I presumed you were going to die." </p><p>"Oh." Jim was still confused. </p><p>"While you were in the medical bay, I had trouble sleeping...I found myself completely distracted by your unstable state, but sleeping was the most difficult. I could not sleep knowing you were in danger so..."</p><p>Jim felt his heart buckle. He didn't entirely understand, but he knew his first officer was suffering because he almost bit the dust. </p><p>"Alright, Spock. Let's just...let's just sleep." </p><p>That was the first time Jim had ever seen Spock in such a vulnerable state, and to be as privileged as to hold him as he fell asleep felt so dream-like and unreal. And although he didn't understand Spock's pain, he made sure to hold him extra close. </p><p>He soon would.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>3 months later, Spock went on an away-mission and his heart stopped twice. Jim was in shambles, a complete wreck. </p><p>Bones had to drag him out of medbay and put him on medical leave because of how distraught he was. </p><p>The captain couldn't sleep. His dreams were riddled with nightmares of Spock dying while he couldn't be there was overwhelming. </p><p>And then Jim got an idea. </p><p>He went to his first officer's quarters next door and fell down on his bed, taking in his scent. </p><p>Jim actually got some sleep, convincing himself that Spock was very much alive and wrapped around him. </p><p>He finally understood what Spock was talking about. And one night, he woke up to Spock turning on the lights and standing there, shocked. When Jim saw him, he couldn't help himself from wrapping his arms around him and cry into his chest. </p><p>"Spock...Spock...I watched you die..." He whispered, practically sobbing into the Vulcan's medical pyjamas. </p><p>"It is alright, Jim. I am here now." </p><p>And without another word, they both fell asleep curled up next to each other. </p><p>From then on, every time there was a dangerous mission, they slept in the same bed, exhausted and desperately needing each other. </p><p>Then it escalated to snuggles after even slightly dangerous missions. </p><p>Then snuggles after missions. </p><p>Then just snuggles. </p><p>"And that kids," Jim turned to his three little kiddies all snuggled up on the rug next to each other, eyes wide in anticipations, "Is how I met your father." </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0054"><h2>54. The Birth of a Watermelon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>AU: I work at a movie theater and you come in every week trying to sneak snacks into the theater. Every week you get more daring until one day you pretend to be pregnant to sneak in a watermelon even though we both know you're a guy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spock had to admit, the first time he had no idea the blond was sneaking snacks into the movie theater. The second time however, as the human handed him his ticket, there was a slight crinkling under his shirt that would have gone unnoticed by any human, but Spock was no human. He didn't mention it though, because he assumed the person was aware of how expensive snacks were at the movie theater and silently respected the fact that the blond was most likely a college student who was trying to save money. But then the blond did it again and again, each time more creative and outgoing than the last. To say the least, Spock was definitely curious. </p><p>It was a challenge for Jim. He absolutely knew what he was doing, and he was thrilled with the prospect of sneaking snacks that he bought for super cheap at the gas station down the street into a movie theater. It made him feel like James Bond, being all sneaky and stealthy. But he craved for a new challenge every time. Of course, he was poor or he would(or probably not actually) just buy the snacks from the theater. He had enough budget money after paying for college, his apartment bills, and basic needs to go to the cinema once a week, which was his little treat to himself especially after working long hours at Arty's Pizzeria. But then there was something else. </p><p>That Vulcan was about his age and super hot. And based on the shocking amount of slips of paper in the overflowing tips jar, a lot of people would agree. He hardly ever looked up from the monitor that checked tickets' authenticity. Sometimes, it was like he was a machine himself. But Jim was not only determined to catch the cutie Vulcan's attention but challenge himself to do the most daring thing yet. </p><p> </p><p>It was a nice Thursday evening, where the stars glittered through the glass ceiling of the movie theater. Spock looked at it with a bored expression plainly written on his face. There hadn't been anyone around for over an hour. It didn't help that no exciting movies were showing, and they were just playing old ones tonight. Everyone else(employees) had gone home, leaving Spock to man the stands by himself, and he was exhausted from studying for hours for Final Examinations. The last person he expected to walk in was a pregnant woman in a Sunday formal dress and round hat the figurative circumference of the moon. </p><p>"Is there anything I can help you with-" When the "lady" turned, Spock almost gasped, <em>almost</em>, recognizing the face of the guy who came to the theater every week. The last word deadpanned on his lips. "ma'am." </p><p>"Yes, I have a ticket here for <em>Kingdom Crawler VII</em>," The blond replied in a fake high-pitched voice, fanning himself with a gloved hand. </p><p>Spock's lips twitched and it felt like an eternity before he could answer properly. "You-" </p><p>The Vulcan didn't know how to proceed without sounding some kind of sexist or transphobic. </p><p>"Yes?" The blond batted his eyes innocently, a flicker of mischief in those sea-colored eyes. </p><p>They just stared at each other for the longest time in utter silence. There is no response from Spock that would not be offensive, but they both know that Jim is not pregnant. Spock's mind was working feverishly to find a solution because the Vulcan had been lenient with the previous snack sneaking, but this was the blond blatantly showing he could do what he wants. It was already pushing the rules to let him in here at all, but cross-dressing as a pregnant woman to sneak snacks into a movie was unacceptable. </p><p>Jim was just smirking at the Vulcan whose brain looked about three seconds from frying. They both knew what was going on, and then Spock opened his mouth, just speaking instead of thinking. </p><p>"Is that a watermelon?" Spock pointed to Jim's belly. </p><p>Another moment of silence passed between them as the words sunk in. </p><p>Spock let his hand drop to his side, the tips of his ears turned light green. His mind was racing with reprimands of such a sentence and what if the blond WAS pregnant and he had just offended a regular customer. What was he thinking? <em>What was he thinking?</em></p><p>Jim felt himself blush at how embarrassed Spock seemed to be. It made him look a million times cuter with that verdant blush brushed across his cheeks and ears, his eyes wide and chocolate irises glowing brighter than any blue ones Jim ever saw in his life. Not to mention the little uniform they make him wear: a navy blue sweater vest over a white, long sleeve button up </p><p>And suddenly Kirk felt kind of guilty, looking at the expression the Vulcan had on his face which displayed fear, anxiety, and embarrassment without even changing a single muscle. Jim felt bad because he knew this poor guy was trying to figure out how to take back that insanely funny sentence and also figuring out all of the "consequences" of insulting a customer, something Jim had to worry about on a daily basis. </p><p>So instead of making the situation worse, Jim pulled the watermelon out from under his dress and smiled softly, shrugging his shoulders. "You got me." </p><p>Spock opened his mouth, overwhelmed with relief, then closed it again, knowing where just speaking got him last time. But then he opened his mouth and whispered a very awkward, "Oh." </p><p>"Yeah, um, so are you going to take it?" </p><p>Spock's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Take it?" </p><p>Jim looked at where he was extending out his hand with the watermelon and smiled. "The watermelon." </p><p>"What am I supposed to do with it?"</p><p>His smile grew instantaneously. "You eat it." </p><p>There was still blankness in the Vulcan's eyes.</p><p>"Have you ever eaten a watermelon?" </p><p>The Vulcan shook his head. </p><p>"Well...when do you get off?" </p><p>"15.24 minutes." </p><p>Jim couldn't help but giggle. "Well, I'll see you on the roof of this theater in...what was it again?"</p><p>Spock's blush deepened slightly. "15.24 minutes." </p><p>Jim was beaming. "15.24 minutes." </p><p>And Spock <em>knew </em>those 15.24 minutes would last an eternity when those blue eyes looked back at him. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I kind of came up with this AU because I wanted to have something more diverse than a confession on the Enterprise, and I've been meaning to do one where Spock works at a movie theater. I just think that Spock in a theater uniform would be sooo cute and I've been meaning to do more AUs anyway. So, hope you enjoyed and if you have a request, go ahead and leave a comment and I'll write it 😁</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0055"><h2>55. Pancakes For Dinner</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>After a dangerous mission, Jim confesses his feelings for Spock.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>GUESS WHO GOT HACKED AND COULDN'T GET ONTO THEIR ACCOUNT FOR A WHOLE WEEK? ME. I'm really sorry for not updating(for the two of you who read this) and I wanted to post another chapter, but it's still in the works because I had no time to work on it until now, so instead, I give you a short songfic(kinda?) using the song 'Pancakes For Dinner' by Lizzy McAlpine. </p><p>Hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  
  <iframe></iframe>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Spock was meditating when his door chimed, and at first, he chose to ignore it. It chimed again </p><p>Spock was meditating when his door chimed, and at first, he chose to ignore it. It chimed again and he got to his feet before giving the command to open the door. He couldn't help but wince at the sudden motion, and though he would never admit it, the doctor was right in confining him to his quarters for the next 48 hours. He was still sore from their latest mission involving a barbaric alien race that tried to sacrifice him to their god which started by draining his blood. Remembering it, made Spock shiver, thinking about how close he was to death, how light-headed he felt, how he heard the captain's voice like a canyon whisper, incredibly far away. </p><p>Spock looked up and it was none other than the captain standing in the doorway. </p><p>"Captain," The Vulcan stated. </p><p>"Spock." </p><p>There was a slightly awkward moment of silence that passed between them before both men tried to speak at the same time.</p><p>"Is there anything you require-" </p><p>"Spock, I think we need to-" </p><p>They both stared at each other, unsure of how to proceed. There was something in the air that didn't seem right, as if there were things unsaid between them, as if they were not the close friends who spent hours playing chess and having dinner together, always at each other's sides. </p><p>"Please, captain, go first." </p><p>"I-um..well," Spock took this moment to realize how nervous the captain looked. He was trembling slightly, his forehead glistening with sweat, and he was massaging his hands, looking at the floor almost guiltily. "You nearly died." </p><p>"Indeed." </p><p>Jim took a step closer, reaching out his hand desperately before drawing it back. <em>"You almost died, Spock." </em></p><p>"We have already established that." </p><p>Jim was looking increasingly frustrated, and Spock felt a twitch of embarrassment for not understanding what he was trying to say, something that happened often. </p><p>"No...that's not what I meant...I-" Jim groaned in frustration. "God, I'm terrible with words...I um..." His eyes narrowed and he shook his head, balling one hand into a fist and pressing it against the other decisively. "You know what?" </p><p>"I do not." </p><p>"I'm just going to say exactly what's on my mind and if by the end of it, you tell me to go away, then we can forget this ever happened. We can go back to being just friends or professional acquaintances if that's what you want, which is fine, but I just need to speak my mind because it's been tormenting me and after that blood sacrifice mission I-" </p><p>"Jim," Spock rested a hand on the blond's shoulder, hoping to calm him down, and pretended not to hear his breath hitching. "You have not yet told me what is tormenting you. If I can ease your pain in any way, I shall endeavor to do so." </p><p>"Oh...um-Pancakes!" </p><p>"Wha-"</p><p>"I-I wanna eat pancakes for dinner! I wanna get stuck in your head. I wanna watch a T.V. show together and when we're under the weather we can watch it in bed. I wanna go out on the weekends. I wanna dress up just to get undressed...I think that I should probably tell you this in case there is an accident and I never see you again..."</p><p>By the time Jim finished, he was out of breath and gasping for air. Spock looked at him with concern in his eyes, but the blond wasn't done.  </p><p>"I am not sure I understan-" </p><p>"I love you," Jim blurted out, just staring at Spock, eyes blown wide open and eagerly waiting for a response. But Spock wasn't good with words. He'd never been good with words. The Vulcan sighed softly, allowing his hands to cup Jim's face. </p><p>The blond purred and nuzzled his hand, closing his eyes as if this was all a dream that could fade away any second. </p><p>"Jim..." Spock whispered softly and sealed the distance between them before finally--finally--their lips found each other's and the first kiss was slow and smooth, sensual as they both adjusted to their mouths pressed against one another's. The second was passionate and flooded with the feelings they both conveyed for each other. And the third...well, by the third kiss, Jim was guiding Spock to the bed, lips connecting the entire way, hands never once leaving each other. </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0056"><h2>56. A Couple 'A Gays Frenchin' In A Closet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim and Spock need to find a space to make out, unfortunately their space is taken.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Look, I'm really sorry guys, for not updating. It's been really tough for me to write what with my current mental state and scattered focus, especially with new issues that just came to light and I think it's best if I take a break for a week or two to just kind of relax and get my head in the game. But I didn't want to leave you with nothing, so I give you this little skit, some self-indulgent nonsense. </p><p>I would just like to say I will definitely be back, it's a promise, so please just stick out for me. Also also, this doesn't count as part of the 100 Spirk Shorts(obviously), okay love you all and see you soon! Just a side note, this might be more PG-13 than my usual chapter update, so if you're not into that kind of stuff, I'd skip this one!</p><p>l e t ' s  b o l d l y  g o  u  n e r d</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jim and Spock had talked about professional etiquette. They had had several discussions about their budding relationship that they hadn't disclosed to the crew or anyone for that matter. They couldn't, not three years into their mission and in deep space when anything could happen. The crew needed to depend on them and not expect the captain or the first officer to make choices that are influenced by their love life. It's what they needed. </p><p>Jim tried to reason this but his mouth was too occupied trying to completely cover Spock's as they wrestled in the turbolift, pushing and pulling at each other like a wild flame. They had been good little professional bois on the bridge, barely glancing at each other for <em>eight hours </em>and it was obvious this had been coming. It had been coming and Jim was so ready for it. He slid his hand into Spock's hair, loving how sleek and soft it felt between his fingers. </p><p>With such a sensation, Jim moaned into their kiss, which had gotten hot, messy, sloppy, and flooded with desire. Spock hummed against his mouth in response, probably weighing the logicality of breaking the kiss to breathe versus his need to worship the heat of Jim's mouth. The latter won and he continued to kiss Jim breathlessly, wrapping his firm hands around the captain's waist and pulling him toward him. Their bodies were flushed together when the turbo lift doors opened and that was when they finally pulled apart to breathe. </p><p>Luckily for them, there was no one in the corridor and they both rushed out, still clinging on to each other, kissing and touching and everything was right. </p><p>"We're not going to make it to our quarters," Jim huffed against Spock's lips, moving his hands down his chest. </p><p>"There is a janitorial closet here," Spock growled, actually growled, and Jim noted that maybe working an eight-hour shift when you're horny is maybe not the best idea maybe. With Spock's words, Jim felt all of his blood rush south. </p><p><em>"Where is that damn door,"</em> Jim was about two seconds from losing it, and thank god Spock pushed the door open--</p><p>It all happened in a few seconds. One millisecond Jim was about to blow his brains out with his sex drive, and the next he was gasping. Because the sight he saw was unbelievable. He wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it. </p><p>The closet was occupied by two people, and at first, Jim didn't recognize the blue shirt or the red one, didn't recognize his CMO pushed against the wall as his CEO moved his hands under his shirt. He didn't recognize his two friends and their lips clashing together, but then Bones gasped and looked Jim in the eyes and they both shrieked. </p><p>"Shit! Bones! Sorry!" Jim cursed, closing the door quickly and Spock simply followed him as the captain dashed down the hall as swiftly as possible. "Shitshitshitshitshit-" </p><p>When they finally reached their quarters, Jim sat on the corner of the bed, hands on his knees, just breathing and completely baffled. And then Kirk stood up, pacing around the room as Spock took a calm seat, all thoughts of their previous sexual engagements gone. </p><p>"Spock...oh my god....did you--you saw th-that in..in there-" </p><p> "It appears Doctor Mccoy has taken an interest in Montgomery Scott." </p><p>"But-but those! Those two! My god!" And then it hit Jim. "Oh Spock, he knows about us...he knows!" </p><p> </p><p><b>---------</b><b>THE NEXT DAY---------</b> </p><p> </p><p>Leonard entered the turbolift and let out a sigh when the doors closed. God, his life was ruined. Jim would never be able to look at him the same again. So yes, it didn't make much sense on paper. He and Montgomery. But love never really makes sense on paper. And he didn't know how it happened either. One minute, they were drinking buddies late into the nights, watching over the bridge crew like some surrogate parents. And then it just was more than that, and Leonard knew he wanted more than that. </p><p>They both knew they should've been careful when entering the janitor's closet, but it had been a long day for both and nothing else seemed to matter, despite the rules. And what was worse was that they weren't a necessarily new couple. </p><p>His mind was buzzing and he dreaded seeing the look on Jim's face, on Spock's face. </p><p>Goddamn, he was a nervous wreck. </p><p>Amongst all of these crazy, swirling thoughts, the turbolift opened and there was Jim standing in the hallway, and his eyes widened when he realized who was in the turbolift. </p><p>"Oh um, hey." </p><p>Leonard mumbled something along the lines of a greeting, tugging nervously at the cuff of his uniform sleeve and then the turbolift closed again and they were enveloped in silence. </p><p>After a few seconds, they both spoke at the same time. </p><p>"We should probably-" </p><p>"Look, Jim, I'm not surprised-" </p><p>They both stared at each other and finally, Leonard spoke. </p><p>"I'm not...I'm not surprised about you and Spock. It was bound to happen eventually. You two are like two peas in a pod." </p><p>"Oh," Jim let out a breath of relief. "And you don't mind...us?" </p><p>"Why would I? I'm not your dad," Leonard chuckled softly, but it dropped short when he realized what must be coming next. </p><p>"And you and Scotty? How long's that been going?" </p><p>"3 months." </p><p>Jim nearly dropped his PADD and gaped at Leonard. "Seriously?" </p><p>"Yep," Leonard popped the 'p', something he did when he was uncomfortable. </p><p>"That's...cool. As long as you're happy." Jim beamed at him and Leonard felt like he'd been hit with a wave of relief. </p><p>"Really?" </p><p>"Yep," Jim popped the 'p' with a mocking smile. "And Spock and I would appreciate if you kept this to yourselves." </p><p>"Yeah, yeah of course," Leonard nodded. "It would mean a lot if you and Spock kept our relationship to yourselves as well." </p><p>"Great." </p><p>"Great." </p><p>And then the door opened to the bridge and they both talked and bickered as if neither of them knew who they'd be going home to. </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This turned out to be way longer than I thought it would be, so hope you enjoyed and I want to thank you for all of your love! I'll see you guys soon!</p><p>PS. If there is are grammar/spelling errors, please know it's midnight where I am and I'm so tired 😴😴</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0057"><h2>57. Spock Has An Admirer(Valentine's Day Special)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock gets a Valentine's letter from a secret admirer.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys, I'm back! How're you doing, I feel like I never ask how you're doing--how are you? Listen, out there for those of you who are single, I'll be your platonic valentine. We can eat chocolate all day and watch stupid rom coms while cuddling on the couch, it'll be great! </p><p>Anyway, I wanted to thank you all so much for sticking around and waiting for me, it truly means a lot and I'm glad to be popping back into the world of Spirk! This is just a short little ficlet to ease my way back into K/S, but I hope you enjoy!</p><p>Okay, that's all, and I love you baguettes a lot! </p><p>xx B </p><p>OH. ALSO, The Frosty Cave Cuddles chapter will be out on Wednesday!</p><p>(AFTER WRITING) - Okay, jeesh this was a lot longer than I thought it would be, but yeah, what can I say, I'm fAbULouS</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> <span class="u">SPOCK            </span> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>It is very well known aboard the Enterprise that I am no fan of the Terran holiday, Valentine's Day. I see no point in allowing a specific day to dictate one's actions in an attempt to persuade them to spend money on their loved ones as a sign of their affection. </p><p> </p><p>It is an emotional holiday, one I would rather not participate in. </p><p> </p><p>It is no surprise when 180 roses are delivered to Nyota, attached to each stem is a reason why the person loves her. It is from Christine, who adores the holiday and has been talking about it for months. This is expected. </p><p> </p><p>It is also expected when Mister Sulu and Ensign Chekov exchange presents celebrating nearly a year of companionship with each other, something known widely by the entire crew. </p><p> </p><p>What is not expected is when Doctor Mccoy enters the bridge and a yeoman delivers to him a basket of different alcoholic beverages wrapped in ribbons and surrounded by chocolates. The doctor smiles to himself and he and the captain exchange a few words. </p><p> </p><p>Of all, the most shocking thing is passing Mister Scott in the hallway. He has petals in his hair and was wearing a pair of gloves on his person. Based on their appearance, I deduced they are heat-resistant engineering gloves made from a special type of light-weight metal not found on Earth. A present. </p><p> </p><p>As I stated, I feel no particular way about the holiday, but something unexplained aches at seeing the entire senior brass occupied with giving each other gifts and acting delusionally happy. </p><p> </p><p>It is...tiring, to say the least. </p><p> </p><p>A version of the events I just relayed unfolds every solar year. </p><p> </p><p>But this Valentine's day brought something entirely different, and even with all of my Vulcan training, I could have never prepared for this. </p><p> </p><p>I enter the bridge and instantly know there is something wrong. Everyone's eyes are on me, and as I walk to my station, Nyota is beaming. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, I think you've got an admirer." </p><p> </p><p>Before I have time to answer, my eyes fall upon the subject of everyone's true attention. </p><p> </p><p>There on my station is a white card decorated in intricate silver designs. It lays on top of a neatly wrapped package that matches the card. </p><p> </p><p>I glance back and notice everyone on the bridge is continuing to watch me, just as curious and intrigued as I am. </p><p> </p><p>I waste no time in reading the card. The handwriting seems extremely familiar. Small and slightly curly, and it reads: </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Dearest Spock, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>There are not enough words in this universe to describe my feelings for you, there never will be. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You are something else, you are...you're just amazing. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You're a star, a glowing light among the darkness and I would do anything to see you glow. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Please allow me to meet you(yes, the <strong>real</strong> you) at 20:00 tonight for a game of chess on observation deck 4. I look forward to challenging you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>xx Yours </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It would be a falsification if I claim I am not shocked. The person who wrote this card... It seems as if they know me. Naturally, I look around, searching for any sign that might give away the writer of this card. </p><p> </p><p>Everyone on the bridge is watching me, most smiling, some confused, and others excited. </p><p> </p><p>Finally, Miss Chapel, who is situated next to her partner speaks."Well?" </p><p> </p><p>"Well, what?" Is my answer.</p><p> </p><p>"Who's it from?" Mister Sulu chimes in, eyes gleaming with interest. </p><p> </p><p>"I...do not know." </p><p> </p><p>Murmurs spread through the bridge, but I am drawn toward the package on my station. I find I prefer the color silver as well as neutral colors, something this person knows considering it strays from the customary holiday colors(pink, red, and purple). </p><p> </p><p>I cautiously pull at the ribbon, expecting some kind of joke instead of an actual gift. When it appears nothing has happened, I unwrap the present, attempting to keep the wrapping paper intact. </p><p> </p><p>I did not know what I was expecting, but this is definitely not it. </p><p> </p><p>The gift is a large jar 40 centimeters in height and contains...sand. </p><p> </p><p>Vulcan sand. </p><p> </p><p>I would recognize it anywhere. </p><p> </p><p>Settled on the surface of the sand is a <em>mu-yor vaksur, </em>or Night Beauty in Standard English. This flower is violet with blue accents, very similar in physical appearance to the Terran water lily. Despite their similar physical appearances, these two flowers are nothing alike.</p><p> </p><p>The Night Beauty is a desert flower that thrives in Vulcan sand, blossoming in the winter seasons. It only needs approximately 20 inches of rain in a year. I have not seen one in years and will most likely not see any other flower in my lifetime, especially after the destruction of Vulcan. </p><p> </p><p>But most importantly, the <em>mu-yor vaksur</em> is my mother's favorite flower.  </p><p> </p><p>I have told no one this information. </p><p> </p><p>Two of my fingers graze the jar in wonder, and the world around me dissolves into nothing but pure white. </p><p> </p><p>My mother used to grow these exact colored flowers in our estate near Shi'Kahr. She really loved those flowers, she loved them so much-</p><p> </p><p>"What is it?" Nyota's nose crinkles in curiosity and I clear my throat roughly. </p><p> </p><p>"It is a flower originally from Vulcan. No doubt, this was...extremely expensive and difficult to achieve." </p><p> </p><p>There is a sea of "oohs" and "ahs" but I am too distracted by the plant in the jar. </p><p> </p><p>For the rest of the shift, I attempt to focus on my work, but it is ineffective. </p><p> </p><p>My attention has been caught. </p><p> </p><p>Whoever wrote this letter and presented this gift is someone who knows me better than I know myself, and careful enough to think about the minor details such as colors and writing. </p><p> </p><p>For once, my heart beats rather loudly in my chest and I am (despite my Vulcan heritage) undoubtedly excited. </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>-------------</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There are still 10.31 minutes until 20:00, but I can no longer wait. </p><p> </p><p>I admit I am apprehensive, but it would be illogical not to be. This person clearly knows me arguably better than I know myself and I have several questions, questions itching to be answered. </p><p> </p><p>As I walk down the hall, several crew members smile at me and wish me luck, meaning this is not just a big deal for me but news for the Enterprise crew as well. </p><p> </p><p>I am wearing dark green robes, picked out by Nyota who claims "they match my complexion". </p><p> </p><p>When I finally arrive to Observation Deck 4, the room is empty surprisingly. But something catches my eyes. </p><p> </p><p>Near the viewscreen wall is a table fully set with a 3D chess set as well as an orange candle that glows in the darkness. </p><p> </p><p>I sweep across the room in a matter of seconds, and my fingers trace the lovely glass pieces. This set is familiar, very familiar- </p><p> </p><p>"Black or white?" </p><p> </p><p>My heart stutters at the abrupt voice and I whirl around to meet the vibrant cerulean blue eyes of the- </p><p> </p><p>"Captain? How may I be of assistance?" </p><p> </p><p>"I...uh-" He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, and I suddenly take in his appearance. He is not in uniform but dressed in a white t-shirt under a leather jacket and dark jeans. </p><p> </p><p>The chess pieces. The outfit. Him. This registers in my brain and it finally hits me. "It is you." </p><p> </p><p>"It's me. Surprised?" </p><p> </p><p>The first thing that comes to my mind is pain. This is not real. This is, "a joke." </p><p> </p><p>"What?" </p><p> </p><p>"This is a joke, a prank." I let out a sigh, trying to conceal how hurt I am by what Jim has done. "Though I do not find it humorous." </p><p> </p><p>The captain falters at this. "What? NO! Oh no, god no! Spock, I would never-" </p><p> </p><p>"I must admit I do not understand the foundations of Terran trickery." </p><p> </p><p>The captain is across the room in front of me in seconds. "Spock, no! This is not a joke! I would never do that to you!" </p><p> </p><p>Now I am perplexed. "You wrote that letter?" </p><p> </p><p>"Yep." He pops the 'p'. </p><p> </p><p>"And you purchased that flower?" </p><p> </p><p>"Yes." </p><p> </p><p>"Your feelings. They are genuine?" </p><p> </p><p>The captain smiles. "Yes, of course. Look, I was-um- so nervous to do this. I like you a lot Spock. So much. I didn't want to mess this up. I've kind of been planning this forever and to be honest, I'm really nervous because I want to do this right. I want to do right by you and-" </p><p> </p><p>"Jim." </p><p> </p><p>When he looks into my eyes, I realize how close we are, but it hardly matters. His eyes are so blue, it seems as if I've never really looked at them before. </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah?" </p><p> </p><p>"Cease talking." </p><p> </p><p>Before either of us know what we are doing, we are leaning in. His hand finds mine and I intertwine our fingers. </p><p> </p><p>Our foreheads touch. </p><p> </p><p>Our noses. </p><p> </p><p>Our lips connect. </p><p> </p><p>His are soft and warm, full. The first kiss is slightly awkward, unknowing, unsure. But the second kiss is slow, passionate and the emotions that pass through our contact is nearly overwhelming. </p><p> </p><p>After a moment, we break apart, still holding each other close. </p><p> </p><p>I am the first one to speak, still breathless. "It is a wonder we did not do this sooner." </p><p> </p><p>Jim chuckles warmly against my lips. "Yeah, god, we were just kids." </p><p> </p><p>A smile presses against the corners of my mouth. "We did not know anything. How did you know about the Night Beauty?" </p><p> </p><p>"Well," Jim sighs, "I did my research. And your father was a really big help." </p><p> </p><p>My father. </p><p> </p><p>"I see. I did not expect that." </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, he was surprisingly helpful. Do you...do you want to play?" </p><p> </p><p>Jim truly looks astounding against the starlight and it makes me wonder what would have happened if Valentine's day had never existed. Would we continue to contain our feelings for each other? Would we ever have found each other? Instead of thinking on these questions more, I forced them into the back of my mind and focus on the <em>now</em>, and the <em>now</em> is that the captain- Jim- is in front of me, eyes glimmering, glowing. </p><p> </p><p>Yes, Jim, you glow. </p><p> </p><p>"I would love to." </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0058"><h2>58. Frosty Cave Cuddles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The cold never bothered them anyway. Just kidding. It really bothered them.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jim couldn't believe this was happening.</p><p> </p><p>His heart was beating so harshly against his rib cage, he was sure it would tear through his skin. Spock was so close, he was so close! His Vulcan first officer was shivering violently with his bareback pressed against Jim's bare chest. The captain had dreamed...no, fantasized about this for far longer than he would like to admit.</p><p> </p><p>They were two years into their five-year mission and over the course of those years, Jim and Spock had gotten extremely close. </p><p> </p><p>From the first day that they set off on their five-year mission, Jim was enchanted by his first officer, and weeks of wanting and desire constantly built up as those weeks turned into months. They hardly spoke outside of professional settings, even though their jobs demanded trust, loyalty, and respect, something deeper than a professional relationship. Of course, Jim had been flirting with Spock since the literal moment they met, and of course, Spock would make a scientific shutdown or answer it with the driest, most literal sense of humor that usually made Jim laugh. The blond had chalked it up to the fact that Spock was half Vulcan and was either not understanding his flirtations or blatantly disregarding it. For Jim's sake, he hoped it was the former. </p><p> </p><p>There were many misconceptions about the captain that had floated from his academy days, things that were no longer true and even now, a year and a half into their mission when he had convinced most of them he was actually a pretty decent guy, he was finding rumors about him spread. The most common misconception was that he was a player, that he was a womanizer, some scoundrel. And though at the academy that was somewhat true, he knew he needed his crew to respect him and he needed to respect them, so his sleeping habits ended as soon as he was given the rank of captain. Even then, he would be wracked with guilt being sexually involved with someone of lower rank and that kind of power dynamic(at least to him) in the bedroom was not a good idea, especially when you're stuck with the same people in the middle of nowhere. </p><p> </p><p>But then there was Spock, this perfect alien with his quirked eyebrow and inquiries, his curiosity of the world around him, his dry sense of humor, his logic, and the way he held himself. He looked positively angelic with the vague verdant glow that shimmered across his skin, and his hair, the sleek color of ebony that Jim unbelievably desired to run his hands through. </p><p> </p><p>Yes, Spock was beautiful inside and out, like a shining star, the epitome of the unknown, the undiscovered country. Not that Jim wanted to conquer him, yes he did want to conquer him but not conquer him. He wanted to cherish him and worship him like he should be worshipped, loving every part of him. Jim pictured himself getting old and chubby with Spock as they stumbled around their shared apartment in San Francisco,  waking up to that beautiful face every day, giving him a chaste kiss before pulling him closer...</p><p> </p><p>To be frank, Jim was in love with the one person in the entire universe who was off-limits. </p><p> </p><p>Yeah, so he was <em>madly</em> in love with his first officer. Great. If Starfleet wouldn't chew him up, Bones surely would. And then there was the irrefutable evidence that Spock was probably along the lines of asexual, and even if he wasn't, EVEN then, it probably wasn't logical to be gay, so there's that. </p><p> </p><p>How did they end up cuddling together, more than half-naked in a cave, stranded and alone? </p><p> </p><p>They were on a scientific mission on a strange new planet made of ice, searching for a rare flower that was rumored to have phenomenal medicinal properties. They needed this flower at the request of the Halilians, an alien race that Starfleet had been trying to create diplomatic ties with for an entire decade, so they could prove their friendship by retrieving this rare flower. </p><p> </p><p>Spock practically insisted he go, buzzing with (Vulcan)excitement. Sure, his face was stone-like and unrevealing, but Jim could tell he was excited to go on a dangerous quest in pursuit of science. Of course, Jim was going to accompany him, along with five redshirts because the flower was supposed to be in the high caves of the tallest mountains, as the story goes. </p><p> </p><p>This mission went as well as any mission involving danger and Jim went. </p><p> </p><p>Oh. Sorry. It went terribly. </p><p> </p><p>They beamed down to the planet and it was freezing, -30 degrees celsius, but they were prepared for this, wearing special military-grade suits that held off the cold, and they worked. Jim felt kind of hot and sweaty in them actually, and Spock seemed content, despite the harsh wind and biting snow that came down on them. The suits were also supposed to be water-proof. Supposed to be. </p><p> </p><p>They made their way across the frozen tundra, following Spock like a line of ducks, holding onto each other because you could see about a foot and a half in front of you before the world was lost in a sea of white. </p><p> </p><p>Then there was a howl.</p><p> </p><p>A blood-curdling howl that twisted Jim's stomach, as well as the rest of the landing party based on the way everyone froze in place. Finally, the captain put his hand on Spock's shoulder and yelled(because the wind was so wild), "SPOCK? WHAT WAS THAT?" </p><p> </p><p>"CAPTAIN, THAT WAS A SMILODON PANTHERA URSIDAE." </p><p> </p><p>"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?" </p><p> </p><p>"IT MEANS WE RUN." </p><p> </p><p>And then they were running, running as far away from the sound as fast as possible, which was not fast at all. </p><p> </p><p>There was a scream and Jim turned his head to see the last redshirt pulled from the group and disappearing in the white storm. It propelled the rest of them to move even faster, but then golden threads wrapped around the two redshirts and they were gone, leaving Jim and Spock, who expected to be beamed up next but it never came. </p><p> </p><p>Jim's legs were so sore from running through the snow that he was lagging and for a minute, he thought he truly was going to die, but then he felt himself being lifted up. Suddenly, he was on Spock's back, carried piggy-back style, and <em>somehow</em> they were moving faster than before. </p><p> </p><p>He could hear it, the smiley ursa thing coming so close. What were they going to do? There was no way out of this, no escape- </p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, the howling stopped and it was quiet(excusing the ear-shattering wind). Jim allowed himself the largest sigh of relief, barely wiping the grin from his face.</p><p> </p><p>"YEAH, SPOCK! TEAMWORK!" </p><p> </p><p>But it faltered as soon as he saw the look on his first officer's.</p><p> </p><p>Jim looked down and realized where they were standing and it suddenly made a lot of sense why the panthera ursula stopped chasing them. </p><p> </p><p>They were standing in the middle of a frozen lake, and the sound of ice cracking was not a good sign. </p><p> </p><p>"SPOCK-" </p><p> </p><p>Jim was flung into the air, landing in the snow, and when he looked toward the lake, there was no Vulcan. </p><p> </p><p>"SPOCK?" </p><p> </p><p>An arm reached up and Jim's heart twisted when he finally saw the hole in the lake where Spock had fallen in. He ran to him instantly, sliding on the icy like butter in a pan, overwhelmed with panic. </p><p> </p><p>Spock was going to drown. Spock was going to drown. </p><p> </p><p>"SPOCK, TAKE MY HAND!" When Spock's hand shot out of the water again in alarm, Jim grabbed it and pulled with all of his strength and might, <em>pulled</em>. </p><p> </p><p>"SPOCK, I'VE GOT YOU!" </p><p> </p><p>He pulled Spock out of the water and the Vulcan landed next to him on the ice, breathing heavily as he coughed up water. </p><p> </p><p>"WE'VE GOT TO GET OFF THE ICE!" </p><p> </p><p>So that's the awfully told story of how Spock nearly drowned saving Jim's life and that's how we got this point here. Spock could barely move as Jim shuffled him into the nearest cave trying to keep him warm and out of the cold. The cave was pretty deep and fairly quiet in concerns to the loud roar of the increasingly bad storm. The captain regretted leaving him to go find wood(there were many versions of trees similar to Terran Pine Trees) and he snapped branches, gathered anything flammable as quickly as possible so he could return to Spock. </p><p> </p><p>When he returned, he wished he hadn't left. </p><p> </p><p>Spock was huddled against the cave wall, soaking wet(props to the guys who made "waterproof" suits) and rocking back and forth, trying to find any sort of heat. Jim started a fire as soon as possible with his phaser and got to work on the next most important thing: getting Spock out of those clothes. </p><p> </p><p>The Vulcan gave little resistance as Jim started slowly peeling off the layers of wet material and trying not to feel the bright burn on his face. Poor Spock was like a limp noodle, a shivering limp noodle. It was like his entire system short-circuited and shut down. It took Jim three minutes of asking Spock if "it was okay to remove his clothes" before Spock gave the tiniest nod. </p><p> </p><p>Jim stripped him down and laid his clothes out to dry. Spock's skin was so green from the cold, and when Jim stripped him down to his boxers, he hardly blinked as if he was lost inside of his own mind, too cold to function. Spock was trembling like a newborn sehlat and then, Jim knew what he had to do, but god, if this wasn't the worst timing to get nearly naked and cuddle- </p><p> </p><p>The captain stripped himself of his clothes, down to his boxers as well, and pulled Spock to him. <em>This is a stupid idea, this is a stupid idea, no in fact this is the stupidest idea you've had yet. </em></p><p> </p><p>There was an argument in his head, a true turmoil that clashed in his mind like ink and water. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>As soon as he's coherent, he'll have you reported for harassment and you'll be court-martialed at <strong>best</strong>. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He needs skin-to-skin contact to stay alive. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Your life as you know it will be over! Your friendship, your captaincy, The Enterprise, exploring! All gone!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>All of it would be worth it for the life of my friend, damn the consequences! Spock comes first and he will always come first- </em>
</p><p> </p><p>But Jim didn't need to make that decision. As if Spock could read his mind, the Vulcan carefully wrapped his arms around the captain and shivered when their skin touched. Jim almost gasped out loud.</p><p> </p><p>Spock was so cold!</p><p> </p><p>This couldn't be easy for him, all of this skin-to-skin contact and being so needing for warmth. Jim pulled him closer, his breath hitching in his throat as he laid them down in a patch of material resembling hay and dried grass. Better than the ground. </p><p> </p><p>The blond grabbed his jacket and zipped them both in it, drawing them impossibly closer. He could hear Spock's quick breaths, his trembling and teeth chattering, as much as he tried to control it. He was so so cold, and it made Jim realize he was like a boiling volcano compared to him. It made sense, considering Jim had been told on many accounts he was a hot-blooded creature, but with such a contrast, it was like he could feel how warm he was to Spock. </p><p> </p><p>Spock's legs intertwined with his, needing and wanting more warmth and Jim tried to not let his guilt consume him. </p><p> </p><p>Spock probably just wanted to be warm and stay alive, but Jim was taking advantage of the fact that they were pressed against each other like this and he knew that there was no possible way Spock could feel anything other than friendship for him. Spock was a Vulcan, trained in the discipline of the planet and their culture which allowed no emotions, including love. </p><p> </p><p>But Jim knew that was a lie, that he was lying to himself because it was easier. Easier to think Spock had no emotions than he did have emotions and just wasn't capable of loving Jim. He had seen the emotions, ever so subtle as they were. In his stride, in his voice, in the light behind his eyes, the arching of his eyebrows, the twist in his features when Jim did something stupid that Spock had previously warned about, the way his eyes glimmered to show that he was happy despite not a muscle changing in his face, his command, his hands folded perfectly behind his back, his breathing, the way Spock looked at Jim when he was secretly proud of him. These were all things Jim had become acutely tuned in to, and even just the slightest movement from Spock had become some kind of indication of what he was feeling, despite how much Spock claimed otherwise. </p><p> </p><p>Oh yes, and that. </p><p> </p><p>Spock claimed he was as tightly locked as a bank vault, and most people believed him, but if you knew him and took the time to know him, you would see things that blatantly pointed in the opposite direction. It was like looking at a pair of twins. At first, you think they're the same and you can't tell the difference between them, but eventually, you start noticing little mannerisms and things that characterize them until it's glaringly obvious who is who and 'how could anyone ever mix them up they're totally different'. </p><p> </p><p>Jim wanted to love Spock so much. He wanted to wrap his arms around him and hold him until the wounds and gashes that were left by other people healed and faded. He wanted to love Spock in every which way and be joined in every manner. He wanted to wake up and fall asleep to that beautiful face and grow old with those warm brown eyes glimmering at him, with that soft but very present smile he only showed when he thought no one could see.</p><p> </p><p>Jim wanted it all. </p><p> </p><p>But wanting is not so great a thing as having. </p><p> </p><p>And Jim wanted Spock so much it practically hurt.</p><p> </p><p>But Spock did not love him, which would've been true if Jim had just plucked up the courage and asked him to dinner already, but it was because Jim knew the answer that stopped him from moving forward. He didn't want what they already had to end just because he was being selfish, greedy, and wanting, always wanting-</p><p> </p><p>"You are mistaken." </p><p> </p><p>Spock's voice amongst the silence nearly made him jump in surprise. "Spock," Jim huffed, overwhelmed with relief to hear his voice. "Are you okay? How are you holding up?" </p><p> </p><p>"I am returning back to a comfortable body temperature." </p><p> </p><p>"That's good. Very good. You had me worried there for a second." Jim allowed a smile to move across his features for what felt like the first time in too long. "I thought I was about to lose my best first officer. What would I do without you Spock?" </p><p> </p><p>"You are mistaken," Spock repeated more firmly this time. </p><p> </p><p>"No, I think you're a pretty damn good commander-" </p><p> </p><p>"Jim," Spock suddenly flipped them so he was laying on top of Jim, searching his eyes for an answer. "You have been operating under a pretense for too long. I cannot bear to see you suffer any longer." </p><p> </p><p>Now Jim was totally lost, but not lost on the idea that his first officer was laying on top of him right now. A flush darkened his features. "What are you talking about?" </p><p> </p><p>"You are infatuated by me, yes?" </p><p> </p><p>Jim swallowed harshly. Infatuated was hardly the tip of the iceberg. "How did you-?" </p><p> </p><p>The cold realization hit him like that one time he faceplanted straight into a block of ice. Touch telepathy.</p><p> </p><p>How could Jim possibly forget? </p><p> </p><p>"You are aware of my abilities as a Vulcan." A faint verdant coloring shined against Spock's cheeks. </p><p> </p><p>When Jim didn't answer, frozen in place, he continued. </p><p> </p><p>"Your feelings, are they true?" </p><p> </p><p>"You've felt them, Spock. You know they are." </p><p> </p><p>He nodded once. "You believe that your feelings for me are unrequited-" </p><p> </p><p>Oh here it comes, the bomb. The destruction. All this passion is going to be blown away by this rejection. Jim braced himself for the inevitable impact. </p><p> </p><p>"-though this is not true." </p><p> </p><p>Jim blinked. "What?" </p><p> </p><p>"I-" The green shade on his face grew darker. "I just explained that-" </p><p> </p><p>"Wait. wait, wait. You. Like me?" </p><p> </p><p>"I do." </p><p> </p><p>"Like, like like me?" </p><p> </p><p>"I do not understand what the point in repeating myself offers." </p><p> </p><p>"Well I'm just trying to understand if you-" </p><p> </p><p>Jim was cut off by the striking heat of Spock's lips on his. They were soft and warm and everything. All of the emotions Jim was feeling collided with Spock's and the world seemed to right itself. Jim could lose himself in the sweet sensation of Spock's mouth. He tasted like raspberries and light. </p><p> </p><p>When they finally broke away, Jim was smiling so hard it was starting to hurt. During the kiss, he'd intertwined his fingers in the Vulcan's hair, leaving it disheveled and absolutely adorable. </p><p> </p><p>"I have wanted to do that for far too long," Spock whispered, his voice raw and genuine, so beautiful. </p><p> </p><p>"Me too," Jim huffed before pulling him down into another kiss. For about two wonderful seconds, it was ecstasy. </p><p> </p><p>And then. </p><p> </p><p>"WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE CAVE OF TWO LOVERS." </p><p> </p><p>Both men jumped to see Bones standing in the opening of the cave, hands on his hips, and ready to stab a bitch. </p><p> </p><p>"Hi Bones!" Jim waved.</p><p> </p><p>"Doctor," Spock nodded, carefully trying to conceal his body against Jim's. </p><p> </p><p>"You two are so infuriating! Put on your damn clothes so we can beam out of this godforsaken nightmare!" </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I will never stop making A:TLA jokes. </p><p>Ever.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0059"><h2>59. Jim Is Away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>When Jim has to go away to a series of Admiral's meetings for three weeks where he can't call Spock, Spock is left alone and desperately missing his husband. This is just a short chapter, but hope you enjoy!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey guys, I just want to apologize for not updating sooner. </p><p>Some things came up, my brother got sent to the ER yesterday and he's in the hospital waiting for surgery so yeah, if my update schedule is a little wonky, please forgive me. Like and leave a comment if you enjoyed, thanks guys</p><p>xx B</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Spock was about done with existing right now.</p><p> </p><p>He was completely bored. He cleaned the apartment four times, folded laundry, read all of the newest science magazines, there was nothing new to watch. This was all to distract him from the true, glaring problem: Jim was gone for three weeks.</p><p> </p><p>For three weeks, Spock had to endure solitude in the apartment without his beloved and it was torturous. It had gotten to the point where one day he sat in a chair across from the tv stand for hours just waiting for the dust to land so he could dust it clean again. Of course, Spock would never admit how much Jim's absence affected him and even before he left and Jim was packing, he denied even missing his love.</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>"Spock," Jim smiled and zipped up his suitcase in one effortless motion. "Just admit you're going to miss me." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"I will not," Spock was meditating in the corner with only the light of orange candles illuminating his features. "It is only 21 days, not an eternity." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"It will feel like it soon enough," Jim whispered into his hair, giving him a kiss. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Little did either of them know that Jim would be more right than he ever would be in his life. </p><p> </p><p>So here Spock was, completely and utterly denying the fact that he wanted his husband so badly it almost physically hurt. It felt as if someone was squeezing his chest and he could not fill his lungs full of air.</p><p> </p><p>He could admit that the first two weeks(more accurately, 11 days) had been somewhat pleasurable. </p><p> </p><p>As an introverted person, it was easy to spend his days without any human interaction and progress his works and reports. It was easy to enjoy quiet mornings overlooking the city of San Francisco from their bay window, sipping tea. </p><p> </p><p>But sleeping in a half-empty bed became almost a hindrance because he so often sought the warmth that radiated off of his husband and longed to feel the soft, round curves of his body. Over the years, both had changed in many ways, grown all the wiser and all the older. </p><p> </p><p>Jim had softened, grown rounder, especially in the middle. Spock remembered the first time Jim noticed he wasn't fitting into his regulation pants and the little sigh he let out. As a human, he was self-conscious about his always-changing body, but Spock quickly remedied that by making sure Jim knew how much he loved him, no matter what, and how(though he'd never admit it) Spock loved Jim's body even more than he already did, loved feeling what Jim called 'love handles'. </p><p> </p><p>Jim's hair also grew drastically darker compared to his caramel hair color when they had just embarked on their five-year mission, and now it was a deep chocolatey brown, a beautiful mop of hair that Spock absolutely adored. There was not one thing he didn't adore about his bondmate, his <em>adun,</em> and he made it known(privately--Spock was not one to announce his feelings to the whole world). </p><p> </p><p>Their bond was as strong as ever, and sometimes at night, even though Jim was millions of miles away, he'd call out through their bond and Jim would call his name back. It was hard to maintain contact with him because of where he was traveling and the meetings he was attending allowed no devices of any kind, so they hadn't really talked(outside of the occasional 'I love you' sent through the bond) in all of the time he'd been gone. </p><p> </p><p>Guilt was eating Spock up. </p><p> </p><p>He'd been sleeping on the couch because it had become unbearable to sleep in their bed, a bed made for two and not one. He was extremely tired after pulling two all-nighters( over 50 hours of not sleeping) in a row looking over reports and strange new scientific phenomenons discovered out in deep space. Of course, the all-nighters were an accident, and he simply forgot to take the time to rest, something Jim always reminded him of. </p><p> </p><p>Here he was, laying on the couch, trying to sleep and finding that he couldn't. He desired Jim. His presence. His arms wrapped around him. With this in mind, he stood up and went to the bedroom, opening the closet and pulling out one of Jim's old sweatshirts, pressing the fabric to his nose. </p><p> </p><p>Instantly he was overtaken by a wave of euphoria. This scent, Jim's scent was something else entirely, an otherworldly experience. The sweatshirt smelled like pine and rosemary, like autumn leaves scraping against trees in the wind, like the soft dew that clung to the overgrown grass, like the waves that crashed against the jagged cliffs. </p><p> </p><p>Without a second thought, he put the sweatshirt on over his undershirt. He wasn't wearing many articles of clothing, not even the usual Vulcan robes. Today he'd chosen something more Terran. </p><p> </p><p>Besides the sweatshirt, he was just wearing boxer shorts and long white socks(his feet got really cold against the authentic hardwood floors). </p><p> </p><p>For a second, he could convince himself that he was hugging Jim, but then the moment passed and he realized just wearing his sweatshirt would not be enough. </p><p> </p><p>Situated on the couch, he turned on the holoscreen and connected it to his PADD before playing Jim's recorded Captain's logs. Hearing Jim's voice through the speakers sent chills down his spine and the anxiety of sleeping alone lessened. </p><p> </p><p>He laid back down, clutching a gigantic pillow(that he totally did not bring here to cuddle against as a substitute husband), and rubbed his nose against the inside of the sweatshirt, inhaling Jim. </p><p> </p><p>His eyes began to feel heavy and he drifted to sleep, convincing himself(however illogical it may be) that Jim's arms were wrapped around him, whispering soft endearments in his ear like he always did when Spock had trouble sleeping. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Spock felt warm, so warm, and<em> loved</em>. He was laying on top of something radiating heat, and hands were wrapped around his back, pulling him close. His head was resting on something soft, and there was the distant thrumming of something far off...a heartbeat. </p><p> </p><p>He couldn't believe it. He'd actually convinced himself that Jim was here in their apartment, holding him as he slept. Spock was definitely surprised, considering he'd never really had an extensive imagination. He stuck to facts and logic, but this was definitely a dream. </p><p> </p><p>Even if it was, Spock concluded, he wished he could stay here until Jim could actually come back. </p><p> </p><p>And he indulged it, because it was just a dream. </p><p> </p><p>Spock nuzzled Imaginary Jim's chest, once again shocked at how real it felt, how soft it seemed under his touch. </p><p> </p><p>He made a noise of astonishment when a hand carded through his hair and the word slipped out before he could stop himself. "Jim..." </p><p> </p><p>Still, he didn't open his eyes, afraid it would all disappear, this imaginary <em>magic</em>, and continued to nuzzle Imaginary Jim's chest in gratitude to the wonderful feeling of a hand playing with his hair. </p><p> </p><p>His mouth opens despite it all whispering as if Jim was really there,</p><p> </p><p>"Jim, <em>ashayam, ashal-veh, taluhk...k'diwa, t'nash-veh, tal-kam....t'nash-veh ug'yel-ha'gel...t'nash-veh yel..."</em></p><p> </p><p>They were merely mumbled words, but Spock meant every word.</p><p> </p><p>If only Jim could see him now. Clutching a pillow and uttering absolute nonsense. He would laugh, and Spock wouldn't even mind if just to watch the light in his eyes twinkle. </p><p> </p><p>"You think my eyes twinkle?" </p><p> </p><p>Now, there's no way Spock could've imagined that. Jim's soft morning voice and how it vibrated in his rib cage.</p><p> </p><p>Spock's eyes shot open and sure enough, there was Jim and sure enough, Spock was laying on top of him, their legs intertwined. </p><p> </p><p>"Sleep well, darling?" </p><p> </p><p>There was no underlying emotion in that question, just pure joy. He was completely speechless, and if the furious heat that stung against his cheeks told him anything, he was also embarrassed. Because here Jim was and oh no-- </p><p> </p><p>"You-" Spock's lips twitched as his brain was still recovering from the surprise of it all "-You are back?" </p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, they let me leave a few days early. I told them I had urgent business to attend to." Jim was smiling so hard it looked almost painful. "Did you miss me?" </p><p> </p><p>"I-" Spock choked on any words he had planned because then Jim pulled Spock up toward him and kissed him with as much passion as their first kiss after an electrifying game of chess. </p><p> </p><p>When they broke the kiss after a moment Spock blinked, circuits fried and searching for a response. Instead of speaking, he kissed Jim once more, just to make sure this was all real. </p><p> </p><p>Jim grinned against his lips, murmuring, "I guess that's a yes." </p><p> </p><p>"Jim," Spock whispered in response, staring into those beautiful blue eyes that shimmered and seemed to light up the world. A faint verdant blush returned to his face as he remembered the state Jim must have found him in, laying on the couch holding a pillow. Despite his emotional control, embarrassment burned through the bond. </p><p> </p><p>Jim only tutted softly, returning his fingers to Spock's hair. "There's nothing better than coming home to you, Spock. God, I missed you so much. And..and to find you here on the couch in one of my old sweatshirts was just...it was-" He planted a gentle kiss on Spock's nose. "-just perfect. You're perfect." </p><p> </p><p>Spock started to sit up but Jim gently kept him in place. </p><p> </p><p>"Let's just stay here a little longer, alright?" </p><p> </p><p>Spock nodded once, barely containing the joy of seeing and being united with his bondmate once more.</p><p> </p><p>He readjusted on his husband's chest and closed his eyes, soon falling into a warm and wonderful sleep with the sensation of loving hands carefully petting his hair. </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0060"><h2>60. The Words of the Wild and Weak</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock loves Jim and he believes his feelings are unrequited. *From Spock's POV*</p><p> </p><p>Written in verse BECAUSE I CAN<br/>(ngl I'm just trying to get better at writing terrible poetry and expand my writing)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>There are words one cannot say aloud</p><p>they are too painful </p><p>and too dangerous </p><p>to be heard </p><p> </p><p>And I know you want to hear </p><p>them </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>                                                                                       but you never will. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>You hold me so high that sometimes</p><p>I can      f e e l </p><p>the starlight through my fingers </p><p> </p><p>You hold me so high in your mind</p><p>but it is all lies,</p><p>hidden behind a thin veil </p><p>woven from </p><p>lies I tell myself. </p><p> </p><p>1) I am Vulcan. </p><p> </p><p>2) I am a good first officer. </p><p> </p><p>3) I am a good friend. </p><p> </p><p>Lies that we both know are superficial </p><p> </p><p>n i c e t i e s </p><p> </p><p>Because the truth is too painful </p><p>the truth is too dangerous </p><p>to be heard. </p><p> </p><p>Your smile is torture</p><p>When you look at me with those </p><p>crystal blossoming irises, </p><p> </p><p>my heart swells </p><p> </p><p>                                                           but then twists </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>because you will never be mine. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>                                                                                                   you never were. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Your hair is the color of honey</p><p>smooth and rich </p><p>similar to the substance I put in my tea</p><p> </p><p>I know you are disappointed, always disappointed</p><p>because I can never be </p><p>what you want me to be </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>human. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>But I am not Vulcan either </p><p>which seems to define my very existence</p><p>to be one or the other</p><p> </p><p>                                                                     there is no in between</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Unlike a proper Vulcan, my eyes</p><p>they find yours across the bridge</p><p>and I let myself stare </p><p>because this is all I have</p><p>prolonged glances and a distance between us I will </p><p> </p><p>never </p><p>be </p><p>able</p><p>to close. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There are times when I want to scream </p><p>and cry and beg for </p><p>you </p><p>to take my hand and then tell me everything</p><p>is going to be okay </p><p>and then, maybe, I will actually </p><p>believe that it could be. </p><p> </p><p>There are times when the water rises and </p><p>my world is drowning</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I am drowning</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>and I pray with all of my soul that you will pull me from </p><p>the deep oceans of my mind</p><p>that you will wrench me out of the</p><p> </p><p>SUFFOCATING <strong>darkness </strong></p><p> </p><p>and hold me in your arms </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>                                                                                                               but you never do. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>and I wake up alone </p><p>g a s p i n g</p><p>for breath and frantically thrashing against the </p><p>sea of sheets, lost in the darkness </p><p>that consumes me </p><p> </p><p>It has gotten more difficult </p><p>to be around you </p><p>to be in your presence</p><p>without exploding into a million </p><p>J       G         E    </p><p>  A         G             D</p><p>pieces because the pressure is so much. </p><p> </p><p>Every second is a test of my endurance</p><p>                                                                                   how long can I survive with these unsaid words impaling my soul? </p><p> </p><p>It hurts to breathe </p><p>every breath is like tearing open a stitch in my heart</p><p>a new wound that is constantly </p><p>burning </p><p>inside me </p><p> </p><p>I cannot stand to be alone with you </p><p>It hurts me and I know it hurts you</p><p>                                                       to see me in pain</p><p>because even though I try to hide </p><p>it, </p><p>you know just as well as I do </p><p>it is there </p><p> </p><p>But you do not why it is there or</p><p>what is causing it</p><p> </p><p>If I told you, you would want to cry</p><p>your face would contort </p><p>like a pretzel </p><p>and you would try to act tough </p><p>like it did not                                                    hurt you <strike>like it hurts me </strike></p><p> </p><p>to know </p><p> </p><p>how deeply I care for you </p><p> </p><p>It is like a disease, a plague</p><p>I should soon expect to vomit flowers </p><p>into the toilet, </p><p>feel them wrap around my lungs, </p><p>squeeze the air from them </p><p>until</p><p>I ceased vomiting flowers</p><p> </p><p>It would be less painful than the anguish</p><p>you put me through with one stare </p><p>every day </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I am aware you know "something is up" </p><p>I have been avoiding </p><p>you</p><p>for 32.87 days</p><p> </p><p>I cannot do it Jim</p><p>I cannot be around you when I am like </p><p>this</p><p>When I am in love with you </p><p>which is always</p><p> </p><p>I know you do not feel the same</p><p>"Flirting" is not real</p><p>It is human nature </p><p>You do it quite often </p><p> </p><p>with everyone</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>and I am jealous</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I want to make it stop </p><p>Please, Jim                                                                                                                     H E L P  M E  M A K E  I T  S T O P </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>please, Jim. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>help me </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>                                </p><p> </p><p>                                                                                                                                      before the flowers do </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I live in an ultimate curse</p><p> </p><p>always beside you but never with you </p><p> </p><p>                                                               just a few paces away but worlds apart </p><p> </p><p>                                                                                                                               good friends but also strangers</p><p> </p><p>And I know you see me as </p><p>your confidant </p><p>always there for you </p><p>and </p><p> </p><p>despite how much it</p><p>H U R T S </p><p>I will always be at your side</p><p>as if I have always </p><p>been </p><p>and always will be </p><p> </p><p>I will not tell you how much it</p><p>H U R T S </p><p>because you do not deserve to hurt</p><p>like I do </p><p>you do not deserve to suffer</p><p>like I do</p><p> </p><p>so </p><p>you </p><p>will </p><p>never know</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I will nod and be at your side</p><p>like I always am </p><p>forever</p><p>and you will be happy </p><p>which is all that matters </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>                   </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>                                                                                                                                                                                                       even if I am not </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There are words one cannot say aloud</p><p>they are too painful </p><p>and too dangerous </p><p>to be heard </p><p> </p><p>And I want you to hear them </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Captain. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jim. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>T'hy'la. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I love you. </p><p> </p><p>                 I love you. </p><p> </p><p>                                    I love you. </p><p> </p><p>                                                        I love you. </p><p> </p><p>                                                                            I love you. </p><p> </p><p>                                                                                                 I love you. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>                                                                                                          <em>             I love you. </em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I cannot live with you Jim </p><p>nor can I survive without you. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Yours, forever and undoubtedly, </p><p> </p><p>𝓢𝓹𝓸𝓬𝓴</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0061"><h2>61. Sweet Nothings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is a Birthday Special in honor of Jim Kirk and William Shatner who share a birthday(today, surprise! Honestly, I can't believe Shatner's 90 years old)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were days when Jim wished he was back on his ship, the Enterprise, with his crew and leading missions into uncharted space. Sometimes his heart yearned for adventure and discovery, longed to be young and carefree. He reminisced about the days of old that only seemed real in dreams and memories. Sometimes, when he slept, his soul would wander away from him in a semi-conscious ethereal experience that he could never describe out loud. Sure, it was nice when he was young and stupid, running after silly flings and schmoozing up the diplomatic officials of foreign governments and at the time, he loved it. He loved being the handsome captain surrounded by rumors that brought intrigue and excitement to his doorstep. It was a new adventure every day and no matter what, by the end of it, he'd have his crew and his ship and that was all that mattered. </p><p> </p><p>But before, he didn't have Spock. </p><p> </p><p>The duration of their first five-year mission was spent running around each other instead of just confessing their feelings. Jim's fear was that Spock simply had no feelings for him and that if he confessed, Spock would want nothing to do with him. Spock's fear was that he wouldn't be able to love Jim properly and that Jim would resent him for it(both of these things were as far from the truth as possible). And when they found out about each other's feelings, they came together like waves crashing against the rocks. </p><p> </p><p>That one kiss was more than anything Jim had ever fantasized about, beyond all of his wildest dreams. Fireworks were exploding in his head and his lips tingled for days after. Spock, the stoic stonelike paragon of Vulcan culture could barely keep a smile off of his face. </p><p> </p><p>And without words, it seemed like everyone knew. About them.</p><p> </p><p>They took it slow, or at least, tried to take it slow until they were rolling around on their beds together like lovesick teenagers, getting tangled in the sheets, until almost every minute they were alone was lost in the heat and passion of contact and needing to be together. </p><p> </p><p>It was a deep need beyond all recognition that made Jim want to be around Spock at all hours, and by the soft smile of his Vulcan counterpart, the feeling was mutual. </p><p> </p><p>Jim knew no loss like when he watched the light leave Spock's eyes, unable to touch him because the glass between them kept them a thousand worlds apart. </p><p> </p><p>Spock was dead and then there was nothing but the cold silence that filled his warm and intoxicating presence. The entire crew felt his loss, and though Jim tried to be brave and strong in front of them, it was very hard. </p><p> </p><p>He crashed back into their mutually-shared quarters and clutched the sheets tightly, stood up, dug through drawers, and pulled out one of Spock's old uniforms and pressed it to his nose, trying to go back to a happier memory when he was here beside him. For a second, Jim could convince himself that his husband was here and holding him, that the Vulcan would whisper into his ear that everything was going to be okay. </p><p> </p><p>That did not happen. </p><p> </p><p>But Jim would get him back soon enough. </p><p> </p><p>But then Spock didn't seem to remember him, called him "Admiral" like they were acquaintances instead of bondmates. </p><p> </p><p>Jim watched as they went back in time, watched as Spock's demeanor eased around him, how he slowly reverted to calling him "Jim", the innocent touches. And finally, Jim got to speak to him in private about it after they returned to the 23rd century, and that was when Spock kissed him. </p><p> </p><p>Despite being decades older, it felt like their first kiss again. </p><p> </p><p>Fireworks went off in Jim's head, just as they did. And in that moment, everything righted itself and for once, Jim didn't feel like he was falling off of the earth. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>So here they were, some years later, enjoying retirement and pleasant, peaceful, Klingon-free life in San Francisco. It was a beautiful morning, with the tangerine sun spilling across the sky and shining through the lace curtains that swayed softly from the early breeze(Jim liked to keep the window a crack open for some fresh air despite his husband protesting of the cold). </p><p> </p><p>That was another thing Jim didn't have before. A beautiful view of the city that was irreplaceable in every way. Another beautiful view that was irreplaceable in every way was his lovely husband who was curled into his side, hands lovingly splayed across his chest, holding him close. Their legs were naturally entangled, and Jim chuckled at the sight of his beautiful husband and his ruffled ebony hair, the gentle flush of sleep brushed against his pale features. </p><p> </p><p>Jim could barely resist nuzzling that gorgeous head of hair that was soft and gentle against his nose. Almost instantly, Spock stirred, still at least half asleep as he groaned. A smile pressed against his lips and Jim kissed them only to feel the smile grow tenfold. Ever since they'd rediscovered their love for each other, Spock had given all of himself to Jim just as Jim had given all of himself to Spock. There was no need to hide emotions in times like this when it was just them, curled up in bed on a perfectly amiable morning. </p><p> </p><p>Before Jim could even think it, Spock was whisper-singing in his deep, baritone voice reserved only for mornings: </p><p> </p><p><em>"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday My James, happy birthday to you."</em> </p><p> </p><p>Jim chuckled and kissed him once more because he could do that now that Spock had his memories back. Spock actually kind of despised the birthday song, but he sang it for Jim's sake which made it all the more sweeter. Despite having been married for years, Jim felt that familiar blush rise to his face at 'My James' which had been a nickname Spock only used when he was completely and utterly in love with him. 'My James' was reserved for gentle mornings like this. </p><p> </p><p>"I love you, Spock," Now he was getting sappy. They were both getting sappy. </p><p> </p><p>Spock moved a tiny bit closer and Jim took this time to appreciate the depth of his eyes, how it stored an entire world that Spock had only ever shared with him. "And I, you. Tell me, <em>k'diwa</em>, what do you want to do today?" </p><p> </p><p>Jim thought about what he would've said if he was thirty years younger. Probably hiking, or rock-climbing, or running--some kind of strenuous activity that would've gotten his blood pumping and his heart racing. But not anymore. </p><p> </p><p>That was then, </p><p>and this was now. </p><p> </p><p>Jim sighed contently, "Let's stay here. Maybe breakfast in an hour and spend the rest of the day together." </p><p> </p><p>Spock let a small smile return to his lips as he kissed Jim's temple lovingly. "Of course, <em>T'hy'la</em>." </p><p> </p><p>Now all Jim needed was Spock. </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0062"><h2>62. Crushed Roses I, II, III</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Celebrating Leonard Nimoy's Birthday!!</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry, this is a really short chapter and I'm publishing this so late! I had exams today and it ended up taking up most of my day so I am so sorry about that--hope you enjoy this fic!</p><p> </p><p>EDIT: THANK CAT FOR ME WRITING THE THIRD PART OF THIS, I TOTALLY FORGOT AND THIS LOVELY PERSON REMINDED ME SO GIVE A BAGUETTE TO THEM ❤❤</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>I.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was a warm day, something like that. </p><p> </p><p>The sun was warm against his figure, a golden blanket that washed over him like a perfect spring morning. </p><p> </p><p>Spock's eyes fluttered open as he took into account exactly where he was. He was lying in a field of roses. Except there were no thorns. Just soft petals that cushioned his body and their vibrant colors shimmered against the bright day. This couldn't possibly be real. </p><p> </p><p>His fingers brushed the tips of a nearby flower, and yes it was so soft to the touch. </p><p> </p><p>Curiously, Spock pressed his nose against the nearest flower and was met with the sweetest, most intriguing smell. The scent could only be described as one that should belong to a flower. </p><p> </p><p>Unnaturally, he smiled. A real smile. </p><p> </p><p>A little chuckle escaped him, although he had no idea as to what he was laughing about. There was nothing particularly funny about waking up in a field of thornless roses, beautiful--impossibly--perfect roses, having no memories of arriving to such a place. </p><p> </p><p>But then again, there was some kind of funny about how silly it all seemed. He half expected some prince to ride in on a white stallion and carry him away into the sunset like all Terran fairytales seemed to end. </p><p> </p><p>He examined his apparel, which was not at all what he remembered wearing. It was a pair of Vulcan robes, impeccably white lined with light green stitching which was also impeccable and almost perfect. The robes were light while also being practical, protecting his body from the heat. </p><p> </p><p>Where was he?</p><p> </p><p>Normally, this question would be at the front of his mind, a question that demanded answering, but no. </p><p> </p><p>It didn't really seem to matter.</p><p> </p><p>What matters? </p><p> </p><p>There were petals in his hair. </p><p> </p><p>His hair. </p><p> </p><p>Spock's hair was pushed up from his forehead in the kind of way someone runs a hand through their hair, but he didn't mind that either. </p><p> </p><p>There was a sort of peaceful passiveness that washed over him like sinking into a warm bath and he suddenly realized he had not rolled across the field.</p><p> </p><p>Spock allowed himself to roll in the field of roses, all so vibrant red against his pearly white robes. And he was laughing again, feeling the petals between his fingers, the wonderful sweet scent filling the meadow. </p><p> </p><p>It was a lovely, perfect day. </p><p> </p><p>There was a rumbling, a sound Spock recognized as hooves. Horses hooves. </p><p> </p><p>They were far off and distant. </p><p> </p><p>Spock closed his eyes once more, allowing himself almost...to disappear into the field, to sink further into this beautiful dream. </p><p> </p><p>Because that's what it was. A dream. </p><p> </p><p>A dream that deserved his indulgence. </p><p> </p><p>He felt as if he was in a warm bath, with the sunlight coloring his eyelids orange when he kept them closed. </p><p> </p><p>Spock smiled, just allowing his hands to feel. </p><p> </p><p>Feel the soft flowers and their rigid, coarse stems. </p><p> </p><p>Allowed them to brush against the soft, cool leaves still wet with dew. </p><p> </p><p>Moved down to the roots. </p><p> </p><p>The soft earth that crumbled between his fingers. Yes, of all dreams. This one was perfect. </p><p> </p><p>And his smile grew into another laugh, that played like a symphony, his audience being the rows of roses. </p><p> </p><p>A dream. </p><p> </p><p>It took a moment to register that someone had called his name. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock!" </p><p> </p><p>The voice was clearer now. Spock knew that voice. </p><p> </p><p>He opened his eyes and saw his captain...his Jim...his T'hy'la above him. </p><p> </p><p>"What is it, my love?" Spock sighed, staring up into those blue oceans that were his irises. </p><p> </p><p>Jim's face twisted in worry at those words, which made Spock's smile falter. </p><p> </p><p>"Jim? What is the matter?" </p><p> </p><p>"Are you okay?" Suddenly, his T'hy'la was crouching down next to him. Jim's hands were moving across his chest and Spock found his round, pink lips irresistible. </p><p> </p><p>So he did not resist. </p><p> </p><p>And kissed Jim.</p><p> </p><p>For a second, it seemed as if once again, they were in this magical world that belonged to only them, but it would not be so. </p><p> </p><p>Jim pulled away, eyes wide in almost fear. </p><p> </p><p>This was concerning. </p><p> </p><p>"Jim? <em>Tal-kam,</em> what is the matter? You are pale. Come, lay with me and everything will be alright." </p><p> </p><p>"Spock..." Jim whispered breathlessly and Spock tried not to be hurt when Jim shook his head. "We should get going. We need to get back to the <em>Enterprise</em>." His love paused. "Are you...feeling alright?" </p><p> </p><p>"I am perfectly happy now that you are here," Spock smiled again, which seemed to only deepen his James' worry lines. </p><p> </p><p>"Are you sure?" </p><p> </p><p>"Yes, my love. I am never more happy to be around you." </p><p> </p><p>Jim nodded at this, though he seemed very lost.</p><p> </p><p>Spock laid back down and closed his eyes, but Jim's voice roused him from sleep again. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, we should get back now." </p><p> </p><p>"Do you wish to leave this place?" Spock sat up, placing his hands on Jim's shoulders. Jim shuddered at the contact, but Spock ignored it. "Do you not want to lay with me? In this field that was made for dreaming?" </p><p> </p><p>"Spock..." Jim looked so confused which was making Spock confused. "Are you sure you're okay?" </p><p> </p><p>This was an annoying question. Spock clicked his tongue and sighed. "I am well, my darling. Are...you?" </p><p> </p><p>"Fine, fine..." Jim mumbled, searching Spock for something Spock didn't seem to possess. </p><p> </p><p>Jim suddenly pressed his lips gently to Spock's forehead. At the contact, Spock giggled softly and leaned into the touch, feeling Jim jolt as Spock did so. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, we should go." </p><p> </p><p>"If you wish to move me from this bed of roses, you shall have to do so yourself," Spock whispered, plucking a red rose and raising it to his nose to smell. </p><p> </p><p>Jim paused for the longest time until finally, after what felt like an eternity, Jim moved one arm under Spock's legs and the other to support his back. </p><p> </p><p>Jim stood up, carrying Spock bridal style which Spock definitely did not mind. His James was <em>so strong</em> and he made sure to tell him, and Spock found pleasure in the deep red that situated in Jim's cheeks, matching that of the roses.</p><p> </p><p>There was indeed a white stallion at the bottom of the field and Jim placed Spock as gently on the horse as possible before sliding on behind him. Spock--because of his robes--was sitting sideways on the horse while Jim took the reins and they began riding off. </p><p> </p><p>Spock soon found the thrum of hooves to be a steady and soothing lullaby, but when he laid his head against his human's chest, he heard a heartbeat that was intensely more hypnotizing. </p><p> </p><p>"James, you are my favorite human," Spock smiled into Jim's yellow uniform shirt, the one Spock had loved on him since day one of working together. He smiled into that shirt and found himself drifting off to Jim's quickened heartbeat, singing some Vulcan folk song under his breath before finally giving in to the pleasant darkness. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>II.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jim knew there was something up from the moment Spock applied for shore leave. Technically, he had nearly 6 months of acquired shore leave, something he brought up when Jim just gaped at him, speechless. Of course, Jim signed him off with most of the crew. They were taking their shore leave on a newly established Federation colony, Nijarac VIII, which apparently had the most beautiful rivers, waterfalls, and mountains ever seen. </p><p> </p><p>The Natives were very nice and were very plentiful in hospitality and it was a fine trip. Jim spent the first few days hiking and exploring, spent the next few days relaxing in his little hut with a view of the ocean down the hill. </p><p> </p><p>And after six lovely days of shore leave and much-needed R&amp;R, they were called back for a mission escorting diplomats across the galaxy to sign a peace treaty of sorts. It took about 6 hours for everyone to pack up, check-in, and beam up to the Enterprise. </p><p> </p><p>Jim had taken a shower, changed back into standard uniform, and got comfortable in his chair by the time Bones came grumbling to his side like an overworked jukebox. Usually, at this time, Spock would be standing behind Jim on his right, informing him about their mission or some kind of exciting plant species he studies while on shore leave. But he wasn't there. Wasn't even sitting at his station. </p><p> </p><p>It took a second to register that Bones had been talking to him this whole time. "Jim!" </p><p> </p><p>"What? Sorry Bones," Jim cleared his throat roughly. "What were you saying?" </p><p> </p><p>"I was saying that everyone's been checked in and evaluated for any injuries." </p><p> </p><p>"Well that's good," Jim nodded his head a little too aggressively, his eyebrows furrowed as his mind was still floating back to Spock(not an unusual occurrence). </p><p> </p><p>"Everyone except Spock." </p><p> </p><p>Jim nearly jumped out of his chair. Oh, wait, no that's exactly what he did. He jumped out of his chair. <em>"What?"</em> </p><p> </p><p>"Spock hasn't checked in! He's not answering his communicator and no one seems to know where he is!" </p><p> </p><p>"That's bad!" </p><p> </p><p>"Ya think?" </p><p> </p><p>Jim scowled at Bones as they both entered the turbolift and went down to the transport room. Scotty was there, waiting as if he was always meant to run these controls. </p><p> </p><p>"Captain," He acknowledged and Jim nodded in response. </p><p> </p><p>This was bad, really <em>really</em> bad. The first shore leave Spock's ever taken and he ends up getting lost. Jim felt a twinge of guilt knowing he probably should've been watching Spock and making sure he was okay like Spock had done with him countless times. </p><p> </p><p>"What're you gonna do?" Bones asked pointedly, crossing his arms on his chest tightly. </p><p> </p><p>"Find him, of course! We can't just leave him. Scotty, how long do we have until we have to leave orbit?" </p><p> </p><p>"About seven hours, cap'n." </p><p> </p><p>"I'll be back by then. Until then, you've got the con." </p><p> </p><p>"What do you think happened to him, Jim?" Bones looked at him and though he was trying to maintain his usual grumpy face, worry seeped in like rain through cracks under a door. </p><p> </p><p>Something bad, something very bad. He could be dead for all we know, even though this planet has been ruled as safe. These were all thoughts running through Jim's head, but instead, he said, "It's probably nothing. He probably fell asleep overworking like he does."</p><p> </p><p>He added on a chuckle which came out halfheartedly. </p><p> </p><p>Golden light wrapped around him and when it faded, he was back on the planet with the soft grass bending underneath his boots. The gentle breeze moved through his hair and for a moment, he forgot why he was here. But then he shook his head, mentally reprimanding himself for forgetting his friend, if only for a moment. </p><p> </p><p>You see, it was glaringly obvious that Jim was completely in love with his Vulcan first officer, and you didn't even have to know either of them that well to know that. It was plain as day, as much as Jim denied it. Jim got this kind of sappy, puppy-eyed look whenever Spock was around. His smiles would turn wider and more genuine and his laugh rang truer when in the Vulcan's presence. They spent most of their waking hours together, had dinner and played chess together, usually ate breakfast and lunch together(in the rec room) and in between their quarters, the only thing that separated them was a mutually shared bathroom. </p><p> </p><p>Most would also conclude that Spock's affection was returned completely. But Jim didn't see that, even though he wanted to. It was just so good, their friendship was so good that Jim didn't want to risk ruining that with his illogical human emotions. Spock was a man of business and Jim respected that. Respected him. He dreaded the day Spock would inevitably find out and leave Jim in the dust, transferring to another ship or <em>worse</em>. </p><p> </p><p>Jim didn't want to think about the <em>worse</em>. </p><p> </p><p>As it turned out, there were little magical creatures, popular in the people's folklore and legends, that seduced people to follow them, or what Terrans call spirits. Jim only found this out after berating the chief and when he did find this out, he was beyond furious. </p><p> </p><p>Might have been nice to know there were little things running around and coaxing people to go with them who knows where. </p><p> </p><p>In apology, the chief offered him a horse to ride on and find his friend faster, which he took. </p><p> </p><p>Soo yeah, with that in mind, Jim traced the location of Spock's communicator, which ended up being in the middle of some dirt-dusted path that led into what looked like some thick forest. It was so thick, it seemed the sunlight could barely manage to penetrate through the wall of green branches. </p><p> </p><p>But if these popular spirits coaxed Spock into the forest, then he was going after him, no questions asked. </p><p> </p><p>Because that's what Spock did to Jim. Jim's logic and common sense went right out the window, replaced by his ever-growing one-sided affection for his first officer. </p><p> </p><p>Jim wouldn't change a thing, not as he commanded the horse into the forest, trying his best to follow the path. After riding for ages, it felt like a miracle when the trees parted and opened up, revealing a giant field that sloped slowly upward in a slant. </p><p> </p><p>There, a black beautiful stain against the green and red shrubbery was a device.</p><p> </p><p>A tricorder. </p><p> </p><p>Spock's tricorder. </p><p> </p><p>With newfound hope, Jim dismantled the horse and started climbing the hills, failing to notice the sea of thornless roses. No, his mind was much more focused on trying to locate a much more valuable rose. </p><p> </p><p>His eyes fell upon the most beautiful sight a man could ever wish to see. Laying there among the roses just waiting to picked was a Vulcan in white robes that shaped his figure beautifully. </p><p> </p><p>Spock. </p><p> </p><p>Gorgeous. </p><p> </p><p>The Vulcan's eyes were closed softly as his pale fingers moved against the soil. </p><p> </p><p>Then Jim suddenly remembered they had a deadline. The <em>Enterprise</em> wouldn't wait forever even if Jim wanted to. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock," He called out weakly, still further away than he would've liked. There was no reply. "Spock!" </p><p> </p><p>Jim realized by now he might have been too close. He was standing right over him, and if Jim moved a tiny bit, he could nudge Spock with the tip of his foot. Spock's eyes opened and Jim was overwhelmed by relief to see no injuries of any kind on his first officer. In fact, he looked stunning in these Vulcan robes and the contrast of his pale skin against the crimson red flowers. </p><p> </p><p>"What is it, my love?" </p><p> </p><p>Jim blinked once, thinking he'd misheard, but no, he hadn't. Oh no, something's terribly, terribly wrong. Was Jim hallucinating? Maybe those spirits had dream magic as well because there was<em> no way in hell</em> this was real. </p><p> </p><p>Spock's smile--yes he was smiling what the fu--curved downward. "Jim? What is the matter?"  </p><p> </p><p>"Are you okay?" Jim asked gently, his head cocked to the side, and he crouched down to get a better look at Spock, making sure he didn't hit his head. He carefully pressed along Spock's chest to feel for any bruises or wounds. Spock was looking at him in a way that made Jim uncontrollably shiver. His eyes were blown wide open and Jim could tell where the brown of his irises started or stopped. </p><p> </p><p>Before Jim could fully process what was happening, Spock's hands found either side of his face and pulled him forward into a gentle kiss. Spock's lips were so full and warm, so delicious, and tasted of unfamiliar spices as well as cool mint. Jim almost got lost in the kiss, but then he remembered that Spock was not himself and when he was himself, Jim didn't want things to be any more embarrassing than they already would be. He pulled away and just stared at Spock breathlessly, searching his eyes for some kind of regret, some kind of awareness. </p><p> </p><p>But Spock didn't look regretful at all, in fact. Spock looked actually disappointed that Jim pulled away, openly disappointed. </p><p> </p><p>This was so <em>bad</em>. This was not Spock. Spock, who was controlled and reserved, barely showing emotions and keeping to himself about his feelings. This was Spock who calculated every decision and thought out every response, but this. The Spock in front of him was open and wanting, and Jim had no trouble reading the desire so plainly written on his face. Sex-pollen. It had to be something like sex-pollen and Spock was only directing his attentions to Jim because he was the only one here. This sudden love had to be fake. </p><p> </p><p>It took a moment to realize Spock was talking to him. "<em>Tal-kam,</em> what is the matter? You are pale. Come, lay with me and everything will be alright." </p><p> </p><p>"Spock..." Jim shook his head disbelievingly, trying to ignore the very loud voice in the back of his mind telling him to lay down and forget all of their troubles. Lay here with Spock, this Spock who wanted him...it was a dream come true, but the warm feelings inside of him twisted because this was not real. This wasn't Spock. "We should get going. We need to get back to the <em>Enterprise</em>. Are you...feeling alright?" </p><p> </p><p>"I am perfectly happy now that you are here," Spock smiled and Jim just wanted to kiss that perfect little smile, but his worry was only growing. Something was terribly wrong with Spock and the sooner they got this fixed, the less Spock--the real Spock--would be embarrassed once it was all over. </p><p> </p><p>"Are you sure?" </p><p> </p><p>"Yes, my love. I am never more happy to be around you." </p><p> </p><p>Jim could only nod dumbly, searching Spock's eyes for anything, any sign of struggle or illness. But there was nothing. After a beat, Spock laid back down in the field of flowers and closed his eyes. It was a beautiful sight, Spock was a beautiful sight, but they needed to go. </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, we should get back now." </p><p> </p><p>"Do you wish to leave this place?" Spock suddenly sat up, placing his hands on Jim's shoulders. The touch was electric against Jim's skin and he did his best not to shiver, failing miserably. Spock never <em>ever</em> touched him like this. Not the Vulcan. "Do you not want to lay with me? In this field that was made for dreaming?" </p><p> </p><p>"Spock..." Jim practically choked on his words. "Are you sure you're okay?" </p><p> </p><p>This couldn't be real anymore. </p><p> </p><p>Spock <em>actually rolled his eyes</em> rather dramatically. "I am well, my darling. Are...you?" </p><p> </p><p>"Fine, fine..." Jim muttered absently, knowing the only solution was to take him back to Bones and see if he could figure out what was wrong. Maybe a fever? </p><p> </p><p>Jim cautiously pressed his lips gently to Spock's forehead, which seemed to be the best method to determine a fever(but now that he was thinking about it, it didn't really translate for Vulcans). Spock giggled, actually giggled and Jim resisted the urge to just openly gape at him. He instead kept a neutral face as he said, </p><p> </p><p>"Spock, we should go." </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>This was so so so bad....oh poor Spock! When he wakes up from this fever dream, he's going to flip his shit!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Spock plucked a rose from the field and brought it up to his nose, smelling it. "If you wish to move me from this bed of roses, you shall have to do so yourself." </p><p> </p><p>Stubborn Vulcans!</p><p> </p><p>Without giving much thought to the action itself, Jim scooped Spock up in his arms(he was surprisingly really light, way lighter than he initially thought which meant he'd need to have a conversation with his first officer about his eating habits) and carried Spock down the hill. </p><p> </p><p>The whole time, Spock was whispering sweet nothings that served to only deepen the blush on Jim's face, but he ignored it, refused to add more fuel to the fire. </p><p> </p><p>Jim placed Spock on top of the horse before climbing on behind him, trying his hardest to calm his beating heart as Spock leaned against him. As they rode back to the beam point, Jim let himself enjoy this moment with Spock whose eyes were closed. He looked so peaceful as he hummed a beautiful Vulcan song that sounded like liquid gold leaving Spock's lips. </p><p> </p><p>Spock mumbled something in his sleep, and Jim thought he heard wrong but no. He whispered, "James, you are my favorite human..."</p><p> </p><p>And Jim just wanted to whisper back, "You're my favorite Vulcan." </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>III.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Spock woke up in sickbay and squinted in the clean white light. He was pressed against something solid and warm, and when he knew what it was he smiled.</p><p> </p><p>"Jim," He whispered into the neck of his lover, nuzzling the junction of his neck and shoulder with his nose. His T'hy'la smelled of flowers and sunlight and he told him as much, only to see the fascinating red flush color his cheeks once more.</p><p> </p><p>Spock was extremely pleased when he realized Jim's arm was wrapped around him and was even more pleased when he didn't pull away from Spock like he did before.</p><p> </p><p>"Everything's going to be alright," Jim whispered into his hair and it tickled. "We're going to figure this out."</p><p> </p><p>Someone cleared their throat and Spock looked up, barely pulling away from Jim to see Leonard Mccoy standing there, arms crossed and he rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>"You two love birds done?"</p><p> </p><p>Jim jumped and tried to pull away, But Spock just held him tighter. He arched an eyebrow at that and simply said, "No. <em>I will never be done loving him as long as there is air in my lungs."</em></p><p> </p><p>Leonard looked at Jim with a confused look before clicking his tongue. "Alright, Spock, let's figure out what the hell is wrong with you."</p><p> </p><p>"I am functioning at-"</p><p> </p><p>"Normal parameters, I know," The doctor groaned. "You're due for a physical anyhow."</p><p> </p><p>Spock let out a long sigh and looked up at Jim. "Do I have to?"</p><p> </p><p>"Do it for me, will you?"</p><p> </p><p>Spock could never say no to him, so he peeled himself away from his darling's embrace and trudged into the examination room, not even trying to hide his obvious frown that had formed on his lips.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>----</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jim had to carry Spock onto the Enterprise, just trying to enjoy these moments while they lasted because as soon as Spock came back as himself, their friendship would no doubt be over and Jim just. He couldn't fathom a world where he wasn't with Spock. He cherished the moments while he had them and hoped to god Spock was still going to be his friend after all of this was over. When they beamed up, Bones was waiting for him in the transporter room and as soon as he saw an unconscious Spock in his arms, he started freaking out. The conversation went a little like this:</p><p> </p><p>"Jim! What did you do?!"</p><p> </p><p>"I didn't do anything, he's asleep!"</p><p> </p><p>"Why are you carrying him like a newborn then?!"</p><p> </p><p>"Because he won't let go! Bones, there's something very wrong with Spock. He thinks he's in love with me."</p><p> </p><p>"He thinks? What the hell does that mean?"</p><p> </p><p>"It means he's under some native voodoo spell of some kind!"</p><p> </p><p>They went down to sickbay immediately and Bones said he had to set up some things, leaving Jim and Spock alone and sitting on a sickbay bed. Even in sleep, Spock was still nuzzling him, desiring to be close to him and as much as it hurt <span>Jim to know that the second Spock was back to normal he would not only be ashamed of himself for acting such an "Un-Vulcan way" but he would resent Jim for allowing it to happen. But then, if Jim pulled away from Spock to prevent future-Spock from hating him, present-Spock looked so sad and dejected, his eyes were large and glassy with desire, and THAT expression hurt more than the existential dread of waiting until Spock was back to normal again. </span></p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>So Jim held him, smoothed out his hair, and plucked pink petals from it, which caused Spock to purr and lean into the contact. This.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jim could so get used to this, but every three seconds he had to remind himself that Spock wasn't actually like this. Even when Spock nuzzled his neck with his nose or when he replaced his parted lips with his nose and oh, it was nice to believe in something as wonderful as his first officer loving him, but Jim had long ago accepted the truth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Bones came back in, Jim wanted to jump away, but Spock was determined to keep him in place as if breaking contact with Jim would literally kill him. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You two love birds done?" </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Spock actually glared at the doctor and said, "No." The rest of what he said was lost to either of them because it was spoken in Vulcan. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When Bones took him back for a physical, Jim sat there and waited the entire time, fidgeting. He was so nervous. It could be anything: brain damage, weed flowers, poison, sex pollen, a love spell, all of which could be irreversible. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Oh god, what if it was irreversible? </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>What if for the rest of their lives, Spock was in love with Jim. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>It would be the worst best thing. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Because on one hand: Spock actually liking him back.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>But on the other: It wasn't real. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>And the latter would consume Jim on the inside, because on the outside, Jim couldn't possibly resist Spock, he couldn't do it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And they would spend their life together and Jim would feel horrible about not being with the real, able to consent, Spock, the one he fell in love with. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>These thoughts kept swimming in Jim's mind until finally Bones and Spock came out, and as soon as Spock walked out that door, he went to hug Jim and kept whispering his name over and over again like it was a blessing. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Spock held on for far too long and Jim just hugged him back, breathing in the wonderful scent of crushed roses. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The doctor cleared his throat, and Jim suddenly remembered where they were. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Jim. Can I talk to you in my office? Alone," He added when he saw Spock tagging along, and although Spock looked very miserable about having to part from Jim, he stayed put and let Jim go without any words of protest. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Finally, when the door closed, Bones looked at Jim with wide eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Well," Jim started panicking, "What is it?" </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"I had to check with M'Benga, which is why it took so long, but it looks like there is something wrong with Spock's brain." </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"What?! What is it?!" </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"The brain scans I took of Spock's brain shows irregular signatures much like that of marijuana on a human brain." </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"So, what? You're saying Spock's on drugs?" </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bones shook his head. "No, Jim. I'm saying whatever is causing this is acting like marijuana to Spock." </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>There was a moment of silence that passed between them before Bones got an idea. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You said the Natives were talking these coaxing spirits, right?" </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah, but that's crazy talk. Magic and nonsense-" </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Bones' eyebrows only furrowed with determination. "I think we need to speak to the Natives' chief." </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>After several beam-downs and discussions with the Native chief, it turned out, it was in fact, these little creature spirits that did this to Spock. Jim wasn't really paying attention, but in the most basic of terms, these spirits guided lost souls to what they desired most of all through enchantments. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>When Jim asked what that was, The chief had looked him dead in the eyes and stated, "Freedom." </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Legend had it that the only way to break this 'guidance' spell-thing was for the person to realize that there was something they desired more than being free. Jim had just stared at him in confusion because that was the most elusive, vague mythical shit he'd ever heard in his life. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>To free Spock from being 'free' they needed to make him desire something more. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jim had just blinked and the chief had pointed to Jim. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>"You," He said, "He desires you. More than being free of his Vulcan-human conflict." </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The good news was, that there was another cure. The Native healers could use a concoction with a special plant that looked similar to a strelitzia as the key ingredient to cure him. And so Jim would have to wait several more hours to see his friend again. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <b>----</b>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Jim had never been so relieved to leave a planet before in his whole life. God, that was a nightmare. Spock had been cursed(or blessed, depending on how you look at it) to be exactly himself without any worries or cares in the world and if Jim thought about it too hard, he would just drive himself crazy. He didn't bother asking what the chief had meant by 'He desires you' or if there was a love spell attached to this 'being free' thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Spock had been beamed up, Jim was waiting in the transporter room, eager to see his friend back to normal, though dreading the aftermath of all that had happened. It was one thing that Spock didn't want him back, but Jim took advantage of the love spell and now Spock was probably resentful of that. All Jim could do was apologize and hope that they could keep their friendship. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spock rematerialized and stepped off of the pad, hands behind his back and mouth firmly in a thin line. He looked as stoic as ever, and Jim couldn't have been happier to have him back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Spock," He grinned so hard it hurt and resisted the urge to hug him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Captain," Spock nodded back, and Jim was so grateful for the warmth that resided in his eyes, despite his stoic appearance. At least there, Spock could not hide his respect for Jim, and the blond had been terribly scared that it wouldn't be there when he came back. "I shall be returning to my quarters. Would you like to accompany me?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Y-yes. Definitely." Today was apparently not his day for romance or speaking smoothly. Oh god, why did he say yes? Spock wanted to speak to him about his inappropriate behavior and how they couldn't be friends anymore. And Jim had just signed the bill for his execution. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They finally got back to Spock's quarters, and there was a moment of agonizing silence before Jim decided that if he was going to die, he would at least do it with dignity. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Spock, I know that I broke like a million regulations and a million more Vulcan customs. I owe you an apology, what I did was completely unacceptable and inappropriate and I only wish we can remain friends if you want to."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Spock had been silent through all of this, staring at him blankly from across the room. "Is that what <em>you</em> want?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh god. Jim swallowed thickly as Spock wandered closer, eyes soft in the mellow darkness. "No." </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And suddenly Spock was so close. His hands were cupping his cheek. They were so warm and welcome. Jim heard his breath hitch somewhere far off, but he leaned in anyway until their lips brushed each other's. Spock closed the kiss, pulling Jim into him and Jim wrapped his hands around his neck, sighing at the softness of his lips, at the foreign spices and sweetness that he tasted. This was better than he had ever imagined and yet, he couldn't even imagine this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And as Spock maneuvered them back against the bed, Jim figured they were going to be just fine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry my grammar/spelling sucks in this. I am literally so tired, it hurts. Goodnight y'all</p><p>That's the end of this chapter folks. I'm so sorry it took so long to write, but as you can see, I'm a bit preoccupied with other series, so go read those while you're at it, if you like my writing/and or style!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0063"><h2>63. "Which one is Jim?"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Just a little drabble, stolen from 'The Office' season 2 ep. 2 when Pam's mom asks who Jim is.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>It was one of those days where you couldn't possibly sit in your seat. At least if you were Jim. Spock's parents were aboard the Enterprise and he was determined to make a good impression, even though he hadn't properly met them yet. All they knew of him was that he was the captain and he'd barely gotten a word in edge-wise before they were whisked away for important meetings. </p><p> </p><p>It had been a glum start, but Jim was determined to at least make somewhat of a good impression on them because yes. </p><p> </p><p>Jim had a big, massive, barely hideable crush on his perfect first officer. And there was no one Spock seemed to care for more than his parents. If Jim could get on their good side, then maybe he could have the chance of impressing Spock just the littlest bit. They were already close as it is, but Jim was a selfish human. He wanted Spock as a partner, to take him out to dates, to kiss him and hold him at night, to love him and show him how much he deserved to be loved. </p><p> </p><p>There was no one in the whole universe like Mister Spock and that was the truth of it. Jim had seen all this galaxy had to offer: from peaceful-making plants to a colony  people who didn't know who children were to men at war and men in the mines and--</p><p> </p><p>Well, Jim had soon learned that all he could ever really want was 14 feet away, standing over the scanner and reading off the facts. </p><p> </p><p>Jim loved when Spock talked all science-y. It was just so attractive and he looked so natural talking about quark matter and nuclear fusion. He looked so interested in talking about these things that it made JIm want to be interested in them too, even if he didn't understand it all the way. He knew that it didn't matter, as long as it made Spock happy to talk to him about it. And it did. </p><p> </p><p>There was a light that ignited behind his eyes that made them shimmer with warmth, made them glow and Jim could honestly just lose himself looking into those eyes. Those chocolatey seas. </p><p> </p><p>Oh if only Spock could see what Jim saw. Jim saw a whole galaxy wrapped up inside one man, in the silky darkness of his hair, in the ivory color of his skin, in the pinks of his lips. Light poured from his soul and yet somehow Spock couldn't see it. </p><p> </p><p>So, Jim would just have to wait until Spock could, or, maybe one day, Spock would let Jim tell him what he saw. </p><p> </p><p>Well, that day seemed so far off because they were still at square one, just friends who played chess and had dinner together. But if Spock told him that he couldn't give Jim anything more than what they already had, Jim would take it in a heartbeat. </p><p> </p><p>He saw himself at Spock's side, in any capacity. Jim would follow him through the stars and- </p><p> </p><p>A woman walked onto the bridge, dressed in warm-colored Vulcan robes and Jim knew instantly that that was Spock's mother. She shared his same kind eyes, but instead she had a smile as well. </p><p> </p><p>Human.</p><p> </p><p>Jim had just recently learned that because Spock was terribly secretive about his personal life. </p><p> </p><p>He should go up and introduce himself..but before he could, Uhura was already talking to her and Jim situated himself back in his chair in defeat. </p><p> </p><p>It was useless. He'd never get a chance to meet her. </p><p> </p><p>Spock and his mother were talking before something caught Jim's ears. </p><p> </p><p>"So which one is Jim?" </p><p> </p><p>It was a little whisper, and Jim wouldn't have heard it had he not been focused on them in the first place. </p><p> </p><p>There was an instant whisper back from Spock, "Mother." </p><p> </p><p>A warning. And Jim realized. He was the only Jim aboard the Enterprise! They were talking about--! Oh my god, they were talking about--</p><p> </p><p>"What, I'm just curious to know who you're so interested in-" </p><p> </p><p>It was interrupted by more hushed whispers and Jim could barely keep the grin on his face, knowing he and Spock not so different after all. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0064"><h2>64. SPOTLIGHT: Eyes of Periwinkle, Heart of Light</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim is dead, and now he only lives on in Spock's mind.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>omg I want to die now--just shoot me out into the void thank</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Inspired by the song, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viimfQi_pUw">Ocean Eyes</a> by Billie Eilish </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Spock wakes up alone.</p><p> </p><p>The bed is cold and empty, but he has gotten used to it.</p><p> </p><p>All the same, Spock shivered and pulled the covers up around his lean frame. There was not the warmth of his husband to keep out the cold. His dear, beloved Jim. </p><p> </p><p>Spock stayed put under the covers for far too long and by the time he rose from his bed, it was late in the morning.</p><p> </p><p>When he was younger, he used to wake up early, before the rise of the sun, and begin his day in the biology labs or meditate. Back on the Enterprise, before he knew how much a person could love. Before he knew what it was like to be loved. </p><p> </p><p>Spock went to the kitchen and boiled some water for tea. There was a quiet throughout his San Francisco apartment that was just slightly unsettling. There were several voicemails from the Good Doctor, who was most likely checking on his health. They did that for one another after...</p><p> </p><p>Spock weeded through the mail, the endless and mundane letters about water billing and rent, Starfleet Admiralty requesting he come and lecture again. </p><p> </p><p>Spock sighed, for he was very tired. </p><p> </p><p>The water was done boiling. </p><p> </p><p>He dropped the unopened mail on the coffee table with the rest of the mail and went to go make his tea. It was strange, making his own tea again, which was a silly thing to say. Back on the Enterprise, he made a cup of tea once sometimes two times a day. And then there was Jim who wanted to do something nice for him every day, and then Jim started making his tea for him. </p><p> </p><p>It was delicious. </p><p> </p><p>Spock had gotten accustomed to him making it and now, he had to get accustomed to doing it himself. </p><p> </p><p>He grabbed a mug from the cupboard and placed it down on the surface, but instead of pouring his tea, he stopped and grabbed the edges of the cupboard, overwhelmed by a wave of misery so strong, it threatened to overtake him. It bubbled across his skin and made him shiver, made him ache for a pair of warm hands to wrap around him. And then the moment subsided, and he continued to pour his tea. </p><p> </p><p>It took him a second to realize he was simply putting hot water in a mug. There was no tea bag. </p><p> </p><p>Spock sighed and reached for a tea bag in the cupboard, plopping it in the water. He brought the mug to the living room and placed it on the coffee table without concern for a coaster. Years ago, he would've fussed about not using a coaster, and he did fuss when Jim wouldn't use a coaster, but today he couldn't seem to care. </p><p> </p><p>His limbs felt heavy and when he blinked, the world flashed white. It was cold in the apartment, a compromise he and Jim had come to. It was cold and now Spock was all alone, but he didn't have the heart to get up and turn up the thermostat. </p><p> </p><p>He simply grabbed the blanket off the couch and wrapped it around himself. He took a sip of his tea. </p><p> </p><p>It was okay. But it was missing something. </p><p> </p><p>The warmth of a human's affection. </p><p> </p><p>Spock suddenly felt very dizzy, and he left his tea on the coffee table, standing up and going back to the bedroom. There were several boxes in the corner, boxes that Spock had been trying to go through for months. </p><p> </p><p>He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, someone he didn't recognize. The person in the mirror looked old, very old, and pale. His eyes were greyed and somber and his hair was silver and slightly unkempt. He looked so strange, so different in the mirror. </p><p> </p><p>Spock sat down in front of the stack of boxes and began going through the items slowly. He had to decide what to keep and what should go. The items were common things to anyone who didn't know what they were looking at. </p><p> </p><p>But they were everything to Spock. A golden uniform. </p><p> </p><p>Spock raised it to his nose and breathed in the deep musk of his husband. Pine, oak. It smelled of rushing river water, of the hikes they went on, the battles they fought, the missions that almost killed him, the missions that almost killed him with boredom. </p><p> </p><p>He picked out more clothes, books, items that all encompassed Jim and Spock couldn't bring himself to get rid of anything. </p><p> </p><p>His hand reached in and brushed the edge of a frame. Curiously, Spock pulled it out of the box and almost dropped it. </p><p> </p><p>It was a frame, a picture. </p><p> </p><p>A picture of Jim and Spock, taken at the end of their five-year mission. </p><p> </p><p>They had just gotten together and Jim was sitting in the captain's chair, looking all mighty while Spock was sitting on his lap, back straight and leg's crossed like a gentleman. This photo was taken supposedly as a going-away picture for admiralty, with Spock and Jim standing next to each other, but at the last minute, Jim pulled Spock down into his lap and was kissing him on the cheek when this picture was taken. </p><p> </p><p>At the time, Spock was slightly embarrassed, not only by Jim's strength but him showing open affection to him, but now as the days wore thin and Spock would've given anything to go back to that time, he realized it was just another wonderful thing about Jim. </p><p> </p><p>But then again, everything you needed to know about Jim was in his eyes. Those brilliant blue crystals, those galaxies that swirled around seas of wonder. The depths of the ocean could not fill Jim's eyes, could not match its brilliant blue color. </p><p> </p><p>Spock wanted so badly to see those brilliant blue eyes sparkling back him, filling him with light and loving him. Those eyes held every emotion Jim ever felt, every thought Jim had conjured up. They got brighter when he was excited, and they always lit up when he was looking at Spock. </p><p> </p><p>It was one particular day on the bridge that Spock had turned his head to see his captain leaning over his chair, his chin resting on his hand. His eyes were so bright when Spock's met his. </p><p> </p><p>And that was when Spock knew. Knew that he was loved. </p><p> </p><p>Spock pressed the photo into his chest, holding it close to his heart that thumped madly. He laid back on the floor and curled up into a ball. The tears soon followed. Cold and wet, they slithered down his cheeks. But this time, there was no warm hand to wipe them away. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I've never fallen from quite this high...</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey what's up? I finished this chapter at literally the weirdest time(like 3 am-ish which is just the right time to summon a demon). Please leave kudos and a comment, they make my day and I hope you'll stay tuned for more of my work. I probably won't update for another century, so while I'm busy staring at my wall having an existential crisis, why not check out my other fics? </p><p>Thank y'all and good night(or morning I guess) </p><p>xx B</p></blockquote></div></div>
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